i dispise myself.
there are times in the world when i wish i had more courage. if i was not so weak, i could finally end the thoughts that circle round in my head. if i only had the strength, i could end everything.
each and every day, i sink further and further into myself. i find myself not wanting to come out of this hole, either. i just want to forget everything. i want to fade away so i don't have to hear anyone anymore.
i hate it when people talk. their voices annoy me so greatly. it grates on my sanity and drives me to thoughts i hate thinking. i wish i could just end the noise...
more and more, i seperate from everything. but it is not like people are helping the situation. how often do people reach out to me? i really do not think people even notice when i'm gone. people are like, 'oh, i was thinking about you the other day and was about to call you.' so many people have said this to me, yet i hardly get any calls. i want to hang out with people, i really do. but my entire life, i've been the one to make the first move. i'm tired of it. i want someone to reach out to me for once.
and i'm tired of being unsure of myself. i think i know what i want, but than i remember what i used to want, and it conflicts with what i claim to desire now. i'm trying to go both ways at once, and it just does not work that way. i have to chose one path and walk it, even if it means going it alone.
i want to run away. i want to get away from everyone. i want to save up money and just leave. i have no clue where i would go. i do not care if i just go a couple cities away, so long as it is away.
i want to be by myself as much as i want to be with people. but the people around me are too interested in themselves and those they love more. i am last on everyone's list. i feel like i'm the last one called, even by my boyfriend.
so i go into my shell more and more.
i want to kill something. i want to kill everyone. i'm tired of this. i'm tired of everything.
everything has been pissing me off lately. even the slightest mistake someone does, and i want to take their head off. i am so irritable. no one deserves my wrath (for the most part), but i still feel like the world must be punished for my bad attitude.
it does not make sense to me. i do not care if it does not make sense to anyone else.
i'm ready to end it. i'm so ready to just get rid of all this irritation, one way or another.
one way or another.
-the living proof of death
each and every day, i sink further and further into myself. i find myself not wanting to come out of this hole, either. i just want to forget everything. i want to fade away so i don't have to hear anyone anymore.
i hate it when people talk. their voices annoy me so greatly. it grates on my sanity and drives me to thoughts i hate thinking. i wish i could just end the noise...
more and more, i seperate from everything. but it is not like people are helping the situation. how often do people reach out to me? i really do not think people even notice when i'm gone. people are like, 'oh, i was thinking about you the other day and was about to call you.' so many people have said this to me, yet i hardly get any calls. i want to hang out with people, i really do. but my entire life, i've been the one to make the first move. i'm tired of it. i want someone to reach out to me for once.
and i'm tired of being unsure of myself. i think i know what i want, but than i remember what i used to want, and it conflicts with what i claim to desire now. i'm trying to go both ways at once, and it just does not work that way. i have to chose one path and walk it, even if it means going it alone.
i want to run away. i want to get away from everyone. i want to save up money and just leave. i have no clue where i would go. i do not care if i just go a couple cities away, so long as it is away.
i want to be by myself as much as i want to be with people. but the people around me are too interested in themselves and those they love more. i am last on everyone's list. i feel like i'm the last one called, even by my boyfriend.
so i go into my shell more and more.
i want to kill something. i want to kill everyone. i'm tired of this. i'm tired of everything.
everything has been pissing me off lately. even the slightest mistake someone does, and i want to take their head off. i am so irritable. no one deserves my wrath (for the most part), but i still feel like the world must be punished for my bad attitude.
it does not make sense to me. i do not care if it does not make sense to anyone else.
i'm ready to end it. i'm so ready to just get rid of all this irritation, one way or another.
one way or another.
-the living proof of death