(no subject)
After two people that I know on here posted entries after very long periods of time... I felt inspired to post something. I used to use this as sort of a timeline of my life, or something to keep track of that is going on for me, or a way to procrastinate when I was in school. Now that I am not in school and all recreational use of the internet for me happens at home... I just don't usually have time for things like this. In general, I haven't had time for a lot of things lately.
This weekend, I got my cards read. It was my first time ever doing this, and it was great. Basically, the reader told me a lot of really accurate things, and some things that were really random. For example, that I need to talk more or work on my relationship with my dad. That sort of makes me paranoid, because it's not like there is something wrong with my relationship with my dad, per se. But the accurate part is that I always put myself last. I am surrounding myself with people who suck energy from me at work and, in some cases, in my friendships. At work, the nature of the job is that people are all wanting things with me. I just need to realize that not everything has to get done immediately and create some balance in my work life and personal life.
I am looking forward to having a break for the holidays and sort of starting fresh in the New Year. I am also going to join a gym because memberships are always on sale in January. I am also going to start getting massages semi-regularly from my hot friend who is a mentor at my work. So, the theme for next year will be doing things for myself, taking care of myself, etc. Because that way I will still be able to do a good job taking care of other people in my life, and not burn out in the process. Because I want to be able to do this work for a long time.
So that would be the summary of what I've been up to lately... I moved this summer, got a job that is full-time, permanent, salaried, etc., by degrees at Colorado Youth at Risk, the place I have been wanting to work since I started as an intern there a year and a half ago, And it is great, I love my co-workers, I love my job, I love the kids and mentors. It just can be a lot sometimes. And I don't love them all the time... like last night at our holiday party when there were not one, but two fights. Come on, guys! One of the fights was provoked by a girl who isn't even in our program but is a cousin of a kid in our program and apparently spent the entire night trying to start shit with one of the girls I specifically work with in one of my programs. Too bad there were like 200 people there and I didn't know any of this was going on! Apparently, girl fighting is the new black. It seems like lately, all the gang drama and physical fighting drama has been becoming the role of the girls, not the boys. Maybe it's a social trend. Sometimes I feel like my job is like when they have that talk with the girls in "Mean Girls," except the girls involved have no problem punching each other in the face and/or are gang-affiliated.
But, for all the drama-filled cases, there are really inspiring young people who make me really understand why I am doing this. One of our kids is so amazing, working so hard, always coming by the office to help me with things. It snowed one day last week, and he didn't have enough money for bus fare, so he walked all the way across town - he lives at least 5 miles away from the school - to get to school. Some of the volunteers and mentors from our organization wrote a letter about him to a local radio station for their "Christmas Wish" contest. They gave him a bunch of gift cards to get bus passes, an ipod, gift cards to get food for his family... it was amazing.
So anyway, things have been busy. But good. My old roommate Sophie, who lived with me when I first moved to Denver, is staying with me right now because she is looking for apartments. She actually found one, but she can't move in until the end of the month. I like having her here, it's like we are roomies again! Today we are hanging out with some of my friends and having lentil soup and making gingerbread houses! I am also excited about the holidays and heading to North Carolina and then Maryland for the holidays. My parents moved to NC at the end of the summer, and didn't tell my grandmother. So I want to go visit her for the holidays, and hopefully I will also get to see some friends. My mom is apparently sick of driving back and forth, because in order to keep up the charade of "living in Maryland" while actually living in North Carolina, she drives back and forth a lot to see my grandmother. I just don't want to become one of those families who leave their old people shut up in a home somewhere on holidays. That is not ok with me. So the day after Christmas, apparently, we are going up there to visit her. I don't know how long I'll be up there, but I'm hoping to make it a couple days so I can also squeeze in some time catching up with a few friends. So we'll see how that goes.
I am also going to be in North Carolina, boonies North Carolina, at the beach in the winter... for New Years'. Not really excited about that. But I suppose that will be a good exercise for me in not being so busy. It's complicated, but for a training program I am doing for work, I had to ask people what they didn't like about me, or what they thought I could work on as a person. My parents both said, independently, that I am always too busy and never take any time to myself. Which is something I am aware of, and I think it's not something that is as true for me as it used to be when I lived with my parents... but it still shows up for me in different ways in my life. So maybe some time just being with my family and not feeling the need to constantly be going somewhere or doing something will give me an opportunity to work on that. Related to that, my boss believes that the way that I speak, the way that I am with people, and just all the busyness and distractions I have going on in my life, are all to draw attention away from myself and the fact that I am not confident and ok with who I am. Which I think is, again, not as true as it used to be, but still present for me.
So, this has been a good year, but I'm excited to see what is possible and what opens up for me in the New Year! I know it's arbitrary, the whole New Year concept, but I do like using it as a marker to consider the passing of time. 2008 has been a year of big changes for me, for my family, for this country, for the world... A lot has happened. I graduated with my MSW, took an intense self-exploration class, got a job I love, asked out a bunch of men, moved twice, watched friends leave town, made new friends, welcomed friends back to town, discovered that nothing is wrong with me... learned that just because I know that doesn't mean life is easy... laughed, cried, freaked out, relaxed, had a lot of fun! It's been quite a year. Anyway, that's about all I've got for now.
This weekend, I got my cards read. It was my first time ever doing this, and it was great. Basically, the reader told me a lot of really accurate things, and some things that were really random. For example, that I need to talk more or work on my relationship with my dad. That sort of makes me paranoid, because it's not like there is something wrong with my relationship with my dad, per se. But the accurate part is that I always put myself last. I am surrounding myself with people who suck energy from me at work and, in some cases, in my friendships. At work, the nature of the job is that people are all wanting things with me. I just need to realize that not everything has to get done immediately and create some balance in my work life and personal life.
I am looking forward to having a break for the holidays and sort of starting fresh in the New Year. I am also going to join a gym because memberships are always on sale in January. I am also going to start getting massages semi-regularly from my hot friend who is a mentor at my work. So, the theme for next year will be doing things for myself, taking care of myself, etc. Because that way I will still be able to do a good job taking care of other people in my life, and not burn out in the process. Because I want to be able to do this work for a long time.
So that would be the summary of what I've been up to lately... I moved this summer, got a job that is full-time, permanent, salaried, etc., by degrees at Colorado Youth at Risk, the place I have been wanting to work since I started as an intern there a year and a half ago, And it is great, I love my co-workers, I love my job, I love the kids and mentors. It just can be a lot sometimes. And I don't love them all the time... like last night at our holiday party when there were not one, but two fights. Come on, guys! One of the fights was provoked by a girl who isn't even in our program but is a cousin of a kid in our program and apparently spent the entire night trying to start shit with one of the girls I specifically work with in one of my programs. Too bad there were like 200 people there and I didn't know any of this was going on! Apparently, girl fighting is the new black. It seems like lately, all the gang drama and physical fighting drama has been becoming the role of the girls, not the boys. Maybe it's a social trend. Sometimes I feel like my job is like when they have that talk with the girls in "Mean Girls," except the girls involved have no problem punching each other in the face and/or are gang-affiliated.
But, for all the drama-filled cases, there are really inspiring young people who make me really understand why I am doing this. One of our kids is so amazing, working so hard, always coming by the office to help me with things. It snowed one day last week, and he didn't have enough money for bus fare, so he walked all the way across town - he lives at least 5 miles away from the school - to get to school. Some of the volunteers and mentors from our organization wrote a letter about him to a local radio station for their "Christmas Wish" contest. They gave him a bunch of gift cards to get bus passes, an ipod, gift cards to get food for his family... it was amazing.
So anyway, things have been busy. But good. My old roommate Sophie, who lived with me when I first moved to Denver, is staying with me right now because she is looking for apartments. She actually found one, but she can't move in until the end of the month. I like having her here, it's like we are roomies again! Today we are hanging out with some of my friends and having lentil soup and making gingerbread houses! I am also excited about the holidays and heading to North Carolina and then Maryland for the holidays. My parents moved to NC at the end of the summer, and didn't tell my grandmother. So I want to go visit her for the holidays, and hopefully I will also get to see some friends. My mom is apparently sick of driving back and forth, because in order to keep up the charade of "living in Maryland" while actually living in North Carolina, she drives back and forth a lot to see my grandmother. I just don't want to become one of those families who leave their old people shut up in a home somewhere on holidays. That is not ok with me. So the day after Christmas, apparently, we are going up there to visit her. I don't know how long I'll be up there, but I'm hoping to make it a couple days so I can also squeeze in some time catching up with a few friends. So we'll see how that goes.
I am also going to be in North Carolina, boonies North Carolina, at the beach in the winter... for New Years'. Not really excited about that. But I suppose that will be a good exercise for me in not being so busy. It's complicated, but for a training program I am doing for work, I had to ask people what they didn't like about me, or what they thought I could work on as a person. My parents both said, independently, that I am always too busy and never take any time to myself. Which is something I am aware of, and I think it's not something that is as true for me as it used to be when I lived with my parents... but it still shows up for me in different ways in my life. So maybe some time just being with my family and not feeling the need to constantly be going somewhere or doing something will give me an opportunity to work on that. Related to that, my boss believes that the way that I speak, the way that I am with people, and just all the busyness and distractions I have going on in my life, are all to draw attention away from myself and the fact that I am not confident and ok with who I am. Which I think is, again, not as true as it used to be, but still present for me.
So, this has been a good year, but I'm excited to see what is possible and what opens up for me in the New Year! I know it's arbitrary, the whole New Year concept, but I do like using it as a marker to consider the passing of time. 2008 has been a year of big changes for me, for my family, for this country, for the world... A lot has happened. I graduated with my MSW, took an intense self-exploration class, got a job I love, asked out a bunch of men, moved twice, watched friends leave town, made new friends, welcomed friends back to town, discovered that nothing is wrong with me... learned that just because I know that doesn't mean life is easy... laughed, cried, freaked out, relaxed, had a lot of fun! It's been quite a year. Anyway, that's about all I've got for now.