(no subject)
Okay, so I am gonig to cut this and if you want to read it feel free, THATS WHAT IT'S ON HERE FOR!! But I am warnign you it is a rant, and I do say some really mean things. I don't care if you read it or not, but if you do and decide you don't like it, don't go all psyco on me and comment all evily, I don't want to hear it and I did warn you. Sooooo here it is.
I Fucking hate people right now. I swear, how many of these fucking kids even like me. I mean what have I got to give in a normal relationship anyway. I am not all that pretty, I'm not amazingly skinny, or funny, or interesting. I swear I can't keep a fucking relationship for anything...I always find a way to fuck things up. And if it isn't me fucking it up, it is someone else fucking things up for, or because of me. I haven't had a boyfriend in over a fucking year, what the hell is that...I don't feel that I am afraid of commitment, really. By all means correct me if I am wrong, but I seem to just push people away or turn them off to me somehow...I don't mean to do it, and Lord knows I don't want it to happen, but I'll be damned if it doesn't. All these people say things that make me hopefull, but then I am once again let down by either my stupidity or the stupidity of guys, I don't know which. I guess it is a good thing that I am going up to Indiana this summer, with the exception of like two people, I don't think anyone is going to miss me too badly, or even notice that I am gone. I wonder if anyone would fucking notice if I just didn;t come back, would any of you really care. I feel that I have to put on a fake persona for some of you shit heads, I am not always Mary FUCKING Sunshine, and I do get pissed at you, wether you choose to agknowledge it or not. And I do fucking have feelings and they do fucking get hurt, and -GRRR, I just want to scream and cry sometimes because I am so fucking under appreciated, and under-respected ( I don't even know if that is a fucking word right now, I am so pissed) I am NOT a fucking slut, I am not a whore, I DON't sleep around, and the only fucking reason I play the fuck along is because I have this damned feeling that I have to make you fucking happy. Nevermind that rumors get started about me, nevermind that my feelings get hurt...'oh, she doesn't care, she always comes back' Well what the fuck happens the day I don't fucking come back, what happens when you realize that you drove away the fucking person that you were so 'in fucking love with' because you are a fucker, you are an ass hole, and I don't care if you did ever 'love' me. I DON"T FUCKING LOVE YOU!!! GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF!!!! Don't be an ass to someone and then fucking ask why they are mad at you! YOU FUCKING DID IT YOU FUCKER!!! DAMN some people make me soo mad... and don't even get me started on girls! There is like 3 girls in the entire school that I can stand to be with for more than half an hour. OHH, and then the things that I fuck up cause people to FUCKING DRINK!!!! and do FUCKING DRUGS!!! and turn into FUCKING WHORES!!!! what the FUCK is wrong with me?? And the worst part is, is that I have friends with morals, and who do care (like two) and so I can't even drown myself in alcohol, or drugs, or sex... because I care too much about keeping them as friends. The only ones who have ever seen the real me, even if it is only bits and pieces. I don't think anyone of you have actually seen me mad, I don't get mad around you kids, I don't tell you exactly what I am thinking when I am thinking it...more than half of you would hate me...not that some of you already don't. Yeah, I know I am a 'bitch', and I am soo annoying, and FUCK IT, the next thing you say to me, SCREW FUCKING YOU!!! I don't care anymore, I am going to tell you exactly what I think of you and your 'problems' YOU are the one with a fucking problem, you are the one who can't keep a relationship going, Damn if you can even keep your hands to your own conquests for ten minutes without going and trying to take something that very well may belong to someone else. YOU ARE A FREAKING SYCO PATH!!! YOU FUCK WITH EVERYONE SO THAT YOU CAN GET JUST EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT!! and then when you have it it isn't enough. Damn what I wouldn't give to tell you people who you are, I just want to see your faces once realization dawns on you, you fucking deserve what you get though...I have lived with out most of you for most of my life, and I can make it through the rest without you...so guess what??!! I DON"T FUCKING CARE ANYMORE!!! How many of you would notice if I didn't fucking come to shool one day, just didn't care enough to get up, or get ready...or what if I just ignored you, just cut you off when you started to talk in that whiny voice of yours, like you were not even there..or an annoying fly at the most. I can't wait to get out of fucking high school, get away from the fucking drama! I HATE IT!!! I can't stand constantly being in fights with you people, but I deal don't I? Yes I do, because I am not about to leave one of my only true friends because I can't stand your skank ass, you are hot one minute and fucking cold the next, PEOPLE HATE YOU, because you say things without thinking , and you make everything about you. AND YOU DON'T GET IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE MAD AT YOU!!! The nice things that people say are normaly in SARCASM!! AND I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU FUCKING THINK OF ME!!! I don't care if you don't happen to like me this week I DON'T FUCKING CARE ANYMORE. You are clingy, and needy, and childish, and whiny, and just a little too touchy feely for most of us, and GOSH!!! Okay, well I am done venting now, Nathan is making me happy. I'll rant later.
I don't love most of you, but to those that I do... I Love you,
Rachel
Yep, there it is. Umm, I took the stupid AP test today...that was a load of crap. Alec left early which I thought was funny. Then we went to go and have a picnic and that was very amusing. You know I was talking about all of this with a friend, and it is really nice to find someone who shares your views on the society as a whole. And Jeremy almost made me cry today!! We were talking about Patrick and how much we miss him and stuff...and you know, it really sucks to come to the realization that you never get to see them again. And it really sucks when you dated that person, and you really loved that person...and now they just...aren't...there.