Long Time
Ok, so, an entry.
Alot has been happening lately really. It really does feel like somebody just put their foot down on the accelerator of LIFE. Beautiful analogy.
Anyway, so I have three days to do this stupid English coursework, it being 25% of the grade. This is insanity.
I've just spent a few days with my Dad's side of the family. I have not seen them in over a year, I just kept avoiding it. I really hate the way that all the faults in everybody suddenly become apparent when youre older. Youre supposed to like all of your family. Instead I have this horrible thing where I think alot of things they do are WRONG WRONG WRONG, but at the same time I have the loyalties and guilt feelings that I should spend time with them, and that theyre not that bad really.. just..
It's like when I had the choice this weekend to go see my mum's side of the family. too I don't have any issues with them, namely because there are only two of them and they are more like me than my Dad's side. I didn't have to go,but I felt like I should, because as morbid as it is, they will die in the future, whereas I have infinite weekends to spend in comparison. I didn't go (although this decision was sort of made for me).
So I felt the same with my Dad's side of the family. Due to lots of reasons I have always been under the impression they do not like me too much. They have always favoured boys, and really are very interested in my brother over me, and my other cousin. And of course, the youngest is always fussed over, so that leaves me. They also seem to have a seriously deluded attitude about siblings, which I don't understand. I threaten my brother, and it is a huge crime. I get into a competitive but friendly bicker with said brother, and they get angry. Some people I know have fist fights with their brothers and sisters, they steal from each other.
should mention this attitude is also taken by my Dad. We have huge enormous arguments about THE stupidest of things, often ending in him trying to get me to go back to my Mum's house. Yet Billy smashes this amazing candle we bought him for a birthday present some five years go, scales two floors of a building to go head first throuhg a tiny bathroom window and continues to swing himself around the staircase even when my Dad's friend just died in a coma from falling down this way seems to get very little punishment. Not so important, as obviously my views are biased, but I would love to know what they would do if I was genuinely a badly behaved person.
Sorry for the rambling, alot to get out of my system. Back to the point, my Grandma especially, on my Dad's side seems to want me to be something i'm not. I think more then anything she wants me to be spending a whole lot of time on my nails and hair and make-up instead of taking subjects like Philosophy and biting my nails and being opinionated. She's all for education, it's not that.. I just don't think she entirely understands me. I'm not bitching, because I think she genuinely is very proud of my school work and things like that, it's just
she had my Dad when she was nineteen and worked in Department Stores and ran B&B all her life. This weekend she said to me she was glad I was spending more time looking after myself. It just made me really mad. But they'll be gone soon, and I know I will regret it.
So I got myself a job. Note to self: be more proud of myself for achieving. Anyway so it was a pretty abrupt start and I honestly don't know how much I am being payed or how often. Crazy. But I like it. It's fairly nerdy and quiet and comforable and the air conditioning and general smell of books and the way it doesnt really feel like time is passing is strangely comforting. Or it will be until next weekend when I am on rota with people I don't know or like very much. It's long hours but it's only temporary, so it's all about time management from here.
I am having a serious issue with "That's life" at the moment. The general unfairness of things and fact that whenever I try to do the right thing it doesn't work out.
Never mind.
Busy stuff huh. Charlie is being lovellly. And he talked to Janet about me. This makes me happy and i'm not sure why.
On the other hand, Jordan is a prick. I ask him to cheer me up and so he tells me about this perfect girl he has found. Idiot.
The End.