I need to work harder...
I think I may be freaking out Phil sometimes. You know how I can be laid back, but I think that I've een thinking too much into too many little things and then of course voicing it. If only I wasn't a person who believed in strong communication. I think that and a lot of things is just this place. So I really need to get out of here. I have no incentive to go into the studio most of the time. I feel trapped when I'm in there. I have that problem with a lot of things. So I spend most of my time by myself thinking @ home or out at a bar down in the quarter. That's not necessarily a good thing. I need to talk to Gary and let him know that I'm thinking of leaving at the end of the month.
So I have a problem of being really hard on myself. I beat myself up(mentally of course) and then expect that I should still be able to be successful at everything. You can't be successful in a relationship if you are always trying to disect every little a thing that is said or done and if you are constantly pointing out what's wrong with yourself. I'm not critical of Phil, I'm critical of myself. I'm being the girlfriend(or I feel that I am) that I'd never want to have if I were a guy(or gay). I realize now that I really need to start(and have somewhat) to love my body even when/though I'm not super skinny. I must learn to love my flaws, because that's what makes me, me. Of course there will always be somethings I want to change and can if I really work hard. My personality flaws need to be worked on some. I need to quit being so lazy. I need to actually accomplish everything I say that I'm going to do. I need to improve myself, not change myself. I sound like a self help book. Oh man.
I can't wait for this month to go by. I want to see everyone. I hope I can get home to Pittsburgh, but oh well if I don't. I can't wait to see Phil and to be back out west. I think I actually liked it more that I was willing to admit. I plan on going out to L.A. while I'm there and check things out.
Well I can't think of much else to tell you all about. So I will talk to you later on. Live long and prosper.
So I have a problem of being really hard on myself. I beat myself up(mentally of course) and then expect that I should still be able to be successful at everything. You can't be successful in a relationship if you are always trying to disect every little a thing that is said or done and if you are constantly pointing out what's wrong with yourself. I'm not critical of Phil, I'm critical of myself. I'm being the girlfriend(or I feel that I am) that I'd never want to have if I were a guy(or gay). I realize now that I really need to start(and have somewhat) to love my body even when/though I'm not super skinny. I must learn to love my flaws, because that's what makes me, me. Of course there will always be somethings I want to change and can if I really work hard. My personality flaws need to be worked on some. I need to quit being so lazy. I need to actually accomplish everything I say that I'm going to do. I need to improve myself, not change myself. I sound like a self help book. Oh man.
I can't wait for this month to go by. I want to see everyone. I hope I can get home to Pittsburgh, but oh well if I don't. I can't wait to see Phil and to be back out west. I think I actually liked it more that I was willing to admit. I plan on going out to L.A. while I'm there and check things out.
Well I can't think of much else to tell you all about. So I will talk to you later on. Live long and prosper.