all happy feelings have been extinguished.
Okay, things not going so well now. Last night was so nice, for a time at least. I played my one game of pool, felt wanted and included by my co-workers (my only friends arounf here it seems), and was sad to leave them. I think they were sad to see me go too. it was a nice feeling. Those sustained me while I toiled all night without sleep.
But then. I went to class. And nothing is good anymore. That may sound melodramatic but I'm at my wit's end. My teacher told me I couldn't draw well, and well, that's the only skill I had any confidence in. I did horrible in the class and I knew that, but I thought I'd scrape away with a C and get on into next year.
Apparently she wants to give me a D. That means I'd have to do the class over again. OR. She says she'll give me a C if I don't go into senior year. She wants me to take a year to get my bearings, take electives, maybe some critical studies. I know it's very common for people to spend more than 4 years here, but I didn't think that would be me. I don't want to stay here for five years. I don't know where I'm going or what I want anymore so I have a sinking feeling that she's right.
But what do I do? I don't want my parents to pay for another year of school. I know that I've got issues beyond schoo that are causing this, but I don't know how to fix them. I'm lonely, depressed, and I feel lost. My life has no direction, I spend most of my time alone, and I feel like I'm just fading away. What do I do? How can avoid getting lost in all of this. Do i need to go somewhere else? It's too late for that now. Next semester at least. Maybe I should take next semester to build a base of work and then transfer. I don't want leave boston though, or my family, or work.
Do I belong at Art school at all? can I do this? I'm getting mixed signals on this. My one teacher for digital illustration seems to think I can and that I'll be fine, wheras this woman thinks I'm going to be in way overmy head next semester. I have to talk to her on thursday so we can work somethign out... I'm at a loss. And I don't want to tell my mom that I'm about to fail a class. I don't know what she'll say, what she'll think. I'm dissapointed in myself, I don't want her to be dissapointed in me too.
I am so lost.
But then. I went to class. And nothing is good anymore. That may sound melodramatic but I'm at my wit's end. My teacher told me I couldn't draw well, and well, that's the only skill I had any confidence in. I did horrible in the class and I knew that, but I thought I'd scrape away with a C and get on into next year.
Apparently she wants to give me a D. That means I'd have to do the class over again. OR. She says she'll give me a C if I don't go into senior year. She wants me to take a year to get my bearings, take electives, maybe some critical studies. I know it's very common for people to spend more than 4 years here, but I didn't think that would be me. I don't want to stay here for five years. I don't know where I'm going or what I want anymore so I have a sinking feeling that she's right.
But what do I do? I don't want my parents to pay for another year of school. I know that I've got issues beyond schoo that are causing this, but I don't know how to fix them. I'm lonely, depressed, and I feel lost. My life has no direction, I spend most of my time alone, and I feel like I'm just fading away. What do I do? How can avoid getting lost in all of this. Do i need to go somewhere else? It's too late for that now. Next semester at least. Maybe I should take next semester to build a base of work and then transfer. I don't want leave boston though, or my family, or work.
Do I belong at Art school at all? can I do this? I'm getting mixed signals on this. My one teacher for digital illustration seems to think I can and that I'll be fine, wheras this woman thinks I'm going to be in way overmy head next semester. I have to talk to her on thursday so we can work somethign out... I'm at a loss. And I don't want to tell my mom that I'm about to fail a class. I don't know what she'll say, what she'll think. I'm dissapointed in myself, I don't want her to be dissapointed in me too.
I am so lost.