Sunday Morning Christians
Before I get started, I would first like to say that I completely apologize if what I am about to write might offend anyone, as this is not my intention. I know that I have friends out there that don't believe in an after-life, and I know that some out there don't believe in the existence of Christ. I do believe in both of these things, and I am a spiritual person, but I'm not, by any means, one of those "God Warriors" for lack of a better term. I completely respect other peoples' views, which is as it should be. No one should ever force anyone to believe what they do. I truly believe that, no matter what you're viewpoints are, as long as you live to be the best person you can be then you will live a rewarding life (and even have a rewarding after-life if you so believe in one).
I was raised a Catholic, although I'm not sure that I consider myself such anymore. I am on a religous journey at this point in my life. I do consider myself a Christian however...and more recently I've been studying up on Buddhism. I wouldn't say that I am following strict Buddhist teachings, however meditation has greatly changed my life. So I guess I kind of consider myself a Buddhist Christian. I've grown into a more open-minded individual than I've ever been in my life. And as wierd as this may sound, I even understand Christ more. The man that I learned about as a child in my Catholic school upbringing is nothing like the man that I've come to understand. In Catholic school, we were taught from Gospels, where Christ told stories to make a point about something. As children, our teachers would simply tell us exactly what he was saying; "He's telling us it's wrong to do this," or "He's saying that this is a sin," or "He's saying that all people that do this will not be saved." And because we were very impressionable children, we took heed and as we grew, we spat out exactly what we were fed. Thankfully the path that I took through college, and then the divorce that I went through (he was a drug addict), were humbling experiences that made me re-evaluate myself and my views. This is pretty much when I was introduced to Buddhism and meditation. It started me on something that I must admit is very hard to put into words. The thing is, I remember the moment when I finally understood what Christ was really saying in his teachings. I was watching a mini-series on tv called "Jesus of Nazareth" which was made back in the late 70's, directed by one of my favorite directors, Franco Zeffirelli. It's been shown often on the History Channel, usually every Easter and every Christmas. It's a well done mini-series and when its on, I usually try and catch it. There was one scene in particular that really hit me once I was on my new journey; it was where Jesus had gathered a good handful of followers and they were out listening to his teachings, setting up camp under the stars, and a new follower comes along and Jesus welcomes him. They sleep there and the next morning, as they gather their belongings, Simon complains that his coat, or shoulder wrap, is missing and he immediately starts to blame the newcomer, who denies taking it. Simon continues to lay the blame as the newcomer continues to deny taking the coat. At this point Jesus takes his own coat, and as he's explaining that instead of complaining about losing a possesion, we should instead take joy in the thought that someone who has more needs that we do now has what they need, he takes his own coat and hands it to Simon. Simon then stumbles upon his own words, trying to take back everything he's said, and Jesus just stands there, still holding his coat out to Simon, who takes the coat in shame. THAT'S when I got it. THAT'S when I understood that trivial things don't matter. We have to see the whole picture and live for the greater good. It doesn't matter who people are, it doesn't matter what they think, it doesn't matter how they live their lives. WE have to be good examples, WE have to love even when its hard, WE have to show patience even when its not given to us in return, no matter what our belief system is. And that's the path I am on right now.
Ok, so where am I going with all of this?? Well, it all started taking place over the course of last week with the sad departure of Heath Ledger. Some people that I care for dearly really disappointed me. These people go to church regulary...more regularly than I do. Every Sunday they're there. And they all send their children to Catholic schools, and they all say their bedtime prayers everynight. And last Tuesday they all sat around discussing this utter shock of news and one of them actually makes a comment about those actor types and how they're all about drug use. He makes this comment in front of me who was a theatre major and is close friends with those "actor types." But did he even take that into consideration? Nope. Just jumped to a conclusion about someone and started casting stones. But whatever, I was willing to overlook it since I know that too many people like to stereotype others and they won't change their minds about it. He didn't apologize to me or anything, and I wasn't expecting one. There he sat, proud of his comment. A couple more of them agreed and then it only proceeded to get worse. They then bring up the fact that he was in "Brokeback Mountain" to which another one commented, and I am quoting here, "You mean he was a fag?? Well no wonder why he killed himself!! HA!" At this point they could read my body language and one of them asked me what was wrong. As I tried to explain that just because he was in a movie that told a story about homosexuality didn't mean he was homosexual. And as I try and continue to explain that even at that, whether or not he was a homosexual didn't matter, a family just lost their son and a little girl just lost her father, I was interrupted. They didn't want to hear reason. So much for "Those without sin cast the first stone" or "Thou shalt not commit false witness" and so forth. Way to be good examples to those children of yours...showing them how you "love" others just like you say you do when you go to Church on Sunday. Honestly I don't even know why I bothered to try to continue to explain except that I knew that I had to try and speak up in some way. I knew they didn't want to hear it, but I had to try.
The next day I hear on the news about a church out in the middle of nowhere Kansas that says they're going to boycott any memorial service for the man because, and again I quote, "He called God a big fat liar and said it's okay to be gay." Ok, are they serious? Because first of all, who would have a memorial service for him out in the middle of nowhere Kansas. And secondly, since no one would, then the only reason they're making such a claim is to get headlines. THIS is an example of good Christianity?? Let's review just a second...since I'm assuming that the folks in this church also believe prostitution is wrong as well. By their logic, we should also protest any memorial service ever given for Jesus Christ since he accepted a prostitute's offering when she washed his feet and perfumed them. *GASP* Or let's take just a huge step back and see what Christ really did there. Did he condemn her for her actions, or did he see past her lifestyle and love her for who she was on the inside? Did he love even when it's hard to? Are we only supposed to love those people that always tell the truth, and never steal, and never take the lord's name in vain, and never have impure thoughts. WOW, if we did that we shouldn't love anyone on the planet since we are all guilty of these things at some point in our lives. AND if we think upon this further, doesn't Jesus Christ himself even teach that we are not to be judgemental, and that it is not up to us on earth to decide who will go to heaven and who won't. That decision is squarely between God and that person. So, unless these "Christians" actually have God's power (which last I checked, assuming that you have such power is considered blasphemy), sounds to me that they themselves are committing more sins than they accuse Heath of committing. Now, keep in mind that I'm not considering homosexuality a sin...whether I think so or not is a mute point. The lifestyle doesn't matter one way or another. But my treatment of people in the lifestyle, or of ANY lifestyle, does matter.
Over the past week I've thought and thought about all of this. And although I'm greatly disappointed in those that I care about and how they treated me, I will not treat them any differently than I did before. I'll forgive them for cutting me off and dismissing my feelings on the subject, and when the shoe is on the other foot, I will respect their feelings on something and take them into consideration. I hope that by doing this I'm being a good example to them, and hopefully their children. And I hope that someday the people in that church in Kansas (no matter how much they anger me) will have people that will be good examples to them as well. Do I think it will work? On most people I doubt it will, but I'm still going to continue on this path. Thankfully I do have some people in my life who are on this same path as I (my boyfriend Chris for one) who can help me remember to stay on this road I need to walk whenever I have moments that I might stumble.
I really hope none of this sounds "preachy." I'm not trying to preach anyone's teachings to those who reading this journal entry. I'm just trying to get some of my feelings across. Sorry it was winded...but I guess I do tend to get a little winded when I'm passionate about something.