(no subject)
I have to assure myself that this ongoing thing of guys being otherwise occupied with other ladies is just a human thing. I'm still recalling a time not too many years ago when the boys I encountered were practically virgins, their hearts mostly intact. Not to mention that I myself have my own heart tangled up in a couple of different people. I just can't stand competition, which is why I don't bother to play, which is probably why I'm nobody's top priority at this time; I don't demand it. I guess you have to demand it, to snap guys out of their wishy-washy commitment-phobia. My PC side is anxious not to be labeled as an ultimatum-giver. God forbid!
That said, there is no one I would ask that of, really. Commitment, prioritization, because I don't know if I can really do that justice. The guy I love best lives far away, and he has always made it clear that I am not going to be the most important thing in his life. I'd rather he focused on his art, which is what I love him for anyway, and have been supporting all this time.
I guess I just want to re-claim my heart from all those entanglements, before I get snagged up anywhere else. It takes time, patience, thoughtfulness. It takes nurturing, love from other people and myself. Nothing new, there.
I was at a holiday party last weekend, and two people were there whom I had some physical connection with. Both were a fond, relaxing presence that I craved to be around, and both were involved with ladies who were also at the party. Which is fine. But I will not partake of their presence if it means their girlfriends being insecure about it. I'm pretty sick of that. No matter how openly poly people are, there are always insecurities to attend to, protocol to follow. And all so I can be some guy's Number-Three Gal. YAWN.
By the next morning I felt I'd worn out my welcome, a bit. So I'm probably done, for a while, with bringing my broken-hearted shit to their already-complicated table for some kind of Poly free-lovin' comfort. I'm too fond of them to be a bother. Any Poly knows that it ain't really free. My monogomous ass is mistaking intimacy for commitment, again.
This is perhaps a good indication of my solidifying what I want, with sincerity, and identifying how I go about things wrong. What makes it hard to face is condemning all of my current relationships as terminally insufficient. No hope of shoe-horning them into my preferred situation. Which means I haven't met him yet, and I have no idea where the hell he is, what he's doing, what he could do for me now. What I could be doing for him.
"Seems like a waste of time, not knowin' him."
Thanks for letting me spill, Sex Blog. I have to put sexytime in you, now.
....But gosh, it's been so long.
Did I mention this is my dad's computer. C-ya.
That said, there is no one I would ask that of, really. Commitment, prioritization, because I don't know if I can really do that justice. The guy I love best lives far away, and he has always made it clear that I am not going to be the most important thing in his life. I'd rather he focused on his art, which is what I love him for anyway, and have been supporting all this time.
I guess I just want to re-claim my heart from all those entanglements, before I get snagged up anywhere else. It takes time, patience, thoughtfulness. It takes nurturing, love from other people and myself. Nothing new, there.
I was at a holiday party last weekend, and two people were there whom I had some physical connection with. Both were a fond, relaxing presence that I craved to be around, and both were involved with ladies who were also at the party. Which is fine. But I will not partake of their presence if it means their girlfriends being insecure about it. I'm pretty sick of that. No matter how openly poly people are, there are always insecurities to attend to, protocol to follow. And all so I can be some guy's Number-Three Gal. YAWN.
By the next morning I felt I'd worn out my welcome, a bit. So I'm probably done, for a while, with bringing my broken-hearted shit to their already-complicated table for some kind of Poly free-lovin' comfort. I'm too fond of them to be a bother. Any Poly knows that it ain't really free. My monogomous ass is mistaking intimacy for commitment, again.
This is perhaps a good indication of my solidifying what I want, with sincerity, and identifying how I go about things wrong. What makes it hard to face is condemning all of my current relationships as terminally insufficient. No hope of shoe-horning them into my preferred situation. Which means I haven't met him yet, and I have no idea where the hell he is, what he's doing, what he could do for me now. What I could be doing for him.
"Seems like a waste of time, not knowin' him."
Thanks for letting me spill, Sex Blog. I have to put sexytime in you, now.
....But gosh, it's been so long.
Did I mention this is my dad's computer. C-ya.