phil
enjoying the new modest mouse very much. it took some getting used to, though. shocking, really. two more weeks of free time for me, im not too worried. im sure ill be bored by the end of that time and exicited to be going to peru. i hope that will be the case. last night andrew and i had a great discussion about human nature. his intelligence just blows my mind all the time.
rob mentioned something ive been thinking about a lot--whether jesus's death was really a sacrifice or not. i think that if he wasnt certain, then it was a sacrifice. if he knew that he would go to heaven and be with god for eternity, then where is the sacrifice? all he did was endure some pain in exchange for eternal bliss. in that case it probably wasnt a very hard choice to make, and it might have been done for selfish reasons, even. if he wasnt sure then he had to make a very serious choice to go through with it all, and thats where the salvation should be...in his concious choice to endure uncertainty and pain for the good of all mankind. of course, this is all contigent on the whoel crucifixtion being a plan, and not an unfortunate accident. [which is what i think happened] if things could work out so that hitler became the chancellor of germany, then im sure an accident so fortuitous could have happened to jesus. it is, after all, the crucifixtion that is the central event in the christian faith.
enough of that. i obviously dont know what im talking about. i really love the cover art of the modest mouse cd. i dont know why. i have the feeling that this summer is going to be a lot like last year, minus the crushing lonliness. i remember having to switch personalities often. going from little kids to arty kids to my grandmother...always saying the wrong things. also..i dont know any spanish at all. i may be thoroughly fucked.
-next morning-
have to go to an old extended essay workshop this morn. i need a topic, i need many things. im afraid of this paper, a little. the wrong topic will screw me over if im not careful. i feel pretentious to the extreme. i worry about people questioning my motives. not only that, i alos worry that i have the wrong motives. i thought about asking mom if i could start taking the pill, and then i remembered that youre not supposed to smoke if you take it. all these benefits, but i cant do it because i dont want to stop smoking. see, i know what the right choice is but i cant bring myself to actually do it, out of laziness or self indulgence. i have such a hard time making myself do unpleasant things. yesterday i got three shots. originally it was supposed to be one. she asked my dad if i wanted the other two and he said yes. if it had been up to me i wouldnt have gotten any. id put myself at risk for several dangerous diseases just because im afraid of discomfort. similarly, i steal too much. ive already established for myself that stealing is wrong/immoral. i feel guilty, so i know im doing something wrong. so why do it? even though i havent stolen in a while, ive benefitted from someone else doing it. i know whats right, im just too lazy to follow it. its disgusting, really. quite the old hypocrite am i. i heard that heather has decided to become a vegan, but she has to work up to it. i tend to think that anyone who has to work up to anything like that doesnt have a suficient commitment to the ideas behind it. of course, i cheated on my vegitarianism early on. i didnt have a sufficient commitment either, so i dont have any right to question her. thats on eof the things that bothers me. i see the things that others do wrong and i can say that its wrong or immoral, but i do the same things. i need to really change myself, othewise this old cognitive dissonance is going to get out of control.
im not sure where i stand on the whole absolute truth argument. i don thitnk that anyone is informed enough to know what the right answer is either. its just like any philosophical question, all you can get are more questions. you can present your argument as reasonably as you wat, without any loopholes or unaddresed points and you can still fail to convince someone. i think there are general moral principles that are fixed and universal. [haha. i just had the opposite of this argumant here, but i realized it was wrong. funny.] but these are extremely general, like, acknowledge the basic inherent human worth in everyone. thats all you can base a system of ethics/morals on. i dont think religion is a good foundation for morality at all. first, because it isnt universal, one religion's codes differ from those of another. second, because different faiths have emphasises on different aspects of morality. third, because it places god above man. when serving a higher being you may overlook the human consequences. also, people use certain aspects of religion to justify immoral actions: people who bomb abortion clinics, for instance. i think the only moral principle to establish any set of laws on is the value of human life and our basic worth.
going to extended esay workshop now, to think more. there will be more on this later.
rob mentioned something ive been thinking about a lot--whether jesus's death was really a sacrifice or not. i think that if he wasnt certain, then it was a sacrifice. if he knew that he would go to heaven and be with god for eternity, then where is the sacrifice? all he did was endure some pain in exchange for eternal bliss. in that case it probably wasnt a very hard choice to make, and it might have been done for selfish reasons, even. if he wasnt sure then he had to make a very serious choice to go through with it all, and thats where the salvation should be...in his concious choice to endure uncertainty and pain for the good of all mankind. of course, this is all contigent on the whoel crucifixtion being a plan, and not an unfortunate accident. [which is what i think happened] if things could work out so that hitler became the chancellor of germany, then im sure an accident so fortuitous could have happened to jesus. it is, after all, the crucifixtion that is the central event in the christian faith.
enough of that. i obviously dont know what im talking about. i really love the cover art of the modest mouse cd. i dont know why. i have the feeling that this summer is going to be a lot like last year, minus the crushing lonliness. i remember having to switch personalities often. going from little kids to arty kids to my grandmother...always saying the wrong things. also..i dont know any spanish at all. i may be thoroughly fucked.
-next morning-
have to go to an old extended essay workshop this morn. i need a topic, i need many things. im afraid of this paper, a little. the wrong topic will screw me over if im not careful. i feel pretentious to the extreme. i worry about people questioning my motives. not only that, i alos worry that i have the wrong motives. i thought about asking mom if i could start taking the pill, and then i remembered that youre not supposed to smoke if you take it. all these benefits, but i cant do it because i dont want to stop smoking. see, i know what the right choice is but i cant bring myself to actually do it, out of laziness or self indulgence. i have such a hard time making myself do unpleasant things. yesterday i got three shots. originally it was supposed to be one. she asked my dad if i wanted the other two and he said yes. if it had been up to me i wouldnt have gotten any. id put myself at risk for several dangerous diseases just because im afraid of discomfort. similarly, i steal too much. ive already established for myself that stealing is wrong/immoral. i feel guilty, so i know im doing something wrong. so why do it? even though i havent stolen in a while, ive benefitted from someone else doing it. i know whats right, im just too lazy to follow it. its disgusting, really. quite the old hypocrite am i. i heard that heather has decided to become a vegan, but she has to work up to it. i tend to think that anyone who has to work up to anything like that doesnt have a suficient commitment to the ideas behind it. of course, i cheated on my vegitarianism early on. i didnt have a sufficient commitment either, so i dont have any right to question her. thats on eof the things that bothers me. i see the things that others do wrong and i can say that its wrong or immoral, but i do the same things. i need to really change myself, othewise this old cognitive dissonance is going to get out of control.
im not sure where i stand on the whole absolute truth argument. i don thitnk that anyone is informed enough to know what the right answer is either. its just like any philosophical question, all you can get are more questions. you can present your argument as reasonably as you wat, without any loopholes or unaddresed points and you can still fail to convince someone. i think there are general moral principles that are fixed and universal. [haha. i just had the opposite of this argumant here, but i realized it was wrong. funny.] but these are extremely general, like, acknowledge the basic inherent human worth in everyone. thats all you can base a system of ethics/morals on. i dont think religion is a good foundation for morality at all. first, because it isnt universal, one religion's codes differ from those of another. second, because different faiths have emphasises on different aspects of morality. third, because it places god above man. when serving a higher being you may overlook the human consequences. also, people use certain aspects of religion to justify immoral actions: people who bomb abortion clinics, for instance. i think the only moral principle to establish any set of laws on is the value of human life and our basic worth.
going to extended esay workshop now, to think more. there will be more on this later.