so it goes
before i got sober i was engaged to a boy named david carson. i had just turned 16. my addiction was at its worst. david and his family tried to take care of me the best that they knew how.
eventually right before i turned 17 i got sober. david took me to every meeting, almost everyday. his family and i celebrated my 1 month sober together with cake and presents and a card i still have.
when i had about 6 months sober david and i split up. 9 months later we were best friends. he convinced me to get my first tattoo. we decided to get matching ones.
by then he had joined the cost guard and was stationed half way across the us. we hardly saw each other but talked almost every week or so on the phone.
when he would come into town once every 1 to 2 years we would hang out talk about old times and hang out with our mutual friends and his family.
last year his mother had breast cancer and had a mastectomy. she struggled through chemotherapy and lost most of her hair. but of course she made it through. and was back to her normal, joking, laughing, caring, loving self.
david called and told me he was coming into town and should be here on monday. sunday he called his mom to let her know he was headed to the airport and on his way home. she said she wasn't going to be able to make it to the airport because her back was bothering her a bit that day.
david made it into town monday afternoon. monday night his mother, charlotte, was rushed to the ER because she could move. the next day they did some tests and noticed on one of the xrays there were some black spots. they did an MRI scan and found that cancer was in every inch of her bones. they immediately put her through radiation treatment. friday after more tests, it was discovered that cancer had completely infected every inch of her body. her blood, every cell. and half her heart. the doctors gave her 3 days to 2 weeks to live.
i went to see david when he called. i spent 4 hours with him. keeping it together for him because he was keeping it together for everyone else.
i went to picklefish to find hily. i cried a lot on the way and while i was there. i went to her house to spend the night. i called david again. we talked for a while. talked about everything and its logical, rational reaction. that this is life and it happens. and that everything happens for a reason. and no matter how much we said it wasn't fair, it was life. i told him i wanted to she her in the hospital. he said he didn't want me to go. he said he didn't want me to see her like that. that it hurts too much. that he wanted me to remember her exactly the way she was the last time i saw her.
and in that moment i felt completely powerless. powerless over his wishes, her condition, and his pain.
i wanted to help so bad. i wanted to comfort him and his family and charlotte. but i couldn't. i had to just sit there and wait. just like him and his family.
this morning at 8:30am, charlotte carson died.
eventually right before i turned 17 i got sober. david took me to every meeting, almost everyday. his family and i celebrated my 1 month sober together with cake and presents and a card i still have.
when i had about 6 months sober david and i split up. 9 months later we were best friends. he convinced me to get my first tattoo. we decided to get matching ones.
by then he had joined the cost guard and was stationed half way across the us. we hardly saw each other but talked almost every week or so on the phone.
when he would come into town once every 1 to 2 years we would hang out talk about old times and hang out with our mutual friends and his family.
last year his mother had breast cancer and had a mastectomy. she struggled through chemotherapy and lost most of her hair. but of course she made it through. and was back to her normal, joking, laughing, caring, loving self.
david called and told me he was coming into town and should be here on monday. sunday he called his mom to let her know he was headed to the airport and on his way home. she said she wasn't going to be able to make it to the airport because her back was bothering her a bit that day.
david made it into town monday afternoon. monday night his mother, charlotte, was rushed to the ER because she could move. the next day they did some tests and noticed on one of the xrays there were some black spots. they did an MRI scan and found that cancer was in every inch of her bones. they immediately put her through radiation treatment. friday after more tests, it was discovered that cancer had completely infected every inch of her body. her blood, every cell. and half her heart. the doctors gave her 3 days to 2 weeks to live.
i went to see david when he called. i spent 4 hours with him. keeping it together for him because he was keeping it together for everyone else.
i went to picklefish to find hily. i cried a lot on the way and while i was there. i went to her house to spend the night. i called david again. we talked for a while. talked about everything and its logical, rational reaction. that this is life and it happens. and that everything happens for a reason. and no matter how much we said it wasn't fair, it was life. i told him i wanted to she her in the hospital. he said he didn't want me to go. he said he didn't want me to see her like that. that it hurts too much. that he wanted me to remember her exactly the way she was the last time i saw her.
and in that moment i felt completely powerless. powerless over his wishes, her condition, and his pain.
i wanted to help so bad. i wanted to comfort him and his family and charlotte. but i couldn't. i had to just sit there and wait. just like him and his family.
this morning at 8:30am, charlotte carson died.