Part 2
As I climbed the few stairs to the entrance, I did my best to act as normal as possible. There were only two people in the restaurant; a teenager eating a sandwich by the door and the cashier behind a large wooden counter. I wiped the sweat from my brow as I blew passed the teenager and approached the elderly Greek man at the counter. "Hi there! Do you have a bathroom?" I inquired. "The men's room is out of order, but the women's room is open if its an emergency. Right around the corner" he said. I gave a pleasant 'Thank you' and causally walked around the corner and out of view. I politely knocked on the door to the women's room and looked around to see the teenager staring at me. "Don't judge me" I thought to myself as I quickly ripped open the bathroom door and disappeared inside.
The door slammed behind me and the echo bounced around the empty porcelain room. As I ran towards the throne, my stomach made a low pitched gurgle which also echoed around the room, and it sounded as if an angry dog was growling at me. I fumbled with my belt and zipper as I used ever last ounce of ass power to clench back the fury that was about to be released. Before I could even start to sit down, with my pants hardly at my knee, the loudest noise ever emitted from a human body bellowed from below. It was a cross between a hawk cawing and a hippo roaring. The sound of a firecracker in shallow water. The sound of life and death simultaneously.
My brain did not allow me to remember the next five minutes or so. It was like a when you are in a car accident or traumatic experience. To protect your own sanity, your brain mercifully rejects all visual and auditory stimuli. When consciousness was restored I was still standing in an 'L' shape, standing with my back facing the toilet. I cautiously turned to survey the damage I had created, and to my horror, almost everything was blanketed. The seat. The back of the seat. The mini decorative soap on the back of the seat. The handle. The wall behind the seat. The floor. And somehow, some on the mirror a few feet away from the seat. Destruction. Complete and utter Destruction.
After cleaning myself up, I walked to the sink to grab some paper towels. "Maybe I can clean it up" I thought before I noticed there was shit on the paper towels as well. "How. How could I do this?". I washed my hands again before deciding this whole scene was a lost cause, and I better just try to slink away unnoticed. I casually opened the door, and exited the restroom as if nothing had happened. The teenager was now gone, and the man behind the counter was just watching his tiny TV and waiting for some business. For some reason, maybe guilt, I calmly walked to the cooler and pulled out a water and paid for it. While paying, the door opened behind me and someone got into line behind me. "Have a nice day", I said as I turned to see a small old woman standing there. I smiled, and she smiled back. The last thing I heard as I walked out the door was the woman asking if she could use the bathroom.
Sprinting full speed across the parking lot toward the car, I knew someday karma would return the favor on what I had just done. I feel sorry for the person who had to clean up after me, but I would have still loved to see their face when they opened that door.
The door slammed behind me and the echo bounced around the empty porcelain room. As I ran towards the throne, my stomach made a low pitched gurgle which also echoed around the room, and it sounded as if an angry dog was growling at me. I fumbled with my belt and zipper as I used ever last ounce of ass power to clench back the fury that was about to be released. Before I could even start to sit down, with my pants hardly at my knee, the loudest noise ever emitted from a human body bellowed from below. It was a cross between a hawk cawing and a hippo roaring. The sound of a firecracker in shallow water. The sound of life and death simultaneously.
My brain did not allow me to remember the next five minutes or so. It was like a when you are in a car accident or traumatic experience. To protect your own sanity, your brain mercifully rejects all visual and auditory stimuli. When consciousness was restored I was still standing in an 'L' shape, standing with my back facing the toilet. I cautiously turned to survey the damage I had created, and to my horror, almost everything was blanketed. The seat. The back of the seat. The mini decorative soap on the back of the seat. The handle. The wall behind the seat. The floor. And somehow, some on the mirror a few feet away from the seat. Destruction. Complete and utter Destruction.
After cleaning myself up, I walked to the sink to grab some paper towels. "Maybe I can clean it up" I thought before I noticed there was shit on the paper towels as well. "How. How could I do this?". I washed my hands again before deciding this whole scene was a lost cause, and I better just try to slink away unnoticed. I casually opened the door, and exited the restroom as if nothing had happened. The teenager was now gone, and the man behind the counter was just watching his tiny TV and waiting for some business. For some reason, maybe guilt, I calmly walked to the cooler and pulled out a water and paid for it. While paying, the door opened behind me and someone got into line behind me. "Have a nice day", I said as I turned to see a small old woman standing there. I smiled, and she smiled back. The last thing I heard as I walked out the door was the woman asking if she could use the bathroom.
Sprinting full speed across the parking lot toward the car, I knew someday karma would return the favor on what I had just done. I feel sorry for the person who had to clean up after me, but I would have still loved to see their face when they opened that door.