Countdown to HRT, The Last Few Days
Hi everyone, my (mtf) girlfriend just got on LJ and she has not yet been accepted into any communities, but she posted this yesterday and I wanted her to be able to share it with a larger audience in order to get some feedback so I am posting it here for her.
Cross-posted in several places...
BTW her LJ is anna_inside
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So I have less than a week until I begin my HRT. As I get closer to the day, I find myself taking closer notice to the things that will change. I have obviously contemplated the expected changes, but have spent little time reflecting on the attributes that will be negated. Its been so easy to look at the things I get. All the things I will be loosing, such as the ability to go topless at the river, or even open the jar of jam when its too tight, have been no great loss in my mind. Basically I am more than comfortable with the upcoming change, and believe the outcome is easily worth the losses.
The more I reflect upon these things, the more I anticipate the beginning of my physical transformation. I expected this. But I did not expect to have those realizations materialize to begin with. All of these have been long ago tackled, observed, contemplated, and decided upon. Why are they coming back? And why, realization after realization, confirmation after confirmation, do they increase as the days get shorter? Its subconscious. It comes at the strangest times. With the constant confirmation and continual re-assurement each time these arise, I should think they would stop! I want them to stop! Why dont they? Self doubt is all i can think, but how is that possible with all the confirmations? Cold feet is an answer that doesn't answer my questions.
I hope I'm not alone in this. I hope it goes away. Cold feet would give me the comfort of this awkwardness disappearing after my HRT starts to affect my actual levels. But I just cant accept that as an answer. Its like telling me 2+2=4 because it does.
******
Thoughts?
Cross-posted in several places...
BTW her LJ is anna_inside
*******
So I have less than a week until I begin my HRT. As I get closer to the day, I find myself taking closer notice to the things that will change. I have obviously contemplated the expected changes, but have spent little time reflecting on the attributes that will be negated. Its been so easy to look at the things I get. All the things I will be loosing, such as the ability to go topless at the river, or even open the jar of jam when its too tight, have been no great loss in my mind. Basically I am more than comfortable with the upcoming change, and believe the outcome is easily worth the losses.
The more I reflect upon these things, the more I anticipate the beginning of my physical transformation. I expected this. But I did not expect to have those realizations materialize to begin with. All of these have been long ago tackled, observed, contemplated, and decided upon. Why are they coming back? And why, realization after realization, confirmation after confirmation, do they increase as the days get shorter? Its subconscious. It comes at the strangest times. With the constant confirmation and continual re-assurement each time these arise, I should think they would stop! I want them to stop! Why dont they? Self doubt is all i can think, but how is that possible with all the confirmations? Cold feet is an answer that doesn't answer my questions.
I hope I'm not alone in this. I hope it goes away. Cold feet would give me the comfort of this awkwardness disappearing after my HRT starts to affect my actual levels. But I just cant accept that as an answer. Its like telling me 2+2=4 because it does.
******
Thoughts?