Reality.
So there has been this little nagging fear in the back of my mind all year that it, unfortunately, beginning to become a reality. Now, I don't want to jump to conclusions, but there are sudden whispers going around the school of... layoffs.
Stupidly, I thought I would be safe at my school. I mean, we hired 15 new teachers JUST at the high school. Why would the district turn around and let them go only 8 months later. Well, here's the deal. We had been growing in student size for years, so the school budgeted for the annual percentage of growth. We didn't grow. In fact, we shurnk... not by much, actually only by a handfull of students per grade. But when you add that handfull of students to the predicted number that we didn't get, but planned for, well, you have hundreds.
Tomorrow there is a budget meeting and then a school board meeting the week after to see where the cuts have to be made. It's terrifying. To think that all the hard work I put in this year in organizing and planning could just be gone. It makes my stomach ache.
The worst part is this... it would seem that I should be alright. I mean technically, I have been at the school longer than anyone else. I hired in as a sub in February of 08 and then long term subbed. I was also the first person out of all the new teachers at the high school to be offered a job and to sign a contract. Yet, I have NO seniority. Offically, we all have the same exact start date. I know it sounds so selfish, because everyone is working hard... I mean, really, how can I say that I am more deserving to stay than anyone else? I guess I can't. But I've put in more time at this specific school than anyone else, but it doesn't matter.
So, here's the big question. How do they decide who goes and who stays? They draw names. Seriously. That is what they will do. They won't look at student test scores. They won't look at job preformance. They won't ask the principal or other adminstrators. They won't look at evaluations. They seriously draw names. It's one hunderd percent left to chance.
I know it's silly to get myself worked up about this when I'm not even one hundred percent sure how many teachers will have to go and from which departments. It's just so frightening. Luckily, there is an English teacher who is retiring this year. It could be my saving grace...
Please, God, let me keep this job. You put me here for a reason, I know it. Please let me stay...