"everyone is at 0, the starting line while you are 20 yards back. It's not fair for you" - Wang Sifu
welp. the past two days were shit. the bad luck started on thursday after 1pm, when i got my ap Chem quiz back. i didnt pass that. then on beginning of my journey home that day a bird decided that I was the perfect target. it got my scarf and I didnt know about it. getting home from school takes about an hour too. Basically I was stuck with that for an hour on the bus. when I got off of the bus i then noticed it. thank god it didnt get on my jacket of back pack. when i got home there was no toilet paper. My pelvic ultrasound was also that day at 8pm which i had to get to half an hour before, with out eating anything but drink four 16oz cups of water. the result was that I had 4 unidentified masses in me. I also had another chem test to study for and an english essay rough draft to write. As well as a 3 chapter AP bio test to study for. I managed to finish writing the rough draft, study for the chem quiz half, study for one of the three chapters for the bio an hour before 12am. and i accidentally took a nap until 4am, which i then busted my ass study for the next two chapters, from then until 6am i managed to get through 80% of one chapter and fell asleep waking up at 7am. when making my lunch for school i proceeded to cut the tip of my thumb. gold star for me. after getting to school i find out that there's suppose to be a precal quiz that day as well. fucking fantastic.
Now its friday and the normal chem quiz, i ace that, and in the end there was no precal quiz cause the teacher's explanation for something went over time so he postponed the quiz but then he posted our marks. I am doing shit in that class because of the test that i didnt have enough time to answer all of the questions. In the end im getting a 47% in that class so far and the thing is I understand what to do but the way he words the word questions are fucking retarded.
I am so glad to have an awesome teacher like Wang Sifu cause he's so understanding, and so he's the only teacher that knows about my medical problems, like being anemic, and so i told him the results of the ultrasound. and i also asked if it was ok with him to postpone the test, which he said yes. he then asked me of my other class marks, and so I tell him. I told him that I'm doing strong in English, around B for normal chem 12 and something really bad in AP chem, REALLY REALLY BAD in precal and well he knows about normal bio (A).
After telling him so he asks me if he can generally tell the other teachers of my medical problems so that they can understand why I am not doing so well. I declined. After that he then asks me if I really want to continue doing AP Bio, which i reply with a yes.
And so he told me this, "even if you are doing A+ in bio, universities wont let you in if you're doing B or less in the other core subjects"
and he proceeded to throw at me a football analogy:
"everyone is at 0, the starting line while you are 20 yards back. It's not fair for you"
and so i reply with "that means I need to learn how to run faster"
Also as i was telling him about the results it finally registered into my head that "hey I might have 4 ovarian cysts." that and "fuck I already postponed the test once due to needing to study for AP chem fuckkk" with "holy crap im doing so bad at school and Martin wants to pay for me for university, when there's a less likely chance that i would even get in! fuckkkk i'm letting Martin down. and look at the other guys, they have a shit ton to do on their plate and they are getting it done so why dont you"
at that point you could clearly see that i am stressed, with my marks and health issues. and so I do something not that fucking awesome, a mental breakdown , aka tears up and sniffles which leads to the not so pretty stuff. I feel fucking horrible crying in front of him, he shouldn't be seeing me like that, crying, red eyed, sniffling when he's got a shit ton of other students to help out.
He presses again if i really want to keep on doing AP bio, and tells me that he wont think of me any less if i stop. I tell him that i will keep on going.
which is fucking retarded of me, but there's something wired into me- that if I said I will do something I will keep on going until it is finished, even if I am dying or else i will fucking be guilt tripped in my sleep. which has happened so many times.
In the end I ended up trying to sleep in the lab room which was empty /cause the whole time it was break and after break was my study block, I was originally going to write my test then and sifu let me into the lab room/. but even then i couldn't even sleep because my fucking brain is a negative bitch, so onwards with the negativity but after a bit of time i stopped crying, calmed down, and was ready to function /a bit/
after getting home from school (about 4:30pm) I hit the sack at 5pm just sleeping. and i woke up today /saturday/, at 10:30am, so about a good 17hrs of sleep right there. and fuck i needed that. and now i'm hacking through all the hw i have cause marks cut off is Nov 29 and there's a shit ton of quizes and tests that i have to study for. but right now i'm mentally stable
lets hope i can last this school year
-nardz /aka prplerubberduck/
Now its friday and the normal chem quiz, i ace that, and in the end there was no precal quiz cause the teacher's explanation for something went over time so he postponed the quiz but then he posted our marks. I am doing shit in that class because of the test that i didnt have enough time to answer all of the questions. In the end im getting a 47% in that class so far and the thing is I understand what to do but the way he words the word questions are fucking retarded.
I am so glad to have an awesome teacher like Wang Sifu cause he's so understanding, and so he's the only teacher that knows about my medical problems, like being anemic, and so i told him the results of the ultrasound. and i also asked if it was ok with him to postpone the test, which he said yes. he then asked me of my other class marks, and so I tell him. I told him that I'm doing strong in English, around B for normal chem 12 and something really bad in AP chem, REALLY REALLY BAD in precal and well he knows about normal bio (A).
After telling him so he asks me if he can generally tell the other teachers of my medical problems so that they can understand why I am not doing so well. I declined. After that he then asks me if I really want to continue doing AP Bio, which i reply with a yes.
And so he told me this, "even if you are doing A+ in bio, universities wont let you in if you're doing B or less in the other core subjects"
and he proceeded to throw at me a football analogy:
"everyone is at 0, the starting line while you are 20 yards back. It's not fair for you"
and so i reply with "that means I need to learn how to run faster"
Also as i was telling him about the results it finally registered into my head that "hey I might have 4 ovarian cysts." that and "fuck I already postponed the test once due to needing to study for AP chem fuckkk" with "holy crap im doing so bad at school and Martin wants to pay for me for university, when there's a less likely chance that i would even get in! fuckkkk i'm letting Martin down. and look at the other guys, they have a shit ton to do on their plate and they are getting it done so why dont you"
at that point you could clearly see that i am stressed, with my marks and health issues. and so I do something not that fucking awesome, a mental breakdown , aka tears up and sniffles which leads to the not so pretty stuff. I feel fucking horrible crying in front of him, he shouldn't be seeing me like that, crying, red eyed, sniffling when he's got a shit ton of other students to help out.
He presses again if i really want to keep on doing AP bio, and tells me that he wont think of me any less if i stop. I tell him that i will keep on going.
which is fucking retarded of me, but there's something wired into me- that if I said I will do something I will keep on going until it is finished, even if I am dying or else i will fucking be guilt tripped in my sleep. which has happened so many times.
In the end I ended up trying to sleep in the lab room which was empty /cause the whole time it was break and after break was my study block, I was originally going to write my test then and sifu let me into the lab room/. but even then i couldn't even sleep because my fucking brain is a negative bitch, so onwards with the negativity but after a bit of time i stopped crying, calmed down, and was ready to function /a bit/
after getting home from school (about 4:30pm) I hit the sack at 5pm just sleeping. and i woke up today /saturday/, at 10:30am, so about a good 17hrs of sleep right there. and fuck i needed that. and now i'm hacking through all the hw i have cause marks cut off is Nov 29 and there's a shit ton of quizes and tests that i have to study for. but right now i'm mentally stable
lets hope i can last this school year
-nardz /aka prplerubberduck/