Title: Future Tense
Author: cmar
Relationship: Wes/Eric
Rating: PG to PG-13, hints of sexual content
Warning: Angst alert!
This is a companion piece to my last entry, 'Bits and Pieces', and takes place immediately after it.
********************
It was still in my pocket.
That’s right... When the cyclobots had broken in the windows of the clock tower and attacked Eric and me, I had been looking at one of those snapshots we had all taken of ourselves a few months ago. I had no memory of shoving it into my pocket, but obviously that’s what I had done. Now, I stared down at it: crumpled and battered, but the image was still there.
Again I stared into the faces of Jen, Trip, Katie, and Lucas. They had been clowning for the camera, holding up their morphers while I took the picture. One of the rare times we had all been relaxing, having fun. Now - no more clock tower. No more team. Soon, no more Trip, Katie, and Lucas. Most of all, no more Jen. The life I had lived for close to a year was gone, forever. Someday even my memories of it would fade and change, until there was nothing real left except for this fragile photograph with its portrait of one happy moment, frozen forever in time.
“Hey.”
I looked up to see Jen herself standing over me, her face scraped and smudged with dirt, but smiling. Dredging up a smile myself, I answered, “Hey yourself. Got everything settled?”
She nodded and sank onto the hospital bench next to me with a sigh. “Ransik and Nadira are packed away in containment. We reported in to Time Force. Looks like all the damage they might have done to the timeline has been contained. Everything’s okay.”
“That’s great,” I said, knowing I should be happy but just too tired and numb to feel much.
“What’s that?”
I showed it to her. “One of the pictures we took. Remember?”
“Of course.” She took it for a closer look. “A long time ago... wasn’t it?”
“Yeah. A long time.” Right now it felt like a different lifetime.
“Any change yet?” Jen handed the picture back and nodded in the direction of the room where Eric lay, injured and still unconscious.
“No.”
“Did you talk to him, like your father suggested?”
“Yeah. Nothing.” I shrugged uncomfortably, trying not to let the guilt I felt show.
“I’m sure he’ll be all right.”
“Yeah. I hope so.” I stared down the hall, my mind’s eye seeing the room I had just left, the man I had tried to talk to, to explain things to. So much left unsaid, so much I didn’t understand myself.
“What’s wrong?” Jen asked, watching my face.
No way I could tell her everything. No way. I shrugged. “It’s just really strange seeing him like that. Eric always seemed so - so tough. So strong, like nothing could hurt him. And now...” I trailed off, realizing the words were more true than I had thought. It had seemed so wrong to see Eric unconscious and helpless in a hospital bed, as if the universe had suddenly turned inside out. And the sight of his face, the harsh lines softened, had reminded me of things it would be better not to remember...
“None of us are indestructible.” Jen’s voice was soft.
“Nope. We sure aren’t.” I focused my attention on her again. “You look tired.”
“Two time trips and getting our butts kicked by Ransik has that effect, yes.” Her eyes met mine, creasing slightly in amusement before she sighed. “It’s over. At last. I can’t believe it.”
“Neither can I,” I said sincerely, leaning my elbows on my knees. After a moment I went on, partly to myself. “I feel kinda... let down, almost. Weird, huh?”
Jen took a while to answer, long enough for me to look up at her again. “Not so weird. This has been our whole lives for a long time. Now, everything changes. We - Lucas and Katie and Trip and I - we’ll be going home. For good this time.”
“I know.” Depression settled on me.
“Wes...” She sounded hesitant.
“Yeah?”
“Um - when we were back in 3000... I gave Alex back his engagement ring.”
My glance fell to her hands, tensely clenched on her knees in contradiction to her calm and quiet tone. The left third finger was bare. She had broken up with Alex. The thought penetrated dully, setting off a cascade of questions. Why? Why she done it, and why had she told me? She would have to leave anyway; there was no way we could stay together. What did she expect? Was it possible she felt the same way about me that I did about her? And if she did - what right did I have to say anything to her?
I had betrayed her. Even though we had made no promises or declarations, without meaning to, without understanding why I had done it - I had betrayed her during those few dark minutes with Eric. I felt - dirty.
So I avoided her eyes and mumbled, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” I could sense that she was puzzled at my reaction.
But I knew it was my fault, at least in part. If not for me - I knew Jen liked me. I knew she had been troubled about Alex, and God help me, I had tried to win her from him, even when I knew I couldn’t offer her anything permanent. That had been a betrayal too.
“Well... I’d better find Lucas, Trip, and Katie. Maybe we’ll get something to eat.” She stood up. “You coming?”
“No.” With an effort, I smiled up at her. “Not yet. I’ll stay here for a while and see if anything happens. If you don’t mind.”
“Sure, no problem. We can meet you here later.”
“Go on over to Dad’s house if you want. He said you could stay as long as you need to.”
“I know. I’ll see what the others want to do.” She laid a soft hand on my shoulder. “You must be exhausted. Don’t stay too late.”
“I won’t.”
I watched her until she disappeared into an elevator and then looked around the hospital corridor, now empty except for the occasional nurse or doctor hurrying on his or her way. After the frantic activity of the last several hours of casualties arriving and being cared for, peace had descended. I leaned back, closed my eyes, and tried to relax. But the dark behind my eyelids turned into the gloom of the clock tower, with Eric’s shadowed face leaning close to mine...
No. I bent forward, elbows on knees, rubbing my aching eyes, wishing I could rub the memory away too. But of course it wouldn’t go; with the battle over and no one around to talk to, it hung there in my mind demanding that I think about it. My glance fell to the picture in my hand and I tried to concentrate on it, but even Jen’s face couldn’t erase that other, darker, infinitely more disturbing and compelling image.
Why? Why had I done it? Why let Eric touch me, and kiss me, and... and do the other things he had done? Why hadn’t I stopped him? Most of all, why had I wanted it? Because I had, there was no use denying it. I could almost still feel it, and could feel that treacherous excitement stirring in the pit of my stomach again at the thought.
I clenched my fists, fighting it back. This didn’t mean anything. It had happened, but only because we had been alone, in the dark, both thinking we were going to die. Only because Eric had told me all those things about his life, and then he had said he loved me, and I had felt sorry for him. Then... well, sex was sex, after all, and it felt good. A lot of guys fool around with other guys, just experimenting or - whatever, and it didn’t mean they were... I had been curious, couldn’t deny that, ever since school I had wondered about Eric and about that night he had tried to kiss me, and what would have happened if he had. Well, now my curiosity was satisfied, and I could forget about it.
At the sound of footsteps coming down the hall I looked up, and saw Dad headed towards me, a tired smile on his face. He was a welcome distraction from my own thoughts, and I smiled back.
“How are you holding up?” he asked, sitting beside me.
“I’m okay. You?”
“Fine. Just fine.”
“You should go home. Get some rest.”
“Soon. The Guardians are still rounding up the last of the cyclobots, and with Eric out of action they need someone in command.”
“I could take care of it, Dad,” I offered without thinking.
“Yes, I’m sure you could,” he said, eyeing me speculatively. “But you’re worn out yourself. If I can find Steve Miller, I’ll put him in charge, at least for tonight.”
“Good.” I stared down at the floor, too out of it to think of anything more to say.
“Maybe I’ve said it already, but it bears repeating.” Dad was watching me with a smile when I looked up, but there was a depth of feeling in his eyes. “I’m very proud of you. You saved us, all of us.”
“Thanks...” I shrugged, feeling embarrassed and not terribly proud of myself. “But I didn’t save everyone, or this hospital wouldn’t be full of victims right now.”
“We all do what we can, Wes.” He sighed. “Bad things happen, and sometimes nothing can prevent it. But you stopped it from being much worse. Most of the people in this city owe you their lives.”
“It was the others, really. I would have been toast if they hadn’t come back.”
“That’s the point, isn’t it? You were willing to risk your life, not just today but through all of this.” Dad cleared his throat and gave me a manly thump on the shoulder. “You went up against big odds, worked well with your team, and showed some real leadership ability.”
Anxious to give credit where it was due and to change the subject from myself and my supposed abilities, I said, “You should have seen Jen, Dad. I think she would have beaten Ransik single-handed, even if he hadn’t accidentally shot Nadira and given up. It was like she - she wouldn’t let herself be defeated.”
“She’s a determined young lady.”
“Yeah, she sure is.” Determined, that was a good word. Also brave and single-minded. Strong. Tough. A lot like - like Eric.
“Too bad she’s going to be leaving.”
I didn’t like the way Dad’s sharp eyes were watching me, so I just shrugged again and said, “Yeah.”
“With all of this over - what are you going to do now?”
What was I going to do? The question was vaguely irritating. “Geez, Dad, it’s only been a few hours. I haven’t exactly planned out the rest of my life yet.”
“I don’t expect you to, son.” Dad stood up, looking very self-satisfied for some reason. “Just keep the possibilities in mind, that’s all I ask. I’m going to see if I can find Miller. Are you going home?”
Home. I realized he meant the house, not the clock tower. Somehow it made everything that much more real, and to my alarm I felt something suspiciously like tears in the backs of my eyes. “Uh... I’ll go in a little while, Dad. Jen and the others may come back here, and I want to see if - if anything changes.”
“Right.” His eyes moved towards the door behind which we both knew Eric lay. “We owe him a lot, and I won’t forget. Let me know if he needs anything.”
“I will.”
I shook my head as he walked away and disappeared around a corner. I guess he thought he was being subtle, but what he was after was crystal-clear to me. A few little hints about my ‘leadership ability’, a question about what I planned on doing now, a mention of the possibilities. He hadn’t given up on getting me into Bio-Lab, one way or another, and the way he had in mind was probably through the Silver Guardians.
And was that such a bad idea? To my own surprise, it didn’t seem nearly as unpleasant a prospect as it had when he had offered it months ago. It would be nice to do something that would please him, after the trouble between us. Plus being in the Guardians would mean I could keep on doing something similar to what I had been doing with Jen, Lucas, Trip, and Katie, as similar as I was going to get with Ransik and his crew gone. No, not bad at all. But on the other hand - that last offer had been before Eric was commander. And before - well, before tonight.
I glanced down at the picture again, and then slid it into my pocket and leaned my head back, trying to get comfortable and think about this. Could I work with Eric? Months ago I would have said no - not that I didn’t like him, or respect him, but because he had a problem with me - but now - now things had reversed, in a crazy way, and I was the one with the problem. Could I stand seeing him every day after what had happened between us tonight? Would it be embarrassing? Uncomfortable? And what about him? Maybe he wouldn’t want to be around me. Or - what if he came on to me again? But no, that wouldn’t be like him; he could take a hint - at least I thought so - still, if he felt that way...
As I gave up on sitting and lay down on the bench, grateful for the meager comfort of a thin layer of padding, it occurred to me that it didn’t have to be like that. Dad would send Eric away if I asked him to. Nothing bad, of course, I didn’t want him fired or anything like that, just a transfer to another one of Bio-Lab’s holdings, maybe even overseas. Eric might like that, maybe even let him chose where to go, maybe he wanted to get out of here anyway...
But, strangely, I knew I wouldn’t ask Dad to do anything of the kind. The thought of working with the Guardians without Eric - of living in Silver Hills without him - of maybe never seeing him again - well, for some reason I didn’t like the idea. If he wanted to leave when he found out he’d have to be around me - well, I’d face that possibility when the time came. But he wouldn’t. Eric had a life here, and a home, and he loved being in charge of the Guardians... Assuming I was right and Dad offered me a job... We’d work it out... Yeah, this could work...
********************
“Wes? Wes! Wake up! Have you been here all night?”
“Huh?” I said cleverly, blinking into the morning sunshine that was coming through the line of windows in the corridor. Four faces were clustered above me: Katie smiling, Trip grinning, Lucas smirking, and even Jen looking amused. They all appeared to be disgustingly wide awake. “Man... Guess I have.” I sat up with a groan, as all the aches and pains of yesterday’s fighting joined forces with the stiffness of sleeping on a narrow hospital bench.
“No news, then?” Jen asked, brows creasing slightly.
“No.” All my worrying about whether Eric and I could work together would be pointless if he never woke up. I hadn’t even considered that possibility, but - if he was still in a coma after all this time... With difficulty I staggered to my feet, feeling slightly better after stretching out some of the kinks. “I’m going to find a doctor.”
We were lucky; after only a few minutes Trip spotted the doctor we had talked to last night. Vaguely I hoped the guy hadn’t been working all this time, but my main thought was of Eric as I caught up to him and stammered an anxious question.
“Right, Eric Myers,” he said with a glance at all five of us. “He’s awake.”
“He is?” I said, starting to grin as a weight seemed to lift from me. “Is he okay?”
“We’re keeping him for a few days, but I think he’ll be fine.” He hesitated a moment, and then smiled. “You can see him if you want.”
Knowing he was going to be all right was one thing... but see him? Now? It was my turn to hesitate, but Trip jumped in. “Great!” he exclaimed. “Thanks!”
At the door to Eric’s room I stopped, taking a deep breath, feeling my heart start to pound, seriously considering waiting outside. Just nerves - natural, I guess, considering everything. Still, this was Eric. He had saved my life. I had been able to talk to him when he was unconscious, should be able to talk to him now. I owed him that much. Jen gave me a slightly inquisitive glance but didn’t ask questions as Katie knocked softly on the door. A familiar voice answered her, the door opened, and the four of them crowded through.
I edged in behind them, feeling ashamed of my reluctance as Eric’s eyes searched, found me, and brightened at the sight. “Hi,” I muttered, feeling like an idiot.
“Hi,” he answered, ducking his head a little and looking just as self-conscious as I felt. “Uh... You okay?”
“Yeah, sure. I’m fine. Glad you’re better.”
“Thanks.”
“How are you feeling?” Jen asked.
“Okay, I guess.” Eric looked up, his voice slightly sarcastic as he added, “Nice of you guys to decide to show up again.”
“Yes. Well, it really wasn’t our idea to leave in the first place,” she said with a mocking glare at me.
“So I heard. Just like Wes to do something like that, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. I guess he wanted to take all the credit for himself.” Lucas grinned at me.
“But if we hadn’t gone home and gotten the megazord, we might not have been able to stop Doomtron,” Trip said seriously.
“That’s right.” Katie nodded decisively. “So it was all for the best.”
There was a murmur of assent from everyone, and then one of those awkward silences when everyone realizes they have nothing intelligent to say. To my surprise, Eric was the one who broke it.
“Listen...” He glanced around at all of them, and then looked at Jen as he raised his arm a little. For the first time, I noticed the Quantum morpher I had left beside the bed was back on his wrist. “I just want to say thank you for this. I know we haven’t always gotten along so good...” Lucas snorted faintly - “but anyway... Thanks.”
“You’ve come a long way since the day you stole it.” Jen raised a brow as he seemed about to protest her description of how he had gotten the morpher. “And - well, you’ve earned it.”
The same words she had used when she gave me the red morpher. I found myself smiling.
After a few more minutes of making conversation, Lucas jumped on the opportunity of escape when Eric yawned. “We’d better let you get some rest,” he said. “Besides, we’ve got some more stuff to take care of.”
“Right. We have to collect the cyclobots and get them shipped back to our time,” Jen said. “And what’s left of Doomtron. And we have to do something about Ransik’s prison ship. Can’t just leave it here.” She was already reaching for the doorknob, the others behind her as they said a few quick goodbyes. I stopped in the doorway and looked back, eager and yet reluctant to leave with neither of us having really said anything, as Eric’s eyes met mine.
“Wes.”
“Yeah?” Reluctantly, I stepped back in.
“The Guardians can help out with whatever they need.”
“Right. I’ll take care of it.” I nodded. “Well... so long, I guess.”
“Wes...” Eric was fidgeting with the sheet, looking more uncertain than I had ever seen him. “Look... I appreciate you coming to see me. And... and leaving the morpher.”
“You remember that?” I tried to recall exactly what I had said so late last night, and to decide whether I should be even more embarrassed than I already was.
“Just - I just remember hearing your voice.” Eric looked away. “Just wanted to say that.”
“No problem.” All I wanted at the moment was out of there. “So - see you later.”
“See ya.” I could almost feel Eric’s gaze follow me out.
********************
Saying goodbye at the beach a few days later was just as hard as I had known it would be. I felt like a big piece of myself was going along with each of them. Lucas - that coolly macho façade slipping for once, tears in his eyes as he hugged me. Katie, affectionately crushing my ribs for the last time. Trip, his normally cheerful face so sad, asking if he could keep the hat I had given him. And then they were gone.
Jen, the hardest of all, both of us barely holding back the tears. She started to walk away - and then ran back to me, both of us holding each other so tight, both crying, never wanting to let go. And then she said she loved me. I said it too - I meant it, I did, even as I felt the guilt of my betrayal and wondered for just a moment what Eric was thinking as he watched from only a few yards away.
Minutes later, I stared up into the sky as the ship disappeared into the darkness of a time hole, leaving me with nothing tangible of my friends and the woman I loved except the photograph I had left safely back in my bedroom. It really was over. I felt empty. Sad, numb, lonely. Not quite ready to face the future yet, as Dad came up behind me.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“What now, son?”
I raised my arms in a shrug. “I don’t know.”
“I have a business proposition for you.”
“Dad, come on!”
“Now, hear me out.”
I had almost forgotten about that conversation in the hospital, and what I had decided it meant. I had been right; he wanted me to join the Guardians, not just as a member of the troops but as their leader. Their commander. And it sounded even better than before, as he explained that he was no longer going to restrict them to protecting only paying clients.
But... there was still the problem of Eric. I looked at him, finding his face impassive, no sign of the anger he should be feeling at the boss’s son being offered a position at least equal to his. Could we do this? Could we find a way to work together, to put the mistakes of the past behind us? Could we forgive each other for the ways we had hurt each other over the years? I already knew the answer, or part of it. We had to try. At least - I had to.
So I accepted the job, and told Dad I wanted Eric as my partner. We shook hands, Eric even breaking into a rare smile, Dad dropping a proud arm over both our shoulders.
But then, as Dad and the Guardians who had come with us went on ahead, I called Eric back. We stopped, stood, and faced each other as a chilly shadow seemed to come over the blue sky of that lonely stretch of beach. There was something more that had to be said between us, and I think we both knew it. Something that needed to be said, and a promise that needed to be made.
“There’s a condition to us working together.” I searched Eric’s face, wishing I could see what he was thinking. “We both forget about what happened in the clock tower. Never mention it again. Never.”
I thought I saw just a flicker of pain go through his eyes, and felt some of it myself, but his voice was steady. “If that’s what you want.”
“That’s the way it has to be. Promise.”
“Okay,” Eric said very softly. “It’ll be like it never happened. I promise.”
“Good.”
We shook on it again, to show there were no hard feelings. I tried not to feel the solid strength of his hand, the tiny thrill that went through me as his fingers touched mine. It was nothing, it meant nothing. We could do this. I knew it.
TBC...
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