(no subject)
these days are filled with distractions:
boys, cigarettes, food, school, rehearsals and flighty sociality. id like to eliminate a few of them, especially food and school. unfortunately my recent attempts to free myself from food resulted in a fixation on scales and french fries. the times i try to be social are the worst, since i come away with an empty feeling and a desire to be completely alone for a long while. what is one to do, when everything backfires so much? these things get in the way of truth and i cant get around them to find it. too much, too much, you know.
yeats believes that history goes in 2000 year cycles, and that the one that is revving up now is going to be dominated by anarchy, hatred, and violence.
my rat died yesterday, andt hat afternoon i happened to start reading a book whose first chapter talked almost entirely about rats dying of a plague in the thousands.
it feels like we're all missing the big stuff, the really important ideas. but im missing it all too, so i cant point anyone in the right direction. jake says it all starts with the questions, but how can we know that they're the ones we should be asking? we've been wandering for thousands of years and it feels like the only thing we can do is to just stop trying to find meaning in everything and just be. not give up, but stop pushing so hard against life. we cant force it to give us what we want, and we are entirely frustrated. the time im spending with people is pretty disappointing. i keep expecting them to do something spectacular and great but its all petty bullshit. i sat in on a class today and the entire time one group of girls bitched and talked shit. they talked shit about people on a tv show. fictional fucking characters. another chit kept whining that she had to get blood drawn. apparently she has to have this procedure in order to prove that she's seizure-free and thus to keep her driver's license, but she was still complaining about it. all i really want is for people to be better but what can i possibly show them? what should i expect from them? thoughtfulness and generosity and a little logic. ive got an idea that what we really need is a cultural shift toward promoting these values. morality and values today are always used to justify prejudice and narrowmindedness, but we could have a general trend toward open ideas and logical thinking, perhaps? definitely not, of course. utopias are idiotic, we will always want something to struggle against.
summing up (you should skip this, its pure self indulgence)
AS virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
"Now his breath goes," and some say, "No."
So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move ;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.
Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears ;
Men reckon what it did, and meant ;
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.
Dull sublunary lovers' love
boys, cigarettes, food, school, rehearsals and flighty sociality. id like to eliminate a few of them, especially food and school. unfortunately my recent attempts to free myself from food resulted in a fixation on scales and french fries. the times i try to be social are the worst, since i come away with an empty feeling and a desire to be completely alone for a long while. what is one to do, when everything backfires so much? these things get in the way of truth and i cant get around them to find it. too much, too much, you know.
yeats believes that history goes in 2000 year cycles, and that the one that is revving up now is going to be dominated by anarchy, hatred, and violence.
my rat died yesterday, andt hat afternoon i happened to start reading a book whose first chapter talked almost entirely about rats dying of a plague in the thousands.
it feels like we're all missing the big stuff, the really important ideas. but im missing it all too, so i cant point anyone in the right direction. jake says it all starts with the questions, but how can we know that they're the ones we should be asking? we've been wandering for thousands of years and it feels like the only thing we can do is to just stop trying to find meaning in everything and just be. not give up, but stop pushing so hard against life. we cant force it to give us what we want, and we are entirely frustrated. the time im spending with people is pretty disappointing. i keep expecting them to do something spectacular and great but its all petty bullshit. i sat in on a class today and the entire time one group of girls bitched and talked shit. they talked shit about people on a tv show. fictional fucking characters. another chit kept whining that she had to get blood drawn. apparently she has to have this procedure in order to prove that she's seizure-free and thus to keep her driver's license, but she was still complaining about it. all i really want is for people to be better but what can i possibly show them? what should i expect from them? thoughtfulness and generosity and a little logic. ive got an idea that what we really need is a cultural shift toward promoting these values. morality and values today are always used to justify prejudice and narrowmindedness, but we could have a general trend toward open ideas and logical thinking, perhaps? definitely not, of course. utopias are idiotic, we will always want something to struggle against.
summing up (you should skip this, its pure self indulgence)
AS virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
"Now his breath goes," and some say, "No."
So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move ;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.
Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears ;
Men reckon what it did, and meant ;
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.
Dull sublunary lovers' love