(no subject)
So I had that talk with my mom... I told her that when she says things like "good to know you are taking things slow with Adam...(sarcastically)" it comes off as if she is uncomfortable with my dating Anna because she is trans. She apologized and said that was not how she meant it, but that she would stop now that she knows how it makes me feel. Pretty much the response I expected from Mom, and I love her for it. We have gotten to the point where not every conversation we have turns to trans issues, which is a good thing I think. Both my parents had the intellectual reaction to Anna's transness (Lol, I am almost certain that is NOT a word...), which makes sense because so did I, but Mom has made it past the stage where she needs to constantly discuss it with me, so I think she is getting used to the idea and doesn't feel the need to remind me that she is ok with it. Dad has his own set of issues right now with my new little sister, and my step-mom's mother being diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma, so we havent talked much lately. I am going up to visit them this weekend...
In pronoun news, I have gotten to the point where every time I say "Adam" or "he" or "his" I am embarrassed at my own callousness. I am avoiding names and pronouns all together when I am with Anna, but in conversation with friends I feel terrible every time I do it. I need to talk to her about it, but I know what she will say. She will tell me to do what I am comfortable with, and that it doesn't matter to her. But I know it does, and at some point I am going to have to do what I am uncomfortable with... how else do I GET comfortable with it? It would be easier if she was full time, or at least out to her family. I just want her to tell me when to do it, then I can work on the rest of our friends and my family.
Anna's doctors appointment is Thursday morning, so she could conceivably have her hormones by Thursday! I dont know if they will give her the prescription right away, but I dont see why they wouldnt... Our therapist has told her that they will start her on a low dose and then adjust it when her endocrinology report comes back. I am thrilled and excited, except that this means she may be starting her hormones the day before I leave to visit family for three days!!!
I dont want to ask her to wait for me to get back, but then again I do... Part of it is concern for her safety. If she is going to have an adverse reaction I want to be there for her. But the main thing, the HUGE thing, is that I just plain want to be there. It will be her first three days with non-male hormone levels... If she has mood swings, I want to comfort her. If she feels different I want to share that with her. If she gets sick I want to take care of her. Even if she feels nothing I want to be there to assure her that she will feel something soon... I just dont feel right about not being there... but she has waited so long for this and I dont want to ask her to wait longer...
In pronoun news, I have gotten to the point where every time I say "Adam" or "he" or "his" I am embarrassed at my own callousness. I am avoiding names and pronouns all together when I am with Anna, but in conversation with friends I feel terrible every time I do it. I need to talk to her about it, but I know what she will say. She will tell me to do what I am comfortable with, and that it doesn't matter to her. But I know it does, and at some point I am going to have to do what I am uncomfortable with... how else do I GET comfortable with it? It would be easier if she was full time, or at least out to her family. I just want her to tell me when to do it, then I can work on the rest of our friends and my family.
Anna's doctors appointment is Thursday morning, so she could conceivably have her hormones by Thursday! I dont know if they will give her the prescription right away, but I dont see why they wouldnt... Our therapist has told her that they will start her on a low dose and then adjust it when her endocrinology report comes back. I am thrilled and excited, except that this means she may be starting her hormones the day before I leave to visit family for three days!!!
I dont want to ask her to wait for me to get back, but then again I do... Part of it is concern for her safety. If she is going to have an adverse reaction I want to be there for her. But the main thing, the HUGE thing, is that I just plain want to be there. It will be her first three days with non-male hormone levels... If she has mood swings, I want to comfort her. If she feels different I want to share that with her. If she gets sick I want to take care of her. Even if she feels nothing I want to be there to assure her that she will feel something soon... I just dont feel right about not being there... but she has waited so long for this and I dont want to ask her to wait longer...