the crackdown of the pseudo mid-life crisis
heres another random journal entry. this past week has been insane in the membrane, so many different emotions fluttering in and out of my head and i feel that i never really get to step back and process it all. i mean im in good standing with a majority of the things going on in my life aside from a couple glaring hinderances that happen to come around here and there. but in general the momentum has shifted towards something more positive for myself. ive been challenging myself in various aspects of my life which include becoming healthier with some of the more careless habits that i feel could now be held and stuck in the past for good. ever since ive graduated its been my year to fuck up and bask in my glory of being a college graduate. ive never been the type of person who was very goal oriented or set any long term goals for myself. but now this feeling of responsibility has come over me and i feel that is it absolutely necessary to take the reins and become more of an adult nowadays with the decisions that im subjected to make. ive always had this insecurity about actually growing up and being an adult. now that ive seen that juvenile decisions amount to nothing but perpetuating the insecurities of my past, i have to constantly be in a battle with myself about how to better conduct myself as an adult and more importantly as an individual. this doesnt necessarily mean that im not the same down ass chick from before but i think there are several milestones in life that we have to accept and just create a change from no matter if its something we are ready for or not. i dont intend on letting certain opportunities pass me by and if the mistakes of my past do come to haunt me in my present then i can do nothing but just take it as the mistake that it was and continue to establish a newfound foundation towards a better me. so heres a goal for myself that i intend on keeping for the time being: i will not let my fuck ups define who i am. i am a grounded individual who believes in accepting change without ever compromising my standards just to conform to other's. and gosh darn it im willing to bend over backwards for whoever shows me the same respect but i have to put my foot down and say that if i dont stand for something that i can call my own, then my gullible ass is likely to fall for anything. thats just how i roll bitches.