there are ghosts in my heart
I was digging through old pictures yesterday, trying to find a glimpse of your face. I hate that I miss you sometimes. I don't for a second wish that my life was any different than it is right now but... fuck I just... I wish I could see you. I have no reason at all to miss you because in the scheme of things we barely knew each other and that was forever ago. But it feels like you're still in my blood sometimes, and it always comes without warning. Sifting through a filing cabinet, just sorting papers, and I come across a name that reminds me of someone who had upset me and I called you about it because I knew you would understand. One tiny memory and you've been in my head for 3 days. I feel so childish when I wonder if you think about me too because really, why would you? I could drive myself crazy going on like this, trying to reason my way out of this feeling, explain to my head and my heart that the past is long gone, but the only solution is time. If I could cut you out with a knife I think I would. Cut out the memories and put them away in the closet, where the remnants of my old life belong.