To being an us for once instead of a them....la vie boheme!
I'm going to miss New York City. I'm going to miss growing up. It seems to have passed by so quickly and I want to do so much. The time for dreaming has passed...now it is time for action, and I spend too much time dreaming and not enough time doing, too much time hesitating and thinking and imagining...too much time in my perfectly painted fantasy land where there is always a story to tell and where I am somewhat like the man in the movie Big Fish...full of stories that leave people wondernig...because I lived such a fulfilled life and never failed to take a chance. But in reality there is no such person...and fucking reality sets up too many obstacles for being spontaneous. And when you talk to it about living in your small log cabin in Alaska it tells you, "You're not talking about that shit again, are you?" And i get mad. I get mad because he is telling me my fantasy world is shit, but he is right...and I realize...that I am all alone in my naivette...that there is no way my spirit can survive in this world unless it is completely ostracized. Life is so beautiful, but Jean Paul satre was right...hell is right here on earth....in other people.