First born but not first
It has been a long time. I thought I would be back more then I have been But then I was never much of a big writer I have lots of words in my head but never able to get them down.
There has been something though weighing on me since Christmas. Perhaps I am making too much of things but the feelings just do not go away.
Parents may tell you that they have no favorites some may be truthful.In my family I have been aware for quite some time that my Dad does have a favorite and it is my sister.mostly I have mostly accepted this as they are more temperamentally alike.She is more up front and direct . I suffer from depression she does not .My dad does not really deal well with the tearful emotions I was more prone to growing up.Now add in she has the grand kids I do not .He is not particularly sentimental He is not really the hugging type although he will occ initiate a hug with my sister and the grand kids. If he hugs me it is only if I initiate it .There are a lot more complexities this is just a snapshot .
As a background as far as Christmas presents my Mom was always the one to get the gifts and then a several years ago we went to drawing names . So two years ago totally out of character My Dad give my sister and I each a heart necklace with a sentimental saying .I was touched by this being very unlike him .So now forward to this Christmas. My sister and I were each given a crystal like clock with the same saying as the necklaces he gave us before . I knew he was doing something as Mom had mentioned it .But this time as he handed them to us he had to "clarify" that the one to my sister was from him and the one for me was from my Mom. That little off handed comment has haunted me since.
I really don't understand why he felt he had to make that "clear" . The clock is still sitting in the box it came in. I cannot bring myself to open it again .Maybe someday but not now.
There has been something though weighing on me since Christmas. Perhaps I am making too much of things but the feelings just do not go away.
Parents may tell you that they have no favorites some may be truthful.In my family I have been aware for quite some time that my Dad does have a favorite and it is my sister.mostly I have mostly accepted this as they are more temperamentally alike.She is more up front and direct . I suffer from depression she does not .My dad does not really deal well with the tearful emotions I was more prone to growing up.Now add in she has the grand kids I do not .He is not particularly sentimental He is not really the hugging type although he will occ initiate a hug with my sister and the grand kids. If he hugs me it is only if I initiate it .There are a lot more complexities this is just a snapshot .
As a background as far as Christmas presents my Mom was always the one to get the gifts and then a several years ago we went to drawing names . So two years ago totally out of character My Dad give my sister and I each a heart necklace with a sentimental saying .I was touched by this being very unlike him .So now forward to this Christmas. My sister and I were each given a crystal like clock with the same saying as the necklaces he gave us before . I knew he was doing something as Mom had mentioned it .But this time as he handed them to us he had to "clarify" that the one to my sister was from him and the one for me was from my Mom. That little off handed comment has haunted me since.
I really don't understand why he felt he had to make that "clear" . The clock is still sitting in the box it came in. I cannot bring myself to open it again .Maybe someday but not now.