re: What happened to the simplicity of friendship...

[psuedin]

I didn't want to bombard a freind's post with a reply that was more than me offering an answer to a question. The question got me thinking, however, and I found myself describing the foundation to how I stay above the water and remain happy and content so often lately.
The question was: "What happened to the simplicity of friendship and love that's

Comments

[mayamahal]

It surprises me that as many people have commented on that entry and that question as I honestly thought such musing particular to me. It's a relief to see that others share the same brain pattern.

I would counter that there is a lack of depth to a hedonistic lifestyle, having indulged in one for a long time before my life took the shift that seem to coincide with graduating from college and looking to combine my artistic pursuits with monastic endeavors. It wasn't that I grew up and came into the real world or any such cliche` nonsense, but having gone from an environment of constant creative stimulation to one without, I no longer had access to a certain emotional depth.

I think I sought to placate the need with deeper relationships and friendships, and it ultimately backfired. The complications ran too deep and my love was accepted with too many stipulations and rules.

So I've decided to regress. I'm not cheapening or lessening the depth of the friendships and relationships I have, or decreasing the love I give. Instead, I've decided to not dwell overly on why I might love a person, just that I do. In turn, cutting out the relationships and friendships in my life that are, essentially, dead or pointless (something I've not previously allowed myself to admit) have become necessary with this new turn of thinking. It's almost automatic; I can't love without measure if I get nothing in return.

I hope this makes sense. Thank you for helping me sort out my brain. <3

[psuedin]

You don't have to counter that there is a lack of depth: I agree. Most my attachments are shallow in my perspective- honestly, I'm not sure if the standards of depth I look for in any kind of relationship are too high. Maybe what I'm experiencing as friendship is the norm right now and while I may be eager for something deeper or more intimate I know that things will change and there's chances of the backfire you speak of. It's a warning to the already wary.
I look at it like this: people do so much to make themselves happy. Some people sell their souls for a taste. I'm one of the lucky few that is in that place right now and while I'm not going to sell my soul in any manner to keep my peace I will do whatever I can do to maintain it. I am forced to turn away some things that look appealing; and yes, I also prescribe to cutting out those that serve to do nothing but give you baggage or expect something in return.
It made sense to me. I've always liked how you thought.