(no subject)
So I seem to be a crazy son-of-a-bitch. This shouldn’t surprise anyone, since I seem to be able to be just about anything if my unconscious decides so. Damn semiconscious.
The latest fun event was two nights ago when I was trying to get to bed a little early. I know, shocking. Anyway, it was about 10:30 maybe, and I was in my bed, lights off, the whole shebang. I recall my mind drifting in just about every direction until I felt a wonderful mental *twitch* and my unconscious started acting up. I got some unidentifiable yet distinct feeling from some memory or sensation I’ve felt before that got filed away and forgotten. This is the usual start of one of my panic attacks and I was initially surprised, since it’s been a while since I’ve had one. Seems like a year at least, but it may not have been that long. So I lie there feeling weird, and waiting for the happy panic attack to come along, but it doesn’t. There is still this irritating feeling that I distinctly remember, but not the why, when or where about it. Eventually for reasons unknown I start just mentally poking my mind until the feeling it increased. It felt weird, but kinda good; sorta like how it hurts to exercise a sore muscle, but kinda good since the feeling goes away. Then comes the fear, coming from nowhere and everywhere at once. Those of you who have panic attacks will know what I mean; it isn’t really a pleasant sensation. This first few attacks I had totally flipped me out: partially because I had no idea what was going on. Eventually I’ve learned to deal with them, just like any facet of my partially-working body. This time, instead of trying to get rid of the sensation, or stuff it, I sorta stretched it, and kept it going. I could focused and made it go away at any moment, but in another display to convince the world of my insanity I lay there with my little bizarre mind twist going on, and probed around in my unconscious to continue the sensation. For about 15 minutes until it stopped.
Fuck I don’t know why, okay!? I’m messed up.
I think [I’m] going crazy
Her left eye if lazy
She looks so Israeli
Nicotine and Gravy
I would be so content with whatever little mind games I play with myself if I only had something to fricken do in my life. Nothing is interesting lately, nothing. Or, stuff is interesting, but I bore amazingly fast, and I can barely make myself do anything productive. Forget about homework, forget about clubs, or even friends, nothing has interested me for the past couple of days. I get along doing what my family wants me to do, and not much else. If I had a new good web comic, I don’t think you could drag me away at all. Sound familiar to anyone?
I think I’m addicted to my webcomics. You can all start laughing condescendingly at me now.
I think we’re going crazy
Things don’t even faze me
Her left eye is lazy
Nicotine and gravy
Miracles amaze me (I don’t want to die tonight)
She looks so Israeli (I don’t want to die tonight)
Love the way she plays me (I don’t want to die tonight)
I think I’m going crazy (I don’t want to die tonight)
No, the Beck lyrics were added afterwards. So sue me, I like romanticizing my life. They’re very applicable. [The lyrics, dammit]
WILL SMITH IS EATING MY FACE!!!11
The hamster dance is no longer a song that I am willing to put in any damn mix. IT DOESN’T FIT, GODDAMMIT, NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!
[edit] okay, I lied. I have actually done something productive; I’ve re-organized a good third of my playlists and stripped my ipod. Then I put everything back onto my ipod. Still, that’s sorta productive, isn’t it? [/edit]
The latest fun event was two nights ago when I was trying to get to bed a little early. I know, shocking. Anyway, it was about 10:30 maybe, and I was in my bed, lights off, the whole shebang. I recall my mind drifting in just about every direction until I felt a wonderful mental *twitch* and my unconscious started acting up. I got some unidentifiable yet distinct feeling from some memory or sensation I’ve felt before that got filed away and forgotten. This is the usual start of one of my panic attacks and I was initially surprised, since it’s been a while since I’ve had one. Seems like a year at least, but it may not have been that long. So I lie there feeling weird, and waiting for the happy panic attack to come along, but it doesn’t. There is still this irritating feeling that I distinctly remember, but not the why, when or where about it. Eventually for reasons unknown I start just mentally poking my mind until the feeling it increased. It felt weird, but kinda good; sorta like how it hurts to exercise a sore muscle, but kinda good since the feeling goes away. Then comes the fear, coming from nowhere and everywhere at once. Those of you who have panic attacks will know what I mean; it isn’t really a pleasant sensation. This first few attacks I had totally flipped me out: partially because I had no idea what was going on. Eventually I’ve learned to deal with them, just like any facet of my partially-working body. This time, instead of trying to get rid of the sensation, or stuff it, I sorta stretched it, and kept it going. I could focused and made it go away at any moment, but in another display to convince the world of my insanity I lay there with my little bizarre mind twist going on, and probed around in my unconscious to continue the sensation. For about 15 minutes until it stopped.
Fuck I don’t know why, okay!? I’m messed up.
I think [I’m] going crazy
Her left eye if lazy
She looks so Israeli
Nicotine and Gravy
I would be so content with whatever little mind games I play with myself if I only had something to fricken do in my life. Nothing is interesting lately, nothing. Or, stuff is interesting, but I bore amazingly fast, and I can barely make myself do anything productive. Forget about homework, forget about clubs, or even friends, nothing has interested me for the past couple of days. I get along doing what my family wants me to do, and not much else. If I had a new good web comic, I don’t think you could drag me away at all. Sound familiar to anyone?
I think I’m addicted to my webcomics. You can all start laughing condescendingly at me now.
I think we’re going crazy
Things don’t even faze me
Her left eye is lazy
Nicotine and gravy
Miracles amaze me (I don’t want to die tonight)
She looks so Israeli (I don’t want to die tonight)
Love the way she plays me (I don’t want to die tonight)
I think I’m going crazy (I don’t want to die tonight)
No, the Beck lyrics were added afterwards. So sue me, I like romanticizing my life. They’re very applicable. [The lyrics, dammit]
WILL SMITH IS EATING MY FACE!!!11
The hamster dance is no longer a song that I am willing to put in any damn mix. IT DOESN’T FIT, GODDAMMIT, NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!
[edit] okay, I lied. I have actually done something productive; I’ve re-organized a good third of my playlists and stripped my ipod. Then I put everything back onto my ipod. Still, that’s sorta productive, isn’t it? [/edit]