The Fabric of Our Lives...
I have been feeling very productive lately, very creative and very much outgoing. I attribute most of this pleasantry to having over 3 weeks of not smoking under my belt, my tactile senses in bloom and love surrounding me while living in the most unconventional of places.
I have recently been blessed by many things, survival of rocket attacks, the privilege of transferring through multiple departments (when this isn’t particularly allowed without having been in a position for 6 months), making efforts to learn the strangest language and it just so happening that there are all kinds of speakers of this language around (including my former supervisor) with which I can practice.
It has seemed, ever since I let go of attempts at ‘control’ and decided to go to wherever the wind blows me, that everything is much easier when you let the big guy upstairs handle the details. I really try to refrain from referencing my relationship with God in my entries, because of distraction from the point of many of the experiences I try to express on here, but the presence is felt and for me is undeniable, thus I must give credit where it is due : )
I have also been very emotional lately, but recently (I’d say in the last 6 months to a year), even the most intense floods of emotion haven’t yielded the painful and self-destructive tendencies they formerly did. I am incredibly grateful for this, and recently all this cleansing, this rebirth, that I’ve been so blessed to experience has fruited a great deal of creativity and inspiration within me. Today for example, feeling victorious from pulling off a massive Sunday mail-delivery for our employees by the sweat of my brow, I sat looking at an Eclipse gum canister on the desk, and had an idea to make it into something that might boost morale and the quality of life for the people that stop in to pick up their mail. I peeled off the wrapper and thought about what would be a nice spin on the concept of a ‘tip cup’. I remembered the whole “You want a tip?” (they give the delivery boy a piece of advice and slam the door), and quickly began filling up Post-It notes with quippy little sayings and mildly philosophical jargon. I cut them into neat little strips and placed them in the cup, on which I wrote TIPS with a black marker, displayed it neatly on the counter, then sat down and giggled. So far it has intrigued few LOL…
Tonight I went to the boardwalk, a large square walkway encompassing a 4-or-6-acre courtyard where sports are played and events are held, seeking a mildly refreshing treat from the “Pizza Hut” that conducts their business from there. I placed my order, and upon being informed of the 40-minute wait time went back (about a mile round-trip) to throw some laundry in and returned. I noticed a couple ladies sitting at a picnic table and realized they were from the APO, the main postal distribution center for the camp, one was named Liz, a lady that has been very nice and very helpful in getting me operational information (since I wasn’t really ‘trained’ on detailed day-to-day operations), so I decided to stop and say hi. The other girl at the table was one I had seen only for the first time today, young and very pretty, with a cast on her left arm sorting mail. Liz introduced me and we all talked for a minute, I mentioned my hidden desire to get some CD decks and practice spinning so I could one day play at the Dutch club on base, Liz commented on their long hours and lack of free time (since they’re contractors as well), and we then parted. I headed back to the mail room with my ‘pizza’ and something spontaneous and wonderful happened, in all its subtlety.
As I was making my way through the numerous soldiers crowding the boardwalk, I began passing a group of people and out of my periph I noticed someone making a blind step out into my path. This happens all the time, being as there’s soooo many people on this base, so I did a default little dodge move, and when I turned to say “excuse me”, beauty happened.
You know how if you startle someone they jump or jerk, and there’s never anything but a straight look on their face, maybe a little dumbfounded, right? When I turned to this Canadian woman to say excuse me, in the 1/1000 of a second that she had to react, before it would be physically possible to even register who I was or what I was saying, her face lit up with the most beautiful smile, the kind of smile that only comes from someone who is already smiling on the inside. I was absolutely enveloped in that moment, and not just because she was attractive or that her reaction was to smile, but because it was a smile that I could tell was the product of genuine happiness, and that is absolutely rare on a military base in Afghanistan; hell, it’s rare thing in the real world. My mood was heightened from an already wonderful state to full-on bliss.
As I strolled back to the mail room with my pizza, a false variation of the “Cotton” theme song came into my head, as pleasant as the moment I had just lived, “…the look, the feel, the fabric of our lives…”
You see, happiness is its own key, it’s not a destination toward which we can work or something we can ultimately achieve, in the sense of measuring our progress, it exists inside of us already. It is within us, and it is with us to live it, every day and in every moment. It is, like every other intention we load in our chambers throughout our daily lives, a decision, a choice. Money can’t buy it, we can’t trick ourselves into thinking we truly have it, we can only “see through the eyes of love”, to quote Mr. Bill Hicks, and embrace it, keeping it by our sides as we proceed in our lives. It is the joke we tell ourselves that makes us giggle inside, it’s the absurd remark we say aloud even though no one is there to witness it; it is our best friend.
I wish the same to everyone out there; live with your heart, and run the fingers of your soul across the fabric.
-peace-