marching on
i left i think i long while before my body followed and some part of him did as well. so now these random gifts given are meaningless and far too late to count. i gave it away. should i have kept it? i couldn't. he says a reminder of his apology for never treating me like i deserved but all i see is my complete lack of self-respect, martyr, and self deprecation.
and this year will be celebrated for me on friday and i always am thinking ahead of what i will say when i'm that dress in front of those people. and i think my biggest lesson this year is quality over quantity. i left hannah. i left david. all of which were long over due to be gone. leaving a best friend that was never there and never a friend that in the end you file felony charges against. leaving a boy that i sacrificed much more than my money, time, and energy for. i sacrificed myself. i became everything i hate.
its almost like remembering the last time you got high to remind yourself why you shouldn't ever pick up again. it was not happy, it was not fulfilling, it was not meaningful, and most of all it was not reality.
and i forgot so much of the things that i love that i've been playing catch up these past couple of weeks. and i love it. the rain has come more often than the entire year. i'm laughing everyday, i painted my nails.
i hung out with one of my closest and longest friends for the first time in about 2years today. he isn't like most of my friends. we hang out and laugh and make fun of each other and there is never any doubt there. we don't ever doubt that one will hurt the other. there is trust there. more than i have in any other person i know just about. we have no secrets or things we wouldn't say to each other.
today was a great day. i got a well needed hug from a friend that is indeed one of a kind before he left for the museum.
i did manage somehow to lose my phone so if anyone knows where i left it, let me know.
and this year will be celebrated for me on friday and i always am thinking ahead of what i will say when i'm that dress in front of those people. and i think my biggest lesson this year is quality over quantity. i left hannah. i left david. all of which were long over due to be gone. leaving a best friend that was never there and never a friend that in the end you file felony charges against. leaving a boy that i sacrificed much more than my money, time, and energy for. i sacrificed myself. i became everything i hate.
its almost like remembering the last time you got high to remind yourself why you shouldn't ever pick up again. it was not happy, it was not fulfilling, it was not meaningful, and most of all it was not reality.
and i forgot so much of the things that i love that i've been playing catch up these past couple of weeks. and i love it. the rain has come more often than the entire year. i'm laughing everyday, i painted my nails.
i hung out with one of my closest and longest friends for the first time in about 2years today. he isn't like most of my friends. we hang out and laugh and make fun of each other and there is never any doubt there. we don't ever doubt that one will hurt the other. there is trust there. more than i have in any other person i know just about. we have no secrets or things we wouldn't say to each other.
today was a great day. i got a well needed hug from a friend that is indeed one of a kind before he left for the museum.
i did manage somehow to lose my phone so if anyone knows where i left it, let me know.