Yoohoo!
I go away for a bit and all my themes have disappeared and I almost can't remember my password. Almost.
This year has been busy and turned out not at all as I would have expected. My brain has settled into finally knowing who it is and what it's up to. I've stopped trying to push, fight or channel. I've been ensuring that where I am concerned, the flow is entirely directed but I've stopped dragging people along for the ride and just settled back to see who comes on the journey and who doesn't. Whaddaya know, journeys have been far more crowded than I ever would have anticipated and the glorious side effect is that stress seems to have evaporated entirely. I don't miss you, stress-monsters, I really don't, but I do wish you the chance to find some peace.
Ceasing to write was a good thing. Burn the introspection and start looking outwards. That said, let's recap!
So what has 2010 been so far.
I have walked miles. Literally, all over the place. As a consequence I have learnt considerable amounts about my physiology and mood, engaged in physiotherapy to realign all the bits that regularly bruise and break from desktop-living and raised over £1200 as a side effect single handedly and helped raise three times that with others.
I have learnt most importantly that I am fundamentally a very happy person indeed. I've received this as ongoing feedback from multiple sources at work, home, tramping literal miles and in friendly company, and additionally as a total accident monitored it as part of someone else's research. Who knew? I thought I was some sort of morose, angsty, panic-stricken, there-was-a-reason-why-I-used-to-be-goth monkey. Not at all. Other people may make me sad, or other people's sadness might, but fundamentally, I'm actually happy about 98% of the time. This is no small revelation, I can tell you.
The end result of this is I've laid down a lot of false fears about what I can't do and just started doing things regardless. As well as walking has come cycling, yoga and running and I've taken courses in all three and done better at all than I could have imagined. I've had a play at carpentry and plumbing. I've made a dress in a day and learnt to knit. I've baked and grown food. I am making things constantly. I spent a weekend on a boat. Me, the person who is scared of water and adventure allegedly. Although apparently not. I'm comfortable with strangers, I'm calm in adversity, I've worked out how to be and have had reward and recognition for it. I've spent almost every free second doing something of interest or consequence and I've hardly spent an hour in front of a TV all year.
Mostly I've got an absolute clearsighted understanding of who my real friends are and I've never been happier than I am right now as a consequence. I may not get to see half of them even 10% as much as I would like, but my word I value them more than they will know.
Life is not easy, but that just isn't important. It's really bloody good.
This year has been busy and turned out not at all as I would have expected. My brain has settled into finally knowing who it is and what it's up to. I've stopped trying to push, fight or channel. I've been ensuring that where I am concerned, the flow is entirely directed but I've stopped dragging people along for the ride and just settled back to see who comes on the journey and who doesn't. Whaddaya know, journeys have been far more crowded than I ever would have anticipated and the glorious side effect is that stress seems to have evaporated entirely. I don't miss you, stress-monsters, I really don't, but I do wish you the chance to find some peace.
Ceasing to write was a good thing. Burn the introspection and start looking outwards. That said, let's recap!
So what has 2010 been so far.
I have walked miles. Literally, all over the place. As a consequence I have learnt considerable amounts about my physiology and mood, engaged in physiotherapy to realign all the bits that regularly bruise and break from desktop-living and raised over £1200 as a side effect single handedly and helped raise three times that with others.
I have learnt most importantly that I am fundamentally a very happy person indeed. I've received this as ongoing feedback from multiple sources at work, home, tramping literal miles and in friendly company, and additionally as a total accident monitored it as part of someone else's research. Who knew? I thought I was some sort of morose, angsty, panic-stricken, there-was-a-reason-why-I-used-to-be-goth monkey. Not at all. Other people may make me sad, or other people's sadness might, but fundamentally, I'm actually happy about 98% of the time. This is no small revelation, I can tell you.
The end result of this is I've laid down a lot of false fears about what I can't do and just started doing things regardless. As well as walking has come cycling, yoga and running and I've taken courses in all three and done better at all than I could have imagined. I've had a play at carpentry and plumbing. I've made a dress in a day and learnt to knit. I've baked and grown food. I am making things constantly. I spent a weekend on a boat. Me, the person who is scared of water and adventure allegedly. Although apparently not. I'm comfortable with strangers, I'm calm in adversity, I've worked out how to be and have had reward and recognition for it. I've spent almost every free second doing something of interest or consequence and I've hardly spent an hour in front of a TV all year.
Mostly I've got an absolute clearsighted understanding of who my real friends are and I've never been happier than I am right now as a consequence. I may not get to see half of them even 10% as much as I would like, but my word I value them more than they will know.
Life is not easy, but that just isn't important. It's really bloody good.