Yikes
So much up and down right now emotionally. Ready to bite people's heads off one minute, crying the next, totally fine a second later. I'd blame the thing in my head if I wasn't always this ... stormy?
News of my taking another job is causing all sorts of angst here, with folks I thought I had addressed it with, and smoothed worries away. Spent a lot of time yesterday with one of my employees, a woman that I have seen battle and WIN against cancer TWICE with never a tear or a word of complaint, as she broke down in my office yesterday. My boss has put some "emergency stops" in place which includes moving folks that report to me under someone else, and she took that as an absolute, assuming she's never going to have the chance to even try to take on some of my work and prove herself - and it didn't help that she was listening to another member of the team here whose negative attitude makes her miserable, prompting her to take extreme measures to chip away at the confidence of others so that they can join her at Camp Doesn'tThisSuck. I explained the situation as best I understand it right now, as EVERYONE but 3 of us in this department is in Vegas this week and I know the real shit doesn't start till next week when everyone's back...and I coached her that if she wants to step up and make a stand, this is the time, reminded her of all the amazing things she does and has done, was honest in where I think her strengths and weaknesses are and how I think she is seen here, and let her run with it. We'll see how this plays out, but I'm proud of her for stepping MILES outside her comfort zone. She's braver than I am, always has been.
Kelsey has 48 hours left of high school. As in classes. Friday is a half day for seniors and then those that are doing internships for the last quarter are done, and don't go back to the high school until the end of May, for all the "end of your schooling" stuff. Including her trip to Disney for a week. She is counting down the seconds, I swear, and working really hard on all the crap they pile on them in the last 3 days. She brought home one of her huge projects that they've been doing this year yesterday - a "thought journal". Last year, when one of the girls in the senior class was shot and killed by her father, the teachers assigned the senior class this journal as a way to help monitor how the kids were doing, and to help them find an outlet for the pain and emotions they were feeling. It was apparently so successful that they did it again this year. I had told Kelsey I wanted to read it, so she brought it home and gave it to me last night - I only got to read the dedication, tried to find it this morning again to read the rest of it but she's hidden it somewhere - have to find it tonight.
She dedicated it to her father. It was so personal and intimate, it was almost hard to read - Kelsey never ever expresses feelings, and when she does, it's about her friends, and it's very high level. On top of it all, she is wonderful at making you feel like she either never listens to you, or if she does, she resents the hell out of you for talking about things like the value of hard work, the importance of doing things for yourself, the pride in being responsible. I know that Glenn has always felt like she's completely removed from him and disrespects him and doesn't care - I hope he took what she wrote to heart as a little glimpse of the real her buried in there, and treasures the unique father/daughter bond she described. I cried hard when I read it. He read it, commented at the part where she said "we don't always get along" with an "oh great...", and then thanked her and told her how sweet it was. She wants to model her life after him in terms of how hard he's worked all his life. I hope her chosen path is a bit easier.
She thought I was crying because she didn't talk about me except to say that we get along - not even close. I am relieved, I think. ... ?
News of my taking another job is causing all sorts of angst here, with folks I thought I had addressed it with, and smoothed worries away. Spent a lot of time yesterday with one of my employees, a woman that I have seen battle and WIN against cancer TWICE with never a tear or a word of complaint, as she broke down in my office yesterday. My boss has put some "emergency stops" in place which includes moving folks that report to me under someone else, and she took that as an absolute, assuming she's never going to have the chance to even try to take on some of my work and prove herself - and it didn't help that she was listening to another member of the team here whose negative attitude makes her miserable, prompting her to take extreme measures to chip away at the confidence of others so that they can join her at Camp Doesn'tThisSuck. I explained the situation as best I understand it right now, as EVERYONE but 3 of us in this department is in Vegas this week and I know the real shit doesn't start till next week when everyone's back...and I coached her that if she wants to step up and make a stand, this is the time, reminded her of all the amazing things she does and has done, was honest in where I think her strengths and weaknesses are and how I think she is seen here, and let her run with it. We'll see how this plays out, but I'm proud of her for stepping MILES outside her comfort zone. She's braver than I am, always has been.
Kelsey has 48 hours left of high school. As in classes. Friday is a half day for seniors and then those that are doing internships for the last quarter are done, and don't go back to the high school until the end of May, for all the "end of your schooling" stuff. Including her trip to Disney for a week. She is counting down the seconds, I swear, and working really hard on all the crap they pile on them in the last 3 days. She brought home one of her huge projects that they've been doing this year yesterday - a "thought journal". Last year, when one of the girls in the senior class was shot and killed by her father, the teachers assigned the senior class this journal as a way to help monitor how the kids were doing, and to help them find an outlet for the pain and emotions they were feeling. It was apparently so successful that they did it again this year. I had told Kelsey I wanted to read it, so she brought it home and gave it to me last night - I only got to read the dedication, tried to find it this morning again to read the rest of it but she's hidden it somewhere - have to find it tonight.
She dedicated it to her father. It was so personal and intimate, it was almost hard to read - Kelsey never ever expresses feelings, and when she does, it's about her friends, and it's very high level. On top of it all, she is wonderful at making you feel like she either never listens to you, or if she does, she resents the hell out of you for talking about things like the value of hard work, the importance of doing things for yourself, the pride in being responsible. I know that Glenn has always felt like she's completely removed from him and disrespects him and doesn't care - I hope he took what she wrote to heart as a little glimpse of the real her buried in there, and treasures the unique father/daughter bond she described. I cried hard when I read it. He read it, commented at the part where she said "we don't always get along" with an "oh great...", and then thanked her and told her how sweet it was. She wants to model her life after him in terms of how hard he's worked all his life. I hope her chosen path is a bit easier.
She thought I was crying because she didn't talk about me except to say that we get along - not even close. I am relieved, I think. ... ?