what is a jew to do?
So it's Christmas eve! Yay! Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it. And for those who don't, here is a comprehensive list of what jews can do on Christmas eve, while their christian brethren are feeding on goose/ham/turkey and singing all those fun carols!
1. A lovely evening at home with the family. In my case, this doesn't work because my brother is in Toronto and my mother is playing the midnight mass at the local Catholic church, but still, the thought is nice.
2. Make your own Christmas feast! For example, in my house right now, we have some gingerbread cookies, some Splenda, some cherry tomatoes, old coffee grounds and various prescription drugs. A Christmas feast for all!
3. Go for a scenic walk around Hampstead and admire the Christmas decorations...except this one doesn't work for a variety of reasons, the first and most pressing one being that no one in Hampstead has Christmas decorations.
4. Watch late-night Christmas specials on TV. I know for a fact that they're showing the animated Grinch movie on either Fox or ABC!
5. Torrent a new movie illegally and then watch it while simultaneously reading the book and wondering why you didn't get into His Dark Materials before discovering Harry Potter. You can probably guess that the illegally downloaded movie that I am going to watch in a few hours is in fact The Golden Compass, because Nicole Kidman is a better villain than Ralph Fiennes...
6. Chat on MSN with all your other jewish friends who are at a loss of what to do on this magical evening where everything is closed except for chinese restaurants and the hospital
7. Prance around Hampstead or Westmount drunkenly singing "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" while throwing lit hannukah candles at the Westmount security guys in their ridiculous yellow vans.
8. http://dontsendmoneytonigeria.ytmnd.com/ Spend hours looking at this website. It never, ever gets old.
Okay. So that is 8 things to do, because I can't think of 10. Oy to the world and Merry Christmas, bitchezzzz.
1. A lovely evening at home with the family. In my case, this doesn't work because my brother is in Toronto and my mother is playing the midnight mass at the local Catholic church, but still, the thought is nice.
2. Make your own Christmas feast! For example, in my house right now, we have some gingerbread cookies, some Splenda, some cherry tomatoes, old coffee grounds and various prescription drugs. A Christmas feast for all!
3. Go for a scenic walk around Hampstead and admire the Christmas decorations...except this one doesn't work for a variety of reasons, the first and most pressing one being that no one in Hampstead has Christmas decorations.
4. Watch late-night Christmas specials on TV. I know for a fact that they're showing the animated Grinch movie on either Fox or ABC!
5. Torrent a new movie illegally and then watch it while simultaneously reading the book and wondering why you didn't get into His Dark Materials before discovering Harry Potter. You can probably guess that the illegally downloaded movie that I am going to watch in a few hours is in fact The Golden Compass, because Nicole Kidman is a better villain than Ralph Fiennes...
6. Chat on MSN with all your other jewish friends who are at a loss of what to do on this magical evening where everything is closed except for chinese restaurants and the hospital
7. Prance around Hampstead or Westmount drunkenly singing "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" while throwing lit hannukah candles at the Westmount security guys in their ridiculous yellow vans.
8. http://dontsendmoneytonigeria.ytmnd.com/ Spend hours looking at this website. It never, ever gets old.
Okay. So that is 8 things to do, because I can't think of 10. Oy to the world and Merry Christmas, bitchezzzz.