and what it comes down to is...

[prosewitch]

I am only half-heartedly following the George R. R. Martin feminism/rape/etc internet debates, but here's what it comes down to in Sady's words:

That’s what it’s actually like, being a woman: Playing nice with every random asshole, because this random asshole might be the one who hurts you. And then, if he hurts you anyway, they’ll tell you that

Comments

[victoria_lane]

I think about this exact thing constantly. I rarely can go out in public and not be hit on. And I'd really like to ignore most of it or put men into their place when they are particularly disgusting. But that comes with a price. I have to worry about more than insults. I have to worry about being attacked physically.

[prosewitch]

Yes - having to worry about one's physical safety in public is a terrible burden, one that nobody should have to work around. It's sad that at least half the population (women) must, and more if you count various other minorities who are subjected to violence for being who they are.

[partywhipple]

Anyone who tries to sidetrack the dicussion by bringing up the minimal percentage of female to male violence is full of something not so sweet. The fact of the matter is that men have much more testosterone in their system their entire lives which not only makes them grow larger than women but also grows their brains to respond much more quickly with violence. This is why I think that it's a good idea for a woman to carry a sidearm. Not a knife, not mace, and not a whistle. Kinives only work if you're really good with them AND the person attacking you is incompetent. Mace doesn't work on a number of people and, if you screw up, will cause the situation to immediately accelerate to the highest level of physical violence. A whistle? I don't even dignify that option with a response (besides that it doesn't get a response :P

[prosewitch]

Honestly, I've never been comfortable with guns, but I do plan to learn to handle one at some point. I think part of it is that I didn't grow up with them, and part of it is that a lot of my political leanings come with an opposition to gun culture (which is something I'm working on analyzing, so that I don't take it at face value).

Generally, though, I use preventative self-defense measures, such as making sure I'm not walking home alone (very often), making sure I know where exits are, and ensuring that other female friends have someone watching their back. It's not a perfect plan, but most of the self-defense courses I've taken have emphasized that being aware of your surroundings is one of the most important things you can do to reduce your chance of encountering violence (I know that sounds as though one implies that the fault lies with the victim, and I don't believe that at all--but I do like to feel as though I'm being proactive in managing as much risk as I can).