look, an update! how amazing.
begin self destruction sequence.
i hate writer's block. i stare at the screen, ideas in my head, but no actual words are coming. images swirl around in my head, and a want to put some sort of written part to them, but there's nothing...
and it makes me feel like crying.
this is what i want in life. i want to create, write, get published, get a pulitzer. or however you spell it. but nothing comes out. i get these blanks in my head, and i can't feel them in. people tell me, 'oh, write whatever comes to mind!' let me tell you something. THAT. DOESN'T. WORK. FUCKERS. i can't just force something out without a complete thought behind it. what i write about is how much i hate writer's block, and then i'm back to square one.
and i still feel like crying.
and, what's horrible, is i'm stuck on a fanfic idea. what the fuck? i should be working on warrior's, cured, velvet painting... anything but fanfics. how can i get published with an original idea?
AUGH.
i'm a terrible writer. i'm a terrible artist. i have no talent. and can't even muster up a single fucking word on anything. not even angry, emo poetry. and that stuff used to be so fricking easy for me. but, no. i have to think, 'well, i've written everything depressing that i can. what else is there?'
maybe i should try to get my poetry published. if i get a little money for that, it might inspire me more. which is terrible, because i don't want to do this for money, but money always inspires me. why do i hate school? no money involved. why do i love to work? i'm making money.
niichan, am i a jew?
i should work on warrior's. or cured. but no one wants to read cured. it's a stupid idea... it won't sell, nothing will sell.
nothing.
i miss sara. she inspired me.
if i could just have someone to talk to... someone that respondes to what i say. tells me when i have dumb ideas, and helps me make them better. i can't do it without feedback.
gavin said i shouldn't do cured first. that it would be better when i establish myself. i understand that. but i don't want to release velvet painting first, because i don't want to be known as the 'gay' authour. and warrior's i wanted to be my main project, when there's nothing left.
but those are my main works. what the hell am i supposed to do before then? what am i supposed to write? all of my creative effort's went into those three titles. the psychological/philosophical one, the romance, and the epic. what else is there?
NON FICTION?! FUCK NO!
hate non fiction...
all other ideas i had were for roleplaying games, ones where i created the world, but not the story. what is left for me? what...?
this is a dead end. i'm worthless as a writer. i should just stop the dream. i'm sure there's something else i could chase after. i was thinking of being a nurse...
*sigh*
so worthless...
self destruction sequence complete.
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
boom.
-the living proof of death
i hate writer's block. i stare at the screen, ideas in my head, but no actual words are coming. images swirl around in my head, and a want to put some sort of written part to them, but there's nothing...
and it makes me feel like crying.
this is what i want in life. i want to create, write, get published, get a pulitzer. or however you spell it. but nothing comes out. i get these blanks in my head, and i can't feel them in. people tell me, 'oh, write whatever comes to mind!' let me tell you something. THAT. DOESN'T. WORK. FUCKERS. i can't just force something out without a complete thought behind it. what i write about is how much i hate writer's block, and then i'm back to square one.
and i still feel like crying.
and, what's horrible, is i'm stuck on a fanfic idea. what the fuck? i should be working on warrior's, cured, velvet painting... anything but fanfics. how can i get published with an original idea?
AUGH.
i'm a terrible writer. i'm a terrible artist. i have no talent. and can't even muster up a single fucking word on anything. not even angry, emo poetry. and that stuff used to be so fricking easy for me. but, no. i have to think, 'well, i've written everything depressing that i can. what else is there?'
maybe i should try to get my poetry published. if i get a little money for that, it might inspire me more. which is terrible, because i don't want to do this for money, but money always inspires me. why do i hate school? no money involved. why do i love to work? i'm making money.
niichan, am i a jew?
i should work on warrior's. or cured. but no one wants to read cured. it's a stupid idea... it won't sell, nothing will sell.
nothing.
i miss sara. she inspired me.
if i could just have someone to talk to... someone that respondes to what i say. tells me when i have dumb ideas, and helps me make them better. i can't do it without feedback.
gavin said i shouldn't do cured first. that it would be better when i establish myself. i understand that. but i don't want to release velvet painting first, because i don't want to be known as the 'gay' authour. and warrior's i wanted to be my main project, when there's nothing left.
but those are my main works. what the hell am i supposed to do before then? what am i supposed to write? all of my creative effort's went into those three titles. the psychological/philosophical one, the romance, and the epic. what else is there?
NON FICTION?! FUCK NO!
hate non fiction...
all other ideas i had were for roleplaying games, ones where i created the world, but not the story. what is left for me? what...?
this is a dead end. i'm worthless as a writer. i should just stop the dream. i'm sure there's something else i could chase after. i was thinking of being a nurse...
*sigh*
so worthless...
self destruction sequence complete.
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
boom.
-the living proof of death