Uber long update from hell, in which my dog is retarded, and i lose an argument to a centipede
yeah, me no update in awhile, but i just HAD to tell you guys about this. a couple of nights ago, i'm sleeping in my room, when around midnight, my dog starts going nuts. She refuses to shut up. I'm like "Sheena, what the HELL is your problem????" she's like "Dude, there's something out there. lemme go outside." I'm all "Fine, whatever." So a let the fur ball out, and she takes off into the woods that pass themeselves off as my back yard. i take a look at what she's chasing, and realize that my retarded small furry mammalian friend has woken me up at midnight on a schoolnight so that she could chase a SQUIRREL. Which, i might add, had no business being awake at night, since squirrels are not nocturnal. so i figure it must be a demon squirrel. I'm like, "Sheena, come back inside and leave the Satan squirrel alone." She's like "No way, it's up a tree, and if i sit here and bark at it long enough, it'll totally come back down." So i have to go out there and chase her. i spend about half an hour in the attempt. by the time i drag her furry ass back to the house, i realize she is covered in DEER SHIT. So now i have to drag the little fucktard into the shower and clean her off. we get out of the shower, it's one a.m. I am so tired, i don't even bother drying off, i just pull on my pajamas soaking wet, and start to head for my bed, when sheena decides that she needs to go for a walk. fine. I pull on my sneakers and walk outside, completely forgetting to put on my glasses. So now, it's one a.m., i'm half asleep and half blind, cold, wet, and in my pajamas. and sheena can't figure out whether or not she wants to poo. so we walk around for about an hour, when it suddenly occurs to me that I AM LOST. This is about the point where it starts to rain. Fan-fuckety-tastic. after about another hour of walking, we finally get home. i crumple onto my bed, pull the covers up to my neck, AND SOMETHING FUCKING BITES ME. Do you understand that? IT BIT ME. I throw the covers off, and there is a GIANT.FUCKING.CENTPEDE. waving his antenna at me. I'm like, "Dude, that was so totally not cool!" He's like "Fuck you, i was here first!" I'm all "Dude, you so totally were not!" he goes "Bitch, don't even try to tell me that i wasn't, because i TOTALLY was!!" At this point, i realize that he sounds like Danny DeVito, and that i am losing the argument. losing. to a centipede. a centipede. LOSING. I'm like "......fuckit..." i go into my bathroom, get a tissue,pick him up, and chuck him outside. I hear him cursing me out as i do this. I swear, when i tossed him outside, he turned around and flipped me off with like, 12 of his little legs. I crawl back into my bed, and fall asleep. after what feels like five minutes later, my alarm goes off. I was late for school that day.