Can't breath
Today started off like any other day, I went to work, I then got off work and went to see my girl.
At her place, she confessed that a person she has long since had feelings for has expressed interest in her and that she was being torn apart by that fact. She loves me but she likes him and she can't choose between us. Problem is, he's a better guy for her, and I know this. We are great together, don't get me wrong, but I'm sure they would be wonderful together, they have so much more in common, she's known him for so much longer....
I feel in my heart that if she didn't at least try to date him, she'd regret the decision the rest of her life, and I would always feel bad for standing in their way. I know, I sound crazy, but thats how I feel and from talking to her (for like 4 hours), she wants to see how they'd be. We both love each other very much but sometimes you have to do what's best for the other person and I have enough wisdom i guess to see that I need to let her try this. Could she come back to me one day? Yes. Could she not, could he be the one for her? Yes.
Am I going to still be her friend, hopefully her close friend, yes. In a way this seems to fly completely in the face of all that I'd think I should be doing but I can't make her not like this guy and the only way to find out for sure who she is supposed to be with is to let her date him. Hate to use those damn cliche's but if she's really truely mine, we'll get back together one day, someday.
NOONE IS ALLOWED TO HATE HER FOR THIS. It took her a lot of courage and guts to talk to me about this because she is/was afraid of hurting me in the process.
As I told her, in love, in life, you need to follow your heart. I'm of course sad that her heart didn't say, "thank you Mr. X, but I'm content and happy with Mr. Rista". My heart says to let her to do this. Am I going to wait for her? No, or at least not exactly. I think we have a love for each other that can and will span our lifetimes and so while she may not be "mine" right now, or maybe even in the future, she'll still be my friend and its not like she's dead or anything. She's not gone, just changing how our relationship works for either now or forever more.
So we are both free in a sense and in a sense, always together in each other's hearts i guess. I plan to take happiness from whatever brings her joy, even if its not me being her boyfriend. At this point, my head says that her heart is telling her yes, Rista is your knight in shining armor but we should pursue Mr X, the childhood friend. (known Mr X 6 years).
*shrugs* No amount of talking from anyone is going to get me to go semi-stalker mode and pursue her. It won't help. There is a magnet above my computer on the wall that reads, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." I think in this case I've got the serenity to let her go because I can't change how she feels for him, only for myself and more then likely only for the worse if I didn't let her. I've got the courage because I'm doing what I see to be the right thing, changing my part of the equation so she can balance hers. I hope my wisdom is right and that through choosing this course, we both shall be happier for it.
I will always look back on the last 6 months as some of the best of my life, and why wouldn't I? Val is a great lady, who any man would be lucky to have as their girlfriend and she's helped to teach me about what its like to be in a good, healthy (even if confusing at sometimes) relationship and I know I've done as much good for her in the last 6 months as she has done for me.
Mr X, you know who you are, if you don't treat her like the princess she is, I will find out and while I'm not threating to harm you now for basically stealing Val from me, do know that I am her knight in shining armor (or at least one of them) and while the armor does shine, it will be put to use, along with the gigantic fucking sword on my back should you treat her badly at all.
Val, i'm sorry if I've made you cry if your reading this, its not my intent, just my journal entry about this morning more or less. Follow your heart, wherever it leads and do so with my blessing. I will be happy by you being happy.
At her place, she confessed that a person she has long since had feelings for has expressed interest in her and that she was being torn apart by that fact. She loves me but she likes him and she can't choose between us. Problem is, he's a better guy for her, and I know this. We are great together, don't get me wrong, but I'm sure they would be wonderful together, they have so much more in common, she's known him for so much longer....
I feel in my heart that if she didn't at least try to date him, she'd regret the decision the rest of her life, and I would always feel bad for standing in their way. I know, I sound crazy, but thats how I feel and from talking to her (for like 4 hours), she wants to see how they'd be. We both love each other very much but sometimes you have to do what's best for the other person and I have enough wisdom i guess to see that I need to let her try this. Could she come back to me one day? Yes. Could she not, could he be the one for her? Yes.
Am I going to still be her friend, hopefully her close friend, yes. In a way this seems to fly completely in the face of all that I'd think I should be doing but I can't make her not like this guy and the only way to find out for sure who she is supposed to be with is to let her date him. Hate to use those damn cliche's but if she's really truely mine, we'll get back together one day, someday.
NOONE IS ALLOWED TO HATE HER FOR THIS. It took her a lot of courage and guts to talk to me about this because she is/was afraid of hurting me in the process.
As I told her, in love, in life, you need to follow your heart. I'm of course sad that her heart didn't say, "thank you Mr. X, but I'm content and happy with Mr. Rista". My heart says to let her to do this. Am I going to wait for her? No, or at least not exactly. I think we have a love for each other that can and will span our lifetimes and so while she may not be "mine" right now, or maybe even in the future, she'll still be my friend and its not like she's dead or anything. She's not gone, just changing how our relationship works for either now or forever more.
So we are both free in a sense and in a sense, always together in each other's hearts i guess. I plan to take happiness from whatever brings her joy, even if its not me being her boyfriend. At this point, my head says that her heart is telling her yes, Rista is your knight in shining armor but we should pursue Mr X, the childhood friend. (known Mr X 6 years).
*shrugs* No amount of talking from anyone is going to get me to go semi-stalker mode and pursue her. It won't help. There is a magnet above my computer on the wall that reads, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." I think in this case I've got the serenity to let her go because I can't change how she feels for him, only for myself and more then likely only for the worse if I didn't let her. I've got the courage because I'm doing what I see to be the right thing, changing my part of the equation so she can balance hers. I hope my wisdom is right and that through choosing this course, we both shall be happier for it.
I will always look back on the last 6 months as some of the best of my life, and why wouldn't I? Val is a great lady, who any man would be lucky to have as their girlfriend and she's helped to teach me about what its like to be in a good, healthy (even if confusing at sometimes) relationship and I know I've done as much good for her in the last 6 months as she has done for me.
Mr X, you know who you are, if you don't treat her like the princess she is, I will find out and while I'm not threating to harm you now for basically stealing Val from me, do know that I am her knight in shining armor (or at least one of them) and while the armor does shine, it will be put to use, along with the gigantic fucking sword on my back should you treat her badly at all.
Val, i'm sorry if I've made you cry if your reading this, its not my intent, just my journal entry about this morning more or less. Follow your heart, wherever it leads and do so with my blessing. I will be happy by you being happy.