Turns in the Road: Separations part 2, by cmar, Wes/Eric
Title: Separations part 2
Author: cmar
Relationship: Wes/Eric
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Attempts at realism
Nick caught Eric’s eye and shook his head slightly. Eric sighed. “Thank you, ma’am,” he said, nodding to the woman they had just wasted the last twenty minutes on interviewing. “I think we have all the information we need.”
“What are you going to do about the aliens?” she demanded in a sharp voice.
“We’ll take care of them, don’t worry,” Nick said soothingly.
“Just keep wearing that aluminum hat,” Eric said. “I’m sure it’ll keep them from controlling your mind with radar.”
“Don’t underestimate the power of aluminum, young man!”
Eric waited only long enough for them to get out of earshot before muttering, “Damn nutcase.”
“It’s not her fault,” Nick said.
“I know, I know. But we’ve spent the last two days checking out every crank call and crazy rumor in town, and we keep ending up with-” he gestured disgustedly at the house they had just left- “aluminum hats.”
“Gotta be done. Mirloc has disappeared; we’ve got no real leads to follow. Right now the crazy reports of aliens I’ve been able to get from the local police is about all we’ve got to go on.” Nick paused at the door of the SPD company car they were sharing for the day. “Looks like that’s it for now, and it’s almost lunchtime. How about we go by my house and grab something to eat?”
Eric stopped with a hand on the open door. “I dunno. Why don’t you just drop me off at SPD? I can get something there.”
“But that’s halfway across town. My place is a lot closer.”
“Well, then I can drop you off. Pick you up later.”
“Eric...” Nick shook his head. “This is the third time I’ve invited you over in the last two days. What’s the problem?”
“Jesus...” Eric slid into the car seat and shut the door before answering after Nick did the same. “Isn’t it obvious? Your wife... me... It would be weird.”
“But she wants you to come. You’re my old Army buddy, as far as she knows, and she’d like to meet you.”
“I don’t like it. You sure she doesn’t know about us?”
Nick shook his head. “I told her I’m bi and I’ve been with men, including one in the Army, but I didn’t name any names. I don’t like hiding things from her, but - I figure it’s not my secret to tell.”
“Good. At least I won’t have to worry she’s going to slip something into my lunch.”
This time Nick laughed. “You’re still a suspicious bastard. Does that mean you’ll come?”
“I can see I have no choice,” Eric grumbled as Nick, still smiling, put the car in gear.
- - -
“Would you like anything else?”
Eric glanced over the table in the Tates’ comfortable dining room, laden with fresh bread, cold cuts, cheese, and a bowl of fruit, and at the remains of his own sandwich. “No, this was great, Mrs. Tate. Thanks.”
“Now, didn’t I tell you to call me Lyn?”
“Eric likes to be formal, honey. Be grateful he doesn’t call you ‘ma’am’,” Nick said, and added to Eric, “Better do what she wants. Lyn’s almost as stubborn as you.”
“Gee, thanks, sweetheart,” Lyn said.
“Hey, I meant it as a compliment.” Nick chuckled at her as she playfully swatted his shoulder.
Lyn stood up. “Okay then, if you two can survive without me, I’d better take off. I want to talk to Sky’s teacher before I bring him home.”
“Anything wrong?” Nick asked.
“Just the normal stuff. He doesn’t pay attention in class. Doesn’t take his studies seriously.”
“Oh, okay.”
Lyn leaned over him for a quick kiss. Then with another smile, a swing of blonde hair, and the click of the front door closing behind her, she was gone.
“You remember Sky’s special talent,” Nick said after a moment. “We’ve done our best to train him not to use it in front of other people, but he’s only a kid. We worry.”
“I remember. But you and Lyn seem to have things under control.”
“I hope so.” Nick turned his attention back to the remains of his lunch. “Lyn likes you. I can tell.”
“Yeah?” Eric half-smiled. “She’s okay. I think you lucked out there.”
“I think so too. She even understands my... varied tastes.”
“Any problems because of that?”
“After she got over the first shock, and yelled at me for not telling her before we got married, no. She said as long as I’m not cheating on her it doesn’t matter. She tends to be very practical.” Nick leaned back in his chair. “So. What about you? How are you and Wes doing?”
“Okay, I guess.” Eric was unable to keep his face from tightening.
“You guess? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Yeah, that’s convincing.” Nick leaned closer. “Eric, this is me. I know when you’ve got a problem. If you want to talk about it, I’m a great listener.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Okay, I understand.” With a shrug, Nick picked up an orange and began to peel it.
“It’s just - Wes got this idea he wants to move in with me.”
“And? What happened?”
“What do you think happened? I can’t let him do it. Can’t believe he even suggested it. I mean, it’s just stupid.”
“Yup. Pretty stupid to want to live with the person you love.” Eric looked up, but Nick was still working on the orange, his expression innocent.
“Well, it is. Even if he doesn’t care if half the world finds out about us, I do.”
“How’d he take it?”
“I dunno.” Eric hunched his shoulders, looking away. “Ever since then... things just aren’t the same. I guess he can’t handle not getting what he wants. At this rate...”
“What are you doing about it?”
“What can I do?” Eric barely heard the frustration and pain in his voice, but he saw Nick’s eyes focus on him, brows creasing a little. “I know Wes. He wants - he wants us to come out in the open, let everyone know about us. He’s tired of hiding. Well, I’m tired of it too! I want all the same things, but I know I can’t have them. That’s the problem; he wants things he’s never going to have with me.”
“Why not?” Nick was still watching him narrowly. “What’s wrong with letting people find out? Your boss already knows, and he supports you, right? So what would happen?”
“What would happen?” Eric scowled. “We have to work with the Silver Guardians. I can just imagine how some of those guys would react.”
“How?”
“Funny looks. Jokes. Smart remarks. Some of them might refuse to obey orders, or even quit.”
Nick shrugged lightly. “If some quit, hire more. Fire the ones who refuse orders, and the Guardians will be better off without them. I doubt there would be a lot of funny looks, jokes, and smart remarks after that, and if there are - ignore them.”
“Wes and I would have a swarm of reporters following us around, asking questions that are none of their business and getting in the way.”
“If you could handle the reporters when they found out you’re the Quantum Ranger, I think you can handle this. And as soon as the next big scandal breaks, they’d forget all about you and Wes. What else?”
There were a million more reasons why they needed to keep their secret - but at the moment Eric couldn’t think of any. “You don’t understand,” he growled.
“I don’t understand? I spent a year in the Army sneaking around to meet you in bars and hotel rooms, hoping no one found out about us. But we had a reason back then. It’s 2010, Eric. Even the military has changed its attitude. Soldiers aren’t kicked out anymore just for being gay.”
“In practice, maybe, but the rules-”
“Are in the process of changing. Along with a lot of other rules. Partly because more and more gays are coming out in the open.” Nick paused, and when Eric looked up he leaned forward again. “If Wes has the courage to do this, why don’t you?”
The implied accusation of cowardice stung. “Because I’m not stupid!” Eric ground out, glaring. “Because I had to fight for everything I have, and I’m not going to lose it! Not for Wes, and not for anyone!”
Nick didn’t blink. “And what about Wes?” he asked. “What if you lose him instead?”
“I...” Eric looked away again. “If that’s his choice, there’s nothing I can do.”
“It’s your choice too.” Again, Nick went on after a pause. “A relationship is a two-way street, or that’s what it’s supposed to be. A partnership. Sounds to me like you’re making the decisions all on your own, and maybe that’s the real problem.”
“Yeah, you know all about it, don’t you?”
Nick had sat back again, and was examining Eric with an infuriating smirk. “As a matter of fact, having been in a similar situation with you, I sympathize with Wes.”
“I bet you do.”
“Is it just that you don’t want to live with him, and all this stuff about people finding out is just an excuse?”
“No!” Eric hadn’t even realized how true it was until he said it. “Of course I want to live with him! I would love to live with him. But not if it means having people find out about me - I mean us.”
“Maybe you were right the first time.” Nick still looked relaxed, but his eyes were sharp. “You know what I think? You’re ashamed of being gay.”
“I’m - what?” It was so ridiculous Eric didn’t know whether to laugh or hit him.
“You’re ashamed. That’s why you’re so determined not to let anyone find out.”
“You’re crazy.”
“It’s kind of funny. All those years you waited for Wes to come out of the closet, and now - he’s ready for that last step into the open, while you’ve still got one foot firmly stuck inside.”
“Bullshit!” Eric found himself on his feet, leaning over the table to glare down at Nick. “How the hell do you have any right to say anything? You’re living the straight life, with a wife and a kid. Maybe all your crap about being bi is just an excuse and you’re the one who’s too scared to face up to being gay!”
“I married Lyn because I love her. It has nothing to do with straight or gay,” Nick said very quietly. “Look, I grew up in the same society you did, the one that tells you every day from the moment you’re born that it’s normal to be straight, that you’re expected to be straight. Yes, I ended up with a woman - but that doesn’t mean I didn’t have my own struggle with what I felt. And as hard as it is for you to imagine, I may have had it worse than you since I’m neither straight nor gay, and sometimes I felt like neither side liked me very much.”
Nick paused as they stared at each other, and then went on. “Maybe you’re right, and I’m in no position to tell you anything. But - if you hadn’t walked out on me all those years ago maybe we’d still be together, and if we were I’d be happy to live with you. I loved you then and I still care about you, and believe it or not I want you to be happy.”
“Damn,” Eric muttered, straightening and stepping back. “Look... Maybe you’re just trying to help. Maybe you’re even right; I don’t know. But - maybe I’m the one who knows what’ll make me happy. If I don’t - maybe I just have to make my own mistakes.”
“I guess we all have to. The trick is to learn from them before it’s too late.” After a moment Nick looked up and smiled again, before he got to his feet. “Well, lunchtime’s over and then some. We need to get back to work. Ready to track down more flying saucers and little green men?”
Eric groaned.
He managed not to think about it as he and Nick interviewed various people who had reported everything from ET in a restaurant bathroom to Elvis on a rooftop to Bigfoot at a backyard barbeque. But the thought refused to go away for good. Ashamed. Of course it wasn’t true. Along with everything else Nick had said. And yet it made him wonder - was it only Wes who was responsible for the coldness that had come into their relationship? Or was it him, instinctively pulling away when Wes asked for something he wasn’t willing to give?
A two-way street. Nick had been right about that part, at least. Maybe it was time to start meeting Wes halfway.
- - -
“An aluminum hat to keep aliens from controlling her mind? Really?”
“Honest. Looked kind of like our berets, except - you know - metal. Wish you’d been there to see it.”
Wes chuckled, partly because he was amused, and partly because Eric seemed so much less distant tonight than he had since - well, for weeks, maybe months.
“Anyway, we did get one real lead this afternoon - three kids said they saw five people in Halloween costumes breaking into a jewelry store last night. The descriptions matched. Could be we’re getting close.”
That news, plus Eric’s improved attitude, made Wes take a chance on asking... “So - sounds like maybe you and Nick could use a hand. Be no problem for me to get away for a few days and come down there.”
There was a tiny hesitation, but Eric’s tone was encouraging when he answered, “Why not? You can check out SPD, and say hello to Dr. Zaskin, and - we can spend some time together. And if we can take Mirloc out while you’re here, I can go back with you.”
“That would be great! Uh... How about tomorrow?”
“Sounds good to me.”
“I’ll drive down in the morning.”
“Okay. Call when you get into town, and we’ll meet up.”
Wes smiled and tried to think of something else to say, reluctant to see the conversation end. But there really was nothing more, except the one thing that hadn’t been said between them for much too long. “I love you.”
“Love you too,” came back, without any hesitation this time.
A moment later Wes lay back on his bed and grinned at the ceiling. Tomorrow suddenly seemed a whole lot brighter.
TBC...
Linkage:
[Turns on my site]
[Turns on ff.net]
List of 22: Original: The Closet
Author: cmar
Relationship: Wes/Eric
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Attempts at realism
Nick caught Eric’s eye and shook his head slightly. Eric sighed. “Thank you, ma’am,” he said, nodding to the woman they had just wasted the last twenty minutes on interviewing. “I think we have all the information we need.”
“What are you going to do about the aliens?” she demanded in a sharp voice.
“We’ll take care of them, don’t worry,” Nick said soothingly.
“Just keep wearing that aluminum hat,” Eric said. “I’m sure it’ll keep them from controlling your mind with radar.”
“Don’t underestimate the power of aluminum, young man!”
Eric waited only long enough for them to get out of earshot before muttering, “Damn nutcase.”
“It’s not her fault,” Nick said.
“I know, I know. But we’ve spent the last two days checking out every crank call and crazy rumor in town, and we keep ending up with-” he gestured disgustedly at the house they had just left- “aluminum hats.”
“Gotta be done. Mirloc has disappeared; we’ve got no real leads to follow. Right now the crazy reports of aliens I’ve been able to get from the local police is about all we’ve got to go on.” Nick paused at the door of the SPD company car they were sharing for the day. “Looks like that’s it for now, and it’s almost lunchtime. How about we go by my house and grab something to eat?”
Eric stopped with a hand on the open door. “I dunno. Why don’t you just drop me off at SPD? I can get something there.”
“But that’s halfway across town. My place is a lot closer.”
“Well, then I can drop you off. Pick you up later.”
“Eric...” Nick shook his head. “This is the third time I’ve invited you over in the last two days. What’s the problem?”
“Jesus...” Eric slid into the car seat and shut the door before answering after Nick did the same. “Isn’t it obvious? Your wife... me... It would be weird.”
“But she wants you to come. You’re my old Army buddy, as far as she knows, and she’d like to meet you.”
“I don’t like it. You sure she doesn’t know about us?”
Nick shook his head. “I told her I’m bi and I’ve been with men, including one in the Army, but I didn’t name any names. I don’t like hiding things from her, but - I figure it’s not my secret to tell.”
“Good. At least I won’t have to worry she’s going to slip something into my lunch.”
This time Nick laughed. “You’re still a suspicious bastard. Does that mean you’ll come?”
“I can see I have no choice,” Eric grumbled as Nick, still smiling, put the car in gear.
- - -
“Would you like anything else?”
Eric glanced over the table in the Tates’ comfortable dining room, laden with fresh bread, cold cuts, cheese, and a bowl of fruit, and at the remains of his own sandwich. “No, this was great, Mrs. Tate. Thanks.”
“Now, didn’t I tell you to call me Lyn?”
“Eric likes to be formal, honey. Be grateful he doesn’t call you ‘ma’am’,” Nick said, and added to Eric, “Better do what she wants. Lyn’s almost as stubborn as you.”
“Gee, thanks, sweetheart,” Lyn said.
“Hey, I meant it as a compliment.” Nick chuckled at her as she playfully swatted his shoulder.
Lyn stood up. “Okay then, if you two can survive without me, I’d better take off. I want to talk to Sky’s teacher before I bring him home.”
“Anything wrong?” Nick asked.
“Just the normal stuff. He doesn’t pay attention in class. Doesn’t take his studies seriously.”
“Oh, okay.”
Lyn leaned over him for a quick kiss. Then with another smile, a swing of blonde hair, and the click of the front door closing behind her, she was gone.
“You remember Sky’s special talent,” Nick said after a moment. “We’ve done our best to train him not to use it in front of other people, but he’s only a kid. We worry.”
“I remember. But you and Lyn seem to have things under control.”
“I hope so.” Nick turned his attention back to the remains of his lunch. “Lyn likes you. I can tell.”
“Yeah?” Eric half-smiled. “She’s okay. I think you lucked out there.”
“I think so too. She even understands my... varied tastes.”
“Any problems because of that?”
“After she got over the first shock, and yelled at me for not telling her before we got married, no. She said as long as I’m not cheating on her it doesn’t matter. She tends to be very practical.” Nick leaned back in his chair. “So. What about you? How are you and Wes doing?”
“Okay, I guess.” Eric was unable to keep his face from tightening.
“You guess? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Yeah, that’s convincing.” Nick leaned closer. “Eric, this is me. I know when you’ve got a problem. If you want to talk about it, I’m a great listener.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Okay, I understand.” With a shrug, Nick picked up an orange and began to peel it.
“It’s just - Wes got this idea he wants to move in with me.”
“And? What happened?”
“What do you think happened? I can’t let him do it. Can’t believe he even suggested it. I mean, it’s just stupid.”
“Yup. Pretty stupid to want to live with the person you love.” Eric looked up, but Nick was still working on the orange, his expression innocent.
“Well, it is. Even if he doesn’t care if half the world finds out about us, I do.”
“How’d he take it?”
“I dunno.” Eric hunched his shoulders, looking away. “Ever since then... things just aren’t the same. I guess he can’t handle not getting what he wants. At this rate...”
“What are you doing about it?”
“What can I do?” Eric barely heard the frustration and pain in his voice, but he saw Nick’s eyes focus on him, brows creasing a little. “I know Wes. He wants - he wants us to come out in the open, let everyone know about us. He’s tired of hiding. Well, I’m tired of it too! I want all the same things, but I know I can’t have them. That’s the problem; he wants things he’s never going to have with me.”
“Why not?” Nick was still watching him narrowly. “What’s wrong with letting people find out? Your boss already knows, and he supports you, right? So what would happen?”
“What would happen?” Eric scowled. “We have to work with the Silver Guardians. I can just imagine how some of those guys would react.”
“How?”
“Funny looks. Jokes. Smart remarks. Some of them might refuse to obey orders, or even quit.”
Nick shrugged lightly. “If some quit, hire more. Fire the ones who refuse orders, and the Guardians will be better off without them. I doubt there would be a lot of funny looks, jokes, and smart remarks after that, and if there are - ignore them.”
“Wes and I would have a swarm of reporters following us around, asking questions that are none of their business and getting in the way.”
“If you could handle the reporters when they found out you’re the Quantum Ranger, I think you can handle this. And as soon as the next big scandal breaks, they’d forget all about you and Wes. What else?”
There were a million more reasons why they needed to keep their secret - but at the moment Eric couldn’t think of any. “You don’t understand,” he growled.
“I don’t understand? I spent a year in the Army sneaking around to meet you in bars and hotel rooms, hoping no one found out about us. But we had a reason back then. It’s 2010, Eric. Even the military has changed its attitude. Soldiers aren’t kicked out anymore just for being gay.”
“In practice, maybe, but the rules-”
“Are in the process of changing. Along with a lot of other rules. Partly because more and more gays are coming out in the open.” Nick paused, and when Eric looked up he leaned forward again. “If Wes has the courage to do this, why don’t you?”
The implied accusation of cowardice stung. “Because I’m not stupid!” Eric ground out, glaring. “Because I had to fight for everything I have, and I’m not going to lose it! Not for Wes, and not for anyone!”
Nick didn’t blink. “And what about Wes?” he asked. “What if you lose him instead?”
“I...” Eric looked away again. “If that’s his choice, there’s nothing I can do.”
“It’s your choice too.” Again, Nick went on after a pause. “A relationship is a two-way street, or that’s what it’s supposed to be. A partnership. Sounds to me like you’re making the decisions all on your own, and maybe that’s the real problem.”
“Yeah, you know all about it, don’t you?”
Nick had sat back again, and was examining Eric with an infuriating smirk. “As a matter of fact, having been in a similar situation with you, I sympathize with Wes.”
“I bet you do.”
“Is it just that you don’t want to live with him, and all this stuff about people finding out is just an excuse?”
“No!” Eric hadn’t even realized how true it was until he said it. “Of course I want to live with him! I would love to live with him. But not if it means having people find out about me - I mean us.”
“Maybe you were right the first time.” Nick still looked relaxed, but his eyes were sharp. “You know what I think? You’re ashamed of being gay.”
“I’m - what?” It was so ridiculous Eric didn’t know whether to laugh or hit him.
“You’re ashamed. That’s why you’re so determined not to let anyone find out.”
“You’re crazy.”
“It’s kind of funny. All those years you waited for Wes to come out of the closet, and now - he’s ready for that last step into the open, while you’ve still got one foot firmly stuck inside.”
“Bullshit!” Eric found himself on his feet, leaning over the table to glare down at Nick. “How the hell do you have any right to say anything? You’re living the straight life, with a wife and a kid. Maybe all your crap about being bi is just an excuse and you’re the one who’s too scared to face up to being gay!”
“I married Lyn because I love her. It has nothing to do with straight or gay,” Nick said very quietly. “Look, I grew up in the same society you did, the one that tells you every day from the moment you’re born that it’s normal to be straight, that you’re expected to be straight. Yes, I ended up with a woman - but that doesn’t mean I didn’t have my own struggle with what I felt. And as hard as it is for you to imagine, I may have had it worse than you since I’m neither straight nor gay, and sometimes I felt like neither side liked me very much.”
Nick paused as they stared at each other, and then went on. “Maybe you’re right, and I’m in no position to tell you anything. But - if you hadn’t walked out on me all those years ago maybe we’d still be together, and if we were I’d be happy to live with you. I loved you then and I still care about you, and believe it or not I want you to be happy.”
“Damn,” Eric muttered, straightening and stepping back. “Look... Maybe you’re just trying to help. Maybe you’re even right; I don’t know. But - maybe I’m the one who knows what’ll make me happy. If I don’t - maybe I just have to make my own mistakes.”
“I guess we all have to. The trick is to learn from them before it’s too late.” After a moment Nick looked up and smiled again, before he got to his feet. “Well, lunchtime’s over and then some. We need to get back to work. Ready to track down more flying saucers and little green men?”
Eric groaned.
He managed not to think about it as he and Nick interviewed various people who had reported everything from ET in a restaurant bathroom to Elvis on a rooftop to Bigfoot at a backyard barbeque. But the thought refused to go away for good. Ashamed. Of course it wasn’t true. Along with everything else Nick had said. And yet it made him wonder - was it only Wes who was responsible for the coldness that had come into their relationship? Or was it him, instinctively pulling away when Wes asked for something he wasn’t willing to give?
A two-way street. Nick had been right about that part, at least. Maybe it was time to start meeting Wes halfway.
- - -
“An aluminum hat to keep aliens from controlling her mind? Really?”
“Honest. Looked kind of like our berets, except - you know - metal. Wish you’d been there to see it.”
Wes chuckled, partly because he was amused, and partly because Eric seemed so much less distant tonight than he had since - well, for weeks, maybe months.
“Anyway, we did get one real lead this afternoon - three kids said they saw five people in Halloween costumes breaking into a jewelry store last night. The descriptions matched. Could be we’re getting close.”
That news, plus Eric’s improved attitude, made Wes take a chance on asking... “So - sounds like maybe you and Nick could use a hand. Be no problem for me to get away for a few days and come down there.”
There was a tiny hesitation, but Eric’s tone was encouraging when he answered, “Why not? You can check out SPD, and say hello to Dr. Zaskin, and - we can spend some time together. And if we can take Mirloc out while you’re here, I can go back with you.”
“That would be great! Uh... How about tomorrow?”
“Sounds good to me.”
“I’ll drive down in the morning.”
“Okay. Call when you get into town, and we’ll meet up.”
Wes smiled and tried to think of something else to say, reluctant to see the conversation end. But there really was nothing more, except the one thing that hadn’t been said between them for much too long. “I love you.”
“Love you too,” came back, without any hesitation this time.
A moment later Wes lay back on his bed and grinned at the ceiling. Tomorrow suddenly seemed a whole lot brighter.
TBC...
Linkage:
[Turns on my site]
[Turns on ff.net]
List of 22: Original: The Closet