There's Someone I've Been Missing
There's Someone I've Been Missing
Pairings: Liam Payne/Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne/Zayn Malik
Rating: PG-13, for swearing and kissing
Word count: 3.043
Disclaimer: Don’t know them, don’t own them, all lies.
A/N: Written for this prompt at the 1dkinkmeme. This is slightly different from the prompt, but only slightly. Technically High School AU (but not really). Title and italics taken from Come Home by One Republic.
Four times Liam got his heart broken by Louis,
and one time he realized Zayn has been there all this time.
Everything I can't be
Is everything you should be
And that's why I need you here
i.
“So, how was your holiday?” Louis asks while draping his arm around Liam’s shoulders and pressing him close against his body. Louis just came up from behind, not even showing his presence to Liam before he was touching him. But Liam wasn’t surprised. After all, it was Louis.
“Fine, I guess,” Liam shrugs, giving Louis a small smile. “Would have been more fun to stay here with you, of course, but I guess it was fine.” Liam looks at the ground. He hates it, having strict parents who force him to spend all his holidays with them. To make matters worse, his friends all know it and make fun of him anyway.
“Well, your loss,” Louis says careless. “You’re the one who can’t convince his parents you’re old enough to do what you want.” Liam flushes. It embarrasses him, his parents being overly controlling and Louis making fun of him because of it. It hurts him. And he thinks Louis knows it.
“You missed a lot, you know. Niall’s got himself a girlfriend and I also had some fun.” Louis wiggles his eyebrows suggestively to indicate what exactly he did, but Liam doesn’t really want to know. He stops listening to Louis reports about the things Liam missed over the past month while he was at the seaside - who hooked up with whom and who broke up. Liam couldn’t care less.
All Liam knows that his heart is aching. Louis is making fun of him while pretending to be his friend. Louis telling him stories about his hook-ups. Louis simply not caring about his emotions.
Louis doesn’t notice how Liam’s face grimaces, doesn’t see the hurt expression in his eyes.
Louis never notices.
ii)
They are already at the party for too long, everyone has just had a little too much to drink, Liam thinks he’s to only sober one left in the whole house. He can’t remember the host, but it kind of doesn’t matter anyway. Niall is probably in the kitchen and stuffing anything eatable in his mouth (or he’s passed out and lying on some bed, you never know), Louis around somewhere too and Harry hadn’t even shown up.
Liam’s sitting on the couch in what he suspects normally is the living room but was transformed into a mix between a dance floor and a lounge. Zayn is right next to him, a little tipsy but all in all closer to sober than to smashed which Liam is somehow incredibly grateful for. He’s talking to a girl next to him, Liam doesn’t really get what about, but she’s pretty, brown wavy hair and all.
Suddenly he spots Louis, just walking towards the sofa Liam’s sitting on. Louis smiles in his direction, waving and winking flirtingly. Liam’s heart skips a beat. Did Louis really just flirt with him? He probably is way too drunk to notice what he does anyway, Liam thinks, but it just has to mean something as he is now only a few metres away and still coming closer.
Liam thinks Louis is now looking directly at him, and he just can’t keep his eyes off of Louis. Is this the moment? The moment something finally happens between them? Liam’s heart races, his throat becomes dry. He swallows. Louis is smiling at him -
- and passing right by him, not even shooting Liam another look. Liam’s eyes are wide. He suddenly feels like crying, but he can only watch what Louis is doing next.
Louis stops in front of the girl - Eleanor, Liam suddenly realizes that he actually knows her and her name - and gives her a dashing smile as he slides down next to her on the couch, squeezing in between her body and the armrest. He slides an arm around her shoulders and starts talking to her. She is flirting back.
Liam feels sick. Then he feels Zayn’s hand on his knee and he suddenly doesn’t feel so bad anymore, but still miserable. Zayn gives him a sympathetic smile.
“Want to go home?” he quietly says in Liam’s ear. He doesn’t even wait for an answer but just takes Liam’s hand and pulls him with him to the door.
Zayn, Liam realizes, Zayn knows how he feels.
iii)
For some reason, they began playing Truth or Dare half an hour ago. It’s Harry’s seventeenth birthday, but it’s not a big party - just Harry, Liam, Zayn, Louis and Niall. They’ve all had a few beers and ate an incredible amount of sweets and watched stupid video clips on YouTube until Louis proposed playing that stupid game. (Stupid because it was Truth or Dare, and because they already knew practically everything about each other.)
Zayn and Niall are sitting on the couch, Harry’s leaning against the side table and Louis and Liam are sitting cross-legged on the floor. Harry spins the bottle, it points towards Liam. He sighs. He knew it. And he has to pick Dare now (he has already chosen Truth too often and the boys decided he wasn’t allowed to anymore). Liam hates dares.
“Kiss Louis,” Harry commands. That’s why Liam hates Dare. He cringes slightly and he’s pretty sure that he blushes.
“Do I have to?” he asks. As much as Liam wants to kiss Louis, he doesn’t want to do it because of a stupid game and not in front of the others, too. Harry just raises his eyebrow in reply (you don’t honestly think you can get around it, do you?).
“Aww, Liam, you’re hurting my feelings. Don’t you want to kiss me?” Louis asks, faux-hurt. He purses his lips in Liam’s direction and leans towards him. “Come on, you can’t resist me,” he says, and laughs. “Besides, you have to. It’s a dare.”
When Liam still doesn’t bother leaning over to Louis to kiss his, Louis adds: “Come on, I don’t care. We’re friends, it doesn’t mean anything.” That’s exactly why Liam doesn’t want to kiss Louis. He wants it to mean something; he wants their first kiss to mean something, as girly as it sounds.
“Come on, don’t be a pussy,” Harry chimes in and pushes Liam impatiently towards Louis. “Kiss. Now,” he orders them.
Liam swallows. There’s really no way around. He takes a deep breath and quickly leans over and presses his lips on Louis’. He intends to pull back immediately, but Louis apparently has other plans. His hand is in Liam’s neck and keeps him close, keeps his lips on his. He feels Louis’ tongue prodding against his bottom lip and Liam opens his tentatively.
They’re really kissing now, Louis’ right hand is still in Liam’s neck and the other one is on his waist, pulling him a little closer. Liam’s heart is racing, this is so much better than he ever imagined. He’s really kissing Louis, not just a quick peck but a real kiss. He’s letting go of the little control he still had and a small sigh escapes his lips. Suddenly Louis pushes him back, wipes his lips with his sleeves and stares angrily at him. “Liam, what was that? Are you gay or what?”
Liam is shocked, it feels like his heart is shattering into pieces. He didn’t expect Louis to react like that. Liam jumps up to his feet and leaves the room without looking back, locking himself in Harry’s guest bathroom. He sinks down and leans against the bathtub.
The kiss felt so good; he can still feel Louis’ lips on his, his tongue in his mouth and the butterflies in his stomach. It felt like Louis wanted it too - after all, it was him that had deepened the kiss, not allowing it to be just a small peck. Liam hears quiet steps nearing the door, then a small knock.
“Hey, Liam, let me in, please,” Zayn is whispering. Liam scrambles up and tries to stay calm when he opens the door. He doesn’t even look at Zayn but turns around and seats himself on the cold tiles again. Zayn closes the door behind him again and sits down next to Liam.
“Liam-,” he starts talking.
“Stop,” Liam interrupts him. “Just don’t say anything, please.” His voice cracks and suddenly the tears are streaming down his face. Zayn puts his arm around him, pulls him close and lets Liam cry on his shoulder while he’s patting his back. “Shhh,” Zayn tries to calm him. “It’s going to get better, trust me,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss on Liam’s hair.
When Liam finally calms down, he leans his head on Zayn’s shoulder and Zayn takes his hand, intertwines their fingers and squeezes it reassuringly.
“I know how you feel,” he says quietly without looking at Liam.
iv)
Liam doesn’t talk to Louis anymore. He doesn’t even look at him, and hasn’t for the past two weeks - since it has happened. He still hangs out with all their friends, but he pretends Louis doesn’t exist anymore. Liam doesn’t allow himself to even think about Louis, every thought is immediately shut off, because it just hurts too fucking much, it still does.
The Monday after it happened, Liam didn’t go to school. He just couldn’t face seeing Louis only two days after he had kissed him, pushed him away and practically told him that being gay was wrong. He didn’t react to any of his friends’ texts, but Zayn visited him after school anyway. Liam didn’t tell him anything, in return not expecting Zayn to tell him his secret. He has to admit that he’s a bit curious, but he really doesn’t fancy talking about Louis and his stupid, stupid heart.
Niall tries talking to Liam from time to time, but Liam tries to avoid being alone with any of the boys. He goes to school every day, hangs out with them during the breaks and goes home straight afterwards, pretending to be studying or helping his mother. He’s sure that the others know that he’s avoiding them, but so far, neither of them has tried to force him to hang out with them. Zayn stopped by once, trying to distract him by playing football, but Liam wasn’t into it and Zayn hadn’t tried another time.
But at the same time, Liam knows that he can’t avoid spilling the truth forever. He sees his friends’ looks, knows that they’re talking about what happened - only behind his back, of course. He knows that Louis wants to talk to him; he sees the looks and feels the moments when Louis is collecting his breath to say something. Liam always gets up, excuses himself with a cheap excuse and leaves before Louis can raise the topic.
Liam’s in the bathroom, holding his hands under the cold water. He has just run away from questions another time, but he feels like he can’t get out of it this time. It has worked for two weeks, there always comes the point where you can’t avoid an issue anymore, and Liam thinks right now might be the moment.
And he’s right, of course. The exact moment he thinks it, the door opens and Louis enters. Liam looks at the floor, tries to walk past Louis to get out, but he catches him by the arm and keeps him back.
“Stop, Liam. I think we need to talk,” Louis says firmly. Liam sighs, then steps back and leans against the sink. He still doesn’t look at Louis; his gaze is fixed on the white tiles of the floor. They’re not exactly dirty, but dark smears and shoeprints are clearly visible.
“This sucks,” Louis states. “I want you to talk to me again. And I want to know what exactly is going on. I know I said something stupid and I’m sorry, so sorry, but I want to know what’s up. Zayn won’t tell me.” Louis is pacing back and forth while he’s talking, finally standing still in front of Liam. “Come on, you can talk to me, you’re my friend.” His voice is soft.
“That’s the point,” Liam says after a few minutes of silence. “That’s the entire fucking point. We’re friends, and I like you, and then you kiss me.” He pauses. “Then you push me away and act like it was my fucking idea, like I was the one who started it. Besides, I never thought one of my friends was a homophobe,” Liam adds bitterly.
“B-but, I’m not- I’m not a homophobe,” Louis protests.
“Well, at least you sound like one,” Liam says venomously and finally looks at Louis.
“It was… it was stupid. Probably the dumbest thing I ever said, but look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean in like that. We’re friends, I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Stop fucking saying we’re friends. You don’t want to hurt me, so don’t say it. I like you, Louis. I might be in love with you, but you don’t see it and you always act like nothing’s up and it drives me insane. I’m sorry, I don’t want this too, I don’t want to bother you with my stupid feelings, forgive me. It’s irrational and stupid and God, so annoying, trust me. Being in love with one of your closes friends who’s straight just hurts so much.” Liam catches his breath. He can’t believe what he just did, he just confessed all his feelings and his thoughts.
Louis just stares at him. “Fuck.”
“You could say that.” Liam laughs emotionless.
“You’re in love with me?” Louis asks after a few minutes of dumbfounded staring.
Liam nods slowly.
“How long?”
Liam shrugs. “Two years, at least. I don’t keep count of it anymore.”
“God, Liam I am so sorry that I never noticed. It’s just-”
“You’re not gay, I know. Believe me, I know,” Liam finishes his sentence, barely manages to keep the bitterness out of his voice. Louis looks slightly guilty. “You can’t change it, stop feeling sorry for me. There’s nothing you can do.”
Liam gives Louis a small smile and leaves the bathroom.
Somehow, he feels better now.
v)
After they talked about it, Liam starts hanging out with them more. It doesn’t hurt that much anymore and he feels relieved. He never thought it could feel so good to just tell Louis everything. The others still don’t know, but it doesn’t concern them, so Liam doesn’t feel like he owes them an explanation.
He also talks to Louis again. Liam notices how Louis now pays attention to everything he says and does in front of Liam, measures and thinks over every touch and move before doing something. Liam thinks it’s cute of Louis to care about him and to restrict himself to just not hurt Liam, but it’s also kind of annoying. He doesn’t want his friend to change. He tells Louis that he should behave normal again, but Louis just shrugs and says: “I don’t want to hurt your feelings even more.”
While Liam becomes closer to Louis again, he notices how Zayn distances himself from them, from him. While he wasn’t talking to Louis, he could always count on Zayn to be there, to be touching him and keeping him together when he thought he couldn’t do it anymore. And Liam begins to wonder again what Zayn hasn’t told him.
With whom was Zayn unhappily in love?
“You know what’s going on with Zayn?” Liam asks Louis a week later. Zayn has just left, apparently having to help one of his sisters with her homework. Liam was pretty sure it was just a bad excuse - after all he became the Master of Excuses over the past few weeks.
Louis shrugs. “I’m not sure, but I think I’ve got an idea. You have to find out yourself though,” he says and that’s it.
“Zayn, it’s me, Liam. Your mother let me in. Can I come in?” Liam asks, opening Zayn’s door slowly. After another week of Zayn pulling back more and more, he decided it was enough and that he has to talk to Zayn.
Zayn is lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He’s listening to music on his iPod, Liam can faintly hear the music. He only notices Liam's presence when Liam closes the door and walks towards the bed, sitting down at Zayn’s feet. When Zayn pulls one earbud out, Liam asks: “What are you listening to?”
“One Republic, the first album.” Zayn smiles faintly and turns off his iPod. “Why are you here?”
“I was just wondering how you are. We haven’t exactly talked much at school the past few days and you always had something to do, so I thought I might just check in. But it seems like you aren’t so busy after all.” Liam smiles and pats Zayn’s feet. “Tell me, what’s up?” he says.
“What did Louis say?” Zayn asks instead of answering. Liam blushes.
“That I should ask you,” he answers truthfully, then continues hesitantly. “Does it have something to do with what you said while I was... crying over Louis?” he asks quietly. He looks right at Zayn and is sure that he’s right when Zayn looks at the blanket instead of Liam.
“I’d rather not talk about it,” Zayn murmurs, still not looking at Liam. Liam takes his hand and Zayn looks up at him.
“I just want you to know that you can talk to me about everything, you know. I won’t tell anyone, I kind of owe you.” He smiles and squeezes Zayn’s hand. “Wanna do something or should I go?” Liam asks.
A few hours later after an epic FIFA tournament, Liam gets up to leave - his mother wants him to be home for dinner. Zayn had fast snapped out of his reverie and was mostly back to normal - apart from the fact that he didn’t constantly touch Liam anymore.
Zayn is accompanying Liam to the door and when Liam hugs him goodbye, he hears Zayn whispering in his ear. Liam takes Zayn’s hand and squeezes it “Not now,” he says, smiling apologetically, not letting go of Zayn’s hand. “Maybe next week,” he adds upon seeing the hurt look on Zayn’s face. “I’ll call you.” He kisses Zayn on the cheek and leaves.
Later that evening, after dinner, he calls Zayn. “I’d love to go out with you. What about Friday night?”
Pairings: Liam Payne/Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne/Zayn Malik
Rating: PG-13, for swearing and kissing
Word count: 3.043
Disclaimer: Don’t know them, don’t own them, all lies.
A/N: Written for this prompt at the 1dkinkmeme. This is slightly different from the prompt, but only slightly. Technically High School AU (but not really). Title and italics taken from Come Home by One Republic.
Four times Liam got his heart broken by Louis,
and one time he realized Zayn has been there all this time.
Everything I can't be
Is everything you should be
And that's why I need you here
i.
“So, how was your holiday?” Louis asks while draping his arm around Liam’s shoulders and pressing him close against his body. Louis just came up from behind, not even showing his presence to Liam before he was touching him. But Liam wasn’t surprised. After all, it was Louis.
“Fine, I guess,” Liam shrugs, giving Louis a small smile. “Would have been more fun to stay here with you, of course, but I guess it was fine.” Liam looks at the ground. He hates it, having strict parents who force him to spend all his holidays with them. To make matters worse, his friends all know it and make fun of him anyway.
“Well, your loss,” Louis says careless. “You’re the one who can’t convince his parents you’re old enough to do what you want.” Liam flushes. It embarrasses him, his parents being overly controlling and Louis making fun of him because of it. It hurts him. And he thinks Louis knows it.
“You missed a lot, you know. Niall’s got himself a girlfriend and I also had some fun.” Louis wiggles his eyebrows suggestively to indicate what exactly he did, but Liam doesn’t really want to know. He stops listening to Louis reports about the things Liam missed over the past month while he was at the seaside - who hooked up with whom and who broke up. Liam couldn’t care less.
All Liam knows that his heart is aching. Louis is making fun of him while pretending to be his friend. Louis telling him stories about his hook-ups. Louis simply not caring about his emotions.
Louis doesn’t notice how Liam’s face grimaces, doesn’t see the hurt expression in his eyes.
Louis never notices.
ii)
They are already at the party for too long, everyone has just had a little too much to drink, Liam thinks he’s to only sober one left in the whole house. He can’t remember the host, but it kind of doesn’t matter anyway. Niall is probably in the kitchen and stuffing anything eatable in his mouth (or he’s passed out and lying on some bed, you never know), Louis around somewhere too and Harry hadn’t even shown up.
Liam’s sitting on the couch in what he suspects normally is the living room but was transformed into a mix between a dance floor and a lounge. Zayn is right next to him, a little tipsy but all in all closer to sober than to smashed which Liam is somehow incredibly grateful for. He’s talking to a girl next to him, Liam doesn’t really get what about, but she’s pretty, brown wavy hair and all.
Suddenly he spots Louis, just walking towards the sofa Liam’s sitting on. Louis smiles in his direction, waving and winking flirtingly. Liam’s heart skips a beat. Did Louis really just flirt with him? He probably is way too drunk to notice what he does anyway, Liam thinks, but it just has to mean something as he is now only a few metres away and still coming closer.
Liam thinks Louis is now looking directly at him, and he just can’t keep his eyes off of Louis. Is this the moment? The moment something finally happens between them? Liam’s heart races, his throat becomes dry. He swallows. Louis is smiling at him -
- and passing right by him, not even shooting Liam another look. Liam’s eyes are wide. He suddenly feels like crying, but he can only watch what Louis is doing next.
Louis stops in front of the girl - Eleanor, Liam suddenly realizes that he actually knows her and her name - and gives her a dashing smile as he slides down next to her on the couch, squeezing in between her body and the armrest. He slides an arm around her shoulders and starts talking to her. She is flirting back.
Liam feels sick. Then he feels Zayn’s hand on his knee and he suddenly doesn’t feel so bad anymore, but still miserable. Zayn gives him a sympathetic smile.
“Want to go home?” he quietly says in Liam’s ear. He doesn’t even wait for an answer but just takes Liam’s hand and pulls him with him to the door.
Zayn, Liam realizes, Zayn knows how he feels.
iii)
For some reason, they began playing Truth or Dare half an hour ago. It’s Harry’s seventeenth birthday, but it’s not a big party - just Harry, Liam, Zayn, Louis and Niall. They’ve all had a few beers and ate an incredible amount of sweets and watched stupid video clips on YouTube until Louis proposed playing that stupid game. (Stupid because it was Truth or Dare, and because they already knew practically everything about each other.)
Zayn and Niall are sitting on the couch, Harry’s leaning against the side table and Louis and Liam are sitting cross-legged on the floor. Harry spins the bottle, it points towards Liam. He sighs. He knew it. And he has to pick Dare now (he has already chosen Truth too often and the boys decided he wasn’t allowed to anymore). Liam hates dares.
“Kiss Louis,” Harry commands. That’s why Liam hates Dare. He cringes slightly and he’s pretty sure that he blushes.
“Do I have to?” he asks. As much as Liam wants to kiss Louis, he doesn’t want to do it because of a stupid game and not in front of the others, too. Harry just raises his eyebrow in reply (you don’t honestly think you can get around it, do you?).
“Aww, Liam, you’re hurting my feelings. Don’t you want to kiss me?” Louis asks, faux-hurt. He purses his lips in Liam’s direction and leans towards him. “Come on, you can’t resist me,” he says, and laughs. “Besides, you have to. It’s a dare.”
When Liam still doesn’t bother leaning over to Louis to kiss his, Louis adds: “Come on, I don’t care. We’re friends, it doesn’t mean anything.” That’s exactly why Liam doesn’t want to kiss Louis. He wants it to mean something; he wants their first kiss to mean something, as girly as it sounds.
“Come on, don’t be a pussy,” Harry chimes in and pushes Liam impatiently towards Louis. “Kiss. Now,” he orders them.
Liam swallows. There’s really no way around. He takes a deep breath and quickly leans over and presses his lips on Louis’. He intends to pull back immediately, but Louis apparently has other plans. His hand is in Liam’s neck and keeps him close, keeps his lips on his. He feels Louis’ tongue prodding against his bottom lip and Liam opens his tentatively.
They’re really kissing now, Louis’ right hand is still in Liam’s neck and the other one is on his waist, pulling him a little closer. Liam’s heart is racing, this is so much better than he ever imagined. He’s really kissing Louis, not just a quick peck but a real kiss. He’s letting go of the little control he still had and a small sigh escapes his lips. Suddenly Louis pushes him back, wipes his lips with his sleeves and stares angrily at him. “Liam, what was that? Are you gay or what?”
Liam is shocked, it feels like his heart is shattering into pieces. He didn’t expect Louis to react like that. Liam jumps up to his feet and leaves the room without looking back, locking himself in Harry’s guest bathroom. He sinks down and leans against the bathtub.
The kiss felt so good; he can still feel Louis’ lips on his, his tongue in his mouth and the butterflies in his stomach. It felt like Louis wanted it too - after all, it was him that had deepened the kiss, not allowing it to be just a small peck. Liam hears quiet steps nearing the door, then a small knock.
“Hey, Liam, let me in, please,” Zayn is whispering. Liam scrambles up and tries to stay calm when he opens the door. He doesn’t even look at Zayn but turns around and seats himself on the cold tiles again. Zayn closes the door behind him again and sits down next to Liam.
“Liam-,” he starts talking.
“Stop,” Liam interrupts him. “Just don’t say anything, please.” His voice cracks and suddenly the tears are streaming down his face. Zayn puts his arm around him, pulls him close and lets Liam cry on his shoulder while he’s patting his back. “Shhh,” Zayn tries to calm him. “It’s going to get better, trust me,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss on Liam’s hair.
When Liam finally calms down, he leans his head on Zayn’s shoulder and Zayn takes his hand, intertwines their fingers and squeezes it reassuringly.
“I know how you feel,” he says quietly without looking at Liam.
iv)
Liam doesn’t talk to Louis anymore. He doesn’t even look at him, and hasn’t for the past two weeks - since it has happened. He still hangs out with all their friends, but he pretends Louis doesn’t exist anymore. Liam doesn’t allow himself to even think about Louis, every thought is immediately shut off, because it just hurts too fucking much, it still does.
The Monday after it happened, Liam didn’t go to school. He just couldn’t face seeing Louis only two days after he had kissed him, pushed him away and practically told him that being gay was wrong. He didn’t react to any of his friends’ texts, but Zayn visited him after school anyway. Liam didn’t tell him anything, in return not expecting Zayn to tell him his secret. He has to admit that he’s a bit curious, but he really doesn’t fancy talking about Louis and his stupid, stupid heart.
Niall tries talking to Liam from time to time, but Liam tries to avoid being alone with any of the boys. He goes to school every day, hangs out with them during the breaks and goes home straight afterwards, pretending to be studying or helping his mother. He’s sure that the others know that he’s avoiding them, but so far, neither of them has tried to force him to hang out with them. Zayn stopped by once, trying to distract him by playing football, but Liam wasn’t into it and Zayn hadn’t tried another time.
But at the same time, Liam knows that he can’t avoid spilling the truth forever. He sees his friends’ looks, knows that they’re talking about what happened - only behind his back, of course. He knows that Louis wants to talk to him; he sees the looks and feels the moments when Louis is collecting his breath to say something. Liam always gets up, excuses himself with a cheap excuse and leaves before Louis can raise the topic.
Liam’s in the bathroom, holding his hands under the cold water. He has just run away from questions another time, but he feels like he can’t get out of it this time. It has worked for two weeks, there always comes the point where you can’t avoid an issue anymore, and Liam thinks right now might be the moment.
And he’s right, of course. The exact moment he thinks it, the door opens and Louis enters. Liam looks at the floor, tries to walk past Louis to get out, but he catches him by the arm and keeps him back.
“Stop, Liam. I think we need to talk,” Louis says firmly. Liam sighs, then steps back and leans against the sink. He still doesn’t look at Louis; his gaze is fixed on the white tiles of the floor. They’re not exactly dirty, but dark smears and shoeprints are clearly visible.
“This sucks,” Louis states. “I want you to talk to me again. And I want to know what exactly is going on. I know I said something stupid and I’m sorry, so sorry, but I want to know what’s up. Zayn won’t tell me.” Louis is pacing back and forth while he’s talking, finally standing still in front of Liam. “Come on, you can talk to me, you’re my friend.” His voice is soft.
“That’s the point,” Liam says after a few minutes of silence. “That’s the entire fucking point. We’re friends, and I like you, and then you kiss me.” He pauses. “Then you push me away and act like it was my fucking idea, like I was the one who started it. Besides, I never thought one of my friends was a homophobe,” Liam adds bitterly.
“B-but, I’m not- I’m not a homophobe,” Louis protests.
“Well, at least you sound like one,” Liam says venomously and finally looks at Louis.
“It was… it was stupid. Probably the dumbest thing I ever said, but look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean in like that. We’re friends, I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Stop fucking saying we’re friends. You don’t want to hurt me, so don’t say it. I like you, Louis. I might be in love with you, but you don’t see it and you always act like nothing’s up and it drives me insane. I’m sorry, I don’t want this too, I don’t want to bother you with my stupid feelings, forgive me. It’s irrational and stupid and God, so annoying, trust me. Being in love with one of your closes friends who’s straight just hurts so much.” Liam catches his breath. He can’t believe what he just did, he just confessed all his feelings and his thoughts.
Louis just stares at him. “Fuck.”
“You could say that.” Liam laughs emotionless.
“You’re in love with me?” Louis asks after a few minutes of dumbfounded staring.
Liam nods slowly.
“How long?”
Liam shrugs. “Two years, at least. I don’t keep count of it anymore.”
“God, Liam I am so sorry that I never noticed. It’s just-”
“You’re not gay, I know. Believe me, I know,” Liam finishes his sentence, barely manages to keep the bitterness out of his voice. Louis looks slightly guilty. “You can’t change it, stop feeling sorry for me. There’s nothing you can do.”
Liam gives Louis a small smile and leaves the bathroom.
Somehow, he feels better now.
v)
After they talked about it, Liam starts hanging out with them more. It doesn’t hurt that much anymore and he feels relieved. He never thought it could feel so good to just tell Louis everything. The others still don’t know, but it doesn’t concern them, so Liam doesn’t feel like he owes them an explanation.
He also talks to Louis again. Liam notices how Louis now pays attention to everything he says and does in front of Liam, measures and thinks over every touch and move before doing something. Liam thinks it’s cute of Louis to care about him and to restrict himself to just not hurt Liam, but it’s also kind of annoying. He doesn’t want his friend to change. He tells Louis that he should behave normal again, but Louis just shrugs and says: “I don’t want to hurt your feelings even more.”
While Liam becomes closer to Louis again, he notices how Zayn distances himself from them, from him. While he wasn’t talking to Louis, he could always count on Zayn to be there, to be touching him and keeping him together when he thought he couldn’t do it anymore. And Liam begins to wonder again what Zayn hasn’t told him.
With whom was Zayn unhappily in love?
“You know what’s going on with Zayn?” Liam asks Louis a week later. Zayn has just left, apparently having to help one of his sisters with her homework. Liam was pretty sure it was just a bad excuse - after all he became the Master of Excuses over the past few weeks.
Louis shrugs. “I’m not sure, but I think I’ve got an idea. You have to find out yourself though,” he says and that’s it.
“Zayn, it’s me, Liam. Your mother let me in. Can I come in?” Liam asks, opening Zayn’s door slowly. After another week of Zayn pulling back more and more, he decided it was enough and that he has to talk to Zayn.
Zayn is lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He’s listening to music on his iPod, Liam can faintly hear the music. He only notices Liam's presence when Liam closes the door and walks towards the bed, sitting down at Zayn’s feet. When Zayn pulls one earbud out, Liam asks: “What are you listening to?”
“One Republic, the first album.” Zayn smiles faintly and turns off his iPod. “Why are you here?”
“I was just wondering how you are. We haven’t exactly talked much at school the past few days and you always had something to do, so I thought I might just check in. But it seems like you aren’t so busy after all.” Liam smiles and pats Zayn’s feet. “Tell me, what’s up?” he says.
“What did Louis say?” Zayn asks instead of answering. Liam blushes.
“That I should ask you,” he answers truthfully, then continues hesitantly. “Does it have something to do with what you said while I was... crying over Louis?” he asks quietly. He looks right at Zayn and is sure that he’s right when Zayn looks at the blanket instead of Liam.
“I’d rather not talk about it,” Zayn murmurs, still not looking at Liam. Liam takes his hand and Zayn looks up at him.
“I just want you to know that you can talk to me about everything, you know. I won’t tell anyone, I kind of owe you.” He smiles and squeezes Zayn’s hand. “Wanna do something or should I go?” Liam asks.
A few hours later after an epic FIFA tournament, Liam gets up to leave - his mother wants him to be home for dinner. Zayn had fast snapped out of his reverie and was mostly back to normal - apart from the fact that he didn’t constantly touch Liam anymore.
Zayn is accompanying Liam to the door and when Liam hugs him goodbye, he hears Zayn whispering in his ear. Liam takes Zayn’s hand and squeezes it “Not now,” he says, smiling apologetically, not letting go of Zayn’s hand. “Maybe next week,” he adds upon seeing the hurt look on Zayn’s face. “I’ll call you.” He kisses Zayn on the cheek and leaves.
Later that evening, after dinner, he calls Zayn. “I’d love to go out with you. What about Friday night?”