LIFE SUCKS, YEAH YEAH...LOVE STINKS, YEAH YEAH...
Hi all. LJ sucks. It loves to delete what you've written on the my lj page. fuckers! Anyhow. I've had a really hard time lately. Been really down. Cali is alright. Fairly nice weather, & I like the hills. On to what's bothering me. I have no one. Just no one.
My heart is broken. Really broken. It really hit me about a week ago. Phil's gone, and I'll probably never see him again. Yet I keep texting him, cause it feels like he's the only one that can help, when in reality no one can help. I now remember what it was like when i was 17 with the whole steve thing(and those next 3 years). I sure hope it doesn't take that long to get over Phil. Everything I find out by mistake thru others and what not about him, just rip another hole into my heart. From his keeping all his head stuff to himself, I really think he never really cared about me to begin with. I was the bottom of the basket for him. So if I talk about this anymore, I'm going to start crying. I will not do that at work!
I'm all alone out here. I can't stand it! I have a couple acquaintance friends here, and a nice mexican family that I'm living with, but no real friends or family. They/You are all back east, 2000 miles away, 2-3hours off of my time. I can't call anyone when I'm really feeling like crap, cause #1 I don't feel like talking on the phone, #2 usually it's when everyone back there is sleeping. I hate pacific time!
My meds are all fucked up. I don't have a specific schedule for them. I don't have a doctor out here yet. I have yet to get local health insurance, and i'm almost out of my prescription(which my doctor from AZ can't renew out here cause she isn't licensed in CA). So I don't have in me what I need.
So, work doesn't suck all that much(except the pay). I hated last week's hallmark holiday. Though Andy(my boss) did get me flowers(though i found it to be a little weird to me, kind of like when Flip got me flowers and those ty teddy bears in college). It was nice of him. And I have enjoyed them for more than a week now. Only a few flowers remain. But a small bouquet is better than none.
I miss you guys! I miss all my family & friends! I miss the east! Bye all.
My heart is broken. Really broken. It really hit me about a week ago. Phil's gone, and I'll probably never see him again. Yet I keep texting him, cause it feels like he's the only one that can help, when in reality no one can help. I now remember what it was like when i was 17 with the whole steve thing(and those next 3 years). I sure hope it doesn't take that long to get over Phil. Everything I find out by mistake thru others and what not about him, just rip another hole into my heart. From his keeping all his head stuff to himself, I really think he never really cared about me to begin with. I was the bottom of the basket for him. So if I talk about this anymore, I'm going to start crying. I will not do that at work!
I'm all alone out here. I can't stand it! I have a couple acquaintance friends here, and a nice mexican family that I'm living with, but no real friends or family. They/You are all back east, 2000 miles away, 2-3hours off of my time. I can't call anyone when I'm really feeling like crap, cause #1 I don't feel like talking on the phone, #2 usually it's when everyone back there is sleeping. I hate pacific time!
My meds are all fucked up. I don't have a specific schedule for them. I don't have a doctor out here yet. I have yet to get local health insurance, and i'm almost out of my prescription(which my doctor from AZ can't renew out here cause she isn't licensed in CA). So I don't have in me what I need.
So, work doesn't suck all that much(except the pay). I hated last week's hallmark holiday. Though Andy(my boss) did get me flowers(though i found it to be a little weird to me, kind of like when Flip got me flowers and those ty teddy bears in college). It was nice of him. And I have enjoyed them for more than a week now. Only a few flowers remain. But a small bouquet is better than none.
I miss you guys! I miss all my family & friends! I miss the east! Bye all.