(no subject)
I had a really interesting conversation last night with one of my co-workers at the ice cream store about trying to decide and plan your life. Sometimes I get these ideas sort of set in my mind about what I think I want to do. Before I started school and my internship this year, I thought I had this whole plan to move back home to the B-more area after graduation. Go back to what I know, if I even know it any more.
But now I am getting so attached to my internship organization and the work and the kids and the staff and I keep hearing rumors from all sides about how they want to hire me. People keep asking me when I graduate and what I want to do... like they are trying to see if I will work there. And some have directly told me that if things work out with funding they want to offer me a position. Which is amazing because I feel like I've been meant to do this all my life. The kind of work we do with youth is so amazing. I have trouble explaining it to people who haven't experienced it. Last weekend when we took the youth and mentors to the mountains, I really felt like this was right. This was the person I've been waiting to be. I've always been a little afraid of showing too much emotion or actually expressing things, just like the kids we work with. A little afraid to trust completely. But the way all the mentors and kids are with each other, the way they form a community, the way they take care of each other, it inspires me.
So maybe my plan won't really turn out the way I thought. Maybe I'll get to do this work that I love and stay here in Denver. And I'll still miss home, but maybe home will start to exist for me here. Or maybe I will end up moving back to Maryland. But I guess I just have to stop worrying so much about planning my life. Having a 5-year plan sounds like a good idea, but I'm pretty sure life doesn't actually work like that. Maybe one day I will be able to follow in the footsteps of my supervisor and start a program like this back in Maryland. She actually began this organization after having an experience with this work in Phoenix. Besides Phoenix, the only other place they have a similar organization is in New York. One day, once I've learned enough about how to do it, maybe I can create a Maryland Youth at Risk (or maybe make a better name)...
Who knows. But I'm starting to be ok with the fact that I'm just going to have to wait and see how it all works out and comes together.
But now I am getting so attached to my internship organization and the work and the kids and the staff and I keep hearing rumors from all sides about how they want to hire me. People keep asking me when I graduate and what I want to do... like they are trying to see if I will work there. And some have directly told me that if things work out with funding they want to offer me a position. Which is amazing because I feel like I've been meant to do this all my life. The kind of work we do with youth is so amazing. I have trouble explaining it to people who haven't experienced it. Last weekend when we took the youth and mentors to the mountains, I really felt like this was right. This was the person I've been waiting to be. I've always been a little afraid of showing too much emotion or actually expressing things, just like the kids we work with. A little afraid to trust completely. But the way all the mentors and kids are with each other, the way they form a community, the way they take care of each other, it inspires me.
So maybe my plan won't really turn out the way I thought. Maybe I'll get to do this work that I love and stay here in Denver. And I'll still miss home, but maybe home will start to exist for me here. Or maybe I will end up moving back to Maryland. But I guess I just have to stop worrying so much about planning my life. Having a 5-year plan sounds like a good idea, but I'm pretty sure life doesn't actually work like that. Maybe one day I will be able to follow in the footsteps of my supervisor and start a program like this back in Maryland. She actually began this organization after having an experience with this work in Phoenix. Besides Phoenix, the only other place they have a similar organization is in New York. One day, once I've learned enough about how to do it, maybe I can create a Maryland Youth at Risk (or maybe make a better name)...
Who knows. But I'm starting to be ok with the fact that I'm just going to have to wait and see how it all works out and comes together.