Sugar Biscuits
Went to the Lizard Lounge on Saturday, to see a DJ that we used to jam heavily to way back when; back in the day, when our biggest concern was what characters or designs were printed on the sheets of acid we were taking. DJ Irene's cds had within the last week made it into my truck's player quite frequently, and after finding out she was in town 2 days before the show I succumbed to a nostalgic whim and headed out to see how much the world I once knew had changed.
I didn't hold back at the show, as dancing has always been a function of release for me, and the inevitable arm-flailing and yelling filled me with a sense of freedom and at the same time a sense of disguise, as I blended into a crowd of so many. There is such energy in a club like that, so many happy faces, so much being exerted and everywhere you look people living their leisure and just soaking up every minute of it. Good vibes. I stayed til about 3:30, absorbing and observing, admiring the grace of a couple locked into each other through sweet kisses and public affection. While sitting in the truck before the drive home I noticed a homeless guy scraping up cans for recycling into his holy Hefty bag and called him over, unloading some aluminum-can-accumulation from the truck's interior into his care and to his benefit.
Inside the appreciation I had for how wonderfully some of the new progressive house material had come along, it just drove deeper into me the aspiration to get my hands on an Akai MPC5000 and drop some serious contributions into the techno world via production. One of my more solid personal validations regarding the music that tickles my soul (but I can never seem to share with someone of the common interest) is that since this is what my passion is for, I should produce these mind-numbing beats under my own style and see if the world of drum 'n bass would have me join it, in all it's secluded revolution. If there's any lifestyle that I would deem fulfilling for myself it would be one filled with giant speakers and thought-taming bass. The desert is seeming more and more like a good idea... possibly more on that later...
Upon returning to the house I began to feel exactly how unforgiving my (apparently) aging body was going to be, as my legs tightened and lower back began to ache. Fxcking stomping around like a wild man; I was probably the only one at the club taking stretch breaks to ensure a healthy recovery from this brutal dancing's effects on my body. Sleep eventually ensued, 12 hours of it, which put me waking up at around 6pm yesterday, waking to laughter at the absurdity of the situation. In 12 more hours I would need to rise in a well-rested state to meet the workday head-on. Ha. Take what you can get, right? Oddly enough someone with whom i'd been emailing from CraigsList called me over for a smoke break (from about a quarter-mile away) and I was soon in the comfortable depths of intellectual conversation, which was great. The universe provides intellectual stimuli! Haha actually the universe provides CL and it provides from there... lol...
After returning dazed to the casa, in blind anticipation of seeing the DVR-recorded season 3 premiere of 'Dexter' and season 2 premiere of 'Californication', I realized it was far past munchie time. Munchie time is the best, it's like a full-on careless feeding frenzy of anything edible in as timely a fashion as one can stuff it down their neck, and doing so while pretty much oblivious to all else happening around them. Seriously, soldiers engaging in heated battles in Iraq would put their guns down and stuff their face while bullets are flying by them and explosions are all around if they were high. This happens to coincidentally be one of the reasons pot should be legal, but that's for another time... To quote bill Hicks, "Have you ever seen people high on pot get in a fight? No, because... uh... it's fucking impossible!" LOL
Enter the Sugar Biscuits...
I noticed that "Grab-and-consumables" were in substantially low stock, thus the creative part of my brain scanned the near-empty cupboard table and found some Bisquick. Pancakes. Effin genius. It was after I applied the generous helping of butter to the golden-brown delights that I noticed we were out of syrup, and it was criminal to have such fluffy and tempting flapjacks and no syrup. I quickly devised that syrup is pretty much just liquid sugar, so I reached for the powdered sugar. Good move! Haha seems like after a bit more melted butter, a layer of sugar served essentially the same purpose as the syrup, and thus, sugar biscuits were born! The next batches got experimental, using sugar in the actual batter and topping the cut up buttery chunks with some blackberry jam. Needless to say, munchie time was in full swing as Dexter explained his endless perceptual shifts and led me into a world of fantasy and reprise that I connect with on a very strange level.
I tried getting to sleep about 3:00, but the tosses and turns were filled only with the realization that I had risen mere hours prior to my attempts to slip back into the dream world. Since the internet is the insomniac's retreat, I hopped on to see if anyone had posted anything in these wee hours, and I read a beautiful entry on Lauren's blog that provoked deep thought (as they always do). I checked email responses from a recently posted CL ad and looked at some online maps of the world, reveling in its hugeness and knowing that, beyond all my intentions here, out there experiencing it is where I want to be. Desire is a funny thing.
I thought about the desert and what opportunities lie there in wait for me to make another impulsive and life-altering decision; I thought about a recent application I put in to Yellowstone National Park for seasonal summer work and danced in the romantizations of what fulfillment it would bring me to essentially LIVE there for 5 months or so. I thought about people out there in the world changing their lives and living on their two feet under their own efforts and dowsed myself in a dream that would most closely resemble the illusion of control. We are capable of doing anything we want with our lives, capable of pursuing any dream we can conceive if we would but kneel at the feet of routine. The world is ours, all of ours, and whether we take its beautiful mountain scenery and desert sunsets as a gift or blind ourselves to their very existence is our decision.
"...I don't care what you believe, just BELIEVE it..."
The very thing I've dissected that Casey seeks to see fulfilled in me. He doesn't care if I want to make insane techno music and go rock-climbing every weekend, he just wants me to identify what those things are that I aspire to do and make them happen. Life is about fulfillment, and no life lived in pursuit of that which brings you happiness is ever a wasted one. What does this mean to someone that doesn't need material possessions and comforts? Well I should think it to carry quite the different interpretation than through the eyes of someone rooted and content with their routine; to me it means "what the fxck are you still doing here? the world is out there waiting to be appreciated" where the structured mind would plan such excursions to absurdity that they would only happen in some distant future. I could be wrong, I am a little off in the head as we all know LOL...
Speaking of which, I gave myself a hickey on the arm like 4 days ago and it's still there. It's reminding me of something, I'm not quite sure what though...
Bottom line I guess is that I've decided to commit to a life here for the time being, and I'm actually doing everything professionally to make sure that life (and any future aspiration for life elsewhere) is funded. Just hold my ground, be silent, obediant, for now. I shall have my round two with exploration of this great world, all in due time. There will be another great escape, and until then I shall lie in wait, with much enthusiasm, much hope, and much love!
Thanks for listening : )
-peace-