update to my life i suppose

[prophetsbaby155]

Things were getting better. At least I thought that my life was improving.
Turns out it was just my normal ups and downs. Since i had just gone thru a huge down i had a huge up.
I thought that everything from now on would be ok. and that i was on my way to be happy.
I thought that i had found some type of belief that would bring me peace.
but like a shadow, it all crept back.
one moment i was fine. then the next moment something changed inside.
i'm still just as useless as i was before, if not more.
i'm still not necessarily liked or loved.
i'm the same delusional little fucker.
just even less motivated to get up.
all i do now is sleep.
i keep missing all of my classes.
my chest hurts.
i feel like its about to crack.
its not mental but physical pain.
it's probably from the puking.
i thought that i had gotten better with that too but im just stuck in a sick cycle.
one day maybe my heart will just stop
sooner than later would be better.
i'm even annoying myself just writing this.
but its letting me feel a little bit of something
im losing everything
and im not even fighting to keep it
it seems like from the beginning
the only thing that im good at is
breaking things
i break everything.