first post
i've never posted on here, it seems strange to be able to talk about it. i'm 20 when i was in high school i used to cut, untill my mum found out and we worked though it. i ince i've had one or two moments where i needed to but its been about a year and a half, and today it just got to much, i just feelt so stupid and alone that i used an old penknife and i've managed to rip some hell out of my legs, i guess i just need to vent, i only ever scared myself once before but i know these will scar. i dont even know why i cut so deep. i have to go home for x-mas which means being with my mum, and shes about the only one how can tell how i'm feeling with a luck and i feel sure she'll notice and that just depresses me more, i feel worse about letting her down then i do about re-lapsing. it feels rediculus. i dont really know where i'm going with this post. i cant think of a point to it, i just to write it down. and i guess here is a better place then a diary they might find. my housemats all do something like this every now and again, and i always end up clearing up the mess (i dont mind, i have some medical knowlegde) but i just get the feeling that the'll go ape if they find out. i dont have any idea how to stop for good, i just keep re-lapseing