OOC: LOG! Lily/James, FTW!
As usual, your characters can't see this. Maybe Orihime was home and heard through the wall, I haven't decided yet, but either way it doesn't matter because none of your characters were there. BUTYES. Lily and James have been separated for over two months, and now they're finally talking in person for the first time. DRAMA ensues.
Rated NC-17 PG, I should think.
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James paced back and forth in Sirius and Remus' living room, one hand tangled in his hair, a thousand thoughts racing through his head. 'Portkey. Japan. Lily. Snowglobe. Lily. Profuse Apologies. Lily, Lily, Lily.' He paused for a moment and stared deep into Angus the portkey-mingo's beady little plastic eyes, then returned to his pacing.
Sirius had finally broken down and told him about the portkey that went straight from their living room to Orihime's tiny apartment in Japan where Lily had been staying for almost two months. James had punched Sirius in the shoulder, hard, for not telling him sooner, but really he was just grateful that he wouldn't have to resort to wandering aimlessly all over Japan, asking after her. Lily was good at hiding and he knew it.
Finally, James took a deep breath and stomped over to the portkey, grabbing it by the neck and causing it to squawk shrilly. He was twisted and tumbled and found himself in a small, sparsely furnished living room.
And there she was. Lily. Sitting on the couch reading a book. James nearly melted when he saw her, she was beautiful and here and Lily. Suddenly his stomach was twisted in knots and he cleared his throat, hoping against hope that she wouldn't disapparate when she saw him.
Or hex him into next week.
Lily was reading a book she had borrowed from the Wizarding Library in Karakura City entitled Two Thousand "Unique" Hexes and How to Properly Ensure That You Do Not Miss Your Target's Head. She had been reading about a particularly bizarre hex and wondering at the uses it could give her when she heard someone clear their throat.
Thinking it must be Ishida looking for Orihime, Lily looked up with a smile, only for it to immediately be knocked off her face with the force of the Knight Bus running into her.
"James?" she said dropping her book and scrambling up from the couch.
James held up his hands in protest, praying that she wouldn't run. "Lily," he said softly, "please just let me talk to you." He took a tentative step forward, afraid that even the slightest movement would cause her to bolt.
"What are you doing here?" she said, taking a step backward as he took one forward. Lily was torn in a rush of emotions as her current feelings about James rushed to meet up with the immense shock that suddenly seeing him for the first time in months produced. "I told everybody who knew where I was to not tell you."
James stopped moving forward, and kept his hands up. "I need to talk to you Lily, please...this is Important." James' chest tightened painfully. So she still had absolutely no desire to see him. Telling the Truth, finally, was going to be difficult. James sighed. "Please."
"I already told you that I did not want to talk, James!" Lily snapped at him. "Merlin, do you not listen to people when they talk to you?"
James was frustrated. He dropped his hands to his sides and sighed. "Lily, this is Important...it can't wait until you've decided that I'm worth a civil conversation," he said, brow furrowed, "I'm not asking you to forgive me, I'm just asking you to listen."
Lily stopped backing away for a moment to pass a hand over her eyes. She didn't know that she could handle this. There was a reason she had avoided going to England and talking to James these past few months. It was because if she saw him, she would remember everything before it came crashing down and forgive him. Even she wasn't strong enough to stop her feelings.
"What, James? What is it that you have to tell me?" she snapped again. Maybe if he told her...maybe then he would leave.
James took a deep breath. He'd been going over and over this conversation in his had for the past three weeks, and he still hadn't quite figured out a way to make it sound believable.
His stomach turned in knots as he spoke, "That night...that night at K's..." James let his eyes wander to the couch, avoiding eye contact. If he saw her reaction he was sure he wouldn't be able to continue his explanation. "I didn't...I didn't sleep with him. I mean...I thought I did…It was a spell...someone messed with my memory to make me think that I'd..." James trailed off, glancing bravely back at Lily. He knew this sounded ridiculous. He tried for a moment to mentally prepare himself for her to just run off.
Lily's stomach clenched as James started speaking about "that night". She felt as though she would be ill, but she said nothing and let him at least finish his thought.
"You...didn't sleep with him," her voice was hollow. What was James saying?
James was slightly encouraged by the fact that she was letting him speak, and that she hadn’t yet run for the door. "I didn't," he said, eyes softening slightly, "I wouldn't." He looked up at Lily and was sorely tempted to reach out a hand and touch her face, but he didn't want to push his luck so he continued his explanation.
"That night...I did go to K's apartment, to set up anti-apparition wards. Then, after a few friendly drinks, I left. I should've been paying more attention...Lily, I'm so sorry...Voldemort caught me in the hallway and he...he made me believe that I'd...you know." He took a deep breath and decided that he should just get out the rest of the story before Lily said something else.
"And then he tied the spell to a snowglobe with a sodding waffle house in it, and sent it to me. I had it on my bedside table for ages before I realized that there was something wrong with it." James ran a hand through his hair. "I ended up accidentally breaking it about a month ago, and the spell was broken...and I've been trying to get you to talk to me ever since."
James looked up. "I'm so sorry, Lily."
Lily looked at James incredulously.
"There are so many things wrong with that story, Potter. First of all, why would Voldemort make you believe that you slept with K? What's the point of that? And then--" Lily started suddenly laughing. Whether it was because she was trying so hard not to feel the painful emotions that staring at James caused or whether it was because the story was so improbable, even she didn't know. "A snowglobe? He left a snowglobe for you? And that's the story you're trying to tell me?"
James took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "I don't know why, Lily...he was completely barking mad, right? I think it's because he was in love with Remus and wanted to ruin his relationship with K." He sighed. "I know it sounds completely ridiculous, but that's the truth." James put his glasses back on. "I knew you wouldn't believe me...I've been spending the last month trying to figure out how to tell you...but I guess I just thought that you deserved to know."
"Completely ridiculous, James? Completely ridiculous doesn't even begin to cover it," Lily said, her laughter dying down. The smile that was on her face slowly faded away too. "You're asking me to believe that you didn't sleep with the man you told me--over the internet--that you slept with and that the Dark Lord made you imagine it all because he wanted to ruin the relationship between Remus and K. And that you somehow figured this out by breaking a snowglobe with a wafflehouse in it. James, how do you expect me to believe that story?"
James laughed bitterly. "Sirius said he only believed it because it was so stupid." He held out his hands as if he were offering her something. "I have no proof, but that is the truth, Lily. I didn't, and I wouldn't, and I don't know what else to say."
Lily ignored his hand and instead reached her hand up, as if to hold her head in a headache.
"You're telling me this incredible story and yet you say you have no proof, James? Honestly, do you take me for an idiot?" she looked at her husband, the look of misery and bitterness on his face. She sighed, shaking her head and walking back to the couch. "Even if I were to believe you, James. Even if I were to believe that you didn't sleep with K and that this has all been a lie, you still questioned your sexuality. You said you had feelings for Remus and Sirius! How can you be making that up too, James? That wasn't a memory. Those were your own feelings!"
James dropped his arms hopelessly and let his eyes drift back to the couch, thinking. "What kind of proof could I give you? I have a broken snowglobe and my memory of that night. Do you want to see the snowglobe? We'll find a Pensieve, I'll take Veritaserum, Lily, this is the truth."
"And I think that that was part of the spell too...I don't have feelings for Remus and Sirius...they're my best friends, and when we were seventeen I might have been jealous of their relationship at first...but I got over it when I realized that they were still my friends...I don't fancy blokes, Lily. And even if I did, would it matter? That wouldn't change the way I feel about you." James ruffled his hair and shifted uncomfortably, glancing back at Lily.
"So now you have a memory modifying and feeling inducing charm, do you? And how would making you think that you had feelings for Remus and Sirius help destroy the relationship between Remus and K?" Lily looked up at James critically. If she wasn't so upset herself, she would have felt hurt just by seeing how hopeless the man looked. "Yes it would matter, James. How could I continue to be with you if you aren't truly happy with what we have? Is that fair to either of us?"
James was extremely frustrated, but forced himself to speak calmly and slowly. "I don't know what kind of charm is was, Lily, I broke the snowglobe before Remus could figure out what it was, and I don't know exactly why, Voldemort was batshit insane and obsessed with waffles, who knows why he did anything that he did...but I know that I don't have feelings for Remus or Sirius. I don't fancy blokes. I love you, Lily, and I have since I was fifteen bloody years old. You make me happier than I ever thought I could be, and all of that is the truth." James sighed and backed away slowly.
"I don't know what else to say, Lily."
"I want to believe you James. I do. More than anything in the world," Lily said softly, finally looking up at him. "But you have to understand. What you're saying. It just sounds so...ridiculous. Made up. As if you're telling me a story to try and trick me into forgiving you. And I'm too susceptible to you, James. I will end up forgiving you for hurting me, even if my heart tells me not to."
James laughed bitterly, "I'm not stupid, Lily...if I were making this up don't you think I'd be able to come up with something better than this? And I'm not asking you for forgive me! I'm telling you the truth. This is what happened. I haven't done anything other than step into a hallway without being on the lookout for danger. I don't want you to have to forgive me for cheating on you, because I didn't." James took another step back and laughed again. "I don't even know why I believe it. It's ridiculous, right?" He was quiet for a moment.
"I miss you, Lily." James looked up at her and frowned. "Maybe I should just leave..."
Lily was quiet for a minute, suddenly struck by what he had said.
"It is, but..." She didn't know where to look now or what to think. "You're right. You're not stupid. And I know that."
James crossed his arms and sighed. "What now?" he said hopelessly.
"I don't know," Lily said. It was the first time in a long time that she didn't have a ready answer or a solution. "What's supposed to happen?"
"I don't know...what do you want to do?" James took a step towards her and dropped his hands. "Lily..."
"Honestly, James?" Lily looked up, exhausted. "I just want to forget all of this. Forget it ever happened. Go back to the night after our wedding when we promised the world to each other. ...but I don't know if I can do that."
"So...if we can't forget it, then maybe we can find a way to put it behind us and move on..." James took another tentative step towards her. "Do you need more time? I'll give you more time...I'll give you whatever you need. Lily...I love you."
"Some...time?" Lily considered it. She wanted to believe James and she wanted to move on...but after everything that had happened... They had had enough time, hadn't they? A few months? She didn't know if more time would help or not, but at the moment, she didn't know what else to do or agree with. "...sure. Maybe I need more time. To come to believe what you've said. If I can."
James nodded. "Okay, then I'll leave now, and give you as much time as you need...let me know when...if..." he broke off, looking into her eyes, "when you're ready to...I don't know. Fix this." He took another step forward and reached out a cautious hand, wanting at least a little bit of contact with Lily. "Okay?"
Lily hesitated for a moment, staring at the hand before her. She was almost afraid to take it.
"Okay," she finally said, slowly taking James's hand. "I'll let you know if...when I'm ready."
James squeezed Lily's hand lightly, fighting the urge to just pull her forward and gather her into his arms. He ran his thumb lightly over the back of her hand before gently pulling his hand back and smiling down at Lily. "I love you," he said again, stepping back. With a little sigh he pulled out his wand and disapparated with a loud CRACK!
Lily stared at her hand even after James disapparated, her skin tingling softly from his touch. It was the most she had physically felt from another person in months. She slowly clenched her hand and leaned her head back against the couch, swallowing frustration and loneliness.
"I love you too. And that's the problem."
Rated NC-17 PG, I should think.
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James paced back and forth in Sirius and Remus' living room, one hand tangled in his hair, a thousand thoughts racing through his head. 'Portkey. Japan. Lily. Snowglobe. Lily. Profuse Apologies. Lily, Lily, Lily.' He paused for a moment and stared deep into Angus the portkey-mingo's beady little plastic eyes, then returned to his pacing.
Sirius had finally broken down and told him about the portkey that went straight from their living room to Orihime's tiny apartment in Japan where Lily had been staying for almost two months. James had punched Sirius in the shoulder, hard, for not telling him sooner, but really he was just grateful that he wouldn't have to resort to wandering aimlessly all over Japan, asking after her. Lily was good at hiding and he knew it.
Finally, James took a deep breath and stomped over to the portkey, grabbing it by the neck and causing it to squawk shrilly. He was twisted and tumbled and found himself in a small, sparsely furnished living room.
And there she was. Lily. Sitting on the couch reading a book. James nearly melted when he saw her, she was beautiful and here and Lily. Suddenly his stomach was twisted in knots and he cleared his throat, hoping against hope that she wouldn't disapparate when she saw him.
Or hex him into next week.
Lily was reading a book she had borrowed from the Wizarding Library in Karakura City entitled Two Thousand "Unique" Hexes and How to Properly Ensure That You Do Not Miss Your Target's Head. She had been reading about a particularly bizarre hex and wondering at the uses it could give her when she heard someone clear their throat.
Thinking it must be Ishida looking for Orihime, Lily looked up with a smile, only for it to immediately be knocked off her face with the force of the Knight Bus running into her.
"James?" she said dropping her book and scrambling up from the couch.
James held up his hands in protest, praying that she wouldn't run. "Lily," he said softly, "please just let me talk to you." He took a tentative step forward, afraid that even the slightest movement would cause her to bolt.
"What are you doing here?" she said, taking a step backward as he took one forward. Lily was torn in a rush of emotions as her current feelings about James rushed to meet up with the immense shock that suddenly seeing him for the first time in months produced. "I told everybody who knew where I was to not tell you."
James stopped moving forward, and kept his hands up. "I need to talk to you Lily, please...this is Important." James' chest tightened painfully. So she still had absolutely no desire to see him. Telling the Truth, finally, was going to be difficult. James sighed. "Please."
"I already told you that I did not want to talk, James!" Lily snapped at him. "Merlin, do you not listen to people when they talk to you?"
James was frustrated. He dropped his hands to his sides and sighed. "Lily, this is Important...it can't wait until you've decided that I'm worth a civil conversation," he said, brow furrowed, "I'm not asking you to forgive me, I'm just asking you to listen."
Lily stopped backing away for a moment to pass a hand over her eyes. She didn't know that she could handle this. There was a reason she had avoided going to England and talking to James these past few months. It was because if she saw him, she would remember everything before it came crashing down and forgive him. Even she wasn't strong enough to stop her feelings.
"What, James? What is it that you have to tell me?" she snapped again. Maybe if he told her...maybe then he would leave.
James took a deep breath. He'd been going over and over this conversation in his had for the past three weeks, and he still hadn't quite figured out a way to make it sound believable.
His stomach turned in knots as he spoke, "That night...that night at K's..." James let his eyes wander to the couch, avoiding eye contact. If he saw her reaction he was sure he wouldn't be able to continue his explanation. "I didn't...I didn't sleep with him. I mean...I thought I did…It was a spell...someone messed with my memory to make me think that I'd..." James trailed off, glancing bravely back at Lily. He knew this sounded ridiculous. He tried for a moment to mentally prepare himself for her to just run off.
Lily's stomach clenched as James started speaking about "that night". She felt as though she would be ill, but she said nothing and let him at least finish his thought.
"You...didn't sleep with him," her voice was hollow. What was James saying?
James was slightly encouraged by the fact that she was letting him speak, and that she hadn’t yet run for the door. "I didn't," he said, eyes softening slightly, "I wouldn't." He looked up at Lily and was sorely tempted to reach out a hand and touch her face, but he didn't want to push his luck so he continued his explanation.
"That night...I did go to K's apartment, to set up anti-apparition wards. Then, after a few friendly drinks, I left. I should've been paying more attention...Lily, I'm so sorry...Voldemort caught me in the hallway and he...he made me believe that I'd...you know." He took a deep breath and decided that he should just get out the rest of the story before Lily said something else.
"And then he tied the spell to a snowglobe with a sodding waffle house in it, and sent it to me. I had it on my bedside table for ages before I realized that there was something wrong with it." James ran a hand through his hair. "I ended up accidentally breaking it about a month ago, and the spell was broken...and I've been trying to get you to talk to me ever since."
James looked up. "I'm so sorry, Lily."
Lily looked at James incredulously.
"There are so many things wrong with that story, Potter. First of all, why would Voldemort make you believe that you slept with K? What's the point of that? And then--" Lily started suddenly laughing. Whether it was because she was trying so hard not to feel the painful emotions that staring at James caused or whether it was because the story was so improbable, even she didn't know. "A snowglobe? He left a snowglobe for you? And that's the story you're trying to tell me?"
James took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "I don't know why, Lily...he was completely barking mad, right? I think it's because he was in love with Remus and wanted to ruin his relationship with K." He sighed. "I know it sounds completely ridiculous, but that's the truth." James put his glasses back on. "I knew you wouldn't believe me...I've been spending the last month trying to figure out how to tell you...but I guess I just thought that you deserved to know."
"Completely ridiculous, James? Completely ridiculous doesn't even begin to cover it," Lily said, her laughter dying down. The smile that was on her face slowly faded away too. "You're asking me to believe that you didn't sleep with the man you told me--over the internet--that you slept with and that the Dark Lord made you imagine it all because he wanted to ruin the relationship between Remus and K. And that you somehow figured this out by breaking a snowglobe with a wafflehouse in it. James, how do you expect me to believe that story?"
James laughed bitterly. "Sirius said he only believed it because it was so stupid." He held out his hands as if he were offering her something. "I have no proof, but that is the truth, Lily. I didn't, and I wouldn't, and I don't know what else to say."
Lily ignored his hand and instead reached her hand up, as if to hold her head in a headache.
"You're telling me this incredible story and yet you say you have no proof, James? Honestly, do you take me for an idiot?" she looked at her husband, the look of misery and bitterness on his face. She sighed, shaking her head and walking back to the couch. "Even if I were to believe you, James. Even if I were to believe that you didn't sleep with K and that this has all been a lie, you still questioned your sexuality. You said you had feelings for Remus and Sirius! How can you be making that up too, James? That wasn't a memory. Those were your own feelings!"
James dropped his arms hopelessly and let his eyes drift back to the couch, thinking. "What kind of proof could I give you? I have a broken snowglobe and my memory of that night. Do you want to see the snowglobe? We'll find a Pensieve, I'll take Veritaserum, Lily, this is the truth."
"And I think that that was part of the spell too...I don't have feelings for Remus and Sirius...they're my best friends, and when we were seventeen I might have been jealous of their relationship at first...but I got over it when I realized that they were still my friends...I don't fancy blokes, Lily. And even if I did, would it matter? That wouldn't change the way I feel about you." James ruffled his hair and shifted uncomfortably, glancing back at Lily.
"So now you have a memory modifying and feeling inducing charm, do you? And how would making you think that you had feelings for Remus and Sirius help destroy the relationship between Remus and K?" Lily looked up at James critically. If she wasn't so upset herself, she would have felt hurt just by seeing how hopeless the man looked. "Yes it would matter, James. How could I continue to be with you if you aren't truly happy with what we have? Is that fair to either of us?"
James was extremely frustrated, but forced himself to speak calmly and slowly. "I don't know what kind of charm is was, Lily, I broke the snowglobe before Remus could figure out what it was, and I don't know exactly why, Voldemort was batshit insane and obsessed with waffles, who knows why he did anything that he did...but I know that I don't have feelings for Remus or Sirius. I don't fancy blokes. I love you, Lily, and I have since I was fifteen bloody years old. You make me happier than I ever thought I could be, and all of that is the truth." James sighed and backed away slowly.
"I don't know what else to say, Lily."
"I want to believe you James. I do. More than anything in the world," Lily said softly, finally looking up at him. "But you have to understand. What you're saying. It just sounds so...ridiculous. Made up. As if you're telling me a story to try and trick me into forgiving you. And I'm too susceptible to you, James. I will end up forgiving you for hurting me, even if my heart tells me not to."
James laughed bitterly, "I'm not stupid, Lily...if I were making this up don't you think I'd be able to come up with something better than this? And I'm not asking you for forgive me! I'm telling you the truth. This is what happened. I haven't done anything other than step into a hallway without being on the lookout for danger. I don't want you to have to forgive me for cheating on you, because I didn't." James took another step back and laughed again. "I don't even know why I believe it. It's ridiculous, right?" He was quiet for a moment.
"I miss you, Lily." James looked up at her and frowned. "Maybe I should just leave..."
Lily was quiet for a minute, suddenly struck by what he had said.
"It is, but..." She didn't know where to look now or what to think. "You're right. You're not stupid. And I know that."
James crossed his arms and sighed. "What now?" he said hopelessly.
"I don't know," Lily said. It was the first time in a long time that she didn't have a ready answer or a solution. "What's supposed to happen?"
"I don't know...what do you want to do?" James took a step towards her and dropped his hands. "Lily..."
"Honestly, James?" Lily looked up, exhausted. "I just want to forget all of this. Forget it ever happened. Go back to the night after our wedding when we promised the world to each other. ...but I don't know if I can do that."
"So...if we can't forget it, then maybe we can find a way to put it behind us and move on..." James took another tentative step towards her. "Do you need more time? I'll give you more time...I'll give you whatever you need. Lily...I love you."
"Some...time?" Lily considered it. She wanted to believe James and she wanted to move on...but after everything that had happened... They had had enough time, hadn't they? A few months? She didn't know if more time would help or not, but at the moment, she didn't know what else to do or agree with. "...sure. Maybe I need more time. To come to believe what you've said. If I can."
James nodded. "Okay, then I'll leave now, and give you as much time as you need...let me know when...if..." he broke off, looking into her eyes, "when you're ready to...I don't know. Fix this." He took another step forward and reached out a cautious hand, wanting at least a little bit of contact with Lily. "Okay?"
Lily hesitated for a moment, staring at the hand before her. She was almost afraid to take it.
"Okay," she finally said, slowly taking James's hand. "I'll let you know if...when I'm ready."
James squeezed Lily's hand lightly, fighting the urge to just pull her forward and gather her into his arms. He ran his thumb lightly over the back of her hand before gently pulling his hand back and smiling down at Lily. "I love you," he said again, stepping back. With a little sigh he pulled out his wand and disapparated with a loud CRACK!
Lily stared at her hand even after James disapparated, her skin tingling softly from his touch. It was the most she had physically felt from another person in months. She slowly clenched her hand and leaned her head back against the couch, swallowing frustration and loneliness.
"I love you too. And that's the problem."