[fic] radar detector! [ryan/alex, r] 3/3
master post
When Ryan wakes up, he’s uncomfortably warm and sweaty, and half draped over Alex. He lifts his head up and realizes he’s managed to drool all over Alex. He hopes Alex won’t notice.
“Hmm.” Alex makes a sleepy noise and Ryan can feel him stiffen and stretch as he wakes up too. “Morning. Or evening, I guess.”
“Evening,” Ryan confirms. “Or more like night. You wanna head to that thing on the beach still?”
“Yeah, sure.” Alex sits up and rubs at his eyes. He freezes for a moment, frowning, then laughs. “Dude, you drooled all over my shirt. You’re like a toddler or something.”
“Shut up,” Ryan says. “I offered to sleep on the couch.”
“I get it now. You were trying to save me. Fuck.” Alex keeps laughing as he gets up and pulls his shirt off, tossing it to the floor. “I’ve got to take a shower before we go. You going to shower, or are you just gonna get dressed and be ready?”
“Is this your first shower the whole time you’ve been here?”
“I haven’t been here that long,” Alex says. “Drool’s just an extenuating circumstance. Plus, I mean, you’re one to talk.”
Ryan lifts up his arm, sniffing at his own armpit, then makes a face. “Yeah, okay, shut up. I could probably use a shower too. It’ll take longer to get out there, but these things usually last a while, right?”
“I’m pretty sure we could save time if we showered together.” Alex gives a predatory grin, his teeth all showing.
“Or at least save water,” Ryan says. “Like, if you do the math and all. I’m not entirely sure how. I’d need to Google it or something.”
“Yeah, no, let’s not Google shower math,” Alex laughs, rolling to his feet. He pulls Ryan up after him. “C’mon.”
Ryan wishes his bathroom were a little larger, but there’s still space for both of them to get undressed at once. Ryan kicks off his boxers and then just watches as Alex carefully pulls off both socks, and his underwear, and his t-shirt. Somehow, this is the first time he’s noticed that Alex wore so much to bed. He wonders if it means anything, but can’t work out what possible meaning there could be so he gives up that train of thought and just appreciates the view.
Alex leans over the tub, examining the shower knobs before twisting back around. “How do you turn this on? Like, which way’s hot and which way’s cold?”
“Oh, here,” Ryan says, leaning in over him. “This way. And you have to pull this thing out.”
“Ah, sweet.” Alex nods, holding his arm out to test the now-pouring water. “I think that’s good. Is that good?”
“That’s good,” Ryan agrees. Uncertain, he stands awkwardly as Alex gets in the shower, until Alex starts laughing.
“Hey, c’mon in. If I didn’t melt, you won’t either.”
“If you say so,” Ryan says. His shower’s decent sized. The water clears Ryan’s head, which is already far too sober for his tastes. He and Alex just spent the day unpacking and cleaning and furniture shopping, and now here they are taking a shower, and Ryan’s not used to any of it.
“Hey.” Alex is blinking a lot because of the spray of water. “Welcome to cleanliness.”
“I think soap’s gotta get involved before either of us can claim that.”
“Well, if you say so,” Alex says agreeably, grabbing for a bottle of shower gel that only just got unpacked earlier in the day. He pours some out, rubbing it between his hands to get a nice lather before rubbing at Ryan’s shoulders with his now-sudsy hands.
Ryan closes his eyes and feels a lot of needless tension drain out as Alex works his hands down his arms, then back over his chest. He can feel the blood starting to flow to his dick, but nothing feels urgent, right now.
Alex says, “Hey, turn around. Let me get your back, too.”
“Okay,” Ryan says, complacent, and does as he’s told. “Hey, do you ever think about Ron Underwood?”
“Fucking what?” Alex laughs, pausing with a hand flat against Ryan’s shoulders. His whole body rocks and he leans against Ryan, tucking his head against Ryan’s neck. “What the hell.”
“The guy who directed the first Tremors movie,” Ryan says. “I was looking him up on IMDB, and all he’s really done since then are, like, shitty Christmas movies.”
“Oh my god,” Alex says.
“I know, right?”
“I - yeah, okay.” Ryan can feel Alex laughing, and he leans into it.
“But he directed Pluto Nash, too, which is just such a terrible movie,” Ryan continues. “How do you go from Tremors to that? I mean, that movie had fucking amazing comedic timing, and then, Pluto Nash. I hope that’s not how my career’s going to look in retrospect.”
“Seriously, dude,” Alex says, and he kisses Ryan’s neck, and oh, okay. That’s what this is about. “You’re fucking strange, sometimes, and that’s coming from me.”
“He didn’t even do the other ones, though, is all,” Ryan says. “Tremors two through four were directed by different people entirely.”
“Uh-huh.” Alex just kisses Ryan’s neck again, and holds his hands out under the water to get rid of the rest of the soap so that he can just let his fingers roam down water-slick skin to eventually take hold of Ryan’s dick. He just cradles it in his hand for a moment as he tilts his head up to worry at Ryan’s earlobe with his teeth, before allowing for some motion.
A few slow and steady strokes, and Ryan is already wishing he weren’t standing up. He shuffles forward a step or two instead so he can lean his head against the wall, and brace himself with one arm. The other arm, he just reaches back to take Alex’s free hand in his while Alex jerks him off. It’s a little chilly, out from under the main flow of the water, but Ryan doesn’t care.
Alex works his hand faster.
Ryan bites down on his lip to keep from making an embarrassing sound. He tenses up a bit, already awfully close as Alex keeps up the quick and now-practiced motions.
Alex reads Ryan well these days, less like a book and more like road signs.
“Ah, fuck,” Ryan says, and Alex bites down on Ryan’s neck. Ryan comes all over Alex’s hand and the wall of the shower. At least, he thinks distantly, that won’t be much trouble to clean up.
“Thanks,” Ryan says eventually, turning his head to kiss Alex quickly before wondering if maybe he shouldn’t have. Alex follows after him as he pulls back, though, pressing their lips together in return and offering him a grin.
“No problem,” Alex says. “Can I offer a bit of criticism on, you know, your form?”
“What?” Ryan stares at Alex. “My - what?”
“I’m just saying, like. You can make noise. It’d be hot, right? You don’t have to hold back or anything, is all I mean. Just for your consideration or whatever.”
“Oh, yeah,” Ryan says. “I’m just used to - I don’t know, apartment buildings and shit. And tour buses, and, yeah.”
“No, yeah, I know how it is,” Alex says. “But I mean, at your own house, and just. With me. It’s cool.”
“Okay.” Ryan looks Alex in the eyes, examining his expression before nodding. “Yeah, okay. I’ll keep it in mind or whatever.”
“Right, yeah, make a mental note,” Alex says. “Maybe use a different colored pen or something so you remember.”
“So, you know, I was thinking.” Ryan untangles his hand from Alex’s, gesturing vaguely at the corner of the shower where his soap and shampoo and everything is. “You want me to wash your hair or anything?”
“Oh, yeah, dude,” Alex says. “Having other people wash your hair is the best. That, and I don’t know when the fuck I last washed my hair properly.”
Ryan’s eyebrows go up in slight puzzlement. “Has it been longer than the last time you took a shower?”
Alex seems unconcerned. “Well, yeah. You’re not supposed to wash your hair every time you shower.”
“I’m not sure that counts for you. And what the fuck, since when?”
“I don’t know, I think Diva mentioned it a while back.”
“Oh,” Ryan says.
“So anyway,” Alex adds quickly. “That’d be cool.”
“Right, yeah.”
-
There are a lot of people there already when they get to the beach, and Alex splits off almost immediately to talk to some friends of his.
Ryan finds Andy and Jon sprawled out on the sand sharing a joint and looking up at the stars, so he flops down into the sand next to them and holds his hand out to make sure he gets his turn.
“Hey, man,” Andy says, once Ryan’s taken his first hit. “How’s it going?”
“It’s good, it’s good,” Ryan says. “Just woke up. I pretty much spent the day unpacking shit.”
“Wait, you moved in a while ago, right?”
“Yeah, I just hadn’t had the time,” Ryan says, which isn’t exactly true. He’s had the time, but not the motivation.
“Ah, yeah, I feel that,” Andy says.
“So when’s the party?” Jon asks.
“How’d you know there was going to be a party?”
Jon laughs. When he answers, he speaks slowly, and Ryan wonders how long he’s been smoking already. “How would there not be a party?”
“True. There’s always a party someplace.” Ryan finally gets the joint back, and holds onto it for a while, nearly killing it off. He figures the other guys have smoked enough without him, and he’s carrying more on him anyway so he’ll make it up to them.
Life is treating Ryan abnormally well lately. He’s mostly unpacked, and he took a nice nap, and now he’s smoking some amazing weed. “This is some incredible shit,” he declares as he lets the smoke out.
“Isn’t it?” Andy says. “Jon, who’d you even get this from?”
“I have to have some secrets,” Jon says. “Keep up my air of mystery.”
“You’re a fucking enigma,” Ryan says agreeably.
Jon asks, “So is Alex still in town or did he go back to New York after the show?”
“Oh, yeah, he’s sticking around for a bit he said,” Ryan replies. “He’s here somewhere, probably, I don’t know. We came over in his rental car, so I guess he could just leave, but I don’t think he’d do that.”
“Yeah, that’s not usually his style,” Jon says.
“Hey, hey, wait, Jon, we were wondering,” Andy says. “Where the fuck are you staying, man?”
“You picked me up the other night,” Jon says. “How is this a question?”
“Man,” Andy says. “No, I mean, what about Ryan’s?”
“I didn’t know if he was moved in yet or whatever,” Jon says with a shrug. “I just had to help my cousin move back in Chicago, so I figured I’d just skip out on that whole scene.”
“Yeah, me and Alex spent all day unpacking,” Ryan says. “You probably made the right choice. He volunteered and everything, but I felt kinda bad wasting his vacation.”
“Can you even call his trips out here vacations, though? Like, he’s always here. Or you’re always there, but still, same deal.”
“Every day, Jon,” Ryan says. “Every day is a vacation. A permanent vacation, like that one Aerosmith album.”
“Fuck, I used to have that album,” Andy says.
“I’ve never actually listened to it.”
“Yeah, that’s actually probably okay,” Andy admits readily. “Hey, what happened to the joint?”
“Oh, right,” Jon says. “I pretty much killed that. That was all I brought, too, fuck.”
“Somebody else is probably carrying,” Andy says. “We could go find more.”
“We’d have to get up,” Jon laments.
“Maybe if we shout, someone will come and bring us weed.”
Stifling laughter, Ryan finally says, “I’ve actually got some with me. I brought my bowl, too, so we’re good.”
“Fuck, dude, you’ve been holding out on us.” Jon sits up, making grabby hands at Ryan. “C’mon, man.”
Ryan sits up as well, and carefully packs the bowl. It’s a tiny little glass pipe he got for five bucks, because he hates bringing any of his nice ones along with him to parties. He’s lost too many good ones that way, but somehow he’s held onto this piece for nearly a year. He lights up and takes the first hit, just because it’s his, then hands it over to Andy, skipping Jon completely.
“Hey, hey,” Jon whines.
“You didn’t say please,” Ryan says. He waggles a finger, then starts laughing. “Didn’t say the magic word.”
“Man, abra-ca-freaking-dabra,” Jon says, snatching the bowl from Andy the second he seems done. “Finally. Ah, man.” He falls quiet as he inhales the smoke, holding his breath for an uncanny amount of time before finally letting it trickle out of his mouth in a slow exhale.
Someone wanders up and sits down next to them, though Ryan doesn’t look to see who it is until he’s taken his next hit. He looks up to see Alex grinning at him, so he passes off to Alex even though it’s maybe technically Andy’s turn. Andy can wait.
“Thanks,” Alex says, then looks at Ryan expectantly. “Hey, wait, can I have a lighter?”
Jon’s quicker on the draw, so Alex nods to him in thanks before lighting up.
“It’s too bad you missed out on the shit Jon had earlier,” Andy says. “This is okay, though.”
Ryan breathes in deep, savoring the smell of smoke and the salt air. The breeze feels nice. He’s pretty happy right now.
Then Diva shows up, sitting down at Alex’s side. “Hey, hey, Alex,” she says. “I get shotgun, okay?”
Alex looks up at her with a closed-mouth grin, and puts his hand at the side of her head to pull her in close so he can exhale the smoke close enough. “Happy now?” he asks.
“Very,” she says, taking the pipe from him and doing a hit of her own. She doesn’t share. “So, hey, guys, what’s up? Who am I stealing from here?”
“That’d be me.” Ryan raises his hand briefly and looks up at the stars instead of Alex-and-Diva, who seem hyphenated now with the way they’re sitting now. The bottom falls out of his happiness, but it hasn’t quite slipped away yet, leaving him in the middle of a strange moment of feeling.
“Hey, Diva,” Jon says. “How’s it going?”
“It’s good. We were playing some volleyball earlier, but I guess Alex got bored.”
“I just got tired,” Alex laughs. “I feel so fucking old, it’s ridiculous.”
“Aw, that’s okay,” Diva says. “We love you anyway.”
Ryan can’t see the look on Alex’s face, but Alex starts singing When I’m Sixty-Four and he sounds happy enough. Then he’s crowding into Ryan’s space, crooning into Ryan’s ear, and Ryan doesn’t mind anymore. He laughs and leans into it and thinks about singing along but decides he’d rather just listen to Alex’s voice.
Diva leans back, still smiling from where she’s been left alone. “Hey, hey. Andy. What are you doing in Los Angeles?”
“We had a show last night,” Andy says, and the two of them talk shop for a while but Ryan stops paying attention because he’s too focused on Alex.
Ryan wonders if it would be okay to make out with Alex here, but decides he’d rather play it safe and avoid being too obvious. Jon, for example, would probably be able to read him like a book and end up giving him a lecture about how Ryan pretty obviously wants to have a thing with Alex, and Ryan doesn’t feel like listening to that from him right now.
He leans up against Alex’s shoulder, allowing himself at least the opportunity to put a hand in Alex’s hair. For once, Alex mostly just smells clean, and a lot like the familiarity of Ryan’s soap. He breathes in deep.
Jon says, “Why don’t you have a new band yet, Alex? We need to tour with you guys, except you guys don’t exist yet.”
“I’ve been playing with a few dudes out in New York sometimes,” Alex says. “It’s not really anything yet. We’ll see.”
“Don’t forget JJAMZ,” Ryan reminds him. “Probably kind of hard for you guys to tour, though, since everybody’s always doing other stuff.”
“We’ve talked about it, but yeah.” Alex shrugs. “I could be you guys’ roadie, if you wanted.”
“Ooh,” Andy says. “A roadie of our very own.”
“And a famous one, too,” Ryan adds. “Alex, hey, we’re going on tour in like a week. You should come.”
“Yeah, okay,” Alex says.
Jon seems surprised. “Just like that?”
“Why not? I mean, I’ll have to leave the tour for a bit because I have some other shit going on, but I’ll come hang out for a while, help split up van-driving duties and whatever.”
“You’re the best,” Andy tells him earnestly. “I used to hate your band because of that California song, but seriously, you’re the best. Can we make you carry everything?”
“Not everything,” Alex says. “I’ll carry, like, your drummer’s drumsticks or something. Maybe a couple acoustic guitars.”
Diva laughs, and Ryan can see why Alex likes her so much. “You better pay him well if he’s going to be doing so much hard work.”
“Oh, I’ll pay him alright,” Ryan says.
“We can pay him in kindness, and, like, tacos,” Andy decides graciously. “And, y’know, hotel space if we can fork out for a hotel sometimes.”
“I’ll have to go back to New York and, like, pay my bills in advance or whatever, but yeah, I’ll come out for a while,” Alex says. “I hadn’t been on tour in a while. It sounds like a good idea.”
Diva says, “Ha, yeah, that should be fun. Maybe we’ll run into you on the road sometime. You guys have tour dates posted, right?”
“Yeah, our Myspace,” Jon says.
“Sweet.” Diva grins. “If we run into each other somewhere, well - we can find a party. There’s always a party somewhere.”
Jon says, “Do I smell hot dogs?”
Ryan lifts his head to sniff at the air. “I’m pretty sure you smell hot dogs, yeah.”
“Dude,” Andy says.
“Dude,” Jon agrees.
“Bring me back a hot dog, Jon Walker,” Ryan says.
“Get one yourself, Ross.” Jon swats Ryan on the arm. “Why don’t you and Alex get hot dogs for everybody?”
“Ugh. I guess.” Ryan sighs, and drags Alex to his feet. Alex, for his part, comes along willingly. “Hopefully someone brought soy dogs so you can have something too.”
“Ah, yeah, man.” Alex shakes his head a little.
“I’ll eat soy with you in solidarity, if they’ve got any,” Ryan says. “But I’m not gonna starve in solidarity. A hot dog sounds really fucking good right now.”
Diva says, “I can’t have anything, though, I mean, even if they’ve got soy ones. Can you see if someone’s got a banana or something?”
“Yeah, sure,” Ryan says. “Wait, what?”
“I just don’t like processed foods,” Diva explains. “It’s cool. But you don’t have to worry about it.”
"We'll figure something out," Alex says, smiling at her, and they head out across the sand toward the bonfire. The bonfire wasn't there when they arrived, and Ryan wonders when it was built and how he missed it.
The hot dogs are being cooked over the fire, which is convenient and someone did, in fact, bring veggie dogs, so Ryan and Alex sit down in an empty patch of sand to cook theirs up, finishing them off before getting two more ready for Andy and Jon.
Ryan makes sure to walk slowly on the way back. “So, uh,” he says.
“What’s up?”
Ryan looks down at the sand. He has to find a way to carry both a hot dog and an apple he was lucky to find in one hand, but he manages it, because Alex has a hand free and Ryan is finally giving in to the fact that he just really wants to hold Alex’s hand.
He’s basically wanted that for a long while now.
Alex looks up at him, adjusting a little so their fingers fit together more comfortably.
Ryan asks, “So is this okay?”
“Well, yeah,” Alex says, his eyes shining in the cast light of the fire behind them. “I’m a pro at holding hands. You’re doing alright, don’t worry. I can give you some pointers or something, if you want.”
“I think I’m okay.” Ryan laughs. “It’s not like you’re the first person I’ve held hands with or anything.”
“Yeah, see? It’s cool.”
“Okay,” Ryan says, and he hasn’t said half of what he wants to, but he can’t think of a way to say any of it without sounding like an idiot.
Ryan lets his hand slip out from Alex’s when he spots Diva again, though, because he thinks maybe it’s a little unfair, what he’s doing. He’s not sure what he’s doing. He’s not sure what Alex is doing, either.
Diva says, “Oh my god, like, finally. Did you get me anything?”
“Could you have taken any longer?” Andy wonders. “What, did you stop to get your portraits painted on the way?”
Jon starts laughing.
Ryan blinks, puzzled. “To get our - what?”
“Never mind, never mind,” Jon says, still laughing. “You missed it, man. I don’t think explaining would - yeah, no. It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”
“Okay,” Alex says, incredulous. “Man, Ryan. They’re making in-jokes without us.”
“I don’t know how I feel about that,” Ryan says, clicking his tongue. He would cross his arms, but he has to hand out hot dogs first, and give Diva her apple, and by the time that’s done with the gesture seems belated and pointless. “My own band is betraying me.”
“At least we’re left out together,” Alex says. “It’d be way worse if it was just you or me who had no idea, you know? We can stand against them in solidarity if we have to.”
“That sounds good,” Ryan decides. “I’m a fan of solidarity, especially in the face of adversity and all.”
“We’re not adverse,” Diva says. She takes a big bite out of her apple before continuing. “We’re more the chorus, I think.”
Andy asks, “Can I be the bridge?”
Jon says, “As long as I can be the oil paint interpretation of the song, we’re good,” and Diva and Andy crack up.
“Okay, I don’t think there’s even any way for that to make sense,” Ryan says. “You guys are pretending to have an in-joke. It’s not even real.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” Andy says. “I mean, if it makes you feel better.”
“It really does.”
“Whatever it takes,” Alex says, linking his arm together with Ryan’s. “We can take you. I’m a master of in-jokes, just wait for it.”
“Even if you’re waiting for it, you probably won’t be ready,” Ryan tells them, dropping his voice to an exaggerated whisper.
They spend hours out there on the beach, eventually drifting closer to the fire as it gets colder; almost everyone wanders off at some point to talk to other friends before circling back to the group. Alex and Ryan, though, mostly stick together.
Diva is the first to leave for the night - “I actually have this weird meeting to go to tomorrow morning,” she sighs, picking up her empty beer bottle to take with her to the trash. “So I guess I’ll need to wake up. Alex, hey, can we - are you free tomorrow? You’re still in town, right?”
“Yeah,” Alex says, seeming wary.
Diva wraps her arms around herself, shivering a little in the breeze. “Can we talk?”
“Yeah, okay.” Alex stands up, pulling her into a tight hug, and he seems reluctant to let go, but - Ryan doesn’t mind, this time. There’s something in Alex’s attitude. Ryan thinks it’ll be okay.
The rest of them stay a while longer, until Jon leaves with the friend he’s crashing with this time, and Andy leaves with a few friends of his he runs into as things are winding down.
After that it’s just Alex and Ryan and a few other stragglers out on the sand around the guttering fire. Ryan closes his eyes and leans in, pressing his forehead against Alex’s.
“You wanna go home?” he asks.
“Yeah,” Alex agrees, quiet. “Yeah, okay, sure.”
-
It’s two days before Ryan works up the nerve to say anything.
“So,” he ends up saying to Alex over a dinner of leftovers from an Italian place they went to for lunch. “So I haven’t slept with Z in a while.”
Alex watches him carefully. “Okay.”
“I probably could have, right? But I haven’t,” Ryan says, and he’s explaining this as much to himself as he is to Alex. “And I don’t really want to, which isn’t - it’s not because of her or anything, right? But, I’m just saying, I think I’m mostly just okay with whatever we’ve got right now. I mean, I know it’s not a thing or anything, but you know.”
Alex seems slightly lost. “What?”
“I just mean if that’s okay.” Looking down, Ryan says, “You can sleep with whoever you want to, I mean, I don’t care. It wouldn’t be cool of me to say you can’t. But I think for right now I’m sticking with you.”
“Oh, hey,” Alex says, taking Ryan’s hand. “Hey, okay. That’s - okay.”
“It’s okay? Good. Okay, yeah, good.” Ryan nods to himself, still trying to sort out what he’s thinking right now. He doesn’t like discussing his relationships; mostly he just lets things happen, but that hasn’t always served him the best in the past, and - this is maybe not a relationship, not quite yet, but maybe it is and has been for a while. Whatever it is, he’s hoping to preserve it for a while longer.
“No, hey, hey,” Alex says, leaning over to make sure Ryan’s looking him in the eye. “That’s more than okay. I like that. I’m totally cool with that. I didn’t think you were big on monogamy, is all.”
“Eh.” Ryan shrugs.
Alex says, “I thought about mentioning it or whatever, but I figured you’d freak out.” He laughs a little, self-conscious, which isn’t a look Ryan is used to on him.
“I get skittish, it’s true,” Ryan says. “Like a squirrel.”
“Or like a weird fucking dude,” Alex sugests. “Because I’m pretty sure you’re just weird.”
“Probably.”
“I like it, though,” Alex says.
“Yeah, well, whatever,” Ryan says. “I like you. So there.”
“What? Fuck you, man, I like you.” Alex laughs, roughing up Ryan’s hair a little.
“Well, I like you better,” Ryan says. “I like you as much as I bet Gilbert Gottfried hates us.”
“Well, fuck,” Alex says. “I don’t know if I can beat that. I like you as much as I like Ryan Ross, though.”
“Hmm,” Ryan says. “Hm. I guess that counts for something.”
“Probably,” Alex agrees. “Like a free soda or something.”
Ryan grins. “I’m all out of soda, so you’re gonna have to live with the something.”
“I can do something.”
“Like blow me, right?”
“As long as you don’t mean that as some kind of metaphorical insult, then yeah,” Alex says. “I think I can manage that.”
-
Five days later, Ryan’s got the last of his things loaded into the trailer. He dusts his hands together, looking at his handiwork in pride.
“Now we just have to remember how we got it in there,” Nick says.
“We should have made a diagram or something,” Jon says.
“A flowchart,” Ryan says, elbowing Alex in the side, and Alex laughs.
Jon says, “What?”
“Never mind,” Alex tells him breezily. “You wouldn’t get it. I think you had to be there.”
Jon raises his eyebrows. “Uh-huh?”
“Definitely,” Ryan agrees. “It’s not really that funny if it’s gotta be explained.”
“Most things aren’t,” Andy admits. “Should - we should get going, right?”
“Where are we even playing tonight?” Nick asks.
Ryan blanches, because he has no idea either. He looks around, and the rest of his band seems just as baffled, until the other Nick comes back out from a trip to Ryan’s bathroom.
Andy is the one to ask first. “Hey, Murray, where are we even playing tonight?”
Nick Murray looks around at all of them, eventually just shaking his head. “Really? You guys are serious? Come on - Alex, at least, right? You have to know. I thought you were helping us out this tour.”
Alex holds up his hands, showing that they’re empty. “I’ve got nothing, man. I thought you would have your tour schedule memorized or something. Maybe written down somewhere.”
Murray sighs. “This is going to be a great tour. Definitely.”
“But you know where we’re going, right?” Andy asks again, getting anxious.
“We’re hitting Oakland. You remember where that is, right?”
“It’s in Nevada, right?” Jon says, grinning.
“Don’t even,” Murray says, though he’s smiling now too.
“My phone’s got a GPS,” Alex says. “I’ll make sure you guys get there, don’t worry.”
“I knew there was a reason I kept you around,” Ryan says. He’s full of excitement at the prospect of the tour, and the time spent with Alex, and all the places they’ll see and people they’ll meet along the way.
He’s looking forward to parties and crossing paths with people he half-knows from halfway across the country, and watching the headlining band play the same set over and over until he knows it by heart, and to eating at shitty diners and fast food joints along the way until someone inevitably ends up sick.
Ryan breathes in deep, savoring the air up here in the hills, and then claps his hands together. “Alright, awesome. We’ve got a destination. Let’s get going while the getting’s good.”
Andy calls out “shotgun!” and races Nick to the door, and Jon gets in the front seat to drive, and Ryan squeezes into the backseat with Alex and Murray, his knees bent up uncomfortably against the back of the driver’s seat, but he doesn’t even care right now.
Ryan smiles to himself. Things make sense.
When Ryan wakes up, he’s uncomfortably warm and sweaty, and half draped over Alex. He lifts his head up and realizes he’s managed to drool all over Alex. He hopes Alex won’t notice.
“Hmm.” Alex makes a sleepy noise and Ryan can feel him stiffen and stretch as he wakes up too. “Morning. Or evening, I guess.”
“Evening,” Ryan confirms. “Or more like night. You wanna head to that thing on the beach still?”
“Yeah, sure.” Alex sits up and rubs at his eyes. He freezes for a moment, frowning, then laughs. “Dude, you drooled all over my shirt. You’re like a toddler or something.”
“Shut up,” Ryan says. “I offered to sleep on the couch.”
“I get it now. You were trying to save me. Fuck.” Alex keeps laughing as he gets up and pulls his shirt off, tossing it to the floor. “I’ve got to take a shower before we go. You going to shower, or are you just gonna get dressed and be ready?”
“Is this your first shower the whole time you’ve been here?”
“I haven’t been here that long,” Alex says. “Drool’s just an extenuating circumstance. Plus, I mean, you’re one to talk.”
Ryan lifts up his arm, sniffing at his own armpit, then makes a face. “Yeah, okay, shut up. I could probably use a shower too. It’ll take longer to get out there, but these things usually last a while, right?”
“I’m pretty sure we could save time if we showered together.” Alex gives a predatory grin, his teeth all showing.
“Or at least save water,” Ryan says. “Like, if you do the math and all. I’m not entirely sure how. I’d need to Google it or something.”
“Yeah, no, let’s not Google shower math,” Alex laughs, rolling to his feet. He pulls Ryan up after him. “C’mon.”
Ryan wishes his bathroom were a little larger, but there’s still space for both of them to get undressed at once. Ryan kicks off his boxers and then just watches as Alex carefully pulls off both socks, and his underwear, and his t-shirt. Somehow, this is the first time he’s noticed that Alex wore so much to bed. He wonders if it means anything, but can’t work out what possible meaning there could be so he gives up that train of thought and just appreciates the view.
Alex leans over the tub, examining the shower knobs before twisting back around. “How do you turn this on? Like, which way’s hot and which way’s cold?”
“Oh, here,” Ryan says, leaning in over him. “This way. And you have to pull this thing out.”
“Ah, sweet.” Alex nods, holding his arm out to test the now-pouring water. “I think that’s good. Is that good?”
“That’s good,” Ryan agrees. Uncertain, he stands awkwardly as Alex gets in the shower, until Alex starts laughing.
“Hey, c’mon in. If I didn’t melt, you won’t either.”
“If you say so,” Ryan says. His shower’s decent sized. The water clears Ryan’s head, which is already far too sober for his tastes. He and Alex just spent the day unpacking and cleaning and furniture shopping, and now here they are taking a shower, and Ryan’s not used to any of it.
“Hey.” Alex is blinking a lot because of the spray of water. “Welcome to cleanliness.”
“I think soap’s gotta get involved before either of us can claim that.”
“Well, if you say so,” Alex says agreeably, grabbing for a bottle of shower gel that only just got unpacked earlier in the day. He pours some out, rubbing it between his hands to get a nice lather before rubbing at Ryan’s shoulders with his now-sudsy hands.
Ryan closes his eyes and feels a lot of needless tension drain out as Alex works his hands down his arms, then back over his chest. He can feel the blood starting to flow to his dick, but nothing feels urgent, right now.
Alex says, “Hey, turn around. Let me get your back, too.”
“Okay,” Ryan says, complacent, and does as he’s told. “Hey, do you ever think about Ron Underwood?”
“Fucking what?” Alex laughs, pausing with a hand flat against Ryan’s shoulders. His whole body rocks and he leans against Ryan, tucking his head against Ryan’s neck. “What the hell.”
“The guy who directed the first Tremors movie,” Ryan says. “I was looking him up on IMDB, and all he’s really done since then are, like, shitty Christmas movies.”
“Oh my god,” Alex says.
“I know, right?”
“I - yeah, okay.” Ryan can feel Alex laughing, and he leans into it.
“But he directed Pluto Nash, too, which is just such a terrible movie,” Ryan continues. “How do you go from Tremors to that? I mean, that movie had fucking amazing comedic timing, and then, Pluto Nash. I hope that’s not how my career’s going to look in retrospect.”
“Seriously, dude,” Alex says, and he kisses Ryan’s neck, and oh, okay. That’s what this is about. “You’re fucking strange, sometimes, and that’s coming from me.”
“He didn’t even do the other ones, though, is all,” Ryan says. “Tremors two through four were directed by different people entirely.”
“Uh-huh.” Alex just kisses Ryan’s neck again, and holds his hands out under the water to get rid of the rest of the soap so that he can just let his fingers roam down water-slick skin to eventually take hold of Ryan’s dick. He just cradles it in his hand for a moment as he tilts his head up to worry at Ryan’s earlobe with his teeth, before allowing for some motion.
A few slow and steady strokes, and Ryan is already wishing he weren’t standing up. He shuffles forward a step or two instead so he can lean his head against the wall, and brace himself with one arm. The other arm, he just reaches back to take Alex’s free hand in his while Alex jerks him off. It’s a little chilly, out from under the main flow of the water, but Ryan doesn’t care.
Alex works his hand faster.
Ryan bites down on his lip to keep from making an embarrassing sound. He tenses up a bit, already awfully close as Alex keeps up the quick and now-practiced motions.
Alex reads Ryan well these days, less like a book and more like road signs.
“Ah, fuck,” Ryan says, and Alex bites down on Ryan’s neck. Ryan comes all over Alex’s hand and the wall of the shower. At least, he thinks distantly, that won’t be much trouble to clean up.
“Thanks,” Ryan says eventually, turning his head to kiss Alex quickly before wondering if maybe he shouldn’t have. Alex follows after him as he pulls back, though, pressing their lips together in return and offering him a grin.
“No problem,” Alex says. “Can I offer a bit of criticism on, you know, your form?”
“What?” Ryan stares at Alex. “My - what?”
“I’m just saying, like. You can make noise. It’d be hot, right? You don’t have to hold back or anything, is all I mean. Just for your consideration or whatever.”
“Oh, yeah,” Ryan says. “I’m just used to - I don’t know, apartment buildings and shit. And tour buses, and, yeah.”
“No, yeah, I know how it is,” Alex says. “But I mean, at your own house, and just. With me. It’s cool.”
“Okay.” Ryan looks Alex in the eyes, examining his expression before nodding. “Yeah, okay. I’ll keep it in mind or whatever.”
“Right, yeah, make a mental note,” Alex says. “Maybe use a different colored pen or something so you remember.”
“So, you know, I was thinking.” Ryan untangles his hand from Alex’s, gesturing vaguely at the corner of the shower where his soap and shampoo and everything is. “You want me to wash your hair or anything?”
“Oh, yeah, dude,” Alex says. “Having other people wash your hair is the best. That, and I don’t know when the fuck I last washed my hair properly.”
Ryan’s eyebrows go up in slight puzzlement. “Has it been longer than the last time you took a shower?”
Alex seems unconcerned. “Well, yeah. You’re not supposed to wash your hair every time you shower.”
“I’m not sure that counts for you. And what the fuck, since when?”
“I don’t know, I think Diva mentioned it a while back.”
“Oh,” Ryan says.
“So anyway,” Alex adds quickly. “That’d be cool.”
“Right, yeah.”
-
There are a lot of people there already when they get to the beach, and Alex splits off almost immediately to talk to some friends of his.
Ryan finds Andy and Jon sprawled out on the sand sharing a joint and looking up at the stars, so he flops down into the sand next to them and holds his hand out to make sure he gets his turn.
“Hey, man,” Andy says, once Ryan’s taken his first hit. “How’s it going?”
“It’s good, it’s good,” Ryan says. “Just woke up. I pretty much spent the day unpacking shit.”
“Wait, you moved in a while ago, right?”
“Yeah, I just hadn’t had the time,” Ryan says, which isn’t exactly true. He’s had the time, but not the motivation.
“Ah, yeah, I feel that,” Andy says.
“So when’s the party?” Jon asks.
“How’d you know there was going to be a party?”
Jon laughs. When he answers, he speaks slowly, and Ryan wonders how long he’s been smoking already. “How would there not be a party?”
“True. There’s always a party someplace.” Ryan finally gets the joint back, and holds onto it for a while, nearly killing it off. He figures the other guys have smoked enough without him, and he’s carrying more on him anyway so he’ll make it up to them.
Life is treating Ryan abnormally well lately. He’s mostly unpacked, and he took a nice nap, and now he’s smoking some amazing weed. “This is some incredible shit,” he declares as he lets the smoke out.
“Isn’t it?” Andy says. “Jon, who’d you even get this from?”
“I have to have some secrets,” Jon says. “Keep up my air of mystery.”
“You’re a fucking enigma,” Ryan says agreeably.
Jon asks, “So is Alex still in town or did he go back to New York after the show?”
“Oh, yeah, he’s sticking around for a bit he said,” Ryan replies. “He’s here somewhere, probably, I don’t know. We came over in his rental car, so I guess he could just leave, but I don’t think he’d do that.”
“Yeah, that’s not usually his style,” Jon says.
“Hey, hey, wait, Jon, we were wondering,” Andy says. “Where the fuck are you staying, man?”
“You picked me up the other night,” Jon says. “How is this a question?”
“Man,” Andy says. “No, I mean, what about Ryan’s?”
“I didn’t know if he was moved in yet or whatever,” Jon says with a shrug. “I just had to help my cousin move back in Chicago, so I figured I’d just skip out on that whole scene.”
“Yeah, me and Alex spent all day unpacking,” Ryan says. “You probably made the right choice. He volunteered and everything, but I felt kinda bad wasting his vacation.”
“Can you even call his trips out here vacations, though? Like, he’s always here. Or you’re always there, but still, same deal.”
“Every day, Jon,” Ryan says. “Every day is a vacation. A permanent vacation, like that one Aerosmith album.”
“Fuck, I used to have that album,” Andy says.
“I’ve never actually listened to it.”
“Yeah, that’s actually probably okay,” Andy admits readily. “Hey, what happened to the joint?”
“Oh, right,” Jon says. “I pretty much killed that. That was all I brought, too, fuck.”
“Somebody else is probably carrying,” Andy says. “We could go find more.”
“We’d have to get up,” Jon laments.
“Maybe if we shout, someone will come and bring us weed.”
Stifling laughter, Ryan finally says, “I’ve actually got some with me. I brought my bowl, too, so we’re good.”
“Fuck, dude, you’ve been holding out on us.” Jon sits up, making grabby hands at Ryan. “C’mon, man.”
Ryan sits up as well, and carefully packs the bowl. It’s a tiny little glass pipe he got for five bucks, because he hates bringing any of his nice ones along with him to parties. He’s lost too many good ones that way, but somehow he’s held onto this piece for nearly a year. He lights up and takes the first hit, just because it’s his, then hands it over to Andy, skipping Jon completely.
“Hey, hey,” Jon whines.
“You didn’t say please,” Ryan says. He waggles a finger, then starts laughing. “Didn’t say the magic word.”
“Man, abra-ca-freaking-dabra,” Jon says, snatching the bowl from Andy the second he seems done. “Finally. Ah, man.” He falls quiet as he inhales the smoke, holding his breath for an uncanny amount of time before finally letting it trickle out of his mouth in a slow exhale.
Someone wanders up and sits down next to them, though Ryan doesn’t look to see who it is until he’s taken his next hit. He looks up to see Alex grinning at him, so he passes off to Alex even though it’s maybe technically Andy’s turn. Andy can wait.
“Thanks,” Alex says, then looks at Ryan expectantly. “Hey, wait, can I have a lighter?”
Jon’s quicker on the draw, so Alex nods to him in thanks before lighting up.
“It’s too bad you missed out on the shit Jon had earlier,” Andy says. “This is okay, though.”
Ryan breathes in deep, savoring the smell of smoke and the salt air. The breeze feels nice. He’s pretty happy right now.
Then Diva shows up, sitting down at Alex’s side. “Hey, hey, Alex,” she says. “I get shotgun, okay?”
Alex looks up at her with a closed-mouth grin, and puts his hand at the side of her head to pull her in close so he can exhale the smoke close enough. “Happy now?” he asks.
“Very,” she says, taking the pipe from him and doing a hit of her own. She doesn’t share. “So, hey, guys, what’s up? Who am I stealing from here?”
“That’d be me.” Ryan raises his hand briefly and looks up at the stars instead of Alex-and-Diva, who seem hyphenated now with the way they’re sitting now. The bottom falls out of his happiness, but it hasn’t quite slipped away yet, leaving him in the middle of a strange moment of feeling.
“Hey, Diva,” Jon says. “How’s it going?”
“It’s good. We were playing some volleyball earlier, but I guess Alex got bored.”
“I just got tired,” Alex laughs. “I feel so fucking old, it’s ridiculous.”
“Aw, that’s okay,” Diva says. “We love you anyway.”
Ryan can’t see the look on Alex’s face, but Alex starts singing When I’m Sixty-Four and he sounds happy enough. Then he’s crowding into Ryan’s space, crooning into Ryan’s ear, and Ryan doesn’t mind anymore. He laughs and leans into it and thinks about singing along but decides he’d rather just listen to Alex’s voice.
Diva leans back, still smiling from where she’s been left alone. “Hey, hey. Andy. What are you doing in Los Angeles?”
“We had a show last night,” Andy says, and the two of them talk shop for a while but Ryan stops paying attention because he’s too focused on Alex.
Ryan wonders if it would be okay to make out with Alex here, but decides he’d rather play it safe and avoid being too obvious. Jon, for example, would probably be able to read him like a book and end up giving him a lecture about how Ryan pretty obviously wants to have a thing with Alex, and Ryan doesn’t feel like listening to that from him right now.
He leans up against Alex’s shoulder, allowing himself at least the opportunity to put a hand in Alex’s hair. For once, Alex mostly just smells clean, and a lot like the familiarity of Ryan’s soap. He breathes in deep.
Jon says, “Why don’t you have a new band yet, Alex? We need to tour with you guys, except you guys don’t exist yet.”
“I’ve been playing with a few dudes out in New York sometimes,” Alex says. “It’s not really anything yet. We’ll see.”
“Don’t forget JJAMZ,” Ryan reminds him. “Probably kind of hard for you guys to tour, though, since everybody’s always doing other stuff.”
“We’ve talked about it, but yeah.” Alex shrugs. “I could be you guys’ roadie, if you wanted.”
“Ooh,” Andy says. “A roadie of our very own.”
“And a famous one, too,” Ryan adds. “Alex, hey, we’re going on tour in like a week. You should come.”
“Yeah, okay,” Alex says.
Jon seems surprised. “Just like that?”
“Why not? I mean, I’ll have to leave the tour for a bit because I have some other shit going on, but I’ll come hang out for a while, help split up van-driving duties and whatever.”
“You’re the best,” Andy tells him earnestly. “I used to hate your band because of that California song, but seriously, you’re the best. Can we make you carry everything?”
“Not everything,” Alex says. “I’ll carry, like, your drummer’s drumsticks or something. Maybe a couple acoustic guitars.”
Diva laughs, and Ryan can see why Alex likes her so much. “You better pay him well if he’s going to be doing so much hard work.”
“Oh, I’ll pay him alright,” Ryan says.
“We can pay him in kindness, and, like, tacos,” Andy decides graciously. “And, y’know, hotel space if we can fork out for a hotel sometimes.”
“I’ll have to go back to New York and, like, pay my bills in advance or whatever, but yeah, I’ll come out for a while,” Alex says. “I hadn’t been on tour in a while. It sounds like a good idea.”
Diva says, “Ha, yeah, that should be fun. Maybe we’ll run into you on the road sometime. You guys have tour dates posted, right?”
“Yeah, our Myspace,” Jon says.
“Sweet.” Diva grins. “If we run into each other somewhere, well - we can find a party. There’s always a party somewhere.”
Jon says, “Do I smell hot dogs?”
Ryan lifts his head to sniff at the air. “I’m pretty sure you smell hot dogs, yeah.”
“Dude,” Andy says.
“Dude,” Jon agrees.
“Bring me back a hot dog, Jon Walker,” Ryan says.
“Get one yourself, Ross.” Jon swats Ryan on the arm. “Why don’t you and Alex get hot dogs for everybody?”
“Ugh. I guess.” Ryan sighs, and drags Alex to his feet. Alex, for his part, comes along willingly. “Hopefully someone brought soy dogs so you can have something too.”
“Ah, yeah, man.” Alex shakes his head a little.
“I’ll eat soy with you in solidarity, if they’ve got any,” Ryan says. “But I’m not gonna starve in solidarity. A hot dog sounds really fucking good right now.”
Diva says, “I can’t have anything, though, I mean, even if they’ve got soy ones. Can you see if someone’s got a banana or something?”
“Yeah, sure,” Ryan says. “Wait, what?”
“I just don’t like processed foods,” Diva explains. “It’s cool. But you don’t have to worry about it.”
"We'll figure something out," Alex says, smiling at her, and they head out across the sand toward the bonfire. The bonfire wasn't there when they arrived, and Ryan wonders when it was built and how he missed it.
The hot dogs are being cooked over the fire, which is convenient and someone did, in fact, bring veggie dogs, so Ryan and Alex sit down in an empty patch of sand to cook theirs up, finishing them off before getting two more ready for Andy and Jon.
Ryan makes sure to walk slowly on the way back. “So, uh,” he says.
“What’s up?”
Ryan looks down at the sand. He has to find a way to carry both a hot dog and an apple he was lucky to find in one hand, but he manages it, because Alex has a hand free and Ryan is finally giving in to the fact that he just really wants to hold Alex’s hand.
He’s basically wanted that for a long while now.
Alex looks up at him, adjusting a little so their fingers fit together more comfortably.
Ryan asks, “So is this okay?”
“Well, yeah,” Alex says, his eyes shining in the cast light of the fire behind them. “I’m a pro at holding hands. You’re doing alright, don’t worry. I can give you some pointers or something, if you want.”
“I think I’m okay.” Ryan laughs. “It’s not like you’re the first person I’ve held hands with or anything.”
“Yeah, see? It’s cool.”
“Okay,” Ryan says, and he hasn’t said half of what he wants to, but he can’t think of a way to say any of it without sounding like an idiot.
Ryan lets his hand slip out from Alex’s when he spots Diva again, though, because he thinks maybe it’s a little unfair, what he’s doing. He’s not sure what he’s doing. He’s not sure what Alex is doing, either.
Diva says, “Oh my god, like, finally. Did you get me anything?”
“Could you have taken any longer?” Andy wonders. “What, did you stop to get your portraits painted on the way?”
Jon starts laughing.
Ryan blinks, puzzled. “To get our - what?”
“Never mind, never mind,” Jon says, still laughing. “You missed it, man. I don’t think explaining would - yeah, no. It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”
“Okay,” Alex says, incredulous. “Man, Ryan. They’re making in-jokes without us.”
“I don’t know how I feel about that,” Ryan says, clicking his tongue. He would cross his arms, but he has to hand out hot dogs first, and give Diva her apple, and by the time that’s done with the gesture seems belated and pointless. “My own band is betraying me.”
“At least we’re left out together,” Alex says. “It’d be way worse if it was just you or me who had no idea, you know? We can stand against them in solidarity if we have to.”
“That sounds good,” Ryan decides. “I’m a fan of solidarity, especially in the face of adversity and all.”
“We’re not adverse,” Diva says. She takes a big bite out of her apple before continuing. “We’re more the chorus, I think.”
Andy asks, “Can I be the bridge?”
Jon says, “As long as I can be the oil paint interpretation of the song, we’re good,” and Diva and Andy crack up.
“Okay, I don’t think there’s even any way for that to make sense,” Ryan says. “You guys are pretending to have an in-joke. It’s not even real.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” Andy says. “I mean, if it makes you feel better.”
“It really does.”
“Whatever it takes,” Alex says, linking his arm together with Ryan’s. “We can take you. I’m a master of in-jokes, just wait for it.”
“Even if you’re waiting for it, you probably won’t be ready,” Ryan tells them, dropping his voice to an exaggerated whisper.
They spend hours out there on the beach, eventually drifting closer to the fire as it gets colder; almost everyone wanders off at some point to talk to other friends before circling back to the group. Alex and Ryan, though, mostly stick together.
Diva is the first to leave for the night - “I actually have this weird meeting to go to tomorrow morning,” she sighs, picking up her empty beer bottle to take with her to the trash. “So I guess I’ll need to wake up. Alex, hey, can we - are you free tomorrow? You’re still in town, right?”
“Yeah,” Alex says, seeming wary.
Diva wraps her arms around herself, shivering a little in the breeze. “Can we talk?”
“Yeah, okay.” Alex stands up, pulling her into a tight hug, and he seems reluctant to let go, but - Ryan doesn’t mind, this time. There’s something in Alex’s attitude. Ryan thinks it’ll be okay.
The rest of them stay a while longer, until Jon leaves with the friend he’s crashing with this time, and Andy leaves with a few friends of his he runs into as things are winding down.
After that it’s just Alex and Ryan and a few other stragglers out on the sand around the guttering fire. Ryan closes his eyes and leans in, pressing his forehead against Alex’s.
“You wanna go home?” he asks.
“Yeah,” Alex agrees, quiet. “Yeah, okay, sure.”
-
It’s two days before Ryan works up the nerve to say anything.
“So,” he ends up saying to Alex over a dinner of leftovers from an Italian place they went to for lunch. “So I haven’t slept with Z in a while.”
Alex watches him carefully. “Okay.”
“I probably could have, right? But I haven’t,” Ryan says, and he’s explaining this as much to himself as he is to Alex. “And I don’t really want to, which isn’t - it’s not because of her or anything, right? But, I’m just saying, I think I’m mostly just okay with whatever we’ve got right now. I mean, I know it’s not a thing or anything, but you know.”
Alex seems slightly lost. “What?”
“I just mean if that’s okay.” Looking down, Ryan says, “You can sleep with whoever you want to, I mean, I don’t care. It wouldn’t be cool of me to say you can’t. But I think for right now I’m sticking with you.”
“Oh, hey,” Alex says, taking Ryan’s hand. “Hey, okay. That’s - okay.”
“It’s okay? Good. Okay, yeah, good.” Ryan nods to himself, still trying to sort out what he’s thinking right now. He doesn’t like discussing his relationships; mostly he just lets things happen, but that hasn’t always served him the best in the past, and - this is maybe not a relationship, not quite yet, but maybe it is and has been for a while. Whatever it is, he’s hoping to preserve it for a while longer.
“No, hey, hey,” Alex says, leaning over to make sure Ryan’s looking him in the eye. “That’s more than okay. I like that. I’m totally cool with that. I didn’t think you were big on monogamy, is all.”
“Eh.” Ryan shrugs.
Alex says, “I thought about mentioning it or whatever, but I figured you’d freak out.” He laughs a little, self-conscious, which isn’t a look Ryan is used to on him.
“I get skittish, it’s true,” Ryan says. “Like a squirrel.”
“Or like a weird fucking dude,” Alex sugests. “Because I’m pretty sure you’re just weird.”
“Probably.”
“I like it, though,” Alex says.
“Yeah, well, whatever,” Ryan says. “I like you. So there.”
“What? Fuck you, man, I like you.” Alex laughs, roughing up Ryan’s hair a little.
“Well, I like you better,” Ryan says. “I like you as much as I bet Gilbert Gottfried hates us.”
“Well, fuck,” Alex says. “I don’t know if I can beat that. I like you as much as I like Ryan Ross, though.”
“Hmm,” Ryan says. “Hm. I guess that counts for something.”
“Probably,” Alex agrees. “Like a free soda or something.”
Ryan grins. “I’m all out of soda, so you’re gonna have to live with the something.”
“I can do something.”
“Like blow me, right?”
“As long as you don’t mean that as some kind of metaphorical insult, then yeah,” Alex says. “I think I can manage that.”
-
Five days later, Ryan’s got the last of his things loaded into the trailer. He dusts his hands together, looking at his handiwork in pride.
“Now we just have to remember how we got it in there,” Nick says.
“We should have made a diagram or something,” Jon says.
“A flowchart,” Ryan says, elbowing Alex in the side, and Alex laughs.
Jon says, “What?”
“Never mind,” Alex tells him breezily. “You wouldn’t get it. I think you had to be there.”
Jon raises his eyebrows. “Uh-huh?”
“Definitely,” Ryan agrees. “It’s not really that funny if it’s gotta be explained.”
“Most things aren’t,” Andy admits. “Should - we should get going, right?”
“Where are we even playing tonight?” Nick asks.
Ryan blanches, because he has no idea either. He looks around, and the rest of his band seems just as baffled, until the other Nick comes back out from a trip to Ryan’s bathroom.
Andy is the one to ask first. “Hey, Murray, where are we even playing tonight?”
Nick Murray looks around at all of them, eventually just shaking his head. “Really? You guys are serious? Come on - Alex, at least, right? You have to know. I thought you were helping us out this tour.”
Alex holds up his hands, showing that they’re empty. “I’ve got nothing, man. I thought you would have your tour schedule memorized or something. Maybe written down somewhere.”
Murray sighs. “This is going to be a great tour. Definitely.”
“But you know where we’re going, right?” Andy asks again, getting anxious.
“We’re hitting Oakland. You remember where that is, right?”
“It’s in Nevada, right?” Jon says, grinning.
“Don’t even,” Murray says, though he’s smiling now too.
“My phone’s got a GPS,” Alex says. “I’ll make sure you guys get there, don’t worry.”
“I knew there was a reason I kept you around,” Ryan says. He’s full of excitement at the prospect of the tour, and the time spent with Alex, and all the places they’ll see and people they’ll meet along the way.
He’s looking forward to parties and crossing paths with people he half-knows from halfway across the country, and watching the headlining band play the same set over and over until he knows it by heart, and to eating at shitty diners and fast food joints along the way until someone inevitably ends up sick.
Ryan breathes in deep, savoring the air up here in the hills, and then claps his hands together. “Alright, awesome. We’ve got a destination. Let’s get going while the getting’s good.”
Andy calls out “shotgun!” and races Nick to the door, and Jon gets in the front seat to drive, and Ryan squeezes into the backseat with Alex and Murray, his knees bent up uncomfortably against the back of the driver’s seat, but he doesn’t even care right now.
Ryan smiles to himself. Things make sense.