[figure skating] 12:51
12:51
by mara_ciro
broken!Michael Martinez/Yuzuru Hanyu | 2,259~ words | G | Maybe Michael isn’t that strong to hold on any longer
I suggest listening to this while reading the fic.
It’s been a while since they last met. No matter how much time has passed, things will always be awkward between them. There are too many things left unsaid between them, and Michael isn’t sure if he wants to hear what the other has to say. He probably made the the biggest mistake of his life by willingly letting the other go. Michael wonders if he should have fought harder to make things work between them. He admits that he hasn’t moved since that night.
He glances at the clock by his bedside, and it reads 12:51. He sighs as he rolls over on the bed, because he knows he needs to sleep. There’s a lot at stake as he once again bears the hopes of an entire nation on his shoulders. The situation is a bit different now. He’s no longer the underdog, but a rising star to look out for. The past shouldn’t affect him this way, even if it has come back to haunt him.
It took him four years to get to where he was, yet a pair of twinkling eyes and a soft “It’s nice to see you again, Michael,” was enough to threaten to tear him to pieces. Michael groans as he decides to get up and take a walk around Pyeongchang’s Olympic Village, knowing that it would be useless to force himself to sleep.
Why was he the only one stuck in the past? Michael thought he got over him. He really did. It no longer hurt to see his face on TV and the Internet, until they met again today. Seeing him in the flesh resurrected all those feelings he thought he buried that night at Sochi four years ago. Standing on a hill at the edge of the village, Michael remembers how it all began.
It was the night before the opening ceremonies, and he still couldn’t believe how far he has come in the span of his skating career. He dreamt of this all his life, and he knew that was only the beginning of even greater things to come. Michael could hardly control the butterflies in his gut. Everything was happening too fast, and he got more than he bargained for? How often could one say that one of his idols actually trained him? Michael walked down the Olympic Village at Sochi, taking in everything. He wanted to savor this moment. He found himself standing on top of a hill. He laughed as he realized how high up the hill was. “I’m king of the world!" he shouted, unable to control himself. To his surprise, he heard a chuckle from behind him.
Michael’s eyes went wide the minute he realized he wasn’t alone. He felt his cheeks burn even more when he realized he was face to face with Yuzuru Hanyu.
“Couldn’t sleep?” Yuzuru asked, walking over to him.
Everything was just so overwhelming, how did one manage to sleep? Michael shook his head. “How about you?”
Yuzuru looked up at the cloudy sky with a soft smile. “It excites you, yes?”
“Yes,” Michael said, wondering why THE Yuzuru Hanyu even bothered to talk to him. He had no idea what to say to one of his idols without sounding like an idiot.
“Don’t be scared,” Yuzuru said, as he sat on the ground. He patted the spot next to him, and Michael took that as his cue to sit down.
“It’s a long road ahead, but you should enjoy it while there are no expectations,” Yuzuru continued. Michael noticed Yuzuru rub his ungloved hands. Michael impulsively took off one of his and offered it to the veteran skater. Yuzuru’s eyes looked a bit brighter than they did under that cloudy sky as he accepted the glove. Michael was just about to remove the other one when Yuzuru shook his head. “Give me your hand,” he said.
Michael frowned as he gave his ungloved hand to Yuzuru. What surprised him was that Yuzuru took it with his own ungloved hand and put their hands in his coat pocket.
“Shh,” Yuzuru said, putting a finger to his lips, just as Michael was about to ask what’s happening. “We both need hand to hold.”
Michael couldn’t deny that he liked the feeling of Yuzuru’s freezing hand against his own. He wondered how someone’s hands could be so soft, despite how cold it was in both Sendai and Toronto. He found himself smiling, not to mention he could feel the heat spreading across his cheeks, despite how odd it felt to be holding hands with his idol.
Since then, they tried making time for each other in between practices, interviews, and competitions. It wasn’t only his skating that improved with Yuzuru’s help. He also got to learn some basic Japanese, while he taught Yuzuru some Filipino and helped him with his English. As Michael cursed his luck for being one of the unfortunate athletes who had to take the random drug test the night before the short skate program, Yuzuru kept him entertained over the phone and stayed up with him all night. Their friendship went nice and slow until Yuzuru won the gold medal.
The athletes were whisked off to the celebratory dinner at the end of the competition. Michael enjoyed the company of other skaters. Some were as loud and funny as the “Crazy Asians” who practically begged him to become their newest member, which he accepted with much thanks. He looked over to Yuzuru, who was being congratulated by almost everyone. “Help!” Yuzuru mouthed at him when their eyes met. Michael chuckled as he simply watched the new gold medalist suffer in silence.
When the party began to die down, with almost everyone drunk, Michael attempted to help Yuzuru untangle a human pretzel made up of Javier, Daisuke, Misha, Patrick, and Denis. Yuzuru sighed as he let go of Daisuke’s leg. “They can deal with their situation once they’re sober, Michael. Let’s go?”
Michael chuckled as he put down Patrick’s head. “It’s not like we didn’t tell them this was a silly idea.” They headed back up to their rooms, ready to retire for the night. When they were in front of Yuzuru’s door, Michael was about to wave ‘Good night’ and be on his way, when Yuzuru suddenly tugged the lapels of Michael’s shirt and closed the tiny gap between their faces.
“Good night!” Yuzuru said, blushing as he let go of Michael and ran into his room.
Michael shook his head as he headed for his own, with a finger on his lips.
Things continued that way as they watched the other sports compete. They would hang around each other, and sometimes with Yuzuru’s teammates. But they often stole kisses and cuddles when they thought no one was looking. Michael knew this wasn’t going to last forever, so he wanted to make the most of whatever this was for as long as he could. He wasn’t sure if this was love, but he knew that this came pretty close.
Yuzuru asked Michael to take a walk with him the night before Michael flew back to Manila. Michael shrugged, as he had nothing better to do anyway. Besides, this was the last chance he was going to see Yuzuru in a long time.
They held hands inside Michael’s coat pocket this time, as Yuzuru led the way to the spot they first spoke with each other. None of them said anything as they walked, although Michael noticed a sadness in those usually twinkling eyes.
“Well, here we are,” Yuzuru said, as they stopped at the spot they first held hands. “Do you remember?”
Michael smiled as he nodded. How could he forget? It’s been less than a month since they met, and he wasn’t going to lie, these stolen moments with Yuzuru were some of the best memories he’s had in Sochi. However, he noticed that Yuzuru didn’t look as happy.
“What’s wrong?” Michael asked, finally finding his voice. He gently stroked the back of Yuzuru’s hand with his thumb. Yuzuru suddenly let go of his hand, as if Michael’s touch burned him.
“This whole thing was a mistake,” Yuzuru said, staring at the dark gray sky in front of them.
“What-” Michael asked, trying to get the gold medalist to look at him.
“Shh,” Yuzuru said, still not looking at him. “I shouldn’t have approached you that night we first met.”
It was as though Michael’s body understood what was happening before his mind did, as he started shivering and he knew it wasn’t because of the cold.
“I should have just left you alone that night, but there was just something about you that I knew I had to have,” Yuzuru continued, his voice got shakier with every word he said. “These last few weeks have been some of the best of my life, but we must stop this while we still can.”
Michael blinked as he finally realized what Yuzuru was saying. “So in other words, you don’t want to see me or hear from me until the next competition?”
Yuzuru sighed before he replied, “Yes.”
He may be young, but Michael knew a lost cause when he saw one. If Yuzuru didn’t want to hold on to whatever it was they had, then he wasn’t going to bother fighting for it either. “Whatever makes you happy,” he muttered as he sat on the ground.
“Goodbye, Michael. It was really nice meeting you,” he heard the other boy mutter as he left.
Michael didn’t even bother to look back as he heard Yuzuru shuffling to leave. So this was a game to Yuzuru? He couldn’t believe how gullible he was to actually believe that Yuzuru had feelings for him. Michael let himself cry about it for the first and last time on the lonely hilltops of Sochi.
“Only you can make both figure skating and breaking hearts look so easy.”
Despite Coach Ilia’s protests, some people from the Philippines wanted him to fly home for some celebration before he proceeded to Bulgaria for training. The hero’s welcome he received back home was more than surprising. He never expected to receive this much attention and adulation. He had to keep himself focused. It was a long road to the next competition, and Michael wasn’t going to allow anything to hold him back.
Michael chuckles at how much has changed in a span of four years. He is no longer some unknown skater from nowhere, but now people actually see him as a contender for a medal. He lies on the hill as he looks up at the stars.
“Mind if I join you?” a soft voice asks.
Michael looks to the side to see the one person his mind has been avoiding. “Oh, hi, Yuzuru,” he says, trying to keep his tone neutral.
Fate seems to enjoy playing games with him. It almost seems funny how this reminds him of their first encounter back then. “Go ahead,” Michael says as he spreads himself even further on the ground. “Good luck finding space though. I’m not in the mood to move any time soon.”
None of them bother speaking. After all, what does one say to a former fling/ex-boyfriend/whatever they were? Michael isn’t sure if he wants an explanation about the incident. He doesn’t even know if he needs closure to end this madness once and for all. He stares at the stars, but he doesn’t see them. All he can perceive is the boy-no, man-next to him and he wonders what he wants from him.
“Michael, I…” Yuzuru says, his eyes firmly on the ground. “About that night…”
Michael suddenly realizes that he doesn’t want to hear any of it. There’s nothing an explanation can do to change the past. What’s done is done, and nothing can change what has already happened. It’s impossible to take back all those sleepless nights, those tears shed, and years of regret and asking “What if?” Things happen for a reason, and though he doesn’t understand, he’ll just let things be. Maybe this heartbreak was good for him in way, as he managed to convey the feeling all the more in his skating.
“I don’t need to hear it, Yuzuru. Save it,” Michael says. He still admires Yuzuru as a skater-one would be an idiot not to-but he longer has any of the hero-worship he once had for the other. If things go in Michael’s favor, he can even find himself on equal footing with the boy he once looked up to.
They can be friends someday, but not just yet. It’s too soon to salvage a possible friendship. Although they have common friends and see each other at some competitions, they have never spoken to each other since then.
“But-”
Michael shakes his head. “Don’t make it harder for both of us, please. By the way,” Michael said, smiling for the first time that night. “Good luck at the short program tomorrow.”
He then sits up as he dusts the snow off himself and stretches. He’s finally feeling sleep come to him. He casually waves at Yuzuru who stares at him with a dumbstruck face. As he walks back to his room, his suddenly lets out a loud laugh. For some weird reason, all the weight in his chest suddenly disappeared and he feels like he’s gone past a huge hurdle.
“Thank you, Yuzuru Hanyu. Thanks for the memories…”
Cause I'll prove you wrong that I can move on through this song, so much stronger
-30-
Notes:
by mara_ciro
broken!Michael Martinez/Yuzuru Hanyu | 2,259~ words | G | Maybe Michael isn’t that strong to hold on any longer
I suggest listening to this while reading the fic.
It’s been a while since they last met. No matter how much time has passed, things will always be awkward between them. There are too many things left unsaid between them, and Michael isn’t sure if he wants to hear what the other has to say. He probably made the the biggest mistake of his life by willingly letting the other go. Michael wonders if he should have fought harder to make things work between them. He admits that he hasn’t moved since that night.
He glances at the clock by his bedside, and it reads 12:51. He sighs as he rolls over on the bed, because he knows he needs to sleep. There’s a lot at stake as he once again bears the hopes of an entire nation on his shoulders. The situation is a bit different now. He’s no longer the underdog, but a rising star to look out for. The past shouldn’t affect him this way, even if it has come back to haunt him.
It took him four years to get to where he was, yet a pair of twinkling eyes and a soft “It’s nice to see you again, Michael,” was enough to threaten to tear him to pieces. Michael groans as he decides to get up and take a walk around Pyeongchang’s Olympic Village, knowing that it would be useless to force himself to sleep.
Why was he the only one stuck in the past? Michael thought he got over him. He really did. It no longer hurt to see his face on TV and the Internet, until they met again today. Seeing him in the flesh resurrected all those feelings he thought he buried that night at Sochi four years ago. Standing on a hill at the edge of the village, Michael remembers how it all began.
It was the night before the opening ceremonies, and he still couldn’t believe how far he has come in the span of his skating career. He dreamt of this all his life, and he knew that was only the beginning of even greater things to come. Michael could hardly control the butterflies in his gut. Everything was happening too fast, and he got more than he bargained for? How often could one say that one of his idols actually trained him? Michael walked down the Olympic Village at Sochi, taking in everything. He wanted to savor this moment. He found himself standing on top of a hill. He laughed as he realized how high up the hill was. “I’m king of the world!" he shouted, unable to control himself. To his surprise, he heard a chuckle from behind him.
Michael’s eyes went wide the minute he realized he wasn’t alone. He felt his cheeks burn even more when he realized he was face to face with Yuzuru Hanyu.
“Couldn’t sleep?” Yuzuru asked, walking over to him.
Everything was just so overwhelming, how did one manage to sleep? Michael shook his head. “How about you?”
Yuzuru looked up at the cloudy sky with a soft smile. “It excites you, yes?”
“Yes,” Michael said, wondering why THE Yuzuru Hanyu even bothered to talk to him. He had no idea what to say to one of his idols without sounding like an idiot.
“Don’t be scared,” Yuzuru said, as he sat on the ground. He patted the spot next to him, and Michael took that as his cue to sit down.
“It’s a long road ahead, but you should enjoy it while there are no expectations,” Yuzuru continued. Michael noticed Yuzuru rub his ungloved hands. Michael impulsively took off one of his and offered it to the veteran skater. Yuzuru’s eyes looked a bit brighter than they did under that cloudy sky as he accepted the glove. Michael was just about to remove the other one when Yuzuru shook his head. “Give me your hand,” he said.
Michael frowned as he gave his ungloved hand to Yuzuru. What surprised him was that Yuzuru took it with his own ungloved hand and put their hands in his coat pocket.
“Shh,” Yuzuru said, putting a finger to his lips, just as Michael was about to ask what’s happening. “We both need hand to hold.”
Michael couldn’t deny that he liked the feeling of Yuzuru’s freezing hand against his own. He wondered how someone’s hands could be so soft, despite how cold it was in both Sendai and Toronto. He found himself smiling, not to mention he could feel the heat spreading across his cheeks, despite how odd it felt to be holding hands with his idol.
Since then, they tried making time for each other in between practices, interviews, and competitions. It wasn’t only his skating that improved with Yuzuru’s help. He also got to learn some basic Japanese, while he taught Yuzuru some Filipino and helped him with his English. As Michael cursed his luck for being one of the unfortunate athletes who had to take the random drug test the night before the short skate program, Yuzuru kept him entertained over the phone and stayed up with him all night. Their friendship went nice and slow until Yuzuru won the gold medal.
The athletes were whisked off to the celebratory dinner at the end of the competition. Michael enjoyed the company of other skaters. Some were as loud and funny as the “Crazy Asians” who practically begged him to become their newest member, which he accepted with much thanks. He looked over to Yuzuru, who was being congratulated by almost everyone. “Help!” Yuzuru mouthed at him when their eyes met. Michael chuckled as he simply watched the new gold medalist suffer in silence.
When the party began to die down, with almost everyone drunk, Michael attempted to help Yuzuru untangle a human pretzel made up of Javier, Daisuke, Misha, Patrick, and Denis. Yuzuru sighed as he let go of Daisuke’s leg. “They can deal with their situation once they’re sober, Michael. Let’s go?”
Michael chuckled as he put down Patrick’s head. “It’s not like we didn’t tell them this was a silly idea.” They headed back up to their rooms, ready to retire for the night. When they were in front of Yuzuru’s door, Michael was about to wave ‘Good night’ and be on his way, when Yuzuru suddenly tugged the lapels of Michael’s shirt and closed the tiny gap between their faces.
“Good night!” Yuzuru said, blushing as he let go of Michael and ran into his room.
Michael shook his head as he headed for his own, with a finger on his lips.
Things continued that way as they watched the other sports compete. They would hang around each other, and sometimes with Yuzuru’s teammates. But they often stole kisses and cuddles when they thought no one was looking. Michael knew this wasn’t going to last forever, so he wanted to make the most of whatever this was for as long as he could. He wasn’t sure if this was love, but he knew that this came pretty close.
Yuzuru asked Michael to take a walk with him the night before Michael flew back to Manila. Michael shrugged, as he had nothing better to do anyway. Besides, this was the last chance he was going to see Yuzuru in a long time.
They held hands inside Michael’s coat pocket this time, as Yuzuru led the way to the spot they first spoke with each other. None of them said anything as they walked, although Michael noticed a sadness in those usually twinkling eyes.
“Well, here we are,” Yuzuru said, as they stopped at the spot they first held hands. “Do you remember?”
Michael smiled as he nodded. How could he forget? It’s been less than a month since they met, and he wasn’t going to lie, these stolen moments with Yuzuru were some of the best memories he’s had in Sochi. However, he noticed that Yuzuru didn’t look as happy.
“What’s wrong?” Michael asked, finally finding his voice. He gently stroked the back of Yuzuru’s hand with his thumb. Yuzuru suddenly let go of his hand, as if Michael’s touch burned him.
“This whole thing was a mistake,” Yuzuru said, staring at the dark gray sky in front of them.
“What-” Michael asked, trying to get the gold medalist to look at him.
“Shh,” Yuzuru said, still not looking at him. “I shouldn’t have approached you that night we first met.”
It was as though Michael’s body understood what was happening before his mind did, as he started shivering and he knew it wasn’t because of the cold.
“I should have just left you alone that night, but there was just something about you that I knew I had to have,” Yuzuru continued, his voice got shakier with every word he said. “These last few weeks have been some of the best of my life, but we must stop this while we still can.”
Michael blinked as he finally realized what Yuzuru was saying. “So in other words, you don’t want to see me or hear from me until the next competition?”
Yuzuru sighed before he replied, “Yes.”
He may be young, but Michael knew a lost cause when he saw one. If Yuzuru didn’t want to hold on to whatever it was they had, then he wasn’t going to bother fighting for it either. “Whatever makes you happy,” he muttered as he sat on the ground.
“Goodbye, Michael. It was really nice meeting you,” he heard the other boy mutter as he left.
Michael didn’t even bother to look back as he heard Yuzuru shuffling to leave. So this was a game to Yuzuru? He couldn’t believe how gullible he was to actually believe that Yuzuru had feelings for him. Michael let himself cry about it for the first and last time on the lonely hilltops of Sochi.
“Only you can make both figure skating and breaking hearts look so easy.”
Despite Coach Ilia’s protests, some people from the Philippines wanted him to fly home for some celebration before he proceeded to Bulgaria for training. The hero’s welcome he received back home was more than surprising. He never expected to receive this much attention and adulation. He had to keep himself focused. It was a long road to the next competition, and Michael wasn’t going to allow anything to hold him back.
Michael chuckles at how much has changed in a span of four years. He is no longer some unknown skater from nowhere, but now people actually see him as a contender for a medal. He lies on the hill as he looks up at the stars.
“Mind if I join you?” a soft voice asks.
Michael looks to the side to see the one person his mind has been avoiding. “Oh, hi, Yuzuru,” he says, trying to keep his tone neutral.
Fate seems to enjoy playing games with him. It almost seems funny how this reminds him of their first encounter back then. “Go ahead,” Michael says as he spreads himself even further on the ground. “Good luck finding space though. I’m not in the mood to move any time soon.”
None of them bother speaking. After all, what does one say to a former fling/ex-boyfriend/whatever they were? Michael isn’t sure if he wants an explanation about the incident. He doesn’t even know if he needs closure to end this madness once and for all. He stares at the stars, but he doesn’t see them. All he can perceive is the boy-no, man-next to him and he wonders what he wants from him.
“Michael, I…” Yuzuru says, his eyes firmly on the ground. “About that night…”
Michael suddenly realizes that he doesn’t want to hear any of it. There’s nothing an explanation can do to change the past. What’s done is done, and nothing can change what has already happened. It’s impossible to take back all those sleepless nights, those tears shed, and years of regret and asking “What if?” Things happen for a reason, and though he doesn’t understand, he’ll just let things be. Maybe this heartbreak was good for him in way, as he managed to convey the feeling all the more in his skating.
“I don’t need to hear it, Yuzuru. Save it,” Michael says. He still admires Yuzuru as a skater-one would be an idiot not to-but he longer has any of the hero-worship he once had for the other. If things go in Michael’s favor, he can even find himself on equal footing with the boy he once looked up to.
They can be friends someday, but not just yet. It’s too soon to salvage a possible friendship. Although they have common friends and see each other at some competitions, they have never spoken to each other since then.
“But-”
Michael shakes his head. “Don’t make it harder for both of us, please. By the way,” Michael said, smiling for the first time that night. “Good luck at the short program tomorrow.”
He then sits up as he dusts the snow off himself and stretches. He’s finally feeling sleep come to him. He casually waves at Yuzuru who stares at him with a dumbstruck face. As he walks back to his room, his suddenly lets out a loud laugh. For some weird reason, all the weight in his chest suddenly disappeared and he feels like he’s gone past a huge hurdle.
“Thank you, Yuzuru Hanyu. Thanks for the memories…”
Cause I'll prove you wrong that I can move on through this song, so much stronger
-30-
Notes:
- The title of the fic and the last line were taken from “12:51” by Krissy and Ericka
- I was inspired to write this while I was waiting for a press event to begin, and the Starbucks I was sitting at played this song. I couldn’t resist and I just started writing everything by hand on my notebook.
- Some of Michael’s reactions/sentiments were based on my own experiences. To YOU, thank you. By writing this, I think my heart has officially ended our chapter once and for all. You moved on before I understood what was happening. Thanks for the memories.
- Sorry for subjecting you to this attempt at angst, #teamyelobear.
- Tropical Frost, the first Michael Christian Martinez fansite, is now on Twitter and Instagram @TropicalFrost
- Crossposted at Mizuru Monday and AO3