Completed big bang.
Title: What We Didn't See
Author: propernice
Fandom: LOST
Ships: Suliet/Jacket
Rating: G through N-17
A/N: 100 drabbles. 100 words each. You know how good or bad you are at writing when
you get to exactly 99 words but YOU'RE DONE. This was a labor of love. I feel like there
are only so many moments to live with these characters, but here are 100 more. This is for tvrealm's big bang challenge that we knew about in September but I actually only completed about 18 hours before it was due. I'm a masochist that way. I would like to dedicate this to all the people who have forgotten about these characters since the show ended. I hope you all comment. I'll be extremely straight forward here - this time I need comments so that the past 72 hours weren't spent in vain. Because this wasn't just about points. It was about getting to know little nuances of years we never saw.
For the mods: Every prompt for every drabble is listed here per the rules. The second number corresponds with the order in the finished fic itself.
001. Juliet smiles and nods, because that’s what she’s supposed to do. She takes pictures and hugs her new family, and tells her father she’s happy for him and Tracie. And then, when everyone’s inside doing the electric slide, she drinks straight out of the wine bottle she swiped from the open bar and sits against the side of the building. She hates this. Hates that at nineteen she’s getting some new family that cares about her about as much as she gives a shit about them. But when she goes back in she’s smiling.
She’s already an expert at hiding.
002. She’s sitting with her sister, a carton of ice cream between them, Mittelos Bioscience brochures spread around them. “I have to tell them tomorrow,” Juliet says, looking up at Rachel.
“So? The answer’s still the same, what’s the problem?”
“You think mom would have wanted me to go?”
“She’d totally be on my side, pushing your ass out the door.”
Juliet laughs, taking a bite of the ice cream. “I’m gonna miss you getting fat.”
Rachel hits her lightly. “You’ll be back in time to see me waddling plenty.”
Juliet takes a deep breath. She’s going to tell them yes.
003. As soon as Juliet leaves Ben’s after her outburst, she finds the rum in her own house. She hates him. God, she hates him, and she knows he’s lying. He’s kept her here and her sister is dead, her family more than likely thinks she’s dead, and she might as well be. Held hostage in a place she can’t escape with no hope of leaving.
Downing three shots back to back, she gasps and wipes at her mouth, sinking to the ground of her kitchen and covering her face.
She has nothing left. Benjamin Linus has taken everything from her.
004. As Ben rattles off instructions for her to go to the cages and try to talk to the Southern one, Juliet makes sure that her face is perfectly blank, never conveying how much she hates him. How she’s planning to turn her back on him the first chance she gets. She hates him, more than she thinks she’s ever loathed another human being.
“Do you understand, Juliet?”
She look right at him, holding his eyes, her lips pressed in a thin line. Get James to tell her something personal. One small fact to use against him later.
“I understand, Ben.”
005. "So what, you tase a guy and don’t even tell him your name?"
Juliet pauses with her back to the polar bear cage.
"You could help me. You don’t fit in with these yahoos anyway."
At that, she turns slowly, tilting her head to the side to look at him. "You don’t know anything about me, James."
She uses his proper name, making him hesitate. "Just let me outta here."
A very faint, barely there smile crosses her lips. "You’re not worth the risk. Sorry."
Juliet walks away, and James is left alone, slumping against the cage’s bars in defeat.
006. When she tosses him the canteen, James looks at her like he might mouth off. Juliet wonders for a second if he’s dumb enough to charge, but then he’s dumping out the water like a child with something to prove. As if she’s supposed to be personally offended. Tilting her head to the side, she wonders what kind of reaction he was hoping to get out of her.
She says nothing, and they hold each other’s eyes until he gives up. It doesn’t matter. In a few minutes she’ll duck out to fill the cage’s reserve with fresh water anyway.
007. When Juliet walks out of the rec center, she pauses in the dark, slipping into a shadow to lean against someone’s house. Tom’s, she thinks. Kate thinks she wants to hurt them. That Juliet’s in on this grand plan to either wipe them all out or convert them to Ben’s side. She’s not even sure what Jack thinks, and Kate’s attempt to take her out eats away at the confidence she’d built.
Playing both sides until she can get away from Ben was never going to be easy.
Convincing the survivor’s that she’s with them is going to be impossible.
008. She sits alone on the beach, her back to everyone as she tries to figure out what the hell she’s doing. She has instructions from Ben to sabotage the survivor’s camp. She’s connected with Jack and he trusts her. But all she really wants is a ticket off this island.
She doesn’t care about making ties with anyone. Or about whom she killed back on Hydra Island, or about Ben wanting more pregnant women.
She stares out at the ocean, trying to keep it together even when she’s sitting by herself.
All that Juliet Burke wants is to go home.
009. She remembers the way the words came out of her before she had time to really think about them.
And the last thing that either of you need right now is more blood on your hands.
She’ll never forget the way they looked at her, James and Sayid, at the way James tensed when she took away the case of medicine.
Even now, as she watches him sleep with one arm thrown over her stomach, she wonders. What did he think about the woman he hated knowing everything about him? More importantly: what does he think about her now?
010. Juliet needs to stop with the alcohol, she knows. But the thing about the shitty DHARMA rum is that it goes down smooth at least. Or maybe she’s just that desperate to forget the bright orange burst of light on the horizon and the billowing black smoke.
Everything she’d fought for. Killed for. Up in smoke.
So maybe she’s getting a little drunk on the beach by herself, away from the rest of the people huddled up, crying and scared. She hears someone ask what do we do without Jack? and she rolls her eyes, moving further down the beach.
011. It’s not that Juliet ever thought she’d have a life with Jack Shephard in the picture. Just that she assumed he cared about getting her off the Island, that he’d be the one to stay behind and make sure everyone else left before him. After all, he’s tried to be the definition of a hero since she met him, why put himself first now?
She feels ridiculous, getting drunk on the beach, watching the whole damn plan blow up. Literally.
Because all that she can think is that he may be dead, but at least he got off the Island.
012. He’s not really thinking when he grabs her hand. The arrows are coming fast, and when he turns back he’s watching her try to put a guy out. Noble, but he don’t really want to see her in flames.
(A few weeks ago, he might not have minded.)
She’s protesting even as they run, her hand tight in his. When they finally stop, out of breath and panting hard, he’s still holding onto her. They lock eyes and for a second he wants to say something to her. He lets go of her though, looking away. But something’s already changed.
013. James watches Juliet stare out at the ocean, a breeze moving her hair. He’s pulled off the riskiest lie of his life, getting Richard Alpert to back down, buying time with Horace. But now he’s positive the biggest challenge is sitting right in front of him on the dock.
She sighs, and he thinks back on everything they’ve done the past few days, capped off with her shooting someone to save his ass.
Needing her isn’t so much a part of the con as it is his own realization that he needs her. He walks forward.
"Bought us two weeks."
014. Her two weeks are over, and she’s sitting on the dock, legs crossed as she stares out at the water quietly.
“Sub left an hour ago. You gonna swim outta here?”
Juliet looks up at him, then stands so that she can look right at him. “I want you to understand that I only stayed for one reason.”
He looks right back at her. “Why?”
A few seconds of silence go by before she speaks again. “You. I stayed because you asked me to, James.”
She walks away and he stands there, not sure what he’s supposed to do next.
015. “You’re never gonna hit the target LaFleur, just give up,” Juliet calls from behind the plexi-glass. She’s sitting over a tank of water on a little plastic bench, taunting James.
“Let’s put some money on it, Blondie. I know I can win.”
“Okay; you strike out, you buy my next book. You win, I’ll buy yours.”
He throws a ball. Strike one.
“I guess you don’t care about reading.”
Strike two.
“I hear Stephen King has a new novel!”
He throws and hits the target, and she goes under. He grins when she comes up. “No Stephen King for you.”
016. “It’s not that hard! Take them off at the door to avoid getting dirt all over the house!”
“It’s just a little dirt! It cleans off.”
“And I do all the cleaning so take them off at the door.”
He pauses. “Are we fightin’ about some damn boots?”
She looks at him, arms crossed over her chest. “Just yours. Please. Humor me, okay?”
They stare at each other for a second before he toes off the boots, right at the door and she sighs. “Thank you.”
“Get me a beer,” he jokes.
She hurls a throw pillow at his head.
017. James is watching her out of the corner of his eye. He has no clue if she knows, but he’s been watching her read, trying to figure her out. When she gets to a good part she starts biting on her bottom lip, tugging it between her teeth. And when she gets to a really good part, her lips start mouthing the words she’s reading.
It’s adorable, though he has this feeling that if he said that out loud, she’d tase him again. And this thing between them is so new, he treads carefully. But he’s committing this to memory.
018. “You didn’t have any right,” she says, voice cold as she stares at James, jaw clenched so tightly she can hear her teeth grinding.
“So I read a few pages of your diary. It ain’t like you don’t know everythin’ about me already. Figured it’s my turn.”
“Like it’s a pissing contest? I knew what I did because I didn’t have a choice. You’ve lived with me for a month and you think I owe you something? Screw you.”
She doesn’t wait for him to answer. She leaves the house and hates that she agreed to stay on the island.
019. Juliet’s really not sure about this thing that’s supposed to be a meatloaf sitting in the middle of the dining room table. “Just try it.”
James is even less sure. “Thought we were gonna eat at Miles and Jin’s place?” he asks.
“They canceled. Come on, just try it. It can’t be that bad, right?” Well, she can hope anyway, that it won’t kill him.
“Fine, fine,” he says bravely before picking up the fork and taking a small bite. Then another, and he smiles. “We gotta work on your presentation."
She grins in relief and sits down to eat.
020. Juliet’s watching James sort of fumble over his words, and it’s endearing in a way she didn’t think possible.
“So you wanna go or not?” he asks, and that shakes her out of her thoughts.
She has no clue what he’s asking her, but she can’t say no. She can’t say yes either, but he looks so damn eager it’s killing her. So she comes up with something on the fly.
“Ask me again in a week. Give me some time.”
That seems to pacify him for the moment, and she closes her front door, grinning and leaning against it.
021. They’re sitting on the couch talking. Just shooting the shit, her legs across his lap, when he decides to tell her about the time when he was fourteen and decided to steal his uncle’s truck but didn’t quite know how to drive a stick.
“Ended up about four houses down, stuck in the damn pig pen.”
When she laughs, it’s full bodied, head thrown back, and James notices she has a dimple of her own. His new goal as they tread this new relationship slowly is to get her to laugh just like that, as often as he possibly can.
022. Juliet knows everything about James, including that he has a daughter. What she didn’t know was that he’s never met her. She finds out over beers in the back of a van.
"Some days, I wonder enough about her, I think I wanna see her. Other days..."
He trails off, so Juliet rests her hand on his arm lightly in support.
"Most days I figure she’s better off not knowin’ I exist."
Sighing softly for him, Juliet’s head falls against his shoulder. "I bet she’s just like you."
James shakes his head before finishing his beer. "Here’s hopin’ she ain’t."
023. When her hands drag down his sides, his breath falls in a panting gasp against her neck and she tries to memorize that sound. Just in case he decides this was a onetime thing and he leaves her bed before the sun comes up. She wants to remember this, and him, and the way he feels.
He thrusts into her and she calls out his name quietly, pressing her forehead against his cheek as they move together. It’s been five months of flirting and teasing and now they’re here, and she can’t help but wonder if he means it all.
024. She’s lying naked with him, her head on his chest and speaking softly.
“My mom died about six years before I came here. I spent a lot of time taking care of her and then…after she died I got divorced. Then my sister got sick.”
“Had it kinda rough,” James says, kissing the top of her head.
“I got used to it. Not having anything good for very long. That’s why I was so afraid of this.”
James tugs her up to look at her. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere, Blondie. You believe me?”
She bends to kiss him. “I do.”
025. Juliet cracks open a DHARMA beer, drinking it a little guiltily.
An hour later when James gets home, she’s reading quietly on the couch and looks up when he bends to kiss her. He indulges a little before he gets up to wash the day away. She’s not reading anymore, just listening, and when he pads barefoot to the kitchen and opens the fridge, she braces herself.
“Who drank my last beer?” he asks, as if they have roommates.
“I had a long day,” she apologizes.
He stands in front of her, then bends to kiss her. “You owe me.”
026. When his hands move over her shoulders and down her back, she knows his destination before he gets there. Juliet is finally showing him her brand with no hesitation, no excuses, and no fear.
"They marked you." His voice is quiet, firm.
"They didn’t kill me," she points out to James, her own voice low.
His fingers trace the raised lines. "I’m sorry."
"Why?"
“’Cause you got it on account of savin’ me.”
Her eyes close when his lips drag across her skin. “I’d do it again, you know.”
His lips pause for a moment in their exploration. “I know.”
027. She showed it to him a week ago, her brand, and now she’s suffering the curve of his tongue tracing the raised edges of the mark. The burn itself is numb, and maybe that’s why the skin around it feels especially sensitive.
Whatever it is, the way he’s studying it with his mouth, she wishes she’d showed him sooner.
“Are you done inspecting?” she asks when he finally lies beside her.
“For now.” His hands gravitate toward her lower back as he tugs her close and pulls her over him. “I plan on being more thorough later.”
She can’t wait.
028. Juliet’s still flushed, still panting as James kisses his way back up her stomach. She hums, heartbeat slamming in her ears but slowly finding its normal rhythm again. When his tongue circles a nipple she murmurs quietly, but then his lips are kissing the curve of her breast and she feels him smile.
“What?” she asks lazily.
“You got a freckle. Right here.” He licks the spot and she grins, tugging her bottom lip between her teeth.
“Pay as much attention to it as you want.”
She laughs when he does before pulling him over her and into a kiss.
029. Juliet’s never seen James like this: tense and wound up, pacing their living room, and she looks up at him from the couch. "Just tell me," she says softly. "What did you do?"
He pauses his pacing to look at her, eyes a little desperate like he’s afraid she’ll leave.
"I killed Anthony Cooper. Sawyer. He was in the Black Rock, and I killed him."
She blinks, because she wasn’t expecting that. But when she looks at his face and the way he’s staring at her, she shoves her questions aside and grabs onto his hand.
She’s not going anywhere.
030. When she looks at him after a year of living with him, she realizes somewhere in the three months they’ve been sleeping together that she loves him. She hates it and wants it at the same time. She needs the way he looks at her; the way he says her name.
When James looks at Juliet and realizes he loves her, he can’t say the words. Not because of his past, his record, or his ex-flames. He can’t say them because when he looks at her, he can still see the cracks of her past.
He’s determined to fix it.
031. Juliet can’t cook. Period.
Most times, he offers to cook. He don’t know much, but his aunt taught him a little back in the day. It would save him and Juliet both a lot of time. But she tries, he has to give her credit for that, and he smiles a little as he watches her from the couch over his book. She’s staring into a pot, looking pretty pleased, and he thinks maybe she’s onto something. Getting up, he walks into the kitchen.
“What’s cookin’ good lookin’?”
Laughing softly, she turns to kiss him instead of answering his question.
032. Juliet’s not sure how to tell him she loves him and make it mean as much as she feels. There’s an ache with how good it feels when he looks at her a certain way; how he drags his fingers down the back of her neck when they kiss. This is what she never had with anyone else. This is the ache that makes her feel whole.
She shows him in the way her body tangles with his and her mouth glides over his skin. She tells him every day, and still she burns with the need to say more.
033. "I was sleeping with a married man, James."
"You know how many married women I slept with?"
Juliet opens her mouth to say something, but it closes again quickly. They stare at each other silently until she looks toward her cup and takes a sip of rum. "I guess it doesn’t matter now."
"Just 'cause we’re stuck in Dharmaville?"
Her head tilts slightly and she shakes her head. "Because I love you. And it doesn’t matter."
James takes her cup and finishes what’s left. "You’re right. It don’t matter."
"You believe me?"
He looks at her again and smiles.
"Yeah."
034. When he comes in from finishing up his mid-shift, the house is dark. Toeing off his boots, he stops in the bathroom and takes a shower, washing the day away before heading into his bedroom. Their bedroom now, as of two nights ago.
Not bothering with boxers, he sits on the edge of the bed and is just about to get comfortable when she starts snoring. Looking over his shoulder, she’s completely out, so exhausted from her day that she’s snoring. It surprises him into quiet laughter and he lies down, spooning behind her gently, falling asleep to the sound.
035. He’s gone just long enough to know that when he gets back, she’s been worrying. But he kisses her slight frown. “Come on. We’re takin’ a drive.” James takes her hand and leads her to a waiting jeep.
They drive for half an hour before finally stopping. But when they do, there’s a picnic set up with a bottle of wine over looking the ocean. The sky is pink and purple, and he didn’t time it like that, so it’s perfect.
When he looks at her and sees her face, he realizes he’d do anything to make her this happy.
036. Her lips wrap around a strawberry and she sighs, closing her eyes before opening them to assess how many she has left. She catches him watching her and she looks at him, small smile on her face. “Yes, James?”
He shakes his head. “Nothin’. Just didn’t know you liked strawberries so much is all.”
“My mom used to have a small garden in the backyard. I’d make myself sick eating them off the vine. Sometimes when they were still green.” She eats another one, then presses a piece of fruit to his lips.
They’re her favorite for many reasons, now.
037. She’d been unsure until James promised not to make fun of her because he’d be just as gone as she was.
So, Juliet agrees to get high with him in their living room, smoking a couple of joints he’d taken off a student.
She’s lying on her stomach in the living room and turns her head to look at him. He’s sitting against the couch on the floor. “This carpet. Our carpet’s so soft. Did you notice that before?”
“Good carpet,” he agrees, lying beside her. When she moves closer she grins. “I’m stoned, LaFleur.”
He grins back. “Me too.”
038. They’re dead asleep when the alarms start going off and James bolts out of bed, throwing on jeans in record time and running out of the house. Juliet pulls on clothes and follows him out, her heart slamming. Before she can call his name, someone runs toward her and grabs her arms, guiding her toward one of the houses designated as a ‘safe place’ for the women and children.
She’s turning her head, straining to see him even as she runs, and their eyes catch for a split second before he’s off to help defend the barracks from the Hostiles.
039. He’s driving her crazy, mouth moving over one breast then the other, and she gasps his name. “It’s my birthday. I get to pick.”
James shakes his head, then moves down her stomach, tracing her naval with his tongue, then the crease of her thigh where it meets her torso. “Uh-uh. It’s your birthday so you get to lay back and enjoy.”
He’s driving her crazy, and she knows he knows it. His mouth moves to her thigh before leaving her skin altogether, moving his body over hers.
“Happy birthday, Juliet.”
She kisses him deeply, legs winding around his hips.
040. Juliet’s sitting at her work station, bright light on her, surrounded by parts of an engine. It’s silent, everyone else gone for the day, but she’s so engrossed in her work, she doesn’t hear footsteps until someone’s touching her shoulder and she jumps.
“Hey, Blondie. Just me,” James says, putting his hands up so she doesn’t sock him one.
“Jesus, James. You scared me.”
“What are you doin’ out here so late, anyway?”
“Fixing this damn engine.”
“It’s after seven.”
She sighs and rubs her face, streaking it with grease.
Reaching out, he takes her hand. “Let’s go, grease monkey.”
041. She moves against him slow and lazy, mapping his sides with her hands as their hips rock. It’s humid as hell outside, and inside their bedroom the air is sticky and heavy. Bending her head, Juliet lets her tongue glide down his neck, and when his head arches she follows the curve. He tastes like sweat and the jungle air and when he groans, she attaches her lips to the spot they’ve landed on.
His hands tangle in her hair and they’re both gone; all that she can do is pant against his throat. She’d never change a damn thing.
042. Her heart is slamming in her chest, lungs heaving for air. As she hides behind the door she curses herself. It’s the most obvious hiding spot, but it’s not like she has a lot of options. She hears him, walking down the hall in the dark and she closes her eyes tightly, holding her breath.
And then, suddenly, the door flies away from her and slams shut, and James is bracing his hands on either side of her.
“Juliet Burke, you’re under arrest,” he drawls.
She laughs, and he tosses her over his shoulder to drop her on the bed.
043. The whole of Dharmaville is gathered around at the new recruit party, and Horace uses the opportunity to make an announcement. Juliet’s holding onto James even though he looks like he’d rather be anywhere else.
“As you all know, Billy retired last month and Jim LaFleur has been our interim head of security. But today, I’m pleased to tell you all that he has accepted the full time position.”
Everyone claps and James nods, tensely shaking hands.
Juliet leans up and whispers against his ear. “I can’t wait to show you how proud I am.”
That gets him to relax.
044. His hands glide over her skin easily, aided by the water as she backs up against the shower wall. His mouth collects the water that’s pooled in the hollow of her collar bone, and he lifts her, guiding her legs around his waist.
Her fingers tangle in his hair as her body rocks against his, watching the water sluice across his back. “James…”
When she breathes out his name he looks up, struck by the look on her face. Blonde hair sticks to the curve of her neck and he kisses her, hands mapping rivulets of water on her skin.
045. Juliet’s standing in front of the mirror, hair gathered in one hand and draped over her shoulder. The scissors are within reach and she thinks about it, about cutting her hair short. It’s always been long, tumbling down her back, but maybe, she thinks, it’s time for a change.
Until James passes by and watches her, then moves to stand behind her and sweep her hair to the other side so he can bend to kiss her neck. She’d lose that; lose him running his fingers through her hair and down her back.
Turning, she kisses him, silently thanking him.
046. “I would win. I would so win,” she says taking a pull from wine bottle number two.
He takes it from her, stealing a kiss first. “I’m damn good at poker, Blondie.”
“But I got…” she stops, correcting herself. “I have unreadable faces. You can’t read them if I want.”
He doesn’t know if that makes sense, but he nods. “That’s right. You got a great poker face.”
Sitting up she gestures up the beach toward the trail. “Let’s go. I’ll play you right now.”
Instead of getting up, he moves so that he can pull her over him. “Later.”
047. Moving back up his body, Juliet hums, dragging her lips across his chest as she goes. Then, she kisses his chin before resting her head against him to listen to his heart pound. They’re both quiet for a long while before she finally speaks. “I love you.”
His hands feel like fire on her skin and she gasps when his fingers dip into her, mouth pressing against her neck as he bites and sucks gently. “Love you,” he rumbles against her as his hand moves, and she writhes against him, eyes closing. She loves this with him, more than anything.
048. She’s standing there, looking around the dining room, one candle lit in the middle of the table. “What’s this?” she asks curiously, toeing off her work boots before walking further inside.
James looks kind of nervous as he puts down two wine glasses. “You always come home and do the cookin’. I just thought…maybe for once I’d cook.”
Juliet’s quiet for a few more seconds before she looks at him. Her only hint of not being serious is the way her upper lip pulls. “Is this a statement because I burned dinner last night?”
He laughs, pulling her against him.
049. Tahiti, she’s decided, would be a horrible place to retire. "Did you hear me?"
"Yeah, yeah, Tahiti sucks," he smirks, hand drawing up her calf slowly. "This is just the pit stop. Ten years, we’ll have enough money to keep goin’. And it won’t be Tahiti for work. It’ll be Tahiti for passports and the airport."
Sitting up, she crawls over his body so that she can lie down on his chest. "I want snow. And a place that goes through the seasons."
James kisses her forehead, thinking about it. About the ring in his pocket. "Anywhere you want, Blondie."
050. When she gets the position as head of the motor pool, there’s a lot of fanfare surrounding the decision. First woman in charge, it made a statement when Horace picked her over a more tenured mechanic. As such, she’s been avoiding the groups of people trying to congratulate her, and instead bee lines for James when she sees him coming to pick her up.
Taking his hand as they walk toward home, he looks down at her, a grin tugging at his lips. “I’m proud of you, Blondie.”
Juliet smiles, pleased. His is the only praise she’s wanted all day.
051. Juliet is holding her ground, arms crossed over her chest. “No drinking tonight.”
“Why the hell not? We drink at every damn party.”
“Because last time you and Miles stole a Jeep.”
Miles interjects. “To be fair, we really thought we saw - “
Juliet interrupts this time. “I don’t sleep with you Miles. Save it.” She turns back to James. “So?”
“So what?” In any other circumstance, he would have just agreed outright. But he can tell by her glare that he ain’t got a choice. “Fine. No drinkin’.”
Miles barely makes it out alive after cracking an imaginary whip.
052. Juliet grabs his wrist just as he’s about to bring the razor to his cheek. “Don’t,” she says, hedging between him and the sink.
“Don’t shave?” He looks at her, amused and ready to listen. “Why the hell not?”
She bites at her bottom lip a little, hands moving up his bare chest. “One more day. I think it’s sexy.” She drags her hands over his cheeks. “I like the way it feels.”
Her words grab his full attention, and he bends down just enough to kiss her and drop the razor. “I’ll keep it as long as you want.”
053. He doesn’t even know how everyone found out about his birthday, but he’s taken to the rec center by Miles, and there’s everyone shouting surprise, someone handing him a beer. Later, as he slow dances with Juliet, he looks at her.
“You put this together?”
She smiles and nuzzles his neck. “Nope. I know you hate surprise parties. I may have asked Amy for advice on what to get you though.”
“So I have her to thank then.”
Juliet pulls him down and kisses him softly. “Happy Birthday, James.”
It’s the first time it really has been in a while.
054. He’s lying in a bed that’s too big for one person, listening to waves hit the beach. Problem is, Juliet’s not there, and he’s never gonna get to sleep. Tahiti is nice, and he’s worked his ass off getting the parts he needs to restock inventory, but he can’t sleep without her.
He thinks about how she gets right on top of him, uses her like a mattress, and he smiles a little before rolling onto his stomach. He misses her like crazy, more than he thought he would, and that’s how he knows. He’s a hundred percent in love.
055. The first thing he had to do was get Horace to give him an advance on his paycheck. That was easy enough - James isn’t going anywhere, not with Juliet still there. When he gets on the sub with a few hundred bucks in his pocket, he’s not leaving to go over security protocol with DHARMA officials.
He wanders all over Tahiti, looking for what he really wants. He can’t just order this out of a magazine. When he finally sees it though, simple and silver in a window, he knows it’s perfect. Now all he has to do is ask.
056. When Juliet hears banging from the porch, she walks into the house and finds James working on assembling a crib. “Something I should know about?”
He stops and looks over at her, shaking his head. “Gift for Amy, from Horace. He wanted it to be a surprise, so.”
“So you’re putting it together and…taking it over there?”
“Hell, I don’t know what the plan is,” he says as he watches her trail her fingers over the wood. And it hits him for a second, and he almost proposes on the spot.
But he saves it. The timing’s gotta be right.
057. Juliet kisses his neck softly. “Ice cream sounds so good. With syrup…” She nibbles up to his earlobe and tugs gently with her teeth. “Please, James?”
He really ain’t sure how he’s supposed to resist that, the way those big blue eyes are begging, and the way she takes her bottom lip between her teeth like she’s hopeful or something. “Yeah. You owe me, Blondie.”
Before he can leave the house, she pulls him into a deep kiss, biting down gently on his bottom lip. “I’ll let you put chocolate sauce wherever you want.”
He grins. “Be right back, then.”
058. Juliet presses her forehead against the shower wall, hoping her cries are muffled by the water. Outside the bathroom, down the hall in the living room, James is talking with Jack. She can’t imagine that anything good will come of it.
Her hand goes over her mouth, shoulders shaking. She’s scared, afraid of what’s going to happen to her. To them. Jack and Kate being back means the end of the contentment she’s had for three years. This has been home, her home, and they have no right.
When the bathroom door opens and closes she doesn’t move. Just cries.
059. The only place Juliet could think to put Kate was the damn motor pool with her, and as she gets ready for work (what’s the point, it’s all over anyway) she wonders what she’s supposed to say to the other woman.
Welcome back. I guess you can have James now.
We were just playing house.
What took you so long?
Tears threaten every step of the way across the barracks, and of course, Kate is already there. Taking a deep breath, Juliet plasters on a smile and looks right at the other woman.
“It’s good to see you again, Kate.”
060. She thought she was done with this.
But of course, she can’t be happy for too long. There’s always something to run away from. Always a threat. Something that wants to drag her down, and this time it’s taking away the happiness she’s been clinging to for the past three years.
Jack, Kate, and Daniel. It always comes in threes. The bad news, the omens that seal your fate.
Juliet already knows that everything is over. Instead of fighting, it’d be easier if James could accept it. What they had is done. She knew it when he called her ‘Freckles’.
061. When James turns around, he’s staring at her back, watching her walk away.
If I never meet you, then I’ll never have to lose you.
What the hell does that mean? It’s out of nowhere and she didn’t even give him the chance to disagree with her. He’s spent two years thinking she’s the best thing that ever happened to him, and she wants to blow up the island and erase it all?
He’s frustrated with the whole damn thing. And for just a second, he thinks that if she wants to erase them, he’d rather forget it all, too.
062. He loved her.
He told her when they were dancing at a party. His arms were around her waist and his mouth was against her ear. He smelled like DHARMA shampoo and sweat and rust, and he said he loved her for the first time. She took him home after that and told him that she loved him back.
She was telling him.
Over and over again she told him. She needed to hear it one more time from him after she walked away. That he forgave her. That he loved her. That it was okay.
But she let go.
063. When she falls, things are fast and slow at the same time.
She can see the small lights going by her head until she closes her eyes. Her mind has time to wonder about what will happen when she hits the ground. (Will she die?) And then everything stops except her thoughts. For the time she has left (seconds, minutes, eternity?) she’ll never forget the way he looked, the horror on his face, the desperation in his voice.
She promised once that she’d never leave him, and now, all that she can hear is his voice.
Don’t you leave me.
064. It occurs too late for Juliet that maybe her mother has always been the one completely backwards, and her dad just couldn’t take it anymore. All that she remembers from that summer is her father walking out and her mom seemingly broken. That’s enough for a kid, when your mom says she’s fine but she won’t get out of bed and your dad isn’t there. But she never saw it from the other side.
And when she finally realizes that maybe her mother’s views on love were completely wrong, Juliet’s in the bottom of a hole, screaming at a bomb.
065. The first thing that hits is the pain and she cries out in shock, hands moving to rest on whatever’s on top of her. Then, she realizes she isn’t dead but she is dying. Alone in the dark, unable to see. She passes out, thinking of James, thinking of yellow flowers and the sub. Breaking into the cafeteria for ice cream at two in the morning, sex under a waterfall. She sees his face in front of her, smiling softly, loving her, saying her name softly.
When she opens her eyes, she realizes he’s there, and she reaches up. “…James?”
066. All he’s trying to do is get the hell out of the airport.
He uses the name LaFleur, won’t talk, won’t say any damn thing, and finally they let him go. Surviving a plane crash, after all, ain’t a crime.
He finds a cheap motel and a bottle of whisky and goes to town. Ignoring the knocks on the door, the requests for interviews and the ringing phone. Eventually he moves on, away from the places the news keeps running the Ajira flight story.
He left her there. Without thinking, he left Juliet behind. But he can’t tell that story.
067. He’s slumped on the couch with a bottle of rum - her drink of choice, not his. But she’s not here in this dingy apartment in LA, so he drinks and drifts.
When he officially asked her on a date, she’d blushed and said yes. Since there wasn’t much to do in Dharmaville they’d disappeared to the rec room after hours and shot pool until they wound up on a couch making out like a couple of teenagers.
When James opens his eyes, still stuck in this shit hole of an apartment, he looks over, half expecting her to be there.
068. James basically hates Miles for dragging him out of his apartment. “You gotta live a little, man,” and James bit back that he had three good years of living and he don’t want whatever this place has to offer. But instead, he winds up at some dive bar with a dance floor, sitting in the corner drinking whiskey.
He remembers pushing her hair away from her face. Bending down to tell her he loved her like it was a secret, whispering it against her ear. He remembers her leading him out of the party.
He remembers too much about her.
069. She wanted to get him off the island.
When she knew there wouldn’t be anything else, when she was broken, she wanted to make sure he left.
(It’s too much, so he drinks.)
It worked. What worked? The bomb sure as hell didn’t do anyone any damn good. It worked. The last thing she ever wanted to tell him don’t mean a damn thing to him. He backs up a little further.
Kiss me, James.
He drinks so that he forgets the taste of blood on her lips.
But he’s stuck remembering. And he hates her for that.
He drinks.
070. It’s not fucking fair, the way he can go all day and be okay, but when he dreams she’s there.
“What are you doing?” she asks him softly. They’re in the jungle. They’re always in the jungle.
He doesn’t answer, just walks away from her, knows he’s dreaming and hates it. Because she looks real, sounds real, and he wants to hold her, wake up with her right there. He can’t though, so he leaves her behind and she never follows him.
When he wakes up the sobs are waiting, but he pushes them back and finds the whiskey instead.
071. This guy has asked her out three times already, and when Juliet sees him coming she turns her back and rolls her eyes a little. The last thing she wants to do is go on a date with some guy during finals week.
“Hey, Juliet. Can we talk?”
She’s not sure why she does, but she turns. “Okay, Jack. What?” There’s a barely suppressed amused smirk on her face.
“You don’t have to date me forever. Just come with me for coffee once. Give me a chance.”
He looks so earnest that she sighs. “Fine. One cup. And you’re paying.”
072. “Holy shit. Juliet.”
She doesn’t hear anything else after that, she knows what it means. It means positive. It means she’s pregnant. It means she’s twenty, and in college, and wants to be a doctor, and pregnant. She’s trying to remember why she didn’t use a condom with Jack however long ago, and all that accomplishes is her bursting into tears.
“Hey, Jules. It’s okay. It’ll be okay, I promise.”
Juliet wipes her hands over her face. “I can’t have a baby.”
“Yeah you can. I’ll be here for you.”
Juliet looks at her big sister and nods, swallowing hard.
073. Juliet’s watching Jack with a hand over her belly as she frowns a little. “Are you sure - “
“I know what I’m doing. It’s just a crib, relax.”
Lips pressing together in a line, she leans against the wall in their crappy one bedroom apartment. “I was just trying to help.”
He comes out from under it and looks at her apologetically. “I know. Sorry. But look, it’s done.”
Walking forward, Juliet bends to pick up one of the stuffed animals from the floor and places it in the crib, hand on the railing. It’s perfect.
“I love you, Jack.”
074.It hits her one day as she’s sitting in anatomy class. She’s pregnant. She’s seven months pregnant, due right during finals, and she has no money. She lives in student housing, she works at a bank part time, she doesn’t even have a place for the baby to sleep yet, and she’s still having him.
She has no money except for what her sister can give her because her dad’s not talking to her and she doesn’t want Jack’s money given to her out of sympathy and regret.
Juliet knows she should just suck it up. She’s having a baby.
075. She’s crying on the couch, upset that Jack walked out rather than talk. She’s too pregnant to chase him, due any day, and that makes her even more upset, her hands over her belly as she tries to calm herself down.
When the front door opens she immediately silences herself, listening to him come around to face her on the couch. Before she can say anything, he hands her a wild red rose imperfectly torn from the vines somewhere on campus.
“You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry, Juliet.”
Things have to be perfect for the baby, so she forgives him.
076. Ten hours of labor, no epidural, and at three in the morning, Juliet’s holding the quietest baby she thinks she’s ever seen. There’s a blue cap pulled down on his head, and his hands are sort of framing his face. But he’s content, sleeping against her. And all that she can think is that her life will never be the same again.
She has a baby.
She made a life.
“I love you, David,” she breathes out, stroking his cheek with one finger before closing her eyes. She’s a mom, and she’s never been this terrified in her entire life.
077. She definitely wasn’t one of those women to not get stretch marks or swollen ankles or acne. Pregnancy had a thing against her, and even six weeks later she feels horrible and she can’t imagine any woman feeling good enough to be sexy six weeks after having a baby. Her breasts hurt and she’s exhausted, but Jack’s stroking her side like six is the magic number.
“I’m sorry, Jack. I can’t. I’m not…” She huffs out a breath even as he bends to kiss her.
“You’re beautiful. You know that.” He steps back though, somehow managing not to look disappointed.
078. “It’s okay, hand him to me. I have him,” Juliet says, holding out her arms for the baby. Jack places him there and she smiles, a hand over David’s belly. “Hi, buddy. Let’s get you all clean.”
They’re running behind, and rather than bathe the baby separately before heading to Jack’s parent’s, she has him and will give him back once he’s clean. She’s sidetracked though with how fascinated he seems to be by the water as she guides him under the warm gentle spray. He lets out a baby gasp, hands flailing just a bit, and she laughs softly.
079. “We have enough money for rent and electricity, but not cable if we pay the gas.”
Juliet sighs and shifts David in her arms. “We have to get him a highchair, Jack. I can’t keep feeding him in my lap.”
“Then we don’t worry about cable and we see if we can get minimum coverage on our car insurance.”
She’s not listening anymore, just wondering when the hell she started having to choose between cable and eating, and feeding her baby or feeding herself. Holding David closer, she closes her eyes, needing things to be different sooner rather than later.
080. “I didn’t do it, mama.”
Innocent blue eyes stare up at Juliet and she arches an eyebrow. “If you didn’t do it, who did?”
“Daddy did it.”
“Yeah? He’s not even here. So how did daddy do it?”
“He came home.”
“Maybe I should call daddy right now at work and tell him he’s in big trouble.”
“No!” David says, eying the phone.
Juliet sits on the floor and holds her hands out. “C’mere, buddy.”
He climbs into her lap.
“Did you do it?”
“Yeah.”
“Can you help me clean it up?”
He nods, and Juliet sighs, kissing his forehead.
081. “It’s okay, buddy,” Juliet says as she holds him in her lap. “You’re okay.”
“I falled down,” David whimpers, a fresh wave of tears starting.
“Oh, I know. I know. But we’re gonna take good care of you, okay? You can pick any color cast you want. What about blue?”
“Like your eyes are the color blue,” he sniffles, sinking back against her chest as the pain meds finally kick in.
“Yeah, baby,” she whispers. “Like your eyes are blue, too.” He falls asleep as Jack and the doctor discuss x-rays, and Juliet kisses the top of her son’s head.
082. Juliet watches David play, his jacket making him look bulky as he runs and laughs. His hair is turning darker now but it’s curly and his eyes are still bright blue. She loves him, her little boy. This kid that’s stolen her heart forever and runs around with it every day.
When he runs to her and tackles her legs she laughs, lifting him high in the air before bringing him back down again to kiss his face all over.
“How much do I love you, David?”
He grins at her. “More than all the water in the ocean, Mama.”
083. Juliet has no clue how to take care of a six year old on her own while she’s working on her residency. But there’ve been too many times when Jack completely lost it or went out and got drunk. Forgetting to pick up David from daycare? She may as well be doing it all on her own anyway. The only thing Jack contributes is money.
So when she tells him to just go and do whatever it is he wants to do, she sighs heavily when he cries as she gives back his engagement ring.
There isn’t a point, anymore.
084. Sometimes she cries, and sometimes she just sits, staring at the empty space in her closet from her bed. It’s not like she and Jack had been perfect. The divorce was a long time coming. It’s just that there’s a part of her life over now that she’s been hanging onto since she was nineteen.
Jack’s been with her through everything, he’s been the cause of unbelievable angst and overwhelming happiness. And now all of it, all of him is gone and she thought she’d feel free.
All she feels is alone. Like there’s a part of her missing, somehow.
085. “You know we can’t do this anymore, Jack,” Juliet says softly, rubbing her forehead as he cries.
“I didn’t think things were this bad.” One of his hands drags down his face as he clears his throat. “So you really want to do this? Make the separation a permanent thing?”
She nods. “I’m sorry. I just…I’m tired of fighting with you. I can’t do it anymore.”
“I tried,” he says, looking at her. “To be a good dad. A good husband. I tried, Juliet.”
She looks right at Jack, reaching out to take his hand and squeezing gently.
“I know.”
086. David’s looking at her like maybe he wants to hug her, but he just stands here, and Juliet’s struck by how grown up he is. Twelve, but so much wiser than she was then, or Jack she imagines.
“So…what now?”
The front door has closed on Jack getting the last of his things, and Juliet shrugs a little. “I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. But I guess it’s just me and you now, kid.”
He heads toward the stairs but turns back to look at her for a second. “Good.”
He disappears behind a door, and Juliet sighs.
087.“We have to go back.”
She stares at him, embarrassed for him and the scene he’s making.
“We have to go back, Juliet.”
“Jack, please stop,” she says quietly, walking toward him, pleading with him. “There’s no going back now. It’s done.”
“I love you. And I want to show you.”
“You’ve had thirteen years to try and show me, Jack. And you did. You tried. But this isn’t working. And you’re making a scene. You need to go home.”
He looks at her, so dejected that she almost loses her resolve. But he finally turns, disappearing down the hall.
088.“Jack, you’re drunk,” Juliet says very carefully, arms crossed over her chest as he stands in front of a cab in her driveway.
“I need another chance, Juliet. I can’t do this.”
“Coming here drunk is not the way to prove yourself to me. Please leave.”
She has a staring contest with him, taking in his scruff, the bags under his eyes. When he finally turns away to get in the cab, Juliet turns to go back inside, letting out a heavy breath. There’s a moment when she wants to invite him in, but she goes inside, locking the door.
089.Juliet watches a woman collapse on the street and goes to her without hesitating, checking for a pulse and starting chest compressions.
David stands to the side, watching his mother with wide eyes, not even blinking as people pass by, none of them stopping to help until a man finally calls 911 on his cell phone. And David realizes then, that his mom’s not just anyone. She’s saving someone’s life right there on the street.
When the woman is taken away by ambulance and Juliet starts to apologize for making them miss their movie, David hugs her.
“Love you, mom.”
090. It’s hard, working in the same hospital as her ex-husband, but Juliet’s making do. She can’t abandon all of her patients, and it’s never a good time to pick up and start over. Too many things have changed in the past few months. She needs her work, at least, to be stable.
When she runs into him at the elevator, the awkward tension could be cut with a knife, and she gives him a little smile that he returns before she sighs.
“Jack, we work together. We have a son. We can do this.”
This time, they both genuinely smile.
091. "If you say ‘it’s not you, it’s me’, I’ll hang up, Jack."
He laughs, which feels wildly inappropriate for the moment.
"Juliet, it’s both of us. It’s everything."
She’s quiet for a few seconds before speaking again. “At least we can say we tried. For David’s sake, anyway.” She attempts a smile, but it falters. "Can I ask something cliché?"
Jack listens, waiting.
"Did you ever love me?" The silence is heavy for a while. "You still there?"
He answers, finally. "Not the way you deserved to be."
It’s honest, and she tells him goodnight before hanging up the phone.
092. Juliet’s staring at a salary written on a piece of paper, and she blinks slowly. It’s more than she’s ever made in her life, and probably more than she’ll ever make at Saint Sebastian’s.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.”
The representative from Mittelos looks disappointed. “Doctor Shephard - “
“Carlson”.
“Doctor Carlson. You do understand what we’re offering you, here?”
“I do, Mr. Alpert. And thank you. But I can’t take my son away from his family. His school. I can’t accept.”
When he leaves and she’s alone with her thoughts, Juliet wonders if she’s turned down the job of a lifetime.
093. In the dim quiet of her office, a soda is placed on her desk, startling her out of her thoughts.
"Heard you saved some lives today."
Juliet’s smile is warm. "Thanks, Jack." She gets lost for a second, staring down at a file.
"You okay?"
"Her name is Sun. The patient. Does that..." She trails off, looking for the right words. "Does that name seem familiar?"
He shakes his head slowly. "Should it?"
She smiles ruefully and takes the soda, opening it. "Probably not. Thanks again."
He leaves and she sips from the can, wondering about the woman named Sun.
094. He’s putty in her hands when her mouth works up his jaw and her teeth nibble on his earlobe. When her hands move down his stomach he can’t even think of words to say, just breathes out her name as she slides over him, whispering his name softly. Then, there’s an incessant beeping, and she begs him to ignore it.
When he’s eyes open, James reaches over to switch off his alarm clock, groaning in protest. Sitting up, he thinks about the woman in his dreams. Her hair, the way she feels.
He just wishes he could remember her name.
095. She runs into him at the store, stopping just short of bowling him over. “Christ, I’m sorry,” she apologizes, then hurries on her way.
She stands behind him getting tickets for a movie, David next to her. He turns and she locks eyes with him for a second, remembering him from somewhere but not sure enough to say anything.
They pass each other in the hospital, Juliet leaving with David to get ready for the concert and she smiles. It’s the third time she’s seen him in a week she realizes, but the elevator doors close before she says anything.
096. “So you’re ditching me. For a chick?”
James is handing back tickets to the Lakers game and shakes his head a little. “You’ll get it one day soon, Enos.”
Miles just stares at him. “Seriously, you met her three days ago and you’re already giving up courtside tickets to the Lakers. You haven’t even told me who she is.”
“What can I say, Miles? She’s important to me. And her name is Juliet.”
With that, James turns to leave. Miles always was a damn good wingman. James just hopes he remembers everything soon, wondering what kind of cue it’ll take.
097. She takes his hand in the church, watching as everyone files out into the light and toward whatever’s waiting on the other side. She’d thought she’d be afraid but there’s no fear. Just joy at being with him again.
When they step through she blinks, then looks around and realizes they’re alone outside. No Kate and Jack, no Charlie or Claire.
“I think we’re supposed to live the way we wanted to now.” She says it and knows she’s right.
Leading them to his car, he drives with her back to her house, holding onto her with his free hand.
098. Juliet sits on her couch with James, pouring them more rum. “I had David when I was still in school. Jack…wanted to give me money. Prove something that way. David’s thirteen now, and he’s so…” She swallows softly, looking at James who’s looking back intently.
“He’s amazing.” She’s afraid he’ll go, that this is too much and not what he wants. Kids, sure, but not Jack’s. But instead of getting up he pulls her close, surprising her enough that she lets out a sob she didn’t realize she was holding in.
“I can’t wait to get to know him, then.”
099. “I’m cold. You do it,” she says, wrapping the sheet tightly around her shoulders.
“It’s your house, what if I run into the kid?”
“He’s asleep. Please?”
“Ain’t we all supposed to be sleepin’?”
“Down the hall, bottom cabinet. Blankets, please.”
With a sigh, James gets up and tosses on a pair of boxers before disappearing out of the room and into the hallway. And sure enough, there’s David, at that same cabinet getting a blanket of his own ‘cause it’s actually cold outside for once.
They don’t say anything to each other, but James feels like an intruder nonetheless.
100. Where they are doesn’t matter anymore, though she does make out one of her summer hats hanging on a peg behind the door, so she figures they made it to her place. She’s too busy kissing him, his hands pushing at her white coat, hers tugging off his leather jacket. It’s him and she’s home, and all that she wants is to forget and remember everything at the same time with him.
When they’re both naked, lying in her bed and re-discovering, she whispers softly. “James. I love you.”
He smiles, dimples ever present.
“Well, Blondie. I love you back.”
Author: propernice
Fandom: LOST
Ships: Suliet/Jacket
Rating: G through N-17
A/N: 100 drabbles. 100 words each. You know how good or bad you are at writing when
you get to exactly 99 words but YOU'RE DONE. This was a labor of love. I feel like there
are only so many moments to live with these characters, but here are 100 more. This is for tvrealm's big bang challenge that we knew about in September but I actually only completed about 18 hours before it was due. I'm a masochist that way. I would like to dedicate this to all the people who have forgotten about these characters since the show ended. I hope you all comment. I'll be extremely straight forward here - this time I need comments so that the past 72 hours weren't spent in vain. Because this wasn't just about points. It was about getting to know little nuances of years we never saw.
For the mods: Every prompt for every drabble is listed here per the rules. The second number corresponds with the order in the finished fic itself.
001. Juliet smiles and nods, because that’s what she’s supposed to do. She takes pictures and hugs her new family, and tells her father she’s happy for him and Tracie. And then, when everyone’s inside doing the electric slide, she drinks straight out of the wine bottle she swiped from the open bar and sits against the side of the building. She hates this. Hates that at nineteen she’s getting some new family that cares about her about as much as she gives a shit about them. But when she goes back in she’s smiling.
She’s already an expert at hiding.
002. She’s sitting with her sister, a carton of ice cream between them, Mittelos Bioscience brochures spread around them. “I have to tell them tomorrow,” Juliet says, looking up at Rachel.
“So? The answer’s still the same, what’s the problem?”
“You think mom would have wanted me to go?”
“She’d totally be on my side, pushing your ass out the door.”
Juliet laughs, taking a bite of the ice cream. “I’m gonna miss you getting fat.”
Rachel hits her lightly. “You’ll be back in time to see me waddling plenty.”
Juliet takes a deep breath. She’s going to tell them yes.
003. As soon as Juliet leaves Ben’s after her outburst, she finds the rum in her own house. She hates him. God, she hates him, and she knows he’s lying. He’s kept her here and her sister is dead, her family more than likely thinks she’s dead, and she might as well be. Held hostage in a place she can’t escape with no hope of leaving.
Downing three shots back to back, she gasps and wipes at her mouth, sinking to the ground of her kitchen and covering her face.
She has nothing left. Benjamin Linus has taken everything from her.
004. As Ben rattles off instructions for her to go to the cages and try to talk to the Southern one, Juliet makes sure that her face is perfectly blank, never conveying how much she hates him. How she’s planning to turn her back on him the first chance she gets. She hates him, more than she thinks she’s ever loathed another human being.
“Do you understand, Juliet?”
She look right at him, holding his eyes, her lips pressed in a thin line. Get James to tell her something personal. One small fact to use against him later.
“I understand, Ben.”
005. "So what, you tase a guy and don’t even tell him your name?"
Juliet pauses with her back to the polar bear cage.
"You could help me. You don’t fit in with these yahoos anyway."
At that, she turns slowly, tilting her head to the side to look at him. "You don’t know anything about me, James."
She uses his proper name, making him hesitate. "Just let me outta here."
A very faint, barely there smile crosses her lips. "You’re not worth the risk. Sorry."
Juliet walks away, and James is left alone, slumping against the cage’s bars in defeat.
006. When she tosses him the canteen, James looks at her like he might mouth off. Juliet wonders for a second if he’s dumb enough to charge, but then he’s dumping out the water like a child with something to prove. As if she’s supposed to be personally offended. Tilting her head to the side, she wonders what kind of reaction he was hoping to get out of her.
She says nothing, and they hold each other’s eyes until he gives up. It doesn’t matter. In a few minutes she’ll duck out to fill the cage’s reserve with fresh water anyway.
007. When Juliet walks out of the rec center, she pauses in the dark, slipping into a shadow to lean against someone’s house. Tom’s, she thinks. Kate thinks she wants to hurt them. That Juliet’s in on this grand plan to either wipe them all out or convert them to Ben’s side. She’s not even sure what Jack thinks, and Kate’s attempt to take her out eats away at the confidence she’d built.
Playing both sides until she can get away from Ben was never going to be easy.
Convincing the survivor’s that she’s with them is going to be impossible.
008. She sits alone on the beach, her back to everyone as she tries to figure out what the hell she’s doing. She has instructions from Ben to sabotage the survivor’s camp. She’s connected with Jack and he trusts her. But all she really wants is a ticket off this island.
She doesn’t care about making ties with anyone. Or about whom she killed back on Hydra Island, or about Ben wanting more pregnant women.
She stares out at the ocean, trying to keep it together even when she’s sitting by herself.
All that Juliet Burke wants is to go home.
009. She remembers the way the words came out of her before she had time to really think about them.
And the last thing that either of you need right now is more blood on your hands.
She’ll never forget the way they looked at her, James and Sayid, at the way James tensed when she took away the case of medicine.
Even now, as she watches him sleep with one arm thrown over her stomach, she wonders. What did he think about the woman he hated knowing everything about him? More importantly: what does he think about her now?
010. Juliet needs to stop with the alcohol, she knows. But the thing about the shitty DHARMA rum is that it goes down smooth at least. Or maybe she’s just that desperate to forget the bright orange burst of light on the horizon and the billowing black smoke.
Everything she’d fought for. Killed for. Up in smoke.
So maybe she’s getting a little drunk on the beach by herself, away from the rest of the people huddled up, crying and scared. She hears someone ask what do we do without Jack? and she rolls her eyes, moving further down the beach.
011. It’s not that Juliet ever thought she’d have a life with Jack Shephard in the picture. Just that she assumed he cared about getting her off the Island, that he’d be the one to stay behind and make sure everyone else left before him. After all, he’s tried to be the definition of a hero since she met him, why put himself first now?
She feels ridiculous, getting drunk on the beach, watching the whole damn plan blow up. Literally.
Because all that she can think is that he may be dead, but at least he got off the Island.
012. He’s not really thinking when he grabs her hand. The arrows are coming fast, and when he turns back he’s watching her try to put a guy out. Noble, but he don’t really want to see her in flames.
(A few weeks ago, he might not have minded.)
She’s protesting even as they run, her hand tight in his. When they finally stop, out of breath and panting hard, he’s still holding onto her. They lock eyes and for a second he wants to say something to her. He lets go of her though, looking away. But something’s already changed.
013. James watches Juliet stare out at the ocean, a breeze moving her hair. He’s pulled off the riskiest lie of his life, getting Richard Alpert to back down, buying time with Horace. But now he’s positive the biggest challenge is sitting right in front of him on the dock.
She sighs, and he thinks back on everything they’ve done the past few days, capped off with her shooting someone to save his ass.
Needing her isn’t so much a part of the con as it is his own realization that he needs her. He walks forward.
"Bought us two weeks."
014. Her two weeks are over, and she’s sitting on the dock, legs crossed as she stares out at the water quietly.
“Sub left an hour ago. You gonna swim outta here?”
Juliet looks up at him, then stands so that she can look right at him. “I want you to understand that I only stayed for one reason.”
He looks right back at her. “Why?”
A few seconds of silence go by before she speaks again. “You. I stayed because you asked me to, James.”
She walks away and he stands there, not sure what he’s supposed to do next.
015. “You’re never gonna hit the target LaFleur, just give up,” Juliet calls from behind the plexi-glass. She’s sitting over a tank of water on a little plastic bench, taunting James.
“Let’s put some money on it, Blondie. I know I can win.”
“Okay; you strike out, you buy my next book. You win, I’ll buy yours.”
He throws a ball. Strike one.
“I guess you don’t care about reading.”
Strike two.
“I hear Stephen King has a new novel!”
He throws and hits the target, and she goes under. He grins when she comes up. “No Stephen King for you.”
016. “It’s not that hard! Take them off at the door to avoid getting dirt all over the house!”
“It’s just a little dirt! It cleans off.”
“And I do all the cleaning so take them off at the door.”
He pauses. “Are we fightin’ about some damn boots?”
She looks at him, arms crossed over her chest. “Just yours. Please. Humor me, okay?”
They stare at each other for a second before he toes off the boots, right at the door and she sighs. “Thank you.”
“Get me a beer,” he jokes.
She hurls a throw pillow at his head.
017. James is watching her out of the corner of his eye. He has no clue if she knows, but he’s been watching her read, trying to figure her out. When she gets to a good part she starts biting on her bottom lip, tugging it between her teeth. And when she gets to a really good part, her lips start mouthing the words she’s reading.
It’s adorable, though he has this feeling that if he said that out loud, she’d tase him again. And this thing between them is so new, he treads carefully. But he’s committing this to memory.
018. “You didn’t have any right,” she says, voice cold as she stares at James, jaw clenched so tightly she can hear her teeth grinding.
“So I read a few pages of your diary. It ain’t like you don’t know everythin’ about me already. Figured it’s my turn.”
“Like it’s a pissing contest? I knew what I did because I didn’t have a choice. You’ve lived with me for a month and you think I owe you something? Screw you.”
She doesn’t wait for him to answer. She leaves the house and hates that she agreed to stay on the island.
019. Juliet’s really not sure about this thing that’s supposed to be a meatloaf sitting in the middle of the dining room table. “Just try it.”
James is even less sure. “Thought we were gonna eat at Miles and Jin’s place?” he asks.
“They canceled. Come on, just try it. It can’t be that bad, right?” Well, she can hope anyway, that it won’t kill him.
“Fine, fine,” he says bravely before picking up the fork and taking a small bite. Then another, and he smiles. “We gotta work on your presentation."
She grins in relief and sits down to eat.
020. Juliet’s watching James sort of fumble over his words, and it’s endearing in a way she didn’t think possible.
“So you wanna go or not?” he asks, and that shakes her out of her thoughts.
She has no clue what he’s asking her, but she can’t say no. She can’t say yes either, but he looks so damn eager it’s killing her. So she comes up with something on the fly.
“Ask me again in a week. Give me some time.”
That seems to pacify him for the moment, and she closes her front door, grinning and leaning against it.
021. They’re sitting on the couch talking. Just shooting the shit, her legs across his lap, when he decides to tell her about the time when he was fourteen and decided to steal his uncle’s truck but didn’t quite know how to drive a stick.
“Ended up about four houses down, stuck in the damn pig pen.”
When she laughs, it’s full bodied, head thrown back, and James notices she has a dimple of her own. His new goal as they tread this new relationship slowly is to get her to laugh just like that, as often as he possibly can.
022. Juliet knows everything about James, including that he has a daughter. What she didn’t know was that he’s never met her. She finds out over beers in the back of a van.
"Some days, I wonder enough about her, I think I wanna see her. Other days..."
He trails off, so Juliet rests her hand on his arm lightly in support.
"Most days I figure she’s better off not knowin’ I exist."
Sighing softly for him, Juliet’s head falls against his shoulder. "I bet she’s just like you."
James shakes his head before finishing his beer. "Here’s hopin’ she ain’t."
023. When her hands drag down his sides, his breath falls in a panting gasp against her neck and she tries to memorize that sound. Just in case he decides this was a onetime thing and he leaves her bed before the sun comes up. She wants to remember this, and him, and the way he feels.
He thrusts into her and she calls out his name quietly, pressing her forehead against his cheek as they move together. It’s been five months of flirting and teasing and now they’re here, and she can’t help but wonder if he means it all.
024. She’s lying naked with him, her head on his chest and speaking softly.
“My mom died about six years before I came here. I spent a lot of time taking care of her and then…after she died I got divorced. Then my sister got sick.”
“Had it kinda rough,” James says, kissing the top of her head.
“I got used to it. Not having anything good for very long. That’s why I was so afraid of this.”
James tugs her up to look at her. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere, Blondie. You believe me?”
She bends to kiss him. “I do.”
025. Juliet cracks open a DHARMA beer, drinking it a little guiltily.
An hour later when James gets home, she’s reading quietly on the couch and looks up when he bends to kiss her. He indulges a little before he gets up to wash the day away. She’s not reading anymore, just listening, and when he pads barefoot to the kitchen and opens the fridge, she braces herself.
“Who drank my last beer?” he asks, as if they have roommates.
“I had a long day,” she apologizes.
He stands in front of her, then bends to kiss her. “You owe me.”
026. When his hands move over her shoulders and down her back, she knows his destination before he gets there. Juliet is finally showing him her brand with no hesitation, no excuses, and no fear.
"They marked you." His voice is quiet, firm.
"They didn’t kill me," she points out to James, her own voice low.
His fingers trace the raised lines. "I’m sorry."
"Why?"
“’Cause you got it on account of savin’ me.”
Her eyes close when his lips drag across her skin. “I’d do it again, you know.”
His lips pause for a moment in their exploration. “I know.”
027. She showed it to him a week ago, her brand, and now she’s suffering the curve of his tongue tracing the raised edges of the mark. The burn itself is numb, and maybe that’s why the skin around it feels especially sensitive.
Whatever it is, the way he’s studying it with his mouth, she wishes she’d showed him sooner.
“Are you done inspecting?” she asks when he finally lies beside her.
“For now.” His hands gravitate toward her lower back as he tugs her close and pulls her over him. “I plan on being more thorough later.”
She can’t wait.
028. Juliet’s still flushed, still panting as James kisses his way back up her stomach. She hums, heartbeat slamming in her ears but slowly finding its normal rhythm again. When his tongue circles a nipple she murmurs quietly, but then his lips are kissing the curve of her breast and she feels him smile.
“What?” she asks lazily.
“You got a freckle. Right here.” He licks the spot and she grins, tugging her bottom lip between her teeth.
“Pay as much attention to it as you want.”
She laughs when he does before pulling him over her and into a kiss.
029. Juliet’s never seen James like this: tense and wound up, pacing their living room, and she looks up at him from the couch. "Just tell me," she says softly. "What did you do?"
He pauses his pacing to look at her, eyes a little desperate like he’s afraid she’ll leave.
"I killed Anthony Cooper. Sawyer. He was in the Black Rock, and I killed him."
She blinks, because she wasn’t expecting that. But when she looks at his face and the way he’s staring at her, she shoves her questions aside and grabs onto his hand.
She’s not going anywhere.
030. When she looks at him after a year of living with him, she realizes somewhere in the three months they’ve been sleeping together that she loves him. She hates it and wants it at the same time. She needs the way he looks at her; the way he says her name.
When James looks at Juliet and realizes he loves her, he can’t say the words. Not because of his past, his record, or his ex-flames. He can’t say them because when he looks at her, he can still see the cracks of her past.
He’s determined to fix it.
031. Juliet can’t cook. Period.
Most times, he offers to cook. He don’t know much, but his aunt taught him a little back in the day. It would save him and Juliet both a lot of time. But she tries, he has to give her credit for that, and he smiles a little as he watches her from the couch over his book. She’s staring into a pot, looking pretty pleased, and he thinks maybe she’s onto something. Getting up, he walks into the kitchen.
“What’s cookin’ good lookin’?”
Laughing softly, she turns to kiss him instead of answering his question.
032. Juliet’s not sure how to tell him she loves him and make it mean as much as she feels. There’s an ache with how good it feels when he looks at her a certain way; how he drags his fingers down the back of her neck when they kiss. This is what she never had with anyone else. This is the ache that makes her feel whole.
She shows him in the way her body tangles with his and her mouth glides over his skin. She tells him every day, and still she burns with the need to say more.
033. "I was sleeping with a married man, James."
"You know how many married women I slept with?"
Juliet opens her mouth to say something, but it closes again quickly. They stare at each other silently until she looks toward her cup and takes a sip of rum. "I guess it doesn’t matter now."
"Just 'cause we’re stuck in Dharmaville?"
Her head tilts slightly and she shakes her head. "Because I love you. And it doesn’t matter."
James takes her cup and finishes what’s left. "You’re right. It don’t matter."
"You believe me?"
He looks at her again and smiles.
"Yeah."
034. When he comes in from finishing up his mid-shift, the house is dark. Toeing off his boots, he stops in the bathroom and takes a shower, washing the day away before heading into his bedroom. Their bedroom now, as of two nights ago.
Not bothering with boxers, he sits on the edge of the bed and is just about to get comfortable when she starts snoring. Looking over his shoulder, she’s completely out, so exhausted from her day that she’s snoring. It surprises him into quiet laughter and he lies down, spooning behind her gently, falling asleep to the sound.
035. He’s gone just long enough to know that when he gets back, she’s been worrying. But he kisses her slight frown. “Come on. We’re takin’ a drive.” James takes her hand and leads her to a waiting jeep.
They drive for half an hour before finally stopping. But when they do, there’s a picnic set up with a bottle of wine over looking the ocean. The sky is pink and purple, and he didn’t time it like that, so it’s perfect.
When he looks at her and sees her face, he realizes he’d do anything to make her this happy.
036. Her lips wrap around a strawberry and she sighs, closing her eyes before opening them to assess how many she has left. She catches him watching her and she looks at him, small smile on her face. “Yes, James?”
He shakes his head. “Nothin’. Just didn’t know you liked strawberries so much is all.”
“My mom used to have a small garden in the backyard. I’d make myself sick eating them off the vine. Sometimes when they were still green.” She eats another one, then presses a piece of fruit to his lips.
They’re her favorite for many reasons, now.
037. She’d been unsure until James promised not to make fun of her because he’d be just as gone as she was.
So, Juliet agrees to get high with him in their living room, smoking a couple of joints he’d taken off a student.
She’s lying on her stomach in the living room and turns her head to look at him. He’s sitting against the couch on the floor. “This carpet. Our carpet’s so soft. Did you notice that before?”
“Good carpet,” he agrees, lying beside her. When she moves closer she grins. “I’m stoned, LaFleur.”
He grins back. “Me too.”
038. They’re dead asleep when the alarms start going off and James bolts out of bed, throwing on jeans in record time and running out of the house. Juliet pulls on clothes and follows him out, her heart slamming. Before she can call his name, someone runs toward her and grabs her arms, guiding her toward one of the houses designated as a ‘safe place’ for the women and children.
She’s turning her head, straining to see him even as she runs, and their eyes catch for a split second before he’s off to help defend the barracks from the Hostiles.
039. He’s driving her crazy, mouth moving over one breast then the other, and she gasps his name. “It’s my birthday. I get to pick.”
James shakes his head, then moves down her stomach, tracing her naval with his tongue, then the crease of her thigh where it meets her torso. “Uh-uh. It’s your birthday so you get to lay back and enjoy.”
He’s driving her crazy, and she knows he knows it. His mouth moves to her thigh before leaving her skin altogether, moving his body over hers.
“Happy birthday, Juliet.”
She kisses him deeply, legs winding around his hips.
040. Juliet’s sitting at her work station, bright light on her, surrounded by parts of an engine. It’s silent, everyone else gone for the day, but she’s so engrossed in her work, she doesn’t hear footsteps until someone’s touching her shoulder and she jumps.
“Hey, Blondie. Just me,” James says, putting his hands up so she doesn’t sock him one.
“Jesus, James. You scared me.”
“What are you doin’ out here so late, anyway?”
“Fixing this damn engine.”
“It’s after seven.”
She sighs and rubs her face, streaking it with grease.
Reaching out, he takes her hand. “Let’s go, grease monkey.”
041. She moves against him slow and lazy, mapping his sides with her hands as their hips rock. It’s humid as hell outside, and inside their bedroom the air is sticky and heavy. Bending her head, Juliet lets her tongue glide down his neck, and when his head arches she follows the curve. He tastes like sweat and the jungle air and when he groans, she attaches her lips to the spot they’ve landed on.
His hands tangle in her hair and they’re both gone; all that she can do is pant against his throat. She’d never change a damn thing.
042. Her heart is slamming in her chest, lungs heaving for air. As she hides behind the door she curses herself. It’s the most obvious hiding spot, but it’s not like she has a lot of options. She hears him, walking down the hall in the dark and she closes her eyes tightly, holding her breath.
And then, suddenly, the door flies away from her and slams shut, and James is bracing his hands on either side of her.
“Juliet Burke, you’re under arrest,” he drawls.
She laughs, and he tosses her over his shoulder to drop her on the bed.
043. The whole of Dharmaville is gathered around at the new recruit party, and Horace uses the opportunity to make an announcement. Juliet’s holding onto James even though he looks like he’d rather be anywhere else.
“As you all know, Billy retired last month and Jim LaFleur has been our interim head of security. But today, I’m pleased to tell you all that he has accepted the full time position.”
Everyone claps and James nods, tensely shaking hands.
Juliet leans up and whispers against his ear. “I can’t wait to show you how proud I am.”
That gets him to relax.
044. His hands glide over her skin easily, aided by the water as she backs up against the shower wall. His mouth collects the water that’s pooled in the hollow of her collar bone, and he lifts her, guiding her legs around his waist.
Her fingers tangle in his hair as her body rocks against his, watching the water sluice across his back. “James…”
When she breathes out his name he looks up, struck by the look on her face. Blonde hair sticks to the curve of her neck and he kisses her, hands mapping rivulets of water on her skin.
045. Juliet’s standing in front of the mirror, hair gathered in one hand and draped over her shoulder. The scissors are within reach and she thinks about it, about cutting her hair short. It’s always been long, tumbling down her back, but maybe, she thinks, it’s time for a change.
Until James passes by and watches her, then moves to stand behind her and sweep her hair to the other side so he can bend to kiss her neck. She’d lose that; lose him running his fingers through her hair and down her back.
Turning, she kisses him, silently thanking him.
046. “I would win. I would so win,” she says taking a pull from wine bottle number two.
He takes it from her, stealing a kiss first. “I’m damn good at poker, Blondie.”
“But I got…” she stops, correcting herself. “I have unreadable faces. You can’t read them if I want.”
He doesn’t know if that makes sense, but he nods. “That’s right. You got a great poker face.”
Sitting up she gestures up the beach toward the trail. “Let’s go. I’ll play you right now.”
Instead of getting up, he moves so that he can pull her over him. “Later.”
047. Moving back up his body, Juliet hums, dragging her lips across his chest as she goes. Then, she kisses his chin before resting her head against him to listen to his heart pound. They’re both quiet for a long while before she finally speaks. “I love you.”
His hands feel like fire on her skin and she gasps when his fingers dip into her, mouth pressing against her neck as he bites and sucks gently. “Love you,” he rumbles against her as his hand moves, and she writhes against him, eyes closing. She loves this with him, more than anything.
048. She’s standing there, looking around the dining room, one candle lit in the middle of the table. “What’s this?” she asks curiously, toeing off her work boots before walking further inside.
James looks kind of nervous as he puts down two wine glasses. “You always come home and do the cookin’. I just thought…maybe for once I’d cook.”
Juliet’s quiet for a few more seconds before she looks at him. Her only hint of not being serious is the way her upper lip pulls. “Is this a statement because I burned dinner last night?”
He laughs, pulling her against him.
049. Tahiti, she’s decided, would be a horrible place to retire. "Did you hear me?"
"Yeah, yeah, Tahiti sucks," he smirks, hand drawing up her calf slowly. "This is just the pit stop. Ten years, we’ll have enough money to keep goin’. And it won’t be Tahiti for work. It’ll be Tahiti for passports and the airport."
Sitting up, she crawls over his body so that she can lie down on his chest. "I want snow. And a place that goes through the seasons."
James kisses her forehead, thinking about it. About the ring in his pocket. "Anywhere you want, Blondie."
050. When she gets the position as head of the motor pool, there’s a lot of fanfare surrounding the decision. First woman in charge, it made a statement when Horace picked her over a more tenured mechanic. As such, she’s been avoiding the groups of people trying to congratulate her, and instead bee lines for James when she sees him coming to pick her up.
Taking his hand as they walk toward home, he looks down at her, a grin tugging at his lips. “I’m proud of you, Blondie.”
Juliet smiles, pleased. His is the only praise she’s wanted all day.
051. Juliet is holding her ground, arms crossed over her chest. “No drinking tonight.”
“Why the hell not? We drink at every damn party.”
“Because last time you and Miles stole a Jeep.”
Miles interjects. “To be fair, we really thought we saw - “
Juliet interrupts this time. “I don’t sleep with you Miles. Save it.” She turns back to James. “So?”
“So what?” In any other circumstance, he would have just agreed outright. But he can tell by her glare that he ain’t got a choice. “Fine. No drinkin’.”
Miles barely makes it out alive after cracking an imaginary whip.
052. Juliet grabs his wrist just as he’s about to bring the razor to his cheek. “Don’t,” she says, hedging between him and the sink.
“Don’t shave?” He looks at her, amused and ready to listen. “Why the hell not?”
She bites at her bottom lip a little, hands moving up his bare chest. “One more day. I think it’s sexy.” She drags her hands over his cheeks. “I like the way it feels.”
Her words grab his full attention, and he bends down just enough to kiss her and drop the razor. “I’ll keep it as long as you want.”
053. He doesn’t even know how everyone found out about his birthday, but he’s taken to the rec center by Miles, and there’s everyone shouting surprise, someone handing him a beer. Later, as he slow dances with Juliet, he looks at her.
“You put this together?”
She smiles and nuzzles his neck. “Nope. I know you hate surprise parties. I may have asked Amy for advice on what to get you though.”
“So I have her to thank then.”
Juliet pulls him down and kisses him softly. “Happy Birthday, James.”
It’s the first time it really has been in a while.
054. He’s lying in a bed that’s too big for one person, listening to waves hit the beach. Problem is, Juliet’s not there, and he’s never gonna get to sleep. Tahiti is nice, and he’s worked his ass off getting the parts he needs to restock inventory, but he can’t sleep without her.
He thinks about how she gets right on top of him, uses her like a mattress, and he smiles a little before rolling onto his stomach. He misses her like crazy, more than he thought he would, and that’s how he knows. He’s a hundred percent in love.
055. The first thing he had to do was get Horace to give him an advance on his paycheck. That was easy enough - James isn’t going anywhere, not with Juliet still there. When he gets on the sub with a few hundred bucks in his pocket, he’s not leaving to go over security protocol with DHARMA officials.
He wanders all over Tahiti, looking for what he really wants. He can’t just order this out of a magazine. When he finally sees it though, simple and silver in a window, he knows it’s perfect. Now all he has to do is ask.
056. When Juliet hears banging from the porch, she walks into the house and finds James working on assembling a crib. “Something I should know about?”
He stops and looks over at her, shaking his head. “Gift for Amy, from Horace. He wanted it to be a surprise, so.”
“So you’re putting it together and…taking it over there?”
“Hell, I don’t know what the plan is,” he says as he watches her trail her fingers over the wood. And it hits him for a second, and he almost proposes on the spot.
But he saves it. The timing’s gotta be right.
057. Juliet kisses his neck softly. “Ice cream sounds so good. With syrup…” She nibbles up to his earlobe and tugs gently with her teeth. “Please, James?”
He really ain’t sure how he’s supposed to resist that, the way those big blue eyes are begging, and the way she takes her bottom lip between her teeth like she’s hopeful or something. “Yeah. You owe me, Blondie.”
Before he can leave the house, she pulls him into a deep kiss, biting down gently on his bottom lip. “I’ll let you put chocolate sauce wherever you want.”
He grins. “Be right back, then.”
058. Juliet presses her forehead against the shower wall, hoping her cries are muffled by the water. Outside the bathroom, down the hall in the living room, James is talking with Jack. She can’t imagine that anything good will come of it.
Her hand goes over her mouth, shoulders shaking. She’s scared, afraid of what’s going to happen to her. To them. Jack and Kate being back means the end of the contentment she’s had for three years. This has been home, her home, and they have no right.
When the bathroom door opens and closes she doesn’t move. Just cries.
059. The only place Juliet could think to put Kate was the damn motor pool with her, and as she gets ready for work (what’s the point, it’s all over anyway) she wonders what she’s supposed to say to the other woman.
Welcome back. I guess you can have James now.
We were just playing house.
What took you so long?
Tears threaten every step of the way across the barracks, and of course, Kate is already there. Taking a deep breath, Juliet plasters on a smile and looks right at the other woman.
“It’s good to see you again, Kate.”
060. She thought she was done with this.
But of course, she can’t be happy for too long. There’s always something to run away from. Always a threat. Something that wants to drag her down, and this time it’s taking away the happiness she’s been clinging to for the past three years.
Jack, Kate, and Daniel. It always comes in threes. The bad news, the omens that seal your fate.
Juliet already knows that everything is over. Instead of fighting, it’d be easier if James could accept it. What they had is done. She knew it when he called her ‘Freckles’.
061. When James turns around, he’s staring at her back, watching her walk away.
If I never meet you, then I’ll never have to lose you.
What the hell does that mean? It’s out of nowhere and she didn’t even give him the chance to disagree with her. He’s spent two years thinking she’s the best thing that ever happened to him, and she wants to blow up the island and erase it all?
He’s frustrated with the whole damn thing. And for just a second, he thinks that if she wants to erase them, he’d rather forget it all, too.
062. He loved her.
He told her when they were dancing at a party. His arms were around her waist and his mouth was against her ear. He smelled like DHARMA shampoo and sweat and rust, and he said he loved her for the first time. She took him home after that and told him that she loved him back.
She was telling him.
Over and over again she told him. She needed to hear it one more time from him after she walked away. That he forgave her. That he loved her. That it was okay.
But she let go.
063. When she falls, things are fast and slow at the same time.
She can see the small lights going by her head until she closes her eyes. Her mind has time to wonder about what will happen when she hits the ground. (Will she die?) And then everything stops except her thoughts. For the time she has left (seconds, minutes, eternity?) she’ll never forget the way he looked, the horror on his face, the desperation in his voice.
She promised once that she’d never leave him, and now, all that she can hear is his voice.
Don’t you leave me.
064. It occurs too late for Juliet that maybe her mother has always been the one completely backwards, and her dad just couldn’t take it anymore. All that she remembers from that summer is her father walking out and her mom seemingly broken. That’s enough for a kid, when your mom says she’s fine but she won’t get out of bed and your dad isn’t there. But she never saw it from the other side.
And when she finally realizes that maybe her mother’s views on love were completely wrong, Juliet’s in the bottom of a hole, screaming at a bomb.
065. The first thing that hits is the pain and she cries out in shock, hands moving to rest on whatever’s on top of her. Then, she realizes she isn’t dead but she is dying. Alone in the dark, unable to see. She passes out, thinking of James, thinking of yellow flowers and the sub. Breaking into the cafeteria for ice cream at two in the morning, sex under a waterfall. She sees his face in front of her, smiling softly, loving her, saying her name softly.
When she opens her eyes, she realizes he’s there, and she reaches up. “…James?”
066. All he’s trying to do is get the hell out of the airport.
He uses the name LaFleur, won’t talk, won’t say any damn thing, and finally they let him go. Surviving a plane crash, after all, ain’t a crime.
He finds a cheap motel and a bottle of whisky and goes to town. Ignoring the knocks on the door, the requests for interviews and the ringing phone. Eventually he moves on, away from the places the news keeps running the Ajira flight story.
He left her there. Without thinking, he left Juliet behind. But he can’t tell that story.
067. He’s slumped on the couch with a bottle of rum - her drink of choice, not his. But she’s not here in this dingy apartment in LA, so he drinks and drifts.
When he officially asked her on a date, she’d blushed and said yes. Since there wasn’t much to do in Dharmaville they’d disappeared to the rec room after hours and shot pool until they wound up on a couch making out like a couple of teenagers.
When James opens his eyes, still stuck in this shit hole of an apartment, he looks over, half expecting her to be there.
068. James basically hates Miles for dragging him out of his apartment. “You gotta live a little, man,” and James bit back that he had three good years of living and he don’t want whatever this place has to offer. But instead, he winds up at some dive bar with a dance floor, sitting in the corner drinking whiskey.
He remembers pushing her hair away from her face. Bending down to tell her he loved her like it was a secret, whispering it against her ear. He remembers her leading him out of the party.
He remembers too much about her.
069. She wanted to get him off the island.
When she knew there wouldn’t be anything else, when she was broken, she wanted to make sure he left.
(It’s too much, so he drinks.)
It worked. What worked? The bomb sure as hell didn’t do anyone any damn good. It worked. The last thing she ever wanted to tell him don’t mean a damn thing to him. He backs up a little further.
Kiss me, James.
He drinks so that he forgets the taste of blood on her lips.
But he’s stuck remembering. And he hates her for that.
He drinks.
070. It’s not fucking fair, the way he can go all day and be okay, but when he dreams she’s there.
“What are you doing?” she asks him softly. They’re in the jungle. They’re always in the jungle.
He doesn’t answer, just walks away from her, knows he’s dreaming and hates it. Because she looks real, sounds real, and he wants to hold her, wake up with her right there. He can’t though, so he leaves her behind and she never follows him.
When he wakes up the sobs are waiting, but he pushes them back and finds the whiskey instead.
071. This guy has asked her out three times already, and when Juliet sees him coming she turns her back and rolls her eyes a little. The last thing she wants to do is go on a date with some guy during finals week.
“Hey, Juliet. Can we talk?”
She’s not sure why she does, but she turns. “Okay, Jack. What?” There’s a barely suppressed amused smirk on her face.
“You don’t have to date me forever. Just come with me for coffee once. Give me a chance.”
He looks so earnest that she sighs. “Fine. One cup. And you’re paying.”
072. “Holy shit. Juliet.”
She doesn’t hear anything else after that, she knows what it means. It means positive. It means she’s pregnant. It means she’s twenty, and in college, and wants to be a doctor, and pregnant. She’s trying to remember why she didn’t use a condom with Jack however long ago, and all that accomplishes is her bursting into tears.
“Hey, Jules. It’s okay. It’ll be okay, I promise.”
Juliet wipes her hands over her face. “I can’t have a baby.”
“Yeah you can. I’ll be here for you.”
Juliet looks at her big sister and nods, swallowing hard.
073. Juliet’s watching Jack with a hand over her belly as she frowns a little. “Are you sure - “
“I know what I’m doing. It’s just a crib, relax.”
Lips pressing together in a line, she leans against the wall in their crappy one bedroom apartment. “I was just trying to help.”
He comes out from under it and looks at her apologetically. “I know. Sorry. But look, it’s done.”
Walking forward, Juliet bends to pick up one of the stuffed animals from the floor and places it in the crib, hand on the railing. It’s perfect.
“I love you, Jack.”
074.It hits her one day as she’s sitting in anatomy class. She’s pregnant. She’s seven months pregnant, due right during finals, and she has no money. She lives in student housing, she works at a bank part time, she doesn’t even have a place for the baby to sleep yet, and she’s still having him.
She has no money except for what her sister can give her because her dad’s not talking to her and she doesn’t want Jack’s money given to her out of sympathy and regret.
Juliet knows she should just suck it up. She’s having a baby.
075. She’s crying on the couch, upset that Jack walked out rather than talk. She’s too pregnant to chase him, due any day, and that makes her even more upset, her hands over her belly as she tries to calm herself down.
When the front door opens she immediately silences herself, listening to him come around to face her on the couch. Before she can say anything, he hands her a wild red rose imperfectly torn from the vines somewhere on campus.
“You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry, Juliet.”
Things have to be perfect for the baby, so she forgives him.
076. Ten hours of labor, no epidural, and at three in the morning, Juliet’s holding the quietest baby she thinks she’s ever seen. There’s a blue cap pulled down on his head, and his hands are sort of framing his face. But he’s content, sleeping against her. And all that she can think is that her life will never be the same again.
She has a baby.
She made a life.
“I love you, David,” she breathes out, stroking his cheek with one finger before closing her eyes. She’s a mom, and she’s never been this terrified in her entire life.
077. She definitely wasn’t one of those women to not get stretch marks or swollen ankles or acne. Pregnancy had a thing against her, and even six weeks later she feels horrible and she can’t imagine any woman feeling good enough to be sexy six weeks after having a baby. Her breasts hurt and she’s exhausted, but Jack’s stroking her side like six is the magic number.
“I’m sorry, Jack. I can’t. I’m not…” She huffs out a breath even as he bends to kiss her.
“You’re beautiful. You know that.” He steps back though, somehow managing not to look disappointed.
078. “It’s okay, hand him to me. I have him,” Juliet says, holding out her arms for the baby. Jack places him there and she smiles, a hand over David’s belly. “Hi, buddy. Let’s get you all clean.”
They’re running behind, and rather than bathe the baby separately before heading to Jack’s parent’s, she has him and will give him back once he’s clean. She’s sidetracked though with how fascinated he seems to be by the water as she guides him under the warm gentle spray. He lets out a baby gasp, hands flailing just a bit, and she laughs softly.
079. “We have enough money for rent and electricity, but not cable if we pay the gas.”
Juliet sighs and shifts David in her arms. “We have to get him a highchair, Jack. I can’t keep feeding him in my lap.”
“Then we don’t worry about cable and we see if we can get minimum coverage on our car insurance.”
She’s not listening anymore, just wondering when the hell she started having to choose between cable and eating, and feeding her baby or feeding herself. Holding David closer, she closes her eyes, needing things to be different sooner rather than later.
080. “I didn’t do it, mama.”
Innocent blue eyes stare up at Juliet and she arches an eyebrow. “If you didn’t do it, who did?”
“Daddy did it.”
“Yeah? He’s not even here. So how did daddy do it?”
“He came home.”
“Maybe I should call daddy right now at work and tell him he’s in big trouble.”
“No!” David says, eying the phone.
Juliet sits on the floor and holds her hands out. “C’mere, buddy.”
He climbs into her lap.
“Did you do it?”
“Yeah.”
“Can you help me clean it up?”
He nods, and Juliet sighs, kissing his forehead.
081. “It’s okay, buddy,” Juliet says as she holds him in her lap. “You’re okay.”
“I falled down,” David whimpers, a fresh wave of tears starting.
“Oh, I know. I know. But we’re gonna take good care of you, okay? You can pick any color cast you want. What about blue?”
“Like your eyes are the color blue,” he sniffles, sinking back against her chest as the pain meds finally kick in.
“Yeah, baby,” she whispers. “Like your eyes are blue, too.” He falls asleep as Jack and the doctor discuss x-rays, and Juliet kisses the top of her son’s head.
082. Juliet watches David play, his jacket making him look bulky as he runs and laughs. His hair is turning darker now but it’s curly and his eyes are still bright blue. She loves him, her little boy. This kid that’s stolen her heart forever and runs around with it every day.
When he runs to her and tackles her legs she laughs, lifting him high in the air before bringing him back down again to kiss his face all over.
“How much do I love you, David?”
He grins at her. “More than all the water in the ocean, Mama.”
083. Juliet has no clue how to take care of a six year old on her own while she’s working on her residency. But there’ve been too many times when Jack completely lost it or went out and got drunk. Forgetting to pick up David from daycare? She may as well be doing it all on her own anyway. The only thing Jack contributes is money.
So when she tells him to just go and do whatever it is he wants to do, she sighs heavily when he cries as she gives back his engagement ring.
There isn’t a point, anymore.
084. Sometimes she cries, and sometimes she just sits, staring at the empty space in her closet from her bed. It’s not like she and Jack had been perfect. The divorce was a long time coming. It’s just that there’s a part of her life over now that she’s been hanging onto since she was nineteen.
Jack’s been with her through everything, he’s been the cause of unbelievable angst and overwhelming happiness. And now all of it, all of him is gone and she thought she’d feel free.
All she feels is alone. Like there’s a part of her missing, somehow.
085. “You know we can’t do this anymore, Jack,” Juliet says softly, rubbing her forehead as he cries.
“I didn’t think things were this bad.” One of his hands drags down his face as he clears his throat. “So you really want to do this? Make the separation a permanent thing?”
She nods. “I’m sorry. I just…I’m tired of fighting with you. I can’t do it anymore.”
“I tried,” he says, looking at her. “To be a good dad. A good husband. I tried, Juliet.”
She looks right at Jack, reaching out to take his hand and squeezing gently.
“I know.”
086. David’s looking at her like maybe he wants to hug her, but he just stands here, and Juliet’s struck by how grown up he is. Twelve, but so much wiser than she was then, or Jack she imagines.
“So…what now?”
The front door has closed on Jack getting the last of his things, and Juliet shrugs a little. “I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. But I guess it’s just me and you now, kid.”
He heads toward the stairs but turns back to look at her for a second. “Good.”
He disappears behind a door, and Juliet sighs.
087.“We have to go back.”
She stares at him, embarrassed for him and the scene he’s making.
“We have to go back, Juliet.”
“Jack, please stop,” she says quietly, walking toward him, pleading with him. “There’s no going back now. It’s done.”
“I love you. And I want to show you.”
“You’ve had thirteen years to try and show me, Jack. And you did. You tried. But this isn’t working. And you’re making a scene. You need to go home.”
He looks at her, so dejected that she almost loses her resolve. But he finally turns, disappearing down the hall.
088.“Jack, you’re drunk,” Juliet says very carefully, arms crossed over her chest as he stands in front of a cab in her driveway.
“I need another chance, Juliet. I can’t do this.”
“Coming here drunk is not the way to prove yourself to me. Please leave.”
She has a staring contest with him, taking in his scruff, the bags under his eyes. When he finally turns away to get in the cab, Juliet turns to go back inside, letting out a heavy breath. There’s a moment when she wants to invite him in, but she goes inside, locking the door.
089.Juliet watches a woman collapse on the street and goes to her without hesitating, checking for a pulse and starting chest compressions.
David stands to the side, watching his mother with wide eyes, not even blinking as people pass by, none of them stopping to help until a man finally calls 911 on his cell phone. And David realizes then, that his mom’s not just anyone. She’s saving someone’s life right there on the street.
When the woman is taken away by ambulance and Juliet starts to apologize for making them miss their movie, David hugs her.
“Love you, mom.”
090. It’s hard, working in the same hospital as her ex-husband, but Juliet’s making do. She can’t abandon all of her patients, and it’s never a good time to pick up and start over. Too many things have changed in the past few months. She needs her work, at least, to be stable.
When she runs into him at the elevator, the awkward tension could be cut with a knife, and she gives him a little smile that he returns before she sighs.
“Jack, we work together. We have a son. We can do this.”
This time, they both genuinely smile.
091. "If you say ‘it’s not you, it’s me’, I’ll hang up, Jack."
He laughs, which feels wildly inappropriate for the moment.
"Juliet, it’s both of us. It’s everything."
She’s quiet for a few seconds before speaking again. “At least we can say we tried. For David’s sake, anyway.” She attempts a smile, but it falters. "Can I ask something cliché?"
Jack listens, waiting.
"Did you ever love me?" The silence is heavy for a while. "You still there?"
He answers, finally. "Not the way you deserved to be."
It’s honest, and she tells him goodnight before hanging up the phone.
092. Juliet’s staring at a salary written on a piece of paper, and she blinks slowly. It’s more than she’s ever made in her life, and probably more than she’ll ever make at Saint Sebastian’s.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.”
The representative from Mittelos looks disappointed. “Doctor Shephard - “
“Carlson”.
“Doctor Carlson. You do understand what we’re offering you, here?”
“I do, Mr. Alpert. And thank you. But I can’t take my son away from his family. His school. I can’t accept.”
When he leaves and she’s alone with her thoughts, Juliet wonders if she’s turned down the job of a lifetime.
093. In the dim quiet of her office, a soda is placed on her desk, startling her out of her thoughts.
"Heard you saved some lives today."
Juliet’s smile is warm. "Thanks, Jack." She gets lost for a second, staring down at a file.
"You okay?"
"Her name is Sun. The patient. Does that..." She trails off, looking for the right words. "Does that name seem familiar?"
He shakes his head slowly. "Should it?"
She smiles ruefully and takes the soda, opening it. "Probably not. Thanks again."
He leaves and she sips from the can, wondering about the woman named Sun.
094. He’s putty in her hands when her mouth works up his jaw and her teeth nibble on his earlobe. When her hands move down his stomach he can’t even think of words to say, just breathes out her name as she slides over him, whispering his name softly. Then, there’s an incessant beeping, and she begs him to ignore it.
When he’s eyes open, James reaches over to switch off his alarm clock, groaning in protest. Sitting up, he thinks about the woman in his dreams. Her hair, the way she feels.
He just wishes he could remember her name.
095. She runs into him at the store, stopping just short of bowling him over. “Christ, I’m sorry,” she apologizes, then hurries on her way.
She stands behind him getting tickets for a movie, David next to her. He turns and she locks eyes with him for a second, remembering him from somewhere but not sure enough to say anything.
They pass each other in the hospital, Juliet leaving with David to get ready for the concert and she smiles. It’s the third time she’s seen him in a week she realizes, but the elevator doors close before she says anything.
096. “So you’re ditching me. For a chick?”
James is handing back tickets to the Lakers game and shakes his head a little. “You’ll get it one day soon, Enos.”
Miles just stares at him. “Seriously, you met her three days ago and you’re already giving up courtside tickets to the Lakers. You haven’t even told me who she is.”
“What can I say, Miles? She’s important to me. And her name is Juliet.”
With that, James turns to leave. Miles always was a damn good wingman. James just hopes he remembers everything soon, wondering what kind of cue it’ll take.
097. She takes his hand in the church, watching as everyone files out into the light and toward whatever’s waiting on the other side. She’d thought she’d be afraid but there’s no fear. Just joy at being with him again.
When they step through she blinks, then looks around and realizes they’re alone outside. No Kate and Jack, no Charlie or Claire.
“I think we’re supposed to live the way we wanted to now.” She says it and knows she’s right.
Leading them to his car, he drives with her back to her house, holding onto her with his free hand.
098. Juliet sits on her couch with James, pouring them more rum. “I had David when I was still in school. Jack…wanted to give me money. Prove something that way. David’s thirteen now, and he’s so…” She swallows softly, looking at James who’s looking back intently.
“He’s amazing.” She’s afraid he’ll go, that this is too much and not what he wants. Kids, sure, but not Jack’s. But instead of getting up he pulls her close, surprising her enough that she lets out a sob she didn’t realize she was holding in.
“I can’t wait to get to know him, then.”
099. “I’m cold. You do it,” she says, wrapping the sheet tightly around her shoulders.
“It’s your house, what if I run into the kid?”
“He’s asleep. Please?”
“Ain’t we all supposed to be sleepin’?”
“Down the hall, bottom cabinet. Blankets, please.”
With a sigh, James gets up and tosses on a pair of boxers before disappearing out of the room and into the hallway. And sure enough, there’s David, at that same cabinet getting a blanket of his own ‘cause it’s actually cold outside for once.
They don’t say anything to each other, but James feels like an intruder nonetheless.
100. Where they are doesn’t matter anymore, though she does make out one of her summer hats hanging on a peg behind the door, so she figures they made it to her place. She’s too busy kissing him, his hands pushing at her white coat, hers tugging off his leather jacket. It’s him and she’s home, and all that she wants is to forget and remember everything at the same time with him.
When they’re both naked, lying in her bed and re-discovering, she whispers softly. “James. I love you.”
He smiles, dimples ever present.
“Well, Blondie. I love you back.”