Turns in the Road: Separations part 4, by cmar, Wes/Eric
Title: Separations part 4
Author: cmar
Relationship: Wes/Eric
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Shortness, character depression
Are you awake?
All he had to do was ask. Wes turned his head, the words on his lips, but the tension in the shadowy outline of Eric’s shoulders, something in the set of the back turned to him, made them die unspoken. Of course Eric was awake, of course he couldn’t sleep, any more than Wes himself could.
He closed his eyes and tried to relax, searching at least for rest if he couldn’t find sleep. Under the quiet of Eric’s hotel bedroom he could hear distant murmurs - voices, footsteps. The world went on outside, Newtech City did not sleep either on this restless night after Mirloc’s attack.
But the dark behind his lids only allowed the scenes of that day to begin their cycle again. The drive from Silver Hills, full of plans and optimism. The vision of smoke rising above the tall buildings of midtown. The search to find the source of destruction. The battle with Mirloc and his gang. The blast rifle - Mirloc with his little black box, pressing a button and stepping though window glass into nothing - the thump of his own heart as he felt an instant of dread....
And then the nightmare vision of Nick lying dead, looking so much like himself in that suit that Wes had to blink to make sure he was the one still alive, at least in those first disorienting moments. But then the sight of Eric’s face had driven away any thoughts of his own reactions.
There hadn’t been much time to think after that. They had made sure the four alien criminals they had defeated were secured and taken away. Then they had watched as Nick had been put into a black body bag, Eric looking away at the moment when they zipped it closed over his face. After a trip to the local hospital to make sure their own injuries were not serious they had gone to SPD headquarters to report the details of what had happened to Cruger and Kat. The questions, the discussion, the analysis and second guessing; all of it had gone on until he was too tired and numb to be sure of what he was saying, but finally it had been over, and they had left in the dark of night.
Wes’s car had been crushed by debris, but they had found Eric’s only slightly damaged and, finally, trailed into the hotel. Neither had said anything about Wes getting his own room for the night; after a quick dinner which neither really wanted they had come to the room, undressed, and made love, for comfort rather than pleasure, or perhaps to prove to themselves that they were both still alive.
Again Wes turned his head towards the form lying in the bed beside him. Eric’s back was turned; he was on his side half curled up. His usual sleeping position, but tonight instead of his usual graceful relaxation every line in Eric’s body spoke of tension, visible even in the pale, dim half-light filtering through the hotel room drapes.
After his initial shock, Eric might have seemed more angry than grieving, more cold than sorrowful, but Wes knew better. Eric stirred slightly, and sighed, his breath uneven, a small sound escaping. Wes moved closer behind him, spoon-fashion, and reached a hesitant hand to his shoulder, avoiding a patch of scraped skin. He could feel the muscles jump under his touch. “Eric...” he said.
“What?” The word was muffled, abrupt but without any anger.
He could hardly ask ‘Are you crying?’ so Wes settled for, “Are you all right?”
“I’ll live.”
Silence again. Wes knew what they were both thinking about. Might as well talk about it. “I hope Cruger’s right, that SPD will get Mirloc soon.”
“I wish I could go after him myself.” There was an almost frightening depth of hatred in Eric’s voice. “SPD’ll just lock him up. I’d like to take care of him my way. Permanently.”
“Believe me, I’ve thought about it too. But Cruger said they detected his ship leaving Earth.” Privately Wes thought it was just as well that Eric wouldn’t get his chance for revenge.
“And Cruger thinks Gruumm is behind it. That he hired Mirloc to stop the Ranger program.” Eric’s muscles tightened even more. “Won’t do him any good.”
“No, they’re just going to work harder than ever.” Wes hesitated. “Do you think Kat was right, that Nick’s morpher malfunctioned?”
“You mean - would he have lived if the suit had used up all its energy protecting him until he demorphed, the way we did?” Eric sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe, or maybe the explosion damaged it. He was holding that damn blaster when it blew up; maybe nothing could have saved him. All I know is - if Kat and Zaskin learn something out of this, and improve the morphers, and that saves somebody else someday - then at least Nick won’t have died for nothing.”
So much anger, so much grief. Nick must have meant a lot to Eric - more than he had ever admitted. Uninvited and unwanted, jealousy reared its head, bringing guilt with it. “You loved him, didn’t you?” Wes asked, realizing too late that the question could be taken as an accusation. “I mean - I can see this is really hard for you. I just want to help.”
“I know.” Eric’s hand came up to take Wes’s and draw it down and around him into an embrace. “Wanna know what the first thing was that I thought when I saw he was dead?”
“If you want to tell me.”
“I thought, ‘Thank God it’s not Wes.’”
Wes had no idea how to respond to that, so all he did was move in closer, carefully molding himself to Eric and finally feeling some of his partner’s tension melt in the warmth of their combined body heat.
Eric took an unsteady breath. “That sounds terrible, doesn’t it, to be glad it was him?”
“Not to me.”
“I was never in love with Nick, not like with you. But I guess, sort of...”
“You still loved him. There’s more than one kind of love.” Wes found himself wondering how he would feel if he saw Jen die, and shuddered inwardly.
“I guess I did.” Eric sighed shakily again. “Nick deserved a lot better. I should have treated him better when we were together. Today - I’ve been a Ranger longer; I should have watched out for him.”
“There’s nothing you could have done. Like you told Kat and Cruger, it’s Mirloc’s fault, nobody else’s.”
“Yeah. I can tell them that, and I can tell myself that, but it’s not so easy to believe it.”
“It’s true.” But Wes knew it would be a while before he really believed it himself. If they had been a little more alert, if one of them had thought of the possibility of a trap... But all the what-ifs in the world wouldn’t change anything.
Eric moved, easing onto his back, sliding an arm under Wes’s head to wrap around his shoulders. “Nick was glad we got together. You and me. Said he wanted me to be happy with you.”
“Damn. And I was jealous of him.”
“You were?” Wes thought he saw a tiny smile curve Eric’s lips in the dimness.
“Well, yeah. Kept thinking about the two of you spending time together again. Now I feel pretty ashamed.”
“Don’t. We’ll all human, I guess. But you know you had nothing to be jealous of.”
“I know now.”
They slipped into a comfortable silence, wrapped in each other’s arms, for a few minutes. As Wes was starting to drowse at last, Eric spoke up again, his voice not much above a whisper. “I’m glad Nick got what he wanted with Lyn... for a while... Wonder how she’s taking it...”
Wes frowned. “Must be terrible for her.” Cruger had sent two SPD officers who were friendly with Lyn to notify her. She wasn’t alone - and yet, in a deeper sense, she was. Eric was grieving, but he still had someone who loved him. Who did Lyn have to comfort her; who could she depend on?
“He should have had more time... He’ll never see Sky grow up...”
The idea brought Wes’s eyes open again. “But we can.”
“What do you mean?”
“We could kind of look out for them both. Make sure they’re okay. We’ll be down here sometimes to work with Kat and Dr. Zaskin probably; maybe we could see them then. If Lyn’ll let us, maybe we could take Sky to the park or ball games, or whatever a dad usually does.”
This time Eric definitely chuckled, very softly. “Yeah, the guy whose father walked out on him and the guy whose father was always too busy for him, playing daddy.”
“Well, we can try.”
Eric turned his head to look at him. “You’d be willing to do that?”
Wes smiled. “Yeah. Making sure his family is okay is the right thing to do for Nick.”
“The right thing. Be nice to be able to do something for him.” Eric brought his face closer for a kiss, warm and gentle, his fingers just brushing Wes’s cheek. Then he lay back as they adjusted into a more comfortable position, still entwined together. He sighed, finally relaxing. “Better try to sleep.”
Wes could feel exhaustion pulling him down, despite the aches of his physical injuries and the deeper ache in his heart. But he had hardly known Nick; what he felt must be only an echo of what Eric was going through right now. He opened his eyes, not surprised to find his partner still staring at the ceiling. “Are you all right?” he asked again.
“We’re together again, aren’t we? Not just tonight, I mean... no matter what?”
“Of course we are.”
“Then I’m all right.”
TBC...
Linkage:
[Turns on my site]
[Turns on ff.net]
List of 22: Warmth
Author: cmar
Relationship: Wes/Eric
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Shortness, character depression
Are you awake?
All he had to do was ask. Wes turned his head, the words on his lips, but the tension in the shadowy outline of Eric’s shoulders, something in the set of the back turned to him, made them die unspoken. Of course Eric was awake, of course he couldn’t sleep, any more than Wes himself could.
He closed his eyes and tried to relax, searching at least for rest if he couldn’t find sleep. Under the quiet of Eric’s hotel bedroom he could hear distant murmurs - voices, footsteps. The world went on outside, Newtech City did not sleep either on this restless night after Mirloc’s attack.
But the dark behind his lids only allowed the scenes of that day to begin their cycle again. The drive from Silver Hills, full of plans and optimism. The vision of smoke rising above the tall buildings of midtown. The search to find the source of destruction. The battle with Mirloc and his gang. The blast rifle - Mirloc with his little black box, pressing a button and stepping though window glass into nothing - the thump of his own heart as he felt an instant of dread....
And then the nightmare vision of Nick lying dead, looking so much like himself in that suit that Wes had to blink to make sure he was the one still alive, at least in those first disorienting moments. But then the sight of Eric’s face had driven away any thoughts of his own reactions.
There hadn’t been much time to think after that. They had made sure the four alien criminals they had defeated were secured and taken away. Then they had watched as Nick had been put into a black body bag, Eric looking away at the moment when they zipped it closed over his face. After a trip to the local hospital to make sure their own injuries were not serious they had gone to SPD headquarters to report the details of what had happened to Cruger and Kat. The questions, the discussion, the analysis and second guessing; all of it had gone on until he was too tired and numb to be sure of what he was saying, but finally it had been over, and they had left in the dark of night.
Wes’s car had been crushed by debris, but they had found Eric’s only slightly damaged and, finally, trailed into the hotel. Neither had said anything about Wes getting his own room for the night; after a quick dinner which neither really wanted they had come to the room, undressed, and made love, for comfort rather than pleasure, or perhaps to prove to themselves that they were both still alive.
Again Wes turned his head towards the form lying in the bed beside him. Eric’s back was turned; he was on his side half curled up. His usual sleeping position, but tonight instead of his usual graceful relaxation every line in Eric’s body spoke of tension, visible even in the pale, dim half-light filtering through the hotel room drapes.
After his initial shock, Eric might have seemed more angry than grieving, more cold than sorrowful, but Wes knew better. Eric stirred slightly, and sighed, his breath uneven, a small sound escaping. Wes moved closer behind him, spoon-fashion, and reached a hesitant hand to his shoulder, avoiding a patch of scraped skin. He could feel the muscles jump under his touch. “Eric...” he said.
“What?” The word was muffled, abrupt but without any anger.
He could hardly ask ‘Are you crying?’ so Wes settled for, “Are you all right?”
“I’ll live.”
Silence again. Wes knew what they were both thinking about. Might as well talk about it. “I hope Cruger’s right, that SPD will get Mirloc soon.”
“I wish I could go after him myself.” There was an almost frightening depth of hatred in Eric’s voice. “SPD’ll just lock him up. I’d like to take care of him my way. Permanently.”
“Believe me, I’ve thought about it too. But Cruger said they detected his ship leaving Earth.” Privately Wes thought it was just as well that Eric wouldn’t get his chance for revenge.
“And Cruger thinks Gruumm is behind it. That he hired Mirloc to stop the Ranger program.” Eric’s muscles tightened even more. “Won’t do him any good.”
“No, they’re just going to work harder than ever.” Wes hesitated. “Do you think Kat was right, that Nick’s morpher malfunctioned?”
“You mean - would he have lived if the suit had used up all its energy protecting him until he demorphed, the way we did?” Eric sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe, or maybe the explosion damaged it. He was holding that damn blaster when it blew up; maybe nothing could have saved him. All I know is - if Kat and Zaskin learn something out of this, and improve the morphers, and that saves somebody else someday - then at least Nick won’t have died for nothing.”
So much anger, so much grief. Nick must have meant a lot to Eric - more than he had ever admitted. Uninvited and unwanted, jealousy reared its head, bringing guilt with it. “You loved him, didn’t you?” Wes asked, realizing too late that the question could be taken as an accusation. “I mean - I can see this is really hard for you. I just want to help.”
“I know.” Eric’s hand came up to take Wes’s and draw it down and around him into an embrace. “Wanna know what the first thing was that I thought when I saw he was dead?”
“If you want to tell me.”
“I thought, ‘Thank God it’s not Wes.’”
Wes had no idea how to respond to that, so all he did was move in closer, carefully molding himself to Eric and finally feeling some of his partner’s tension melt in the warmth of their combined body heat.
Eric took an unsteady breath. “That sounds terrible, doesn’t it, to be glad it was him?”
“Not to me.”
“I was never in love with Nick, not like with you. But I guess, sort of...”
“You still loved him. There’s more than one kind of love.” Wes found himself wondering how he would feel if he saw Jen die, and shuddered inwardly.
“I guess I did.” Eric sighed shakily again. “Nick deserved a lot better. I should have treated him better when we were together. Today - I’ve been a Ranger longer; I should have watched out for him.”
“There’s nothing you could have done. Like you told Kat and Cruger, it’s Mirloc’s fault, nobody else’s.”
“Yeah. I can tell them that, and I can tell myself that, but it’s not so easy to believe it.”
“It’s true.” But Wes knew it would be a while before he really believed it himself. If they had been a little more alert, if one of them had thought of the possibility of a trap... But all the what-ifs in the world wouldn’t change anything.
Eric moved, easing onto his back, sliding an arm under Wes’s head to wrap around his shoulders. “Nick was glad we got together. You and me. Said he wanted me to be happy with you.”
“Damn. And I was jealous of him.”
“You were?” Wes thought he saw a tiny smile curve Eric’s lips in the dimness.
“Well, yeah. Kept thinking about the two of you spending time together again. Now I feel pretty ashamed.”
“Don’t. We’ll all human, I guess. But you know you had nothing to be jealous of.”
“I know now.”
They slipped into a comfortable silence, wrapped in each other’s arms, for a few minutes. As Wes was starting to drowse at last, Eric spoke up again, his voice not much above a whisper. “I’m glad Nick got what he wanted with Lyn... for a while... Wonder how she’s taking it...”
Wes frowned. “Must be terrible for her.” Cruger had sent two SPD officers who were friendly with Lyn to notify her. She wasn’t alone - and yet, in a deeper sense, she was. Eric was grieving, but he still had someone who loved him. Who did Lyn have to comfort her; who could she depend on?
“He should have had more time... He’ll never see Sky grow up...”
The idea brought Wes’s eyes open again. “But we can.”
“What do you mean?”
“We could kind of look out for them both. Make sure they’re okay. We’ll be down here sometimes to work with Kat and Dr. Zaskin probably; maybe we could see them then. If Lyn’ll let us, maybe we could take Sky to the park or ball games, or whatever a dad usually does.”
This time Eric definitely chuckled, very softly. “Yeah, the guy whose father walked out on him and the guy whose father was always too busy for him, playing daddy.”
“Well, we can try.”
Eric turned his head to look at him. “You’d be willing to do that?”
Wes smiled. “Yeah. Making sure his family is okay is the right thing to do for Nick.”
“The right thing. Be nice to be able to do something for him.” Eric brought his face closer for a kiss, warm and gentle, his fingers just brushing Wes’s cheek. Then he lay back as they adjusted into a more comfortable position, still entwined together. He sighed, finally relaxing. “Better try to sleep.”
Wes could feel exhaustion pulling him down, despite the aches of his physical injuries and the deeper ache in his heart. But he had hardly known Nick; what he felt must be only an echo of what Eric was going through right now. He opened his eyes, not surprised to find his partner still staring at the ceiling. “Are you all right?” he asked again.
“We’re together again, aren’t we? Not just tonight, I mean... no matter what?”
“Of course we are.”
“Then I’m all right.”
TBC...
Linkage:
[Turns on my site]
[Turns on ff.net]
List of 22: Warmth