plans
remember him?
i loved him, needed him, my future was him..
thats what i wrote, right?
life is a funny thing. you have your life planned out. you're going to have this career, and marry this person, and have this many children, and all these things are going to be done by a specified year or age we've set out for ourselves.
in the last year, i've learned that this is the stupidest fucking thing you can do.
why are we planning our lives down to the last detail? you really think everything is going to go exactly how planned? if you still believe that, then i am a bit envious of you, but read my warning- you are in the dark. your plans won't work out. nothing ever ends up the way it is "supposed" to, the way you've planned it to.
i had a plan, too. i was going to continue blogging on my fabulous LJ ;)
finish college
get a job
stay single and not get tied down
find myself, my true self
go to graduate school for a master's degree in nursing
have him realize that she was all wrong for him, and i was who he was supposed to be with.
all i can say now is.....
BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHHA-- YEAH RIGHT!
if things had gone as planned, i'd be in medical or nursing school somewhere, stuck in a different state, after going crazy and finding myself, and i'd be back with him living happily ever after.
hey, guess what? NONE OF THOSE THINGS HAPPENED.
thank the loooord jesus christ. i think i would die if all of those things happened.
so what really happened? you wanna know? this year has changed my life forever. i hope the following makes you laugh, cry, and feel. i hope it makes you open your eyes to see that planning your life is a waste of time. it won't go the way you planned, and if it does, you will probably end up unhappy wondering what would have been.
one year ago, i showed up on mr. m's doorstep. not his.
i felt stupid and embarrassed and wondered why i showed up. then our weekend happened. and everything changed. why was i disappointed to leave? why did i hold back tears when he told me about a girl he was dating? OMG. DID I MISS HIM?!
yes. i missed him and i never wanted to leave him again. but of course i had to. i wasn't that girl. plus i had to go back to finish my last semester of college, where i would party like crazy and forget about our silly weekend and end up horizontal with a few more people on my *to do* list.
that's not what happened. i couldn't put my phone down. i needed to see him again. and he missed me. he still loved me. one night i drove out to see him from school back to san diego (i want you to know this is a 6 hour drive we're talking about here people). we decided we loved each other and there was no point on fighting it. we should get back together. we should pick up where we left off (and NOT ask questions-- you've got no idea how happy i was for THAT rule, phew!!).
graduation came. my whole family and all my friends were there. i sobbed on my last day of class. what was i supposed to do now? everything i'd known in the last 4 years was ending. i worked so hard and i'd come so far and now it was over. i don't know how to be anything besides a student. i don't know how to function in the real world, where deadlines mean presentations to real live businesses instead of in front of my 30 classmates.
what was i going to do? i wanted to move back to california but i wanted to stay with my friends. i wanted to move to be closer to him, but i wasn't done with my life at school.
to be in the middle of a problem, and not know the "right" answer, is extremely difficult. i should just go along with my plan. get into medical school and get the best job i could to gain experience. so that's what i did. went along with my plan. i got a great job that would for sure give me extra points when applying to medical and nursing schools.
i only went for one shift.
why?
something happened that wasn't part of the plan.
i was pregnant.
i loved him, needed him, my future was him..
thats what i wrote, right?
life is a funny thing. you have your life planned out. you're going to have this career, and marry this person, and have this many children, and all these things are going to be done by a specified year or age we've set out for ourselves.
in the last year, i've learned that this is the stupidest fucking thing you can do.
why are we planning our lives down to the last detail? you really think everything is going to go exactly how planned? if you still believe that, then i am a bit envious of you, but read my warning- you are in the dark. your plans won't work out. nothing ever ends up the way it is "supposed" to, the way you've planned it to.
i had a plan, too. i was going to continue blogging on my fabulous LJ ;)
finish college
get a job
stay single and not get tied down
find myself, my true self
go to graduate school for a master's degree in nursing
have him realize that she was all wrong for him, and i was who he was supposed to be with.
all i can say now is.....
BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHHA-- YEAH RIGHT!
if things had gone as planned, i'd be in medical or nursing school somewhere, stuck in a different state, after going crazy and finding myself, and i'd be back with him living happily ever after.
hey, guess what? NONE OF THOSE THINGS HAPPENED.
thank the loooord jesus christ. i think i would die if all of those things happened.
so what really happened? you wanna know? this year has changed my life forever. i hope the following makes you laugh, cry, and feel. i hope it makes you open your eyes to see that planning your life is a waste of time. it won't go the way you planned, and if it does, you will probably end up unhappy wondering what would have been.
one year ago, i showed up on mr. m's doorstep. not his.
i felt stupid and embarrassed and wondered why i showed up. then our weekend happened. and everything changed. why was i disappointed to leave? why did i hold back tears when he told me about a girl he was dating? OMG. DID I MISS HIM?!
yes. i missed him and i never wanted to leave him again. but of course i had to. i wasn't that girl. plus i had to go back to finish my last semester of college, where i would party like crazy and forget about our silly weekend and end up horizontal with a few more people on my *to do* list.
that's not what happened. i couldn't put my phone down. i needed to see him again. and he missed me. he still loved me. one night i drove out to see him from school back to san diego (i want you to know this is a 6 hour drive we're talking about here people). we decided we loved each other and there was no point on fighting it. we should get back together. we should pick up where we left off (and NOT ask questions-- you've got no idea how happy i was for THAT rule, phew!!).
graduation came. my whole family and all my friends were there. i sobbed on my last day of class. what was i supposed to do now? everything i'd known in the last 4 years was ending. i worked so hard and i'd come so far and now it was over. i don't know how to be anything besides a student. i don't know how to function in the real world, where deadlines mean presentations to real live businesses instead of in front of my 30 classmates.
what was i going to do? i wanted to move back to california but i wanted to stay with my friends. i wanted to move to be closer to him, but i wasn't done with my life at school.
to be in the middle of a problem, and not know the "right" answer, is extremely difficult. i should just go along with my plan. get into medical school and get the best job i could to gain experience. so that's what i did. went along with my plan. i got a great job that would for sure give me extra points when applying to medical and nursing schools.
i only went for one shift.
why?
something happened that wasn't part of the plan.
i was pregnant.