If Wishes Were Raindrops
Missing you today. The days we'll never have. Coming to terms with the things I didn't acknowledge about you. The days I didn't spend learning who you were outside of your mental illness. Longing for time to stop and let me go back. Let me try this again. Until I found the few entries you made in the notebook, I forgot the order....the lists. I missed getting to know so many parts of you. Your anger at me was more than I could bear and I was too weak to push through it. I wish I hadn't been such a disappointment to you. I wish you would have accepted that I was human. I wish we could have spent our days together. We were so close once and I felt stabs of it whenever we were together as adults. Little pinpricks of what could have been had the world been different. I never knew what to believe. I never knew what was real with you. I never knew what was illness and what was real. I only knew I failed you. I wish I hadn't. I wish I could know when it happened. And go back. I wish. I wish. And like that your light is out. And all the opportunities are gone. And these things will never happen. I wish.