Chapter 92: In Which We Are Alone.

[prosaically]

And frankly, my dears, I hate it.

I hate going to sleep alone.
I hate shopping alone.
I hate going to the grocery alone.
I hate having lunch alone.
I hate travelling alone.
I hate watching telly alone.
I hate spending the evenings alone at home.
I hate having no one to talk to.
I hate having no one to hug.
I hate having no one to hug me.

I hate getting to go where I want to,
whenever I feel like it,
without having to think about someone else's timetable.

I fucking hate this.
And I hate it when everyone around me is happier than I am.

And I hate lecturing.
I hate seeing him in the audience, his eyes glued on me.
I hate knowing that he really does not give a shit about what I am talking about.
I hate knowing that he comes only because he misses me as much as I miss him.
I hate him because he is stronger than I am.
I hate him because I still love him.

I hate being unable to think about anything else
aside from his eyes on me,
and lecturing being the only way to get his attention.

I hate my life.
I hate them because they died and left me alone.
I hate myself because of hating them.
I hate the way life goes on even though I do not want it to.