(no subject)
its late at night and im sitting here at my computer, listening to fear before the march of flames, and wondering what i am going to do for the next couple of days. i need more friends. or just some that want to hang out a lot. the lack of friends is making me stick to my computer.
and im so tempted to buy an eigth, or like a half o. but im not. it would be nice to pass out though. janina is away. and i have nothing left because of it. i hate being left home when she leaves. she is all i have. the only person who wants to hang out as much as possible. i mean, i used to hang out with alex like that. id still love to. but he likes to get high, and my mom catches him to much. he wouldnt come over to chill straight when he has all his other friends he can go burn with. timmy. i dont know what is up with him. he dosnt answer his phone, ever. hopefully he will tomorrow though. he said thats when we'd hang out. so this is my plan, go out with 60 bucks and get as much shit as i can with it. im calling him early tomorrow.
today, all i did was mow the lawn do my laundry and clean my room. i hung out with the family all day. im so lonely. i made a song earlier tonight with my little neice. or, she video taped me playing it. she's a horrible camera girl. and im a horrible singer. i need to be able to be awesome. maybe ill just play drums, or guitar. but i dont know cause im not very good at any of them. whatever
i want my liscence so bad. ive been sober two days? fuck i have a long time to go. things are already going good with my mom though. she was happy to see me working around the house. it made the whole "pass the drug test get you liscence" thing seem closer than it is. fucking tease.
janina janina janina. i was so mean to her the night she left. i was so mad. at a lot of shit that i really cant explain. i just felt like shit. i felt alone. it was cause i knew what this weekend was going to be like. how stupid and slow and uneventful it would be. so far i am right. that was only the start. a couple of things got to me after that. but im too embarassed to discuss that right now. i need a fast forward button for nights like these, or just everynight. cause all i do is talk about my problems and my stupid silly days and my rediculous thoughts on this foolish website. ill stop for now.
i wonder if anyone actually reads this.
let me know
and im so tempted to buy an eigth, or like a half o. but im not. it would be nice to pass out though. janina is away. and i have nothing left because of it. i hate being left home when she leaves. she is all i have. the only person who wants to hang out as much as possible. i mean, i used to hang out with alex like that. id still love to. but he likes to get high, and my mom catches him to much. he wouldnt come over to chill straight when he has all his other friends he can go burn with. timmy. i dont know what is up with him. he dosnt answer his phone, ever. hopefully he will tomorrow though. he said thats when we'd hang out. so this is my plan, go out with 60 bucks and get as much shit as i can with it. im calling him early tomorrow.
today, all i did was mow the lawn do my laundry and clean my room. i hung out with the family all day. im so lonely. i made a song earlier tonight with my little neice. or, she video taped me playing it. she's a horrible camera girl. and im a horrible singer. i need to be able to be awesome. maybe ill just play drums, or guitar. but i dont know cause im not very good at any of them. whatever
i want my liscence so bad. ive been sober two days? fuck i have a long time to go. things are already going good with my mom though. she was happy to see me working around the house. it made the whole "pass the drug test get you liscence" thing seem closer than it is. fucking tease.
janina janina janina. i was so mean to her the night she left. i was so mad. at a lot of shit that i really cant explain. i just felt like shit. i felt alone. it was cause i knew what this weekend was going to be like. how stupid and slow and uneventful it would be. so far i am right. that was only the start. a couple of things got to me after that. but im too embarassed to discuss that right now. i need a fast forward button for nights like these, or just everynight. cause all i do is talk about my problems and my stupid silly days and my rediculous thoughts on this foolish website. ill stop for now.
i wonder if anyone actually reads this.
let me know