I know you've missed me....
I'm having one of those every 4th-5th month Hanson nostalgia period. Through 1997 to 2000 I was crazy about Hanson and up untill 98 I was convinced God had told me I would marry Taylor (my first love!). Eventually I just lost interest, like I do with everything, and about two months after Ezra was born I found out Taylor was not only a husband, but also a father. The love has come and gone. I wouldn't want him leaving his wife and kids for anything (even though Datalounge keep claiming that Taylor is gay and they have proof! haha! Hey, maybe he is!), but sometimes I still feel like it should have been the two of us. I can't truly fall for any man, can't stay interested in one person for more than a few months, and it's always felt like I'm meant for something more... and I still believe that. I do think my standards for my future husband are too high, but honestly - why should I settle for anyone less? My standards aren't unreasonable, they are just difficult to meet in Sweden!
What I'm trying to say is that I've let go of Taylor years ago, but if he did divorce his wife BEFORE he met me, I might fall for him again. MAYBE! Possibly... probably..... I would...
It's just that... I need a man with ambitions and preferably wanting to be in the same business as me: showbiz! I'm not a starfucker or a golddigger, it's not because of THAT I want a man who's somewhat established in the business; it's because it's really hard to break in that biz and that's a sign of ambition and talent. I need that, and I need somebody who can inspire me (a muse if you like), has connections, but at the same time is funny, loves me whole-heartedly and knows how to show it, isn't arrogant...
Sometimes it feels like I would rather wait and not risk being tied down and losing a potential showbiz career. I've wanted to be an actress since I was 4-5 years old! It's my life! Everybody can see that the 9-5 job isn't for me, and even though I might be good at one of those jobs I will never be truly happy.
Isn't that a human right? To be truly happy and to feel like you've accomplished what you want out of life? I would like to have a partner, but I'm not desperate for one. A lot of people I've met through the years have got boyfriends just to have one, and not even then did I understand it.
At 15 a classmate asked me about a guy I had a crush on. I told her "He's nice, but I can't see myself marrying him", and she said "Marry? It's not about that. I can't imagine marrying my boyfriend either, but.... (blah blah blah)". I don't have to get married, but when I chose to have a relationship with somebody it's because I can see a potential future; I don't want a relationship for the sake of intimacy or just to be able to say "I have a boyfriend". I get what I need from hugs and kisses from friends and family, and the ocassional sex partner (which I have no trouble finding).
Of course, no relationship/marriage is perfect and the honeymoon doesn't last forever, but I do believe I deserve the best of the best. The best for me that is. And so far I haven't found him....
So far in my life I haven't had a relationship lasting more than 10 days and that was 9 years ago. There are plenty of reasons for that! My parents war all those fucking years, and the rape in 2001 were big contributing factors because they resulted in deep depression and a fear of intimacy with men.
Well, I got that out of my system. Those who know me won't be surprised over the way I tell my stories. haha! Well, I've been watching Hanson videos on Youtube, and I'll see if I can find some more interesting ones.
Period + beer + wine + watching Hanson = interesting combination!
What I'm trying to say is that I've let go of Taylor years ago, but if he did divorce his wife BEFORE he met me, I might fall for him again. MAYBE! Possibly... probably..... I would...
It's just that... I need a man with ambitions and preferably wanting to be in the same business as me: showbiz! I'm not a starfucker or a golddigger, it's not because of THAT I want a man who's somewhat established in the business; it's because it's really hard to break in that biz and that's a sign of ambition and talent. I need that, and I need somebody who can inspire me (a muse if you like), has connections, but at the same time is funny, loves me whole-heartedly and knows how to show it, isn't arrogant...
Sometimes it feels like I would rather wait and not risk being tied down and losing a potential showbiz career. I've wanted to be an actress since I was 4-5 years old! It's my life! Everybody can see that the 9-5 job isn't for me, and even though I might be good at one of those jobs I will never be truly happy.
Isn't that a human right? To be truly happy and to feel like you've accomplished what you want out of life? I would like to have a partner, but I'm not desperate for one. A lot of people I've met through the years have got boyfriends just to have one, and not even then did I understand it.
At 15 a classmate asked me about a guy I had a crush on. I told her "He's nice, but I can't see myself marrying him", and she said "Marry? It's not about that. I can't imagine marrying my boyfriend either, but.... (blah blah blah)". I don't have to get married, but when I chose to have a relationship with somebody it's because I can see a potential future; I don't want a relationship for the sake of intimacy or just to be able to say "I have a boyfriend". I get what I need from hugs and kisses from friends and family, and the ocassional sex partner (which I have no trouble finding).
Of course, no relationship/marriage is perfect and the honeymoon doesn't last forever, but I do believe I deserve the best of the best. The best for me that is. And so far I haven't found him....
So far in my life I haven't had a relationship lasting more than 10 days and that was 9 years ago. There are plenty of reasons for that! My parents war all those fucking years, and the rape in 2001 were big contributing factors because they resulted in deep depression and a fear of intimacy with men.
Well, I got that out of my system. Those who know me won't be surprised over the way I tell my stories. haha! Well, I've been watching Hanson videos on Youtube, and I'll see if I can find some more interesting ones.
Period + beer + wine + watching Hanson = interesting combination!