Self-reflections
The X-mas and New Year holidays are over, I am coming back to normal life and everyday routine from the holidays sleep and laziness...
In order to clear up things with myself I need to talk to people, but not each and every, but particular people that are important to me in some sense. I can talk with them about different stuff, make a small discussion that will help me to come to a simple conclusion that I knew before but could not verbalize.
Now I have more open questions, but at least some things are more or less clear for me now. And it was also useful to hear other people's opinion about my relation to activism. The opinion I heard yesterday was that activism is a hobby for me.
Unless I forget, the idea was that if you have a concrete (SMART) goal, you will use your power and energy to achieve it in the most efficient way, with minimum effort and maximum outcome. If you really want to achieve something, you will go for it irrelevant of the rest. And this is not hobby, as for a hobby you will not sacrifice things, you will not do everything you can in order to achieve the goal if this is just a hobby. Because it is not of major importance.
The same with activism, if you concentrate on some particular thing, you can become more 'specialized' in it and you will spend your energy on it only, and the goal will be reached easier and faster. But if you spend your energy for different things, they will overwhelm you, you will be doing a lot, but the effectiveness will be really small. Therefore, I believe that I need to get rid of my old and big problem - curiosity. Indeed, I get curious and involved in a lot of new stuff all the time, and cannot concentrate on only one or several things. Media, culture, human rights, antiracism, ecology, education... these are too different and too wast fields, even one of them requires deeper specialization...
So, I need to get myself together and concentrate on particular things without wasting my time and energy on something else. I do not know when I can start with that, but I believe that I can start getting rid of all the unnecessary things right now.
P.S. Stupid-stupid-stupid, you need so few things for happiness, like somebody warm and alive sleeping beside you in a cold room...
P.P.S. It's so lonley when you don't even know yourself (RHCP, "Knock me down")
In order to clear up things with myself I need to talk to people, but not each and every, but particular people that are important to me in some sense. I can talk with them about different stuff, make a small discussion that will help me to come to a simple conclusion that I knew before but could not verbalize.
Now I have more open questions, but at least some things are more or less clear for me now. And it was also useful to hear other people's opinion about my relation to activism. The opinion I heard yesterday was that activism is a hobby for me.
Unless I forget, the idea was that if you have a concrete (SMART) goal, you will use your power and energy to achieve it in the most efficient way, with minimum effort and maximum outcome. If you really want to achieve something, you will go for it irrelevant of the rest. And this is not hobby, as for a hobby you will not sacrifice things, you will not do everything you can in order to achieve the goal if this is just a hobby. Because it is not of major importance.
The same with activism, if you concentrate on some particular thing, you can become more 'specialized' in it and you will spend your energy on it only, and the goal will be reached easier and faster. But if you spend your energy for different things, they will overwhelm you, you will be doing a lot, but the effectiveness will be really small. Therefore, I believe that I need to get rid of my old and big problem - curiosity. Indeed, I get curious and involved in a lot of new stuff all the time, and cannot concentrate on only one or several things. Media, culture, human rights, antiracism, ecology, education... these are too different and too wast fields, even one of them requires deeper specialization...
So, I need to get myself together and concentrate on particular things without wasting my time and energy on something else. I do not know when I can start with that, but I believe that I can start getting rid of all the unnecessary things right now.
P.S. Stupid-stupid-stupid, you need so few things for happiness, like somebody warm and alive sleeping beside you in a cold room...
P.P.S. It's so lonley when you don't even know yourself (RHCP, "Knock me down")